Harvest Moon tWIstEd
by awfullybad
Summary: You don't want to be here, in Forget-Me-Not Valley. It's not at all what you excepted. It is no longer a barren wasteland of monotony. It is a dynamic environment of insanity and twists. It is full of secrets... Dare to look deeper?
1. Madness Begins

**Author's warning;** This is a **CRACKFIC**. It's gonna be _random, sexual, violent, profane, crazy_ and let's not forget, _hilarious_~ If you have any problems with the things I just mentioned, and if you don't like **homosexuality**, don't read my story. Don't read any of my stories, because they're _all _like this.

Now, with that out of the way, please enjoy this somewhat crazy Harvest Moon series. o__o

Forget-Me-Not Valley was a peaceful town with limited modern conveniences. For example, there was not a single bathroom in the whole entire town so the villagers are forced to pollute their rivers and lakes, and actually, there is only one river and only two lakes. So they were pretty much screwed over with plenty of nice diseases. Ever wonder why there are hardly any wild animals?

There were nearly thirty people who came in and out of that valley. Most of them lead pathetic lives that followed the same pattern every single day.

Most of the time they woke up, walked out of their houses, headed for some silly destination like the Goddess Pond, the beach, or some very polluted lake, stayed there for countless hours doing nothing at all, then headed back when the sun set. If one had any bit of excitement in his life, he'd most definitely hit the bar when it opened. Otherwise he was stuck back at home doing absolutely nothing.

Now, you would expect these people--these simple minded people who lead simple lives--to be perfectly nice and innocent. After all, there isn't much to do in this town, so what kind of horrendous sins could be committed?

Looks are everything and everything is a lie.

Those villagers may not have been so simple and innocent. Who said that everybody was friendly? Who even knows that the hell they do when they stared, for countless hours, at a polluted lake, or even stayed for countless hours standing in the same spot?

Beyond the innocent appearance of this village lay dark secrets that only the privileged, or the _twisted_ ever find out out. Who knows? Maybe they're all a little tWIstEd.

**&&&**

It wasthere, in fair Verona--I mean, a small, pathetic farm--that we found our scene.

Miyabi, owner of the the crappy little farm, along with Kaoru, co-owner of that farm, had almost just experienced the more pathetic display of inability to fight back they had ever seen, had they not seen asleep.

The Harvest Goddess, rumored to be such a bad-ass, living at the bottom of a polluted lake, (and yes, some villagers were desperate enough to do such a thing to the Goddess's pond), praised by many villagers and towns, adored by all the Harvest Sprites, keeps the Witch Princess's evil at bay and yet, she couldn't even navigate through time and space?

The Harvest Lord was a rather touchy fellow. If he hated being bald, why doesn't he make himself some hair, being a lord and all? Anyway, this guy, being the sensitive man he was, got offended by a comment from the Harvest Goddess. Yes, man really do cry over being called bald.

To make a long, annoying game intro short, the Harvest Lord sent the Harvest Goddess, along with 101 Harvest Sprites, away to another universe of sorts, which probably could have, and should have, been avoided.

But, it _had_ happen and someone had to fix it. So who to turn to? The two girls who the Harvest Goddess had been visiting right before she got zapped.

The Witch, who supposedly hated the Goddess, brought it upon herself to force these two girls to bring her "rival" back. Conclusion: The Witch is the shittiest "villain" ever.

Miyabi and Kaoru were awake, sitting in their farm house, which in reality didn't deserve to be called a house at all, just getting done with listening to the Witch explain things to them.

"Be dears and bring the Harvest Goddess back to life, will you? I'm so lonely. I won't be able to get any happy tiem until she comes back! Got it? До свидания!!" Then with a flash of neon pink light, she was off.

"Oh damn. Did she just cast a spell on us?" Came from the brunette Miyabi.

"I think she was speaking a different language." The blonde, Kaoru, said.

"Oh. So that was like, German?"

"It was definetly Canadian."

"Oh please, she didn't say "_eh_" at the end of her sentence." Miyabi rolled her eyes.

"I dont know, it kind of sounded like she went "До свидания_ehhhhhh_" to me."

Miyabi sighed, "Let's just go out and pick up grass or something. Maybe this town has some hot boys."

With that, Miyabi headed for the broken door which should have recently been repaired.

"Do you think the Harvest Sprites are sexy, Miyabi?" Kaoru asked, following after her friend.

"Hell if I know. They better be,." Miyabi leaned against the door to push it open. Yes, it didn't even lock so all one had to do was push.

Unfortunately, Miyabi leaned a little too much into it, and the door collapsed leaving Miyabi crashing to the ground.

"Ooh~ I think the door is trying tell you that you're fat." Kaoru smiled.

Miyabi growled and picked herself up, "Come on, let's go molest some guy." This was actually something she enjoyed doing. It was a rather effective way to relieve anger.

**&&&**

Rock looked over his merchandise. To the looker, it appeared as if he was simply observing the plants in the Inner Inn. Only few knew better than that though.

Soon the plants would be fully grown and ready to harvest. His eager buyer would be crawling back to him, paying him anything for just the smallest amount. Yes, this was a risky business, but it amazing benefits.

Luckily for him, everyone in this town was slow. No one knew that these plants were more than just plants or that they weren't even fake. But, there was a chance that someone could find out. Rock had that taken care of, however.

That medallion that he wears, it's not just for looks, although he thought he looked like quite the hipster with it on. A small, mechanical device is attached to the back of it. This device prevented the trigger of a high powered laser. This laser would trigger when anyone without the medallion took the plants out of the Inn lobby, or if anyone other than Rock himself got to close to the plants.

You see, Rock had sneaked into Daryl's lab one night, and with the help of a secret accomplice, he was able to get possession of this laser. He installed it in the roofs of the Inn that very night. How the hell Rock was smart enough to install laser? The world may never know.

If the laser really _did _ happen to go off, it would aim itself at the plant, burning it.

The plant will burn and the "high" creating fumes will be released. Being slow, primitive people, everyone will think the high was from the lack of oxygen due to the carbon monoxide that smoke contained. Actually, Rock doubted they even knew what carbon monoxide was. (( Rock didn't even know what that meant, but that's besides the point...)) They would probably ignore the whole thing all together once the initial fire was out.

Yes, Rock was a smart one.

Then Lukina, er, I mean--_Lumina_, walked in.

Rock jumped. He needed a way to distract the women(?) he admired so.

"Yo, Lumina!" He called out, walking over to her(?), a smile on his face.

She(?) merely looked at him as if he were a joke. Oh, little did she(he/it/cactus) know that Rock could have been the one to make her(?) happier than she(?) had ever dreamed.

Drug wise, that is.

Or maybe...the other kind of way too.

Poor girl.

"How about we go somewhere, Lumina? The Goddess pond, lake, landfill....hey, what's a landfill?"

Lumina rolled her(?) eyes, "You're slow, aren't you?"

"Yeah, that's what she said."

"...what?"

Rock stared at her(?) blankly, "That's what she said. You know..."

"No, I dont. Who's this '_she_'?"

"Let's just go somewhere. If you're lucky, I'll give you a kiss~" he teased, trying to be seductive. It failed.

"You are such a pervert!" Lumina cried, storming out of the Inn, which was strange. What kind of girl(?) would not want to be kissed by a guy of decent sexual appeal?

In any event, Rock was just glad to have her away from his merchandise.

**&&&**

Miyabi and Kaoru paraded the town, searching for any hot men they could find. They only found a few that were slightly decent looking, at best. Even the flirt watering the Inner Inn's plants wasn't nearly as hot as they had liked....

It was well into night when they had came to the end of their search. It had taken them a long time because they had to introduce themselves to all the pleasant (_psyche_!) town's members.

And here comes the recollection of the day's events...

First, there was that little girl who threatened to send them into the depths of Oblivion if they didn't beat up another little kid, Hugh.

They beat Hugh up, of course.

Then his father had had something to say about that. The father had some sort of eye condition so it was easy for the two girls to kick him and run.

But then the guy's wife found out. Her huge, secretary glasses were the key to her power. All Miyabi had to do was steal them. It left the woman helplessly on her knees searching for them, even though a normal human being would most certainly be able see right in front of her without her glasses.

From there they had ran to the badass villa on the top of a hill.

Without giving it any thought, and because the door was unlocked, the two girls ran inside, hiding from the family they just _humiliated_.

Inside, Lumina(?) was at the piano, just playing away at a solemn tune, "Oh Rock, will we ever be together? I know I have treated your poorly--but it is only because I don't know how to express my love. No- it's because I can't express my love! My love for you is forbidden, for I am not who you think I am~" the sad girl(?) sang as she(?) played.

"Hey chick, are you okay?" Miyabi asks, approaching her(?).

Lumina jumped and let out a small cry of surprise. She(?) quickly turned to give the both of them the finger, "Say that you heard anything and I will eat your babies!" then she(?) ran off and up the stairs. The sound of a door slamming could be heard.

Both girls blinked twice then ran out a fast as they could.

"Im going home. These people freak me out." Kaoru shivered.

"It's kinda funny~" Miyabi smiled, amused with the whole town.

"I guess if you look at it like that..." Kaoru turned to walk away, "Be careful. If you die, I'd have to pay for everything myself." and she walked away.

Miyabi wonderd what it would be like to kill Kaoru in her sleep.

Just as Miyabi was about to venture around the town more and, with all desperateness, molest Rock, someone walked out of the mansion. Scared to death that it was the melancholy freak who might kill her children one day, Miyabi jumped and spun around, ready to knock a bitch out.

But it was not Lumina(?). It's an angel, or least, someone who looks like an angel.

"_Bow chika wow wow._" Miyabi smirked as she looked over the man who had walked out.

The silver haired prince, who made Miyabi want to touch herself, appeared to not have heard that comment, for he walked right up to her.

"A fair maiden is walking alone, at this hour?" His voice rather heavenly. "Why don't you let this prince take your hand and walk you home? For someone of such beauty--it must not be safe to be left by herself."

The same could be said about him, however, Miyabi didn't tell him this. She was too busy staring down at this man's crotch.

"Sleep with me."

"One night, my maiden, we will sleep under the stars; it will be just the two of us."

Miyabi frowned, "No, I mean, I want to have se-"

"THIEF!" Lumina(?) screamed, running out of the mansion and pointing at the beautiful boy, "I will eat your freakin' children!"

Mr. Wonderful turned to Miyabi and smiled at her, "Heh, looks like I've got to run." Before taking off, he looked back at Lumina(?), "I will see you in my dreams tonight~"

"Oh!" Lumina(?) squealed, blush on her(?) face, "Rock! I am afraid that I have another man pulling at my heart! Oh~ what bittersweet love affair!" and with that, she(?) ran back into the mansion.

Miyabi let the pretty boy get away, obviously too occupied with looking at him his cute little butt as he walked off to do anything.

Before the gorgeous thief walked out of sight, Miyabi shouted to him, "Steal my virginity, the one I don't even have!."

Okay, so that was all that happened. Now Miyabi and Kaoru were back at their farm house.

That night, Miyabi had to sleep on the epic fail bed because Kaoru stole the good one. All was not lost though--

Miyabi would have dreams about that man she met.

I'm sure you can imagine what was going on in those dreams.

_Bow chicka wow wow, anyone?_

* * *

**Author's ending comments**; If the whole Lumina thing, you know, with the question marks after the 'she's' and 'her's' and such is confusing, it'll all be cleared up soon, so don't worry. Just know that Lumina might not be a girl. :0

HAVE I SAID TOO MUCH? D:


	2. One Crazy Ass Sprite

Flora had tried everything she could. Red grass, poisonous mushrooms, burnt food, even fish from the grimy lake. Nothing worked. No matter what she fed Carter, he would not die.

She had been trying for months to kill him. With Carter out of the way, she could be free from the burden of caring for anyone. She could also have all those riches from the dig site all to herself. It would be perfect. If only he would die!

Why and how he was able to stay alive after eating food she had poisoned, Flora didn't know. There was a slight possibility that over time he had developed an immunity to this. It could be that she poisoned him so many times that it no longer affected him. However...the first time she tried to kill him, he didn't even get sick. What was up with this guy?

So, why not kill him by other means? Because that would be too messy and too obvious, and with the new girls that moved into town, Flora had to be careful. Someone might actually be smart for a change.  
This is why Flora still tried. She still tried to get rid of him. Maybe one day it would work....

Flora let her trowel drop to the ground as he stood to stretch out her back. If Carter were dead, she'd simply hire someone with a powerful drill. But no- Carter was here and he was taking his precious time with it. This site had been drilled over the course of generation and this little _pit_ was all the villagers had to show for it?

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted Carter with some sort of relic or fossil. Wait...what in the world was he doing to it!?

**&&&**

Miyabi couldn't stop thinking about that boy she met the night before. He was just too sexy for any one person to handle. Miyabi's horny behavior explained that if anyone was exposed to him for a second or more, the fortunate person would become turned on almost immediately and start to ask for sex.

She just had to see him again. Maybe she could actually get him this time. Maybe she could have him fall for her, then they could get married. It was perfect, "Kaoru, I have decided I'm kicking you out of the house to make room for my husband."

"That's nearly impossible."

"Eh?" Miyabi spun around to see Kaoru sitting at the crappy wooden table, "What do you mean by that? I am most definitely hot enough to get a man. In all honesty, I think I could get _anyone_." came a huff.

"It's not that," Kaoru stared down at the table with boredom, "I had a dream. In the dream, there were those "_Harvest Sprites_". I think my dream means that we have to find those sprites. Quite specifically, I think that it means we have to find 60 before we can get married."

Miyabi stared at her, "...do I need to tell how damn creepy that just was?"

"Do you think that these Harvest Sprites are sexy?"

"Let's find out!" Miyabi says, kicking the door down then running off.

**&&&**

The two heroines of this fan fiction, who shouldn't even be called "heroines", didn't know where to start. There were so many places to look. After a long argument that started with which way to go and ended with the tpoic of gay men, they decided to check that fat chick's farm, when really, they could have just tried checking their own.

"I want a horse." Kaoru said, walking behind Miyabi.

"Does horse meat taste good?" Miyabi thought aloud.

Kaoru gasped, "You can't eat it!"

"Well, why not?"

"Because eating animals is bad, and besides, I heard they eat horses during Satanic rituals."

"...wait, so I can't eat a horse because goths do it?"

"I don't think you're getting the point, Miyabi." Kaoru huffed.

"Um...." Miyabi thought hard, "You are- a....herbivore?"

"No, I'm a vegetarian."

"Yeah, that's what I said."

As the conversation ended, the two girls came across a small bridge that looked as if it would collapse any second.

Miyabi stared at it. "Kaoru, you go first."

"Are you afraid that you might break it, like you broke the door?"

Miyabi was furious, "No! Not at all! I-I just want you to be the one to die if it does collapse."

"What if I get passed, but then it breaks on you?"

Miyabi pushed her onto it.

Kaoru took baby steps, making crossing a painfully long journey. Finally she reached the end and the bridge was still in one piece. Miyabi's turn.

She placed on foot on the wood, as battered and as aged as it looked, then pulled the rest of her body along with it. Nothing happened. Miyabi took the next step. It was okay as well. She kept going. Finally it was the last step. Miyabi was fine the entire trip; she couldn't afford to make a fool of herself fall now. She took the step. AND THE BRIDGED CRASHED!

Just kidding.

Miyabi made it to the other side just as safe and easily as Kaoru had, "AH HA!" She cried with cheer, "I made it! Whose fat now Kao-"

Without warning, Kaoru pushed Miyabi, causing her to fall into the river.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Miyabi shouted, jumped up and out of that dirty river.

"I wanted to see you fall."

Miyabi growled at Kaoru and then rings out her soaked skirt, afraid that whatever she was going to say next would be too offensive for a children's video game,.

Then they heard a laugh. It was a small laugh.

"Who laughed? WHO THE FUCK LAUGHED?" Miyabi shouted, spinning around and looking in all directions for a sign of that unlucky bystander. No one.

Kaoru was sure she heard it coming from the ground so she looked down and gasped, "I found a Harvest Sprite!"

Miyabi's eyes lit up, "Eh?" Then she looked down and spoted the little guy as well.

"Roller has seen and Roller has heard!" the little Harvest Sprite said.

"What the hell's he saying?" Miyabi didn't get it.

"Roller sees that you are the ones chosen by the stars! Roller must take you to the center of the earth!"

"Miyabi, where's Earth?"

"No time for questions, Kaoru," Miyabi was still trying to figure out what this guy was trying to say.

"Roller holds the key!"

Then, in a flash of light, all three of them were gone.

**&&&**

"How the hell did we get inside here?" Miyabi was sure that this place, where Sprites live, would be much too small for any human to fit in.

"Roller sees you when you're sleeping!"

"...." The girls didn't know how to take this.

"By the power of Grey Skull!" Roller then chanted, pointing at a spot on the back wall.

Nothing happened.

"Roller commands you to open!"

Nothing.

"Roller will tell the Harvest Goddess that this tree has been bad to Roller! Roller knows what you did last summer!"

Nothing.

"You know what I think?" Miyabi walked over to the spot on the wall, "I think this tree is a bitch.'" Then she kicked it.

That worked.

As she kicked it, a magical opening appeared along with a flight of stairs that lead down to a dark, warm room, probably an S&M dungeon. Of course, Miyabi, being the one who kicked it as it as the opening appeared, fell down the stairs.

Roller laughed his nonexistent ass off.

In good time, after they had enjoyed laughing at Miyabi, who had finally reached the end of the stairs and started swearing away, Kaoru and Roller made their way down the stairs with little to no difficulty. This was mostly in part because Roller said he'd give Miyabi 1000G if she turned on the light.

"Roller introduces you to the Sprite Casino!" He threw his arms up in the air, cheering.

"It kind of sucks." Kaoru observes.

"Roller will put icing on the cake!"

"....you can icing my cake."

And no, Miyabi did not say that. Kaoru did.

"Whoa! Wait a minute!" Miyabi jumped up, forgetting about her agony, "Did you just crack a perverted comment?"

"Oh, I can't help it Miyabi. Roller is just so sexy."

"Roller has given his heart to earth!" the Sprite said desperately although neither of them knew what the hell he meant by that.

"That's pretty damn creepy Kaoru." Miyabi decided that her "_friend_" was a freak.

"Roller says that you, chosen ones, must sail to World's End and bring back the Harvest Goddess! Roller will tell you that to save her you must find sixty black pearls!"

"You mean Harvest Sprites?"

"Roller tells no lies!!"

"Right, well, we'll get working on that. Why don't you get laid, or something? Obviously you need it." Miyabi wasn't amused by this "_Roller_" character, "and you too Kaoru."

"Will you do the honors, Roller?" Kaoru looked at him.

"Don't screw _him_!." Miyabi cried, "You need a real man!"

"Roller will make you believe!" Roller grabbed the top of his pants and was about to pull them down when Miyabi grabbed Kaoru's hand and dragged her and herself out of that place.

"Miyabi, you ruined my life!" Kaoru cries once they were outside.

"No, I saved it. You need a man who won't be small enough to get sucked into your vajayjay. I'll find you a man, and I'll find myself a man. Don't worry, I got this."

With that out of the way, and the fear of seeing Roller's tiny man junk disappearing, Miyabi could think straight. Firstly, she needed a shower. Secondly, she needed to see the pretty thief boy again.

...

...

...

There were no showers in this town, were there?


	3. EGGS, CHICKENS, KAI!

Popuri was fed up with Rick today. Not only did she have to listen to his constant obsessing with chickens, eggs and Kai, but now he had gone too far. That boy had left the gate to the chicken pen open. This left an opportunity for escape and one chicken in particular took advantage of the situation. This chicken was named Pon and he was Popuri's favorite.

The fact that the chicken had escaped wasn't exactly the worst part of this whole situation. What really made Popuri pissed was that Pon had been attacked and killed by a wild animal. How she knew he was attacked and killed by a wild animal, she didn't know. Truthfully, the body was never found. None the less, Pon was dead and Rick was to blame.

Now Popuri was reprimanding her brother for his sinful deed, "Rick you dumb A$$!!" She screamed, not caring if people in the neighborhood heard, "YOU KILLED PON. YOU KILLED HIM."

Rick merely stared at her, cowering in fear of his younger sister, unable to say anything.  
"How could you do this!? HOW COULD YOU! I hate you!!! BURN IN HELL RICK." Then Popuri reached over the couch, lifted up the cushion and pulled out a whip, "Mommy said I could beat you if you were bad!"

Rick was terrified. He needed forgiveness. Afraid of Popuri's punishment, Rick ran to the corner of the room, furthest away from her, and dropped down. He pulled his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth, "Chickens….eggs….Kai….KAI."

"You DO NOT talk about my boyfriend like that!" Popuri was furious.

"Kai?"

Popuri's eyes narrowed, "You are not worthy to say his name."

"Kai…." Rick frowned in disgrace.

"Rick~? What's going on? I thought I heard yelling." Their mother calls from upstairs.

"Um, no mother. Rick and I were just talking about chickens. And eggs."

"Chickens! Eggs! Kai!!" Rick said happily.

Popuri glared at him and cracked her whip.

"Kai…kai…." Rick chanted, once more cowering and rocking back and forth.

"I am going to marry Kai this summer~!" Popuri sand happily, throwing her whip carelessly across the room.

It just happened to be launched at Rick.

"KAI!" He cried before falling back, unconscious.

**&****&****&**

Miyabi was forced to take a "bath" in the little pond by her farm house. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Miyabi sat in the pond, on the lookout for any perverts who might be rolling into the farm. She had send Kaoru on look out to watch the farm entrance, just in case something strange were to happen.

Then she felt something at the bottom of the shallow pond. It felt…unlike anything she had felt before. A bit weary, Miyabi grabbed hold of the thing that felt like wet clothes, and pulled it up.

She screamed.

Miyabi threw what she now knew was a Harvest Sprite across the farm.

Kaoru, hearing her friend scream, ran from her post, "Miyabi what happened?" She called, looking over to the furious girl.

"THAT THING WAS IN POND. IT WAS IN THERE WHILE I HAD NO CLOTHES ON."

The sprite, decked out in light blue attire, blushed madly and bowed apologetically, "I didn't mean anything by it really! I was just trying to find my way back to the right dimension!"

"Pfft. Lies." Miyabi huffed, turning away and slipping deeper into the water to try and conceal herself. If that sprite was the third boy she met the other night, she would be out of the little pond and all over him. But…it was just a perverted Harvest Sprite and Miyabi found that not a single ray of sexual appeal was emitting out of that thing.

"Aw, he's so cute." Kaoru said.

"My name is Riviera." The sprite explained, "I am here to help you water your crops!"

"We're supposed to grow crops?" Kaoru asked.

"We live on a FARM." Miyabi rolled her eyes.

"I just thought we were supposed to talk to the villagers and try to find out their deep, dark secrets and learn of all the chaos that really happens underneath the innocent surface of this town."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I did have a dream like that-"

"No more dreams!" Miyabi looked at Kaoru and the little pervert, "Get that thing out of site. Kaoru, we have a job to do. I need to find you a man!"

"Do you have a man, ma'am?" Riviera asked politely.

Miyabi cringed, "If you even DARE try to pull down your pants to show us something we're not interested in seeing-"

"Don't mind her, Riviera." Kaoru said kindly, "Can I get your number?"

Miyabi needed to do something. She saw a rock sitting next to the pond and she picked it then. Then he threw it at Riviera and missed terribly, but scared him enough to make him run off to the tree hut, where Roller was doing god-knows-what.

"Oh, that was mean Miyabi."

Miyabi got out of the pond and wrapped the makeshift towel around her, "I swear, if you don't stop hitting on Sprites…I will PAY a normal, human guy to do you."  
"Can that guy be short and cute?"

Miyabi couldn't give up on Kaoru. After all, it wouldn't be fun for Miyabi to be the only one with a boyfriend. She let out a sigh, "NORMAL AND HUMAN I SAID.

**&****&****&**

Rock heard a commotion from outside the doors of the Inner Inn. And yes, he was still watching over his merchandise. Now he needed to do something. He couldn't risk getting seen with these plants all the time. Someone might think he's gay.

He swiveled around and pressed himself up against the wall and hummed, thinking that humming would make him look busy or something.

Miyabi, now in fresh clothes, along with Kaoru, who Miyabi made take a bath in order to be presentable for men, walked in.

Miyabi spotted Rock and licked her lips, "Hey boy." She said, walking over to him. She had explained to Kaoru that she was going to show her how to hit on men.

This was the first time any real women had hit on Rock. (He still had no idea that Lumina was really a man). Actually, this was the first time ANYONE had openly hit on Rock, female or male. He got excited, "Hey babe." He said coolly, trying to sound sexy. Yet again, he failed.

Miyabi leaned against the wall, rather close to Rock, all up in his personal bubble. Miyabi had a very small personal bubble when it came to men getting near her, so she only assumed Rock would be the same, only with women.

"Remember me? I believe I was introduced to you the other day." Miyabi tried to sound slightly secksy, teasing him. She could actually do it right though.  
"You're the chick that runs that farm, right?" Rock was still trying to sound hot, "How could I forget you?"

Miyabi giggled, even though she really wasn't too impressed with him. Honestly, the only thing she wanted him for was his body, "You know…" she looked off to the side and bit her lower lip, smile on her face, "I'd like to get to know you better."

Rock couldn't help it. He was blushing, "Oh?"

"Mhmm~" Miyabi hummed.

"We could always have a party, and then you can spend the night in my room? I'm always fun, babe." He thought he was about to score.

"How about I spend the night in your bed?" Miyabi turned her sexy up a notch, trying to seduce Rock even more.

"You would really get it on with someone who looks like that?" Kaoru said casually, butting into the conversation.

"Kaoru!!" Miyabi hissed, horrified that her friend would ruin a moment like this, "You were supposed to watch and learn! Talking was not part of my instruction!"

Rock looked terrified, "Did she mean me?"

Miyabi's eyes widened as she turned back to the young man, "Uh no! She wasn't trying to say that you're ugly!"

"Yes I was."

Miyabi's heart sank.

Rock just sniffled, "Wh-what? Im not ugly…am I?"

"Of course not, sweetie." Miyabi tried to comfort the hurt man.

Rock buried his face in his hands, "I- this is…it can't be true!" He ran off and up the stairs.

"ROCK! Don't cry~ Miyabi will make you feel all better!!"

But it was too late. Rock was already on the second floor and running into his bedroom and to examine himself in the mirror for at least an hour. He was definitely going to save some weed for himself, after an experience like this.

"He is very fragile." Kaoru said as if nothing had happened.

"KAORU!!!" Miyabi was steamed. She was going to make sure that Kaoru got paired with the UGLIEST man in this town. She was going to make SURE of it.

"Can we see Roller again? I miss him already."

**&****&****&**

Night rolled in and caused for both Miyabi and Kaoru to turn in for the day. Miyabi was broken and defeated and Kaoru was depressed that Roller hadn't been at the Tree Hut. Riviera was there though! What Miyabi didn't know was that Kaoru promised to visit Riviera later that night. What Kaoru didn't know was that Miyabi was planning to visit the gorgeous thief boy tonight.

Both girls had got situated in their own beds. Miyabi threatened to rip Roller, and Rivera's, manhood off if Kaoru didn't let her sleep in the good bed that night. With no hesitation, Kaoru forfeited her bed.

A little later that night, Miyabi and Kaoru were both pretending to be asleep, for they had both planned to sneak out. Kaoru got to it first though, "Miyabi?" She whispered, checking to see if her friend was sleep.

Miyabi remained still and didn't reply.

Then, as quietly as possible, Kaoru crawled out of her bed and walked over to the doorframe, for there was no door since Miyabi had destroyed it earlier. She stepped out and walked off the farm.

Miyabi was stunned. Jumping out of bed, Miyabi stealthy stalked Kaoru, wondering what on earth the girl was up to.

She stopped following once she was a couple meters out of the farm ground. She stood still and watched as Kaoru, who had no idea Miyabi was watching her, walk towards the direction of the Goddess Pond.

Miyabi's jaw dropped. She was going to see the Sprites!!

Miyabi had to stop this, but then she remembered something. That boy. If she followed Kaoru, she might miss him! Without hesitation, Miyabi decided to look for the silver haired beauty. He had to be here.

The first area she checked was the Villa, that being the place she spotted him last time. She searched the outside of the mansion. He wasn't there. She decided to pop inside for a quick visit.

Inside she found Lumina playing away at the piano.

"Oh cruel world~ why must you do this to me, oh heart of mine? My love is for Rock, but yet—I have grown fond of another man!" then she muttered, "I wonder if he's ghay…" then she picked up again, "O~ but why! Now my heart is at war. One side is telling me to stay true to my first love, and yet—the other side is telling me to follow after the new man I've come to love!"

Miyabi tried so hard not to laugh but that was nearly impossible.

Lumina gasped and turned to Miyabi, eyes wide. Miyabi ran out before Lumina could threaten her anymore.

So the man of her dreams wasn't in there, either.

Miyabi thought. Where could he be? Then it came to her. The bar!

With a new hope instilled inside of her heart, Miyabi ran off to the Blue Bar.

**&****&****&**

Gotz couldn't remember the last time he had real food to eat. Mostly he lived off of eating strips of lumber and pebbles he found on the ground. But now was different. Now he had actually caught and killed something real.

He stabbed his meal with a fork, which he had demanded Saibara's work bitch, Gray, to make, and ripped off a huge piece, the shoved it into his mouth,

"This chicken is great!!"


	4. Dude Looks Like a Lady

The day had come to a close and it was already too dark to continue with digging. So, after eating a meal that Flora put so much hard work and time (and maybe even some red grasses) into making, Carter decided to drink at the Blue Bar.

Now he had just finished his fifth glass and began to ask Griffin for one more.

"She found me out!" Carter laughed, slamming his alcoholic beverage down on the bar counter.

"That's awful." Griffin replied, working on consuming a drink of his own.

"She saw me do it and asked, 'Well WHY izzat fossil wet?' I told her the bloody truth! The whole damn truth! I told her that I've been licking those fossils for sixty year now!"

"Carter, you haven't even reached fifty...or have you?"

"Oh, I do say!" Carter gasped. " Well....wait, what was I talking about?"

"How you lick fossils."

"How did you find out!?" Carter gasped again, jumping up and shaking his now empty wine glass at Griffin.

"I've known-" Griffin stopped. It was hopeless to try and make intelligent conversation with a drunken Carter.

**&****&****&**

It was beautiful and white, so innocent and helpless as it lay there on the ground outside the Blue Bar. Murry had to touch it.

Of course, he couldn't read so he had no idea that it said something about a thief who planned on stealing something. So there was only one thing he could really do with this piece of paper.

He ate it.

**&****&****&**

Skye strolled up to the bar as coolly and casually as he had ever done. The owner of this bar should be running out of here any second due to the amazing smell of Skye's curry scented _perfume_.

After a while, Skye didn't see anyone run out the bar. He was displeased. Figuring he might as well test his incredible fortune, he walked inside.

Something wasn't right. The atmosphere was all too normal. Two men were drinking. Why weren't they on guard, waiting for Skye's entrance?

...

Perhaps Skye misplaced the warning note.

"Welcome to the Bluueeeee Barrr ma'am!" Griffin greeted, obviously drunk.

Skye really couldn't think of anything to say here. This guy had no idea that Skye was planning on stealing alcohol beverages so there was really no fun in stealing at all. Especially since this man was drunk.

"I smell sex and chocolate!!" the man to the right said.

Skye moved as far away from that man as possible.

Both men were drunk. Fantastic.

And why had the bar tender said that Skye was a woman? It was so obvious that he looked nothing like one.

Well, tonight was a depressing night so Skye figured he might as well drink while he could.

"I'll take the strongest thing you've got," he ordered, taking a seat on one of the stools on the farthest side from Carter.

"Would you look at that? I'd say that she's flirting with you, Griffin!" Carter laughed.

"What? No, I-"

Griffin blushed and poured himself another glass, nearly dropping it on accident, "I sorry miss, but I got my hartsss set on sooome elz..."

"Well it just so happens to that I've no one to share my love with!" Carter sobbed, "that damn women! I try to do everything for her and she never shows me love in return!"

Griffin made a sobbing noise, "Isn't that the sad truth?"

Skye contemplated leaving this bar as quickly as possible.

"Say miss, why don't I buy you a drink?" Carter asked Skye.

"That won't be necessary," Skye said. "I've already ordered."

"What size bra do you wear?" The Carter laughed, "Not bigger than Flora's I'm sure!!"

"...Excuse me?"

"R you wearin' a thonggg? Muffy loves thoseee..."

"...." Skye didn't know how to answer that, nor did he want to answer it. These two old perverts, who thought Skye was a woman, were horrid.

"No need to be shy, lass!" Carter threw his drink up in the air and it crashed on the counter, "I'm a very friendly man."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"No need for fancy words, dear! Just take off your clothes and we'll be fine."

"Weee can play' strip pok'rrr!" Griffin suggested.

It was at this time that Carter launched himself at the man who he thought was a woman. It was the best tackle Forget-Me-Not had ever seen. They both crashed to the floor.

Now, Skye had developed a weakness to homosexuality, him being so damn straight and all, so when a man got too close to him, he felt pain.

"Ah!" he cried out, wincing, "It burns..."

"Would you look it thaaat, Grffin? She thinks I'm hott!!"

Skye was still in too much pain to do anything.

Griffin became jealous at this. No woman had ever thought HE was hot! (Not even his ex-wife...)

"Flora had never said something like to this me!" Carter seemed angry, "Maybe she doesn't really love me!" His head dropped and he took a moment to mourn the death of Flora's love for him. Not that it existed in the first place…

"Ahhhh..." Skye thought he might die.

Then Carter looked at him passionately, "Will you marry me?"

Skye's eyes widened, "I get enough of this from Won and I don't-" he had said too much, mentioning Won like that.

He kicked Carter off of him and ran out of the bar.

Carter just started sobbing on the floor.

Griffin passed out.

**&****&****&**

Miyabi got to the bar about the same Skye was running out. Why hadn't she gotten there sooner?

Well, it had something to do with a certain little girl who wanted to grant Miyabi the powers of evil and death for beating the shit out of Hugh. Of course, Miyabi thought the child was a freak so she refused, only causing the girl to become violent and vicious. She had tried to bite and rip Miyabi's limbs off. Luckily, Miyabi informed the rabid child's parents and all was good after that.

But yes, that is why Miyabi just happened to be coming to the bar at the same time Skye was running out.

"Hey!" Miyabi gasped, seeing Skye and coming to stop before they both crashed into each other.

Upon seeing Miyabi, Skye's eyes lit up and a recovering smile replaced his dread filled grimace, "Walking alone again, I see." a playful smirk crossed his inviting lips.

"I wish I wasn't." Miyabi said, voice laced with lust but somehow Skye didn't notice it.

"Let me change that." Skye gave Miyabi a wink. He extended a hand towards Miyabi, his way of inviting her to take it.

She nearly gave into the urge to molest it. Instead, she took it kindly and Skye repaid her with a gentle smile.

Miyabi got wet.

"So where do you call home, sweet angel?" Skye walked with Miyabi.

"That farm over there- hey, is your hair that color by nature?" Miyabi asked, looking up at him.

"Well-"

"I could always find out." Miyabi said quite seriously.

Skye looked at her, surprised for a second by then looked back up at the stars and smiled lightly, "You're pretty horny."

...

Miyabi hadn't expected that for that comment wasn't romantic and sexy at all, and the only things this man said were sexy and romantic. But, he had spoken the truth so....

Miyabi smirked, "Eh~ just a little."

-------

The bar wasn't too far away from the farm so Skye and Miyabi reached it pretty quickly.

Miyabi looked at the gorgeous man, "I never got your name."

"Skye." he told her.

... That was slightly more queer than the name Rock. But it was slightly delicious all at the same time.

"And what is your name, love?"

Miyabi had an '_OMGLYKEDEDHERLYJUSCALLMEDAT!?_' moment. On the inside, of course.

"Miyabi." She said, trying to sound as composed as possible even though she knew _exactly_ what she was going to do once she was alone inside the farm house.

Skye brought her hand to his lips and kissed it lightly, "That's a beautiful name for such a beautiful person."

Miyabi nearly moaned, "Rawr."

Skye then frowned, "I better be going~ I have to get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow night, Miyabi."

The way he said the name "Miyabi", it was just too hot, "I'll be seeing you in my we dreams."

Somehow not hearing her last comment, Skye blew her a kiss and then waved as he turned and walked off.

Miyabi just cursed herself for not being able to get Skye in bed tonight. She will get there, one day!

**&****&****&**

Meanwhile, at the Goddess Pond that got turned into a hot spring by the vandalism of Roller and Riviera--

"This spa is amazing, Roller."

"Roller is buying the icing!"

Kaoru giggled, "Oh Roller~""

**&****&****&**

While Skye was occupied with saying his goodbyes to Miyabi, Muffy was having her own problems.

"Every man I have ever dated has dumped me!!" She cried. She knew exactly why but she didn't think it was THAT much of a problem that they would dump her for it. Well-- what was done was done. Now all she needed to do was get rid of the memory of her ex-boyfriend.

"Goodbye Italian loafers!" She cried, throwing the pair of nice shoes into the lake.

It was finished.

Then she walked off to the Blue Bar. Griffin would be drunk so she knew she could talk him into paying more. Yes, Muffy would be making money tonight.


	5. A Murderous Plot is At Hand

MEANWHILE IN MINERAL TOWN.

It was well into the night when Rick had called for Karen, and, being in love with him, she had to see what was wrong.

They met near the church.

"Rick, what's wrong, you sounded so scared over the canphone!" Yes, the canphones, you know those two cups and the string and all....

"C-chickens...egggs!" Rick cried.

Karen had developed the ability to understand Rick's unique language. You see, the truth was, Karen would have never fallen in love with Rick if it wasn't for the evil deed of Karen's mother, Sasha.

Sasha had fallen in love with a Harvest Sprite. Timid. He was a cute, naive little sprite and Sasha easily seduced him. But, falling in love with the Harvest Sprites was considered a sin in the eyes of the Harvest Goddess. So, the Goddess somehow talked the Witch into putting a curse on Sasha. This curse was that Sasha, and all the females to come after her in her family, would fall in love with a pathetic dork of a man who really was too much a of pansy for his own good.

That explained why she married Jeff and it also explained why Karen had fallen for Rick.

"Your sister...she beat you again? Rick! This is the third time this week. Show some backbone!" She said slightly roughly, but it was only for Rick's own good.

"C-chickens..." Rick frowned and looked down with shame painted on his face.

Karen smiled sadly, "Look, just let me know known next time she does it and I'll beat her up for you, kay?" she winked at Rick and patted his shoulder.

"Eggs? Kai!?" Rick looked up, eyes bright and smile beaming.

"Um..how about I sympathy sex with you some other time?"

"....Kai...." Rick settled for it.

Karen smiled sweetly then waved to her good friend, "See ya."

"Bye Karen!"

Karen stopped. "Did- did you just-"

"Kai?" Rick titled his head towards the side, as if he didn't say that.

"No, I'm sure I heard you said bye...."

Rick shrugged.

&&&

So, here's how things were. He hadn't stolen a thing, hadn't gotten drunk and he missed the opportunity to sleep with the hottest girl in town. Well, rather, he skipped the opportunity to sleep with the hottest girl in town. How would it be romantic if did something like that on the first night? It wouldn't be.

Well, with a slight fire burning in his generous heart, Skye was renewed with the desire to thieve. But where?

The dig site. Pay back was due.

Stealthily, Skye came around to the fat chick's farm and spotted the turnips. They were quite a turn on. Thief wise, that is. He had to steal them. Skye strolled over to the fence, but then remembered the pain he felt when Carter tried to molest him. No, payback was hotter than turnips. He had to save these for some other time.

Skye reached the dig site. No one was around the tent so he crept up to it and listened for any sign of movement. None.

He moved on towards the actual site of digging.

If Carter was drunk and inside the tunnel...it would be risky for Skye, but he had to give it a try. Heart racing, he walked to the entrance of the tunnel, about to face Carter for the second time this night.

&&&

Muffy made it inside the bar, not paying much mind to the pretty "lady" she saw walking by her as she passed the bridge. (Although, it was a little strange when the silver haired woman winked at her.)

Inside he found Griffin passed out.

Perfect.

She ran for his bedroom, knowing exactly where he kept his stash of money. Even though she had made quite a bit earlier this night, she wanted more, and she could get Griffin's money without having to do any "physical laboring".

&&&

The moonlight filtered into the room through the small windows which were set into chipped wooden walls. Miyabi lay on her bed and looked up at the dark ceiling. It was strange how she felt so empty even though she barely knew him. Guess that's just what love does to a person.

Wait, love? She didn't even know him. Skye was a thief, a flirt and possibly even slightly homosexual. Was there really even a thing like love at first sight?

A sigh escaped Miyabi as she rested her hand on her forehead. She was about to moan over her confusing love for Skye when a thought hit her.

What the hell was she doing, laying here while Kaoru was off doing potentially naughty things to Roller and Riviera!? Miyabi had to stop her, for the Sprites' sake!

Heroically, Miyabi jumped off her bed and ran off into the night, which was nearly the earliest hours of morning by this time.

Time to save some Sprites.

&&&

"Sooos t'nite I've been think'n'," Carter slurred, leaning over as if he'd pass out any second.

Flora sighed and continued to practice her marital arts moves, "Yes-_HYA_!-Carter?"

"M' aanster's are-_hicc_-livin' down herrrr, quite surely…!!"

"Excuse-_pant_-me-_KYA_!"

"I searched for 'em fir-_hicc_-yers! 'I know they're in these-hicc-mines!!"

"Of course~_exhale_" Flora took a breather. She didn't bother to use up her energy trying to understand him. She merely pretended as if she was listening, "Carter, I think it's time to for you to sleep now."

"Ah! That minds me-- I met the prett'est womans I had ever did see!"

"Should I tell you how relieved I am, or will I just hurt your feelings because if I did tell you you'd realize how much I want to you to stop swooning over me?"

"....I beg yooour pardon?"

Flora karate kicked him in the stomach and he passed out.

&&&

Skye had heard the whole thing. It was terrible. Carter seemed twice as drunk. Wait. How'd he get back to his dig site that fast, and without Skye noticing? He was a scary man...

Well, now the woman was left and Skye wasn't afraid of her. After all, what woman would hurt a man as beautiful as Skye? None.

So he strolled inside the mine thing, curry perfume still strong.

Flora was waiting at the entrance.

"Hehe. This is a bit complicating."

Flora looked murderous; her eyes narrowed and body posture ready to launch a KO karate attack, "What do you want? If you try anything funny I'll hurt you!"

Skye remained calm, "Hehe. I'm just here to pay these grounds a visit. Is that such a crime?"

"I do not quite believe you~"

"Do I look like the kind of man who would participate in evil things?"

"Yeah, kind of."

Skye couldn't see how. "How about I make this beautiful woman a deal? You let me enter and I'll return your favor by promising to give you one of my own?"

Flora raised an eyebrow and then stared at him for a good, long time. Finally, she relaxed her position and stood up straight, "Get rid of him and you can have anything you want." As she said this, she looked back at Carter.

"Oh? Hehe. So you want me to kill a man? That sounds a bit dirty, don't you think?"

"Kill him or you're not getting anywhere near this place ever again." Her voice was edgy.

Skye pondered for a moment, "I'll think about this." then a smirk played across his lips, "You said you'd let me have anything? Does that include…helping me achieve pleasuring?"

Skye didn't mean anything sexual. By pleasure, he probably meant something along the lines her helping him steal those turnips. However…Flora took it the wrong way.

She growled. That had been the wrong thing to say.

Quite simply, Flora chased Skye out of the dig site, passed the fat chick's farm and towards the little stream that Miyabi had fallen into earlier. There was only one thing Skye could do.

He was trapped by Flora who was on his tail and now jumping into the air, flying at him with a karate kick and boots that looked like they would hurt.

Skye jumped into the stream to save himself.

&&&

Miyabi used her super power dash to make it to Sprites Inc. almost as quickly as she'd say yes to Skye.

She banged on the door, for Kaoru and her friends were no longer in the hot tub.

"Kaoru! Come out! I know you're in there!! I-"

The door opened, but no Kaoru. Miyabi looked down and was horrified to see not one, but three Rollers, all wearing different colored hats. Was she having a nightmare?

"Oh, Tep, Hops, Jum~" Kaoru's voice giggled. Miyabi thought she would be sick, "What are you doing?" Kaoru walked up to the door and gasped at the site of Miyabi, "Miyabi!"

"Kaoru! What is the meaning of this? ...Did...did you and Roller make children??"

Kaoru blushed, "Well....not yet~ but these are Roller's friends!"

"WHAT IT DO SHAWTY?" the one in red said.

"Word to yo momma." The one in black said.

"Liek, omg, hai there!" the one in blue said.

Something about them irked Miyabi, "Right...okay..." Miyabi was a little freaked out, "Um, how about you go before any accident happens?"

Kaoru frowned, "Such a wet blanket, Miaybi."

The three Roller look-alikes boo'd Miyabi.

"You little b-"

"Miyabi! Be nice to my friends!"

"_Friends_?" Miyabi laughed, "Kaoru, you need _human _friends."

Kaoru stuck out her tongue and the three tardcakes laughed.

Then Kaoru walked out of the Inc. and waved, "Goodbye boys! Could you bring Roller out? I want to say goodbye to him."

As if on cue, Roller appeared beside Kaoru, "Roller made the purchase!"

Kaoru giggled, "Isn't he funny?"

"Yeah, hilarious. Now let's go." Miyabi turned to walk away, dragging Kaoru along with her.

"Goodbye Roller!"

"Roller will remain!" Roller cried, then muttered to himself, "Roller must make the choice..."

Van would be coming soon.

&&&

It was nearly two in the morning before Skye emerged. He had hidden under the bridge until he was sure Flora was gone. It has been at least an hour. Now he crawled out from under the bridge and stepped onto land.

His wet, silver hair glistened in the dying moonlight and the on rising sunlight. His bangs hung over captivating, cerulean eyes. That amazing skin complexion one could only achieve through years of applying feminine skin lotion also seemed to give off a shine in the light while his expensive foreign clothes dripped.

(Skye could out sparkle Edward Cullen any freakin' day.)

He smirked and spoke softly, "All is not lost."

In his hands he held a pair of Italian loafers.


	6. Firin' LAZER Plz

The early hours of morning dawned and both Miyabi and Kaoru were sound asleep. Miyabi had forced Kaoru, at sickle point, to let her have the bed that didn't look like it would fall apart at any second. Come to think of it, a lot of things in this town have been described as "looking as if it would fall apart at any second."

Yes, Flora was given the hope that Carter might soon die, Skye was pleased by his finding in the river, Kaoru was satisfied to have been able to "chill" with Roller and his eccentric friends, and Miyabi was off having fun dreams about Skye. However...

All was not well.

&&&

Van waddled his way down the hill, his briefcase, and fat, wobbling as he did so. It was a rather unpleasant sight, but nowhere in Van's mind did appearances hold any priority.

This was mostly due to the fact that a "friend" of his had given him a "cursed" mirror that made the beholder look young, slim and gorgeous. So he had only assumed that he looked good enough to the point where he needn't worry over such matters.

There was also the fact that he was about to engage in a very secret, dangerous act of "business."

Finally, after nearly thirty minutes of his one mph walking pace, which, I will inform you is NOT exaggerated in the least, he made a turn towards the Goddess Pond, something he didn't usually do.

He tightened his grip on his briefcase handle. Roller better not disappoint him.

&&&

Miyabi felt something wet run across her cheek. She groaned, hating the fact that she was now awake and out of her pleasant dreams. On the bright side, whatever was licking her could be Skye.

Her eyes opened and she saw one of the cutest things.

"Why the hell is a dog on my bed?"

"He came to our door this morning." Kaoru explained, taking the floppy eared canine in her arms, "a cat, as well."

"I wanna see it!" Miyabi jumped out of bed without really paying attention to her surrounds.

She stepped on the cat.

It let out a terrible screech and ran under the bed.

"Miyabi!" Kaoru cried.

"What!"

Kaoru rolled her eyes and started making cat noises, which frightened Miyabi quite a bit. Surprisingly enough, the cat crawled out from its hiding spot.

"Sometime I wonder what kind of childhood you had, Kaoru..."

"Oh, you know..." then the blonde looked down at the cat, "they are both males. I know that you like men, Miyabi, but please don't touch these poor animals in a bad way."

"Kaoru...do you seriously think I'd do that to animals?"

"Pretty much."

"....well...."

"Anyway, I can name the dog and you can name the cat. I think I'll name the dog Roller."

"No."

"Yes."

"Kaoru, you have serious problems, okay!?"

"Tep, then?

"I will name that dog and lock him in cage filled with other male dogs if you don't pick a half-decent name!"

"...Kevin."

That worked.

"Okay then, I'll name the cat Train."

"I dont know what's worse, Rock or Train."

"Ha, real funny Kaoru," Miyabi said venomously, "You know, Rock is kind of cute."

"He looks like a crossed-eyed Chihuahua."

Miyabi really didn't know what to say about that, because it was true.

"You'll see Kaoru. One day I'll be happily in love and you'll be left looking around the streets for _Harvest Sprites_!"

"Do not bring them into this!" Kaoru growled.

".Did."

"Attack her, Kevin!"

Kevin launched himself at his victim.

Miyabi would never look the same again.

&&&

Van couldn't exactly fit through the door of the Sprites Inc, despite how "slim" he he was. Because of this little problem, or rather, _big _problem, he usually met Roller in their super, secret spot behind the tree.

"Roller welcomes you!"

Van wiped the sweat, which he gained from the five second walk from the front of the tree to the back of the tree, from his brow, "Enough with the small talk, Roller. We have a problem." He let his briefcase drop.

Roller frowned and looked concerned, "Roller is clean!"

"It's not you, it's me." The large man sighed, "Roller, I've ran short of money."

"Oh noes!"

"I don't know where it all went. I was so busy between trying to maintain my slim waistline and outdoing that Asian bastard and his gorgeous slave boy that I haven't realized I spent it all!"

"Roller is concerned!"

"Ah, but don't fear. We can get all that money back. We just need to do a little "dirty" work."

"Roller thinks brown and yellow are dirty!"

"Yes, those are dirty colors. But I was thinking more along the lines of-- thieving!"

Roller gasped, "Silver!"

"Something even better!" A smirk crossed Van's lips, "I'm sure you know who Rock is."

Roller merely nodded in anticipation.

"Last time I was in the Inn, I noticed his "plants" were nearly ready for harvest." Then Van laughed hardily, "The fool doesn't think we know!"

Roller snickered right along, although he had no idea what Van was talking about.

"You, my friend, will steal his merchandise. This is how we will regain our fortune and outdo Won once and for all!"

"Roller is baking the cake!!"

"You do that. I'll be back in five more days, and when I return, you better have the goods, understood?"

Roller gave Van a military salute.

The meeting was then dismissed.

&&&

Miyabi made off with few minor scratches. Train didn't even bother to try and save her. He was too busy wetting her bed sheets.

The day seemed to get worse when Kaoru suggested that the two of them try and make money.

Either way, Kaoru convinced Miyabi that they would pick up wild grasses and bamboo shoots. Actually, Miyabi just picked up the grasses while Kaoru sliced through the weed forest and cleared away branches and small stones.

At the end of the day, as they were both taking in their last hull of grass and bamboo, Kaoru asked Miyabi, "Why did you buy this ranch if you really hate working?"

"Isn't it obvious?" She replied, dropping her items in the shipping bin.

"...Not really?"

"Because I heard there was going to be single men here. That's why!" and speaking of men, Miyabi had a thief to meet tonight. She turned away and started walking back into the house when she heard a small voice say,

"Is it safe?"

Miyabi spun around to see an orange dressed Sprite in Kaoru's hand. Who did she....

"What....the hell just happened?"

Kaoru sighed, "Oh drat, she saw you."  
Then she explained, "I found this guy while I was breaking some stones. He's pretty cute!"

"I want it off this farm. NOW."

Kaoru sighed, the waited for Miyabi to leave before she said, "I'll walk you home." with a wink.

&&&

"I'm going to head off now."

"Oh, do be careful Cliff! I heard that walking alone at night is very dangerous. All sorts of things can happen to someone. For instance, you could get robbed, beaten, raped, killed or even get sucked into a black hole. Black holes are really black, by the way. Do you know why? It's because of the incredible amount of gravity in them. Don't ask how I know that because-"

"Take care, Cliff!" Duke interrupted his wife, "and be back by Sunday."

Cliff faked a smile, the same way he faked every smile, ever since he was a little child who was diagnosed with clinical depression. No one knew that the new job hadn't cheered him up, or even Ann. It was what waited for him in the Valley that made him happy. "Sure thing Mister Duke," he waved, then was off.

Rock better be stocked, because after that frightening encounter Cliff had with the Priest (or was it Pastor?) Carter the night he decided to stay late at the church to help clean, Cliff would need it.

&&&

It was late and Rock returned home, bored with the lifeless atmosphere of this town. No parties, no fun. At least he could get some sort of social buzz when Cliff came to buy.

Climbing up the stairs, Rock gave his plants one last look before hitting the second floor. Tiredly, Rock walked to his room, thinking. Maybe he should talk to that brunette girl. Or maybe he could try hitting on Lumina again....or maybe he could cry in the mirror like he did the day the blonde chick called him ugly. Any option sounded fine.

Twisting the door knob, Rock opened it and walked in.

"Roller commands you to freeze in the name of love!"

"Eh?" Rock looked down to where the noise was coming from, only to find a small man holding a gun. The gun was just about as big as Roller was. Rock froze, wondering if somehow he had ingested some of his goods by accident.

Roller waved his gun, "Roller is Silver now!"

"R-Roller?" Rock blinked. Was this a joke? Then he realized what this was. It had to be a Harvest Sprite, just like the legends foretell! Wait, what legends?

Roller's eyes widened and he moved closer to Rock, hand on the trigger, "Give Roller the valuables!"

Rock's eyes widened as well. This freak was after his pot!

"No way! Do you know how long it took me to grow those? A long time. By the way, did you know that I kind of remind myself of the ocean?"

"ROLLER'S A CHARGIN MAH LAZER!11!!!"

Before Rock could wonder what the hell Roller was talking about, Roller pulled the trigger.


	7. The Reefer Had Been Gone'd

Rock's body, now with a blood gushing, gaping wound in his chest, crashed to the ground, the blast of the gun still ringing in the atmosphere.

Roller wasn't quite finished. He fired again and again, as if he were a merciless, blood lusting murder holding a high powered machine gun, shooting at Rock viciously, the bullets hitting various different places, even Rock's eye. Roller laughed manically and continued to fire until the last bullet shot through Rock's body.

Somewhere in the Villa on top of the hill, Lumina grabbed his chest and gasped for air, "My Rock-senses are tingling!" He cried and then rushed off to write another lament on the piano.

Back to Rock's room.

Blood was all over the floor. It was enough for Roller and all his friends to have a pool party in, which he was planning on doing. Just as Roller was about to stab Rock, the blonde already having been dead since the second bullet, in the eye that _wasn't_ shot, Ruby nearly ripped the door off.

Roller glared at the woman, who was now staring in horror at the grotesque scene before her. Roller had to do something about this. He pulled out his machete and lunged at the kindly woman's throat. Ruby let out a shriek. With one skillful, quick slice, Ruby's head fell to the floor.

"Roller does the cooking by the book!" The little Casino manager shouted in triumph, standing on top of Ruby's dead body and waving his knife in the air.

That was what Roller had _hoped _would happen, however, that wasn't what really did happen.

You see, Rock wasn't bleeding his heart out on his bedroom floor, Ruby wasn't getting her head chopped off and Roller certainly wasn't shouting about cake.

Rock let out a girlish shriek and fell back against his wardrobe while Roller grinned wildly, thinking that he had actually hit Rock.

It took Rock five seconds to realize what happened, and for him, that was pretty fast. He lowered his arms, which were being used to protect his "special spot," as he liked to call it.

Roller understood what happened nearly immediately and repeatedly clicked the trigger, trying to find out why the bullet hadn't fired.

Rock stared blankly, and slightly terrified, at the little Sprite who was holding an AK47.

"Roller has been deceived!" he hissed, throwing the unloaded weapon on the ground in frustration.

Rock finally realized he was safe, so he laughed, "Bwahaha! I knew that you couldn't shoot me because my personality is big and beautiful, just like the ocean! Come to think of it, I'm beautiful like the ocean, but certainly not big. I sound so poetic right now. Hey, maybe I should write a book featuring poetry inspired by my coolness!"

Roller was thoroughly disgusted. "Roller will not burn the cake!" He cried, lungging at Rock's pillow which was innocently resting on top of his bed.

"Noo!" Rock cried, for he knew what was about to happen.

Roller threw the pillow at Rock, who was running towards the bed, and it smacked the young man in the face.

"M-my face!" Rock cried, falling back. Once he recovered, he crawled over to the mirror to inspect the nonexistent damage.

"Roller thinks you're an ugly muffin!!"

Rock gasped, "You just called me hideous!!"

Roller gasped as well, more of an "uh-oh-did-i-really-say-that" sort of gasp. The two men, if you could call either of them "men", stared at each for a second. Then Roller made his move.

He grabbed the weed, which was only seconds ago hidden under Rock's pillow, and jumped off the bed, performing an amazing, secret agent material somersault. Then he landed. It was cool enough for any Batman movie, to say the least.

In a shimmer of purple sparkles, the Sprite disappeared with Rock's goods, leaving Rock to cry in the mirror. This wasn't a new thing for Rock, mind you. Crying in the mirror, that is.

**&&&**

Miyabi waited by the bridge, not standing on it, of course. Skye was sure to pass by here sometime, and standing here was a lot better than listening to Kaoru read Kevin and Train a bed time story. Miyabi left right when she was getting to the part where the Harvest Sprite let down his hair and the daring Princess Kao-chan was climbing up the wall with it.

The sad part was, Miyabi wasn't sure if that was how the actually story went, or if Kaoru just made it up.

In the meantime, she thought up dirty fantasies between her and Skye, waiting for the attractive man to arrive.

What she didn't know was that he wasn't going to show up.

**&&&**

Let's back track a little so we can figure out why Skye wasn't going to met Miyabi.

_ Skye made it back to Mineral Town just as the dawn approached. He would have been there sooner, if he hadn't tried to steal curry powder from the local convenience store. The problem wasn't that he was caught and got in trouble, the trouble was that he was caught and mistaken for a woman, and the winery shop owner, who was asking for the charge to be put on his tab for nearly the 100th time, just happened to be drunk, so Skye had to, yet again, find his way out of a terribly embarrassing situation._

He merely threw a wine bottle at the man, knocking him out. On a happier note, Skye made it safely the rest of the way. As he strolled across the beach, the sky getting darker, he was careful not to get his new shoes wet.

The little red flag was hung by the door, meaning Zach wasn't home, so it was safe for Skye to enter. Just as he was approaching the room, ready to preform the secret knock, the door to Won's hideout busted open.

There was Won, decked out in a black, leather tank top, black leather skirt, knee high, yellow rain boots, , and a whip in his hand. He was drunk again.

For the third time, Skye was scarred for life and very much terrified. Only this time, Won knew that Skye was a man. Won just forgot that he himself was a man.

"You come in house?! I have present for you!" Won shouted, completely unaware of his eccentricity and absurd outfit.

Skye knew it best that he didn't say anything, because really, nothing he could say would be able to break Won from his crazy fantasy.

So instead, he picked up a rock off the beach and threw it at Won, knocking him out. He was good at this, and surprised at himself that he was able to throw a rock that far.

Now he had to do something about Won. Off in the distance, he heard two people talking,

"Oh Zach, it was very nice for you take me for a walk." A soft, kindly woman's voice spoke.

"No problem Lilia. I hop you had fun."

"I really did." She smiled. She must have been blind or something, because she never opened her eyes.

"I'll walk you home." The buff man offered.

"That would be so kind," and the two walked off.

Skye was spared, for now, but he had to do something quickly before Zach came back. In best attempts, he tried to drag Won behind the house, ensuring both their safety. The thing was, Skye hadn't the man power to drag anyone anywhere. There were two things he could do.

He could run into Zach's house and steal Zach's steroids, or he could run behind Zach's house and hide. He chose to hide.

Zach hadn't come back from Lillia's and hours had passed since Won was knocked out. Skye was beginning to think Zach would be gone all night. Just when he felt tempted to steal the steroids Zach often used, Won stirred.

Skye peered out from behind the dumpy shack that Zach called his home.

Won sat up and groaned, apparently suffering from a hangover.

"Won," Skye started and moved out of his hiding spot.

Won looked at himself, "Oh fuck!" He cried, jumping up. "W-what is the meaning of this? Have I drunk again?" Then he looked at Skye, "Did I touch you?"

"Fortunately, no." Skye replied.

Won was slightly disappointed at this.

"Very well! Into the hideout, I have grave news!"

So the two men ran into Zach's house, and they started to discuss

_  
_[ Now, back to the present time. ]

Skye had just finished telling Won about the Carter situation. The one involving murder, that is. Skye was much too embarrassed about the other incident.

"Hmmm..." Won hummed, thinking deeply, "This could be risky. Very risky. What you gain from this?"

"Well," Skye started, "Flora said I could have anything, but then, as I was beating up the supermarket clerk, I remembered something. My "mother" used to tell me about a legend of the "Golden Dirt".

"Golden Dirt?" The idea seemed so stupid to Won. Of course, Won believed it.

"I believe that that dig site is the place where the treasure lies."  
Skye was dead-freakin-serious.

"This would be great!" Won cheered, throwing his arms up in the air, revealing the jungle he hid in his underarms, "Compensation! Of course!"

"Compensation? For what?"

Thankfully, Won sat back down and let his arms drop, "Van and Roller made move."

"I had a suspicion..." Skye narrowed his eyes.

"They stole dipshit drugs. Can you believe how low they sink!?"

Stealing drugs couldn't have been too much lower than stealing curry powder, or even turnips, but Skye didn't mention this.

"Don't worry about this. I'll get that dirt and we'll be up to them in no time." Skye threw on the confident _'I can do anything'_ smile, along with a little bit of charm, and turned to towards the door, "I'll be making plans right away."

And that is why he was not going to be meeting Miyabi.

**&&&**

Zach planned to stay at Lilia's all night long, although, he wasn't expecting to spend it holding a crying Lilia and listening to Rick babble about eggs, chickens, and a young man named Kai, or even watch as Popuri beat her brother up.

It all started when Lilia suggested that Rick cook. Rick only knew how to make one thing, and that was Sunny KAI Side Up eggs. (And yes, he actually wrote it down in the recipe book as Sunny KAI Side Up eggs.) So, he prepared that.

Being a noob at cooking, he had no idea what temperate to preheat the oven too. In actuality, you weren't even supposed to make those eggs in an oven, so that was his first mistake.

"Eggs?" He called to Popuri, who was lying on the couch and doodling the word "Kai" all over a piece of paper.

"Liek, OH MY GAWD, RICK, can you shut up for like, two seconds? I'm trying to draw here."

Rick took that as a "preheat to 550 PLZ."

And so he did. The oven burned as his mother and her buff friend made out upstairs.

When he felt that the time was right, he set two eggs on the top rack of the oven, seriously expecting them to cook like that. Yeah, just split and turn into perfectly amazing looking Sunny KAI Side Up eggs.

Rick was a very misguided child.

Popuri giggled, "In this picture, Kai and I are kissing!"

Rick was jealous, "Chickens..." he muttered, "Kai..."

To make a long story short, the eggs started burning and they exploded in the oven, causing smoke to pour into the living area. Popuri shrieked for her mother, and Lilia and Zach ran downstairs. Rick became frantic and started shrieking too.

The whole oven pretty much burned. Rick tried to stop the fire by sacrificing a chicken into it, but Popuri broke his arm before he could throw Pon Jr. into the open flame.

Zach finally put it out by blowing on it, using the power of his steroid enhanced lungs.

Lilia took this event very seriously and started bawling, going on about her husband who never returned, her son who couldn't do anything and her daughter who had more air in her head then Zach had in his lungs.

Zach tried to comfort her.

Popuri screamed, "RICK THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. JUST LIKE PON'S DEATH IS YOUR FAULT AND ITS YOUR FAULT THAT KAI DOESNT WANT TO COME INSIDE OUR HOUSE!!!" She cried, socking Rick in the face and then kicking him to the floor before she ran out the house, afraid she'd get lung cancer if she stayed in the smoke filled room any longer.

Rick merely mopped, dragging his sorry, beaten ass out of the house and lying helplessly on the ground. Perhaps if he had only threw Kai's bandanna, which he stole last summer, into the oven. Then it would truly be Sunny KAI Side Up and then it might have cooked properly.

**&&&**

Cliff made it to the valley the same time that Miyabi was standing at the bridge, waiting for Skye. He sucked in the valley air. It didn't feel good to be alive. Emoishly, he dragged himself and his knapsack along.

Miyabi spotted him, "Hey, you didn't happen to see a sexy sliver haired guy back there, did ya?"

Cliff looked up at her apathetically, "No," he said, then carried on.

"Um, okay. Hey, what's your name?" Miyabi bit her lower lip, feeling hurt. She needed something to distract her from her disappointment.

"Cliff," he walked passed her.

"Sounds cute. I'm Miyabi. Hey Cliff, is there something wrong?"

Cliff sighed, "Where do I begin?" He whispered to himself, then said to Miyabi, "I'll be fine very soon."

"Cheer up emo kid."

Oh, Cliff will. All it took was one visit to Rock's.

Unfortunately for him, Rock was still crying in his mirror and Roller still had the "goods".

**&&&**

The next morning, Kaoru told Miyabi that they should take Kevin and Train on a walk.

"No...there's no point in life anymore..." She moaned, lying lifelessly on her bed. Apart from Cliff's emo rubbing off on her, she was completely depressed ever since she realized that Skye wasn't going to show. Well, it wasn't as if he promised, but it still hurt.

"It'll be fun. Maybe you can run into that ugly guy again."

"Rock is not ugly!" Miyab shot up and glared at Kaoru. Only Miyabi would say something silly like, _"Rock is not ugly!"  
_  
"Please Miyabi. Train will love you for it. He told me last night-"

"First you have dreams about marriage, then you fall in love with some Harvest Sprites, and now--now you can talk to animals? What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Don't judge me!" Kaoru shot back.

They both stared at each other blankly. Did Kaoru just yell back?

"Fine. I'll take Train on a walk..." Miyabi muttered, fearing Kaoru might turn into a giant green monster if she was angered further.

The walk progressed well. Train and Kevin were following nicely, both leashed. Where did Kaoru get the leashes?

As they walked, Miyabi spotted Cliff standing on the bridge. What a brave man.

He looked depressed though. His bangs fell over his eyes and his head was downcast. His fists were clenched.

"Hey Cliff, what's wrong?" Miyabi asked him for the second time.

"Who is that?" Kaoru asked.

"Some guy I met last night." Miyabi said, not paying much attention to Kaoru. She walked over towards Cliff, but only took two steps in advancement.

"Rock ran out of reefer!" Cliff cried, jumping off the bridge.

"Cliff! NO!!" Miyabi cried, now running towards it.

But she was too late. Cliff was already under water.


	8. Oh Noes!

_Previously on tWIstEd~~_

Roller charged his lazer.  
Rock cried.  
Cliff jumped.  
Lumina wrote a lament.

The day went down in history as the official Emo Day of Forget-Me-Not Valley..

_Currently on tWIstEd~~_

Miyabi rushed over to the bridge. Train flew off his leash, the force of Miyabi's run too powerful for him. Kevin began to bark and run around in circles, frantically attempting to signal help for the suicidal jumper. Kaoru picked a flower.

"Cliff!" Miyabi cried once more upon seeing his limp body float, face down in the water, to the top of the river.

Mustering up her courage, she jumped into the river. She had to save Cliff, even if it cost her her life.

On second thought, she didn't even know Cliff and the only thing that made her want to save him was the fact that he was slightly cute.

No, Miyabi had to do it. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she pulled the both of them out of the rough, deep (four feet, to be exact), waters. She gasped for breath as she brought them both safely to land.

"Hey Miyabi, this flower has just been nectarized by a bee."

"Not now Kaoru, I must preform CPR on this dying man." and so she got to work.

"Hey," Kaoru said a few second later, looking up from her flower, "why are you taking his shirt off? That's not how you do CPR."

Miyabi rolled her eyes and looked up at Kaoru, "Kaoru, please, an expert is at work here." then reached for Cliff's pants.

"Where? I don't see one."

Miyabi huffed. She decided she better kiss him quick before Kaoru could ruin the moment any further. She leaned forward and took Cliff in.

She only kissed him for a second before she heard a sharp, old man's voice cackle from behind,

"O. Why ye' young kids are makin' love on the public floors? A bed is much soft'r!"

"Oh now, why stop them? Love is such a beautiful thing!" A kind old lady's voice said next.

Miyabi shot up, cursing the old couple's timing.

"I'm sure if Miyabi was really making love, it would look a lot dirtier than that."

Miyabi blushed, "Kaoru!" she then threw Cliff's t-shirt back over him, "I think he's dead."

"Oh my!" The old lady cried, "I know how we can fix this. Here, come to our place and we'll fix him right up."

And so they were taken to the couple's house.

And by the way, Kevin and Train fled from the scene. Train went off to hunt Harvest Sprites and Kevin went off to try and stop him.

Cliff laid on the bed, Miyabi sat on the edge of the bed beside him, Kaoru talked with the old man, who was introduced as Galen, about exotic fish species and the man's wife, Nina, sat in her rocker.

"Oh!" Nina cried.

Everyone else, besides Cluff, turned their heads to see what had happened, only to find Nina on the floor.

The woman smiled, "Oh, it's just a fall. I'll be fine. This happens all the time." She picked herself up, or at least, did so the best she could before Kaoru helped her back into the chair.

"So you just, randomly fall out of the chair like that?" Miyabi asked. She couldn't really concentrate on Nina right now because she was still waiting for the perfect opportunity to nail Cliff.

Nina smiled kindly, "Sometimes I like to think I'm on a roller coaster!"

They left it at that.

Cliff stirred and slowly opened his eyes. Miyabi swore, causing Nina to whack her in the head with her cane.

Cliff looked rather silly right now, for Nina had decided to dry him off before letting him rest on the bed. When she was whipping his face off, and Miyabi had actually volunteered to clean Cliff off but was refused, his black eye liner, which he made from crushed Black Grass, was smeared all over his face.

He looked around the room, figuring this was not Oblivion, so he must not be dead. Darn.

"I think we should leave this two lov' birds alone!" Galen hacked.

"Well well," Nina said, getting up from her chair, "why don't we go for a walk, then?"

"The 'ol ticker is still going!" Galen laughed, then beat his chest with a fist.

_CLANK_.

Miyabi's eyes widened when she heard this and she wondered if it was healthy for someone's chest to make the sound of banging metal.

Galen must have seen this, for he laughed more, "That's just the ol' pacemaker!"

The old couple walked out of the house, leaving Cliff alone with a freak and a pervert; Miyabi being the freak and Kaoru being the pervert. Oh wait-- other way around.

Death would be so much better than this.

"Cliff." Kaoru started, messing around with Nina's knitting set, "before you jumped, you mentioned something about Rock having reefer."

Miyabi had completely forgotten because, quite frankly, she had been too busy thinking about molesting Cliff.

Cliff pretended not to hear her. Instead, he closed his eyes and acted dead, letting his arm flop off the side of the bed.

It wasn't until then did Miyabi notice the scars, "Wow, you really are a freak."

Cliff moaned, "It isn't worth it..."

"Why did Rock run out of pot?" Kaoru asked, still messing with the knitting set.

"R-rock? Who is that?" Cliff said in a dazed voice.

"Listen, Cliff," Miyabi started, looking seriously at the young man, "I'm about two seconds away from kicking Kaoru out of the room and doing fun things to you, so I suggest you start answering us properly or you'll get it." she threatened, though, she liked to think of it as more of a even worth looking forwards to.

"Why do I even care...? I get enough of this from Carter..." Cliff groaned.

Carter! Miyabi always knew the work whore, ancestor obsessed, freaky, old man was a pervert! She'd deal with him later.

Too bad she was going to try to kill the wrong one.

"You know what? That's fine," Miyabi got off the bed. "We'll talk to Rock ourselves. And we'll _make _him tell us everything!"

The two girls paraded out of the room.

Cliff looked for something to stab himself with.

When Miyabi and Kaoru walked out of the house, Nina was on the ground again.

**&&&**

Roller knew the perfect place to hide the drugs. He planned to stash them in one of the pots that were sitting in Sprites Inc. He figured no one would look there, and that they would be safe until Van came.

"Hello Roller!" Guts greeted him as he walked in.

"Roller has been busy~" he said, and realized how suspicious that sounded but knew Guts was too stupid to suspect anything.

"Busy? That's good good good! The Harvest Sprites must work hard hard hard!"

Did Guts even realize that Roller did no work what-so-ever, and that he was only supposed to sell medals and overpriced jewelry?

"Roller _has _been doing great great great!" He casually walked over to the left side of the room where the random pots were. Despite his cool, collected exterior, he was nervous on the inside.

Guts smiled and started playing with his abacus.

Roller made it to the hiding spot and looked over at Guts, who was busily dragging beads back and forth as if he were actually calculating something. Which he wasn't, he just used the abacus because moving beads along a wire was somewhat of a turn on.

Roller pulled the bag out from behind his back.

"Hey Roller, what's that?"

Roller froze. How did Guts...

"Money," Sometimes, when Roller got nervous, he would lose his ability to talk in third person. Other times, his condition worsened.

"Money! But gold isn't green!"

"I have money." Roller was in trouble now, so he decided to act quickly, "Prepare the batter!" he cried.

Immediately, Hops, Tep and Jum all run out of the Casino and tackled Guts.

"Welcome to Detroit, motha fucker!"

"Like omg, I gets to liek, hug a guy! *_giggle_*"

"CHARLIE BIT MY FINGER??"

"W-what is the meaning of this this this?" Guts cried, feeling rather uncomfortable now that he was buried by the CCCC. CCCC standing for Cake Cooking Casino Crew.

"Roller believes that his friends want to hug you!" Phew, that was close. Quickly, Roller slipped the pot into the container and backed away, "The pan has been filled!"

The three on top of Guts disengaged in their distract attack and they all crawled back down the stairs.

Guts dusted himself off, "Control your friends, Roller!"

"Roller is deeply sorry!" He lied.

After picking up his abacus, Guts got back into serious mode, "Stop lofting around and get back to work work work!"

"Roller obeys!" and so Roller dashed off to his Casino post, feeling that his job, and life, were secure.

Little did he know that nothing was going to be alright, for he had no idea that picking that hiding spot was his biggest mistake.

**&&&**

It was the afternoon when Miyabi and Kaoru made it to the Inner Inn. Both girls entered and walked up the stairs as if nothing were wrong. Once they were out of sight, they both ran to Rock's bedroom and kicked the door down.

Rock let out another girlish shriek and stared blankly at the two from his bed, hoping that they weren't there to shoot him or steal his goods.

"We need to talk, now," Miyabi demanded as she folded her arms and looked at the frightened blond with angry eyes.

"A-about?" He asked nervously. Hopefully they were here to talk about how big and beautiful his personality was.

"We know your secret," Kaoru chimed in, pleased to see Rock's pain.

Rock's heart sunk. They couldn't know...

"S-secret? What secret?" He scooted towards the edge of his bed and leaned forward, heart now racing.

Miyabi decided to take action. She tackled Rock into his bed, in perfect "IMMA GONNA RAEP JUU" motion, and then said, "I will bite your dick off!"

Rock gasped. If Miyabi did that, he'd have no special spot! And if he had no special spot, Lumina might not love him anymore! Not even his big and beautiful personality was enough to compensate for his wonderful manhood.

"How did you find out?" He whimpered.

"That emo kid. He tried to kill himself after you wouldn't give him any crack," Kaoru explained.

Darn! Rock knew something like this might have happened with Cliff! He was so mentally unstable...it was a risk taking him as a client. Obviously, the risk ended up being out of Rock's favor.

"I confess. I did sell him that in the past..but, you can't blame me! I was so good at it that I couldn't stop! And...I- I was helping everyone by doing this....they need me! I'm their hero!" He tried to get a little sympathy and understanding.

"You're a loser, if you ask me." Kaoru said.

Rock's ego was slowly dying now.

"How many people know about this?" Miyabi asked.

"Only the people I sell to. You don't seriously want their names, do you?" His eyes widened. He would tell her, it was just that he only sold to Cliff and Cliff was broke so really, this made Rock broke which was why he was bored all the time, but he was too proud to admit he only had on customer.

"I guess not. Honestly, I couldn't care less about this drug thing. You gotta do what you gotta do," Miyabi reluctantly got off of Rock and the boy sat up.

"We just wanted to get a little inside information," Kaoru said, but truthfully she was hoping Rock would say he had some extra pot.

"C-can you help me?" Asking for help was painful, but Rock knew this was the only way.

"Help you? What's in it for us?" Miyabi looked back at Rock, now interested.

"You can have the joy of helping someone great like me!" He offered.

"Bullshit!" Kaoru glared.

Rock was taken aback, but then he quickly recovered by coming up with something clever like, "You can get twenty percent of the profit I make."

"Fifty or nothing, babe." Miyabi bargained.

"Hey!" Rock cried, "'_Babe_' is _my_ word!"

"YOU'RE IN MIYABI COUNTRY NOW, BITCH."

This silenced Rock, "....fifty then."

"Great. So the first way to help is to try to find whoever stole this stuff from you." Miyabi planned, thinking that reclaiming stolen drugs would be as easy as it was in Reno 911.

"Yeah, just who did steal from you?" Kaoru asked.

Bum. Bum. Bum.

**&&&**

Skye planned to visit Flora that night and agree to kill Carter. How was he going to kill Carter? He wasn't quite sure. He'd have to get details about the crazy fossil licker, first. Flora could provide all of that. Hopefully she would cooperate.

"Zack coming soon." Won was peeking out the window, looking for any signs of the burly man.

Skye sadly sat on top of one of Won's boxes and stared at the tangerine container used as a makeshift sales counter.

Aside from the murder plot, the golden dirt and Zach's arrival, Skye was burdened with another trouble. He had forgotten all about that girl.

It was very uncharacteristic for him to do such a thing, but honestly, the whole "Mr. Romantic-Prettyboy" visage he put on all the time was merely just a, well, visage; it was a mask, even. For the most part, anyway.

He really didn't think every girl he met was beautiful. Although he rarely thought a girl was ugly, he didn't exactly care about them they way he appeared to. (Especially with that one rich girl in the Villa....she was cute, but she had a bit of, um, manly presence to her. Skye could feel it.) Of course, he knew he should treat women nicely and respect them, but something about him was just fake.

That was aside the point, though. The real problem was that Skye wasn't sure if he really cared about Miyabi or he just thought she was pretty. She was just like all the other girls he had met--and yes, most of them did ask for bed on the first date--so why should he feel any differently about her?

Skye was confused about his own feelings, and that was not something a cocky, self-confident thief with a mysterious, infamous reputation wanted. Maybe he just needed more time.

"Skye!" Won called, snapping the pensive young man out his deep thought, "I see Zach!"

Skye knew the drill. He jumped off the box and walked to the secret back door, which was hidden was a super secret and not-so-obvious brown curtain, which, in reality, wasn't so secret and was pretty much obvious.

"Gotta jet." He smiled charmingly before he went out the door.

The front door opened and Zach walked in, dark circles under his eyes and a tired expression on his face, "Hey Won. Sorry I was back so late, but I had to help Li-" he sniffed, "hey, why's it smell like curry in here?"

**&&&**

"You guys would never believe me," Rock started, "I had just walked in my room when I hear a voice, and it says, _'Hey you, cool guy! Give me your pot or I'll shoot you!'_ But you know what I did? I was like, _'No way! This is MY stuff and you can't have it!'_ then he brought a _gun _on me! I wasn't afraid though, I just stood my ground, like any hero would, and said, _'You won't get rid of me that easily!'_ and then he-"

"Rock," Miyabi interrupted, realizing Rock was flat out lying right now, "what did he look like?"

Rock was tempted to lie and say it was a big, buff guy, just make to himself sound braver, but he knew he shouldn't. If they couldn't find the right person, Rock would never get his reefer back, and the next ones didn't grow again until autumn!

"He was a really tiny guy. This is the part you wouldn't believe--not the part I just said before, because that was all true."

"A really tiny guy?" Kaoru asked, her eyebrows and tone rising slightly.

"Yeah. He had green hair and he was wearing a purple and black outfit! He um- kept saying _'Roller'._ I think that meant he was kinda scared of me," Rock said proudly, although he had no idea of how stupid he really did sound right then.

"R-roller!" Kaoru cried, "No! He wouldn't! Roller isn't like that!" She spun around and ran out the broken door as tears formed in her eyes.  



	9. This Isn't Halloween

From inside, Miyabi could hear Kaoru crying. She sighed, "Oh lord," then she turned to Rock who was now thinking about how he'd get the money to write his book with his only resource for money making down the drain temporarily.

Maybe he could do what Muffy did! (He'd never get paid, though)

"Rock," Miyabi started, "I'm going to cheer Kaoru up so I can stop hearing her cry over Roller. Don't tell anyone that we're in contact with the Sprites, or that we're helping you." Miyabi thought that having contact with the Sprites was something special, and keeping it a secret made her feel even more special. It made her fit in. "Oh, and by the way, does Nina ever buy from you, cause I mean, she seemed a little loopy."

"Nina? Who's Nina?" Rock asked.

"that...are you trying to act dumb?"

Rock laughed at this, "I never act dumb, because my personality is really too great for that!"

"Right..." This guy was a loser, but he was kind of cute and he did have a body, as pathetic as it may be, so he was good material. "I'll be back," Miyabi told him, opening the bedroom door.

"When you come back, will you lend me some money so I write a book about all my amazing fashion senses and my super cool tips on how to party?" He actually thought she might comply.

"I can lend you a bullet in your face," Miyabi smiled sweetly at him and then she walked out.

Outside, Kaoru sat against the wall of the Inn, knees held to chest and face buried in her arms.

Miyabi resisted the urge to laugh. Kaoru deserved it for all the times she, and Roller, had laughed at Miyabi.

"Cheer up Kaoru! I'm sure Roller will share with you."

That just made Kaoru cry harder.

Miyabi took a seat next to her friend, if you could call them friends, and said, "People aren't always who we think they are."

Kaoru lifted her head up and sniffled, "Like how someone as stupid and ugly as Rock could be a drug dealer?"

Miyabi's fists clenched, "Um, yeah, just like that. And how Roller is a no good, dirty thief who steals poor, innocent people's drugs."

"Like how that boy I saw you with the other night is a homo who owns his own makeup company and lives in a mansion with five old men, who he's all married to?"

...how did Kaoru know about Skye?

"LIKE HOW ALL THE HARVEST SPRITES ARE LITTLE DEMONS THAT WILL SUCK YOUR SOUL INTO A BLACK ABYSS, EVEN THOUGH THEY LOOK PERFECTLY HARMLESS!??!?" Miyabi jumped up and shouted, now completely angered.

Kaoru jumped up now too, "LIKE HOW IM A PSYCHOPATHIC KILLER WHO'S WAITING FOR THE PREFECT TIME TO RIP YOUR HEART OUT AND FED IT TO KEVIN??!!!"

They both gasped, Kaoru because she needed to catch her breath after yelling like that and Miyabi because she was having a "omgwtfbbq" moment after what Kaoru just said.

"What...?" Miyabi finally breathed out.

"Let's just both relax and try to think." Kaoru said as she tried to calm down. "We have a serious matter here."

"Shouldn't we be talking to Roller?" Miyabi said plainly, hoping Kaoru would start crying again.

Actually, tears threatened to break loose once more. "R-Roller..." Kaoru whimpered. How could the man--er, _thing_, she loved be a thief? Why would he! It wasn't the fact that he stole drugs, since Kaoru wanted some of her own, but he was hiding things from her! That broke her heart.

"Maybe it wasn't his fault," Miyabi was actually trying to be nice to Kaoru. "Maybe he was forced to."

This didn't help in the least. "My poor Roller! Being forced to steal drugs and lie to me!" She sniffled.

"Well, the only way to find out is to talk to him."

Kaoru shook her head, "I need to wait. I'm not ready yet."

If it were Miyabi, she would run right on over to Sprites Inc and give Roller a good ass kicking. This was mostly because she hated Roller, but the other part was because she hated waiting.

For example, if she found out that Skye was some nut case who planned to kill an innocent person for a prize that wasn't even real, she'd definitely want to talk to him as soon as possible. But of course, Skye wasn't that kind of person at all.

"Fine," Miyabi huffed, "but we can't wait too long. He could get rid of them by then."

Kaoru nodded sadly, "I'm going to the Villa," she said, planning to write a lament of her own on Lumina's piano.

Kaoru walked off, leaving Miyabi alone. Miyabi had been planning to visit Roller this whole time, despite what Kaoru said or thought. So, she walked off to do so, however, when she turned around she saw Nina at the bridge.

Actually, Nina had been running towards them ever since Kaoru walked out of the Inn. The reason why was she was just at the bridge was because fell quite a few times.

The old lady was waving her arms in the air, "Miyabi!" she called as loud as her old, worn out larynx could allow her, "young Cliff has worsened!"

Miyabi groaned. That guy had serious issues. Wait, did he try and kill himself again? At this rate, Miyabi would NEVER get the chance to mess with him.

"Coming!" She called, running over to Nina. If Cliff did try to kill himself, it would only takes minutes before the poor boy bled out. Thus, Miyabi had only minutes to spring into action or else she'd be labeled a necrophiliac.

Can you feel the drama?!

**&&&**

Inside, Cliff was lying on the floor.

"Oh my god, he's dead!" Miyabi cried. She was too late!

"Oh no, no," Nina smiled, he's just '_crying on the inside_', as he put it! You see, the young man tried to hurt himself while we were all out. When I walked back into the house, I noticed my knitting needle was gone so I looked over to Cliff. He was getting ready to stab himself, you know!"

"Cliff, you need serious help." Miyabi walked over to the seemingly lifeless body on the floor and got on her knees, "don't you have a family or something?"

Silence answered Miyabi's question and she wondered if Nina was lying about Cliff being alive.

"all gone..." Cliff finally answered, turning his head to the side. His face looked so lifeless, it was actually depressing in itself.

"Aw, that's sad. But hey, look on the bright side; you don't have to worry about them, right?" Miyabi thought she was actually going to cheer him up. "So, who do you live with? I'm sure they can help you out."

Well, Cliff slept at the Inn, visited the church and worked with Duke and Manna. Duke and Manna were like parents to him, "Winery owners. Mister Duke and his wife, Manna..." so they seemed like a decent answer.

"Oh wow. Do you go down into the wine cellar, get drunk, and then break the wine glass and use the shards to cut yourself with?" Miyabi wasn't being sarcastic.

"..." Cliff stared blankly.

He did, actually.

"For cryin' out loud!" Galen groaned, "Enough with the misery already!"

"This is a serious matter!" Miyabi protested.

"I- I can't go back there..." Cliff just couldn't. It wasn't fair to Duke and Manna to have to live with the burden of caring for someone who didn't care to live. Besides that, he really didn't have the dignity to face Ann after his latest attempt at suicide. But, more importantly...he didn't want to have to deal with Carter's harassment.

"And why not?" Miyabi asked.

"No one wants 'em there!" Galen cackled at his own joke.

"Galen, be nice to our guest!" Nina pleaded.

Cliff shivered, "Too much pain back home...too much confusion and hurt. I can't take it..."

Miyabi narrowed her eyes and began to think. Hmm. What solution could come out of this? Ah ha! Cliff could stay with Miyabi, so then she would be sure to get her go at him.

But then again, Miyabi didn't want to have to put up with his crying. Then the perfect idea hit her. "Alright Cliff! I've got a solution. Since Rock is the one who ruined your life, you'll be staying at the Inner Inn. Every day you will go though therapy that Kaoru and I will give you." It was ingenious.

"I...do I have to...?" He droned, his usual, hopeless voice breaking through Miyabi's cheerful atmosphere.

"Of course! Oh, and you'll have to stay in a room with Rock. Don't worry, I noticed he had two beds. Or you know, you guys could share a bed. Either way is fine with me, but I'd rather you two sleep in the same bed."

Galen, Nina and Cliff just stared at her as if she were some kind of freak.

Oh wait, never mind. She _was_ a freak.

"But...isn't that...wrong?" Cliff lifted his head up.

"Oh no! Sharing a bed isn't wrong at all. It's rude not to share your bed with someone." Miyabi stood now and placed her fists on her hips, perfectly confident that her idea would work out.

"I'll just sleep on the spare..." Cliff suggested.

Miyabi scoffed, "Fine, be that way." Then, when she remembered she was dealing with a depressed kid rather than a queer, she smiled softly, "Gather your belongs because we're headed to the Inner Inn!"

"I'll get the door for you two." Nina offered and walked towards the door.

Miyabi extended her hand to help Cliff up. He merely looked at her for a couple seconds. She reminded him of his sister. That made Cliff uncomfortable and yet, he felt like he could trust her all at the same time.

Boy, has he ever been more wrong.

Taking her hand, he was lifted up. It didn't take much to lift his small body, "T-thanks..."

Miyabi smiled, pleased to see that he was being more open, and not crying over everything anymore. Now all she needed was to build his trust a little bit more. "Right. So, off we go," and she turned to the door, which wasn't even opened.

Nina had fallen before she could reach it.

**&&&**

It was a fine afternoon in Mineral Town. Skye had safely made it out of the town and was now headed for the Valley. Won felt secure and trusted Skye to do his job. Popuri refrained from beating Rick any further and Rick refrained from being a complete dumbass. Oh wait, that was nearly impossible for Rick.

Now we come upon the Town Square where Sasha and Anna were gossiping with Manna and listening to her gab for hours. Mostly they were listening to Manna gab for hours.

"You know, Cliff is doing so well," she started, and probably would never end, "He's a strong young man. Never once has he complained about how hard the work is or about his extremely low and minimum wage pay! Sometimes I wish Duke would be like that. But you know, I have faith in Cliff. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going! Wait, that's not how you're supposed to say that, is it? Oh, I do wish Aja were here. She's off with her fifth husband somewhere. You know, is she were here, she could learn so much from Cliff's good example, why- I believe he could even inspire Jack to work harder!"

"Oh, well, I'm sure he could!" Sasha smiled, but then muttered, "come to think of it, he might even be able to inspire Jeff to stop being such a whiny pansy..."

"Oh, don't be too hard on your husband, Sasha! He's a kind, great man. My husband is an ass! All we do is fight with each other and sometimes he even throws wine bottles at me," she giggled, "of course, I throw them back at him. Actually, we made that into a game. We call it, the "Death-By-Wine" game. We always play that when we're mad at each other. Come to think of it, we play that every day! Sometimes I wish my husband were like Jeff-"

Okay, enough of that.

Over by the bulletin board stood the angry, misunderstood young man named Gray. Next to him was the quiet librarian, Mary.

"My grandpa never understands me." Gray huffed, crossing his arms, "I work my ass off for him every day and all he does is tell me what I need to improve! He's never proud of me for what I can do."

"Well," Mary said, pushing up her glasses, "he probably wants you to become the best you can, that's why he's pushing you. He knows you could shine so much brighter, you just have to push yourself. Since you don't seem to enjoy blacksmithing, he's pushing you _for_ you. I bet that one day he'll want you to be better than him, so he can feel so proud of what you've accomplished over all that time."

Gray looked at her, stunned, "Wow Mary! You're truly amazing."

Mary didn't tell him this, but that was actually a dialog she memorized out of a book she read.

"Thank you Gray," she blushed openly. "You know what I think is the problem? You have to love what you do. I'm only a good writer because I love doing it."

Gray blushed too, getting nervous about sharing personal feelings with a woman, and especially one he liked. "Wow Mary...I never thought of it like that. But, how do I know I should love blacksmithing? Maybe it's not what I was meant to do."

Mary smiled, "I didn't know what I wanted to do in life either, until I realized it was right there with me the whole time."

That one was also copied from a book she read.

Silence struck them both as Gray was left to awe at Mary's words of wisdom and Mary was left to wait for Gray to compliment her.

Just as Gray was about to speak more about this deep and serious matter, he heard a strange noise next to him. It sounded like someone...vomiting?

"Mary was that-" He turned to her but noticed the hole in the ground. It was as if someone dumped a load of high powered acid on the ground and totally disintegrated the stone floor in that one area.

Gray was about to look at Mary when he noticed a sizzling hole in his shoe, "Oh my god!" he kicked his boot off and hopped a step away from the hole, "what the hell is that!?"

Mary blushed, this time out of embarrassment, "Oh, I just had to vomit a bit."

Gray stared at her as if she were nuts, "W-what? You mean that stuff, the stuff that burned a hole in stone, it came from your mouth!?"

"I had a little stomach ache, that was all. I promise it won't happen again." But really, Mary always had little stomach aches and she always produced acidic vomit.

"...you-you know what? I think I should get back to work. I don't want uncle Saibara getting mad at me again. Bye!" He turned and ran off as Mary called behind him,

"I thought he was your grandpa!!"

&&&

Kaoru entered the Villa and wasn't surprised to see Lumina playing the piano. She was surprised to see that he wasn't singing or whatever the hell he did when he bitched about love and Rock.

Romana was there. She was watching Lumina carefully play the piano.

"That's pretty good." Kaoru noted, walking over towards them.

"Isn't it? Lukina is such a fine young pianist, and with a little more training, he could go pro!"

"...Lukina?" Kaoru questioned.

Lumina gasped and the piano made a horrible sound as he forgot to play the right notes because he was much too worried over what Romana had said. He jumped up, "Let's talk."

"Excuse for us for a bit," Romana smiled apologetically and both her and her grandson rushed off to the bedroom, then slammed the door.

Kaoru crept over to the door to listen in.

"Grandma!" Lumina cried, walking around in circles, flustered.

"I'm sorry dear! It just slipped. Oh, in this old age I don't know where my mind has gone," she shook her head. "...do you think I have Alzheimer's?"

Lumina bit his lower lip, "What do we do? If my secret gets out...no one can find out who I really am. Rock will never love me again!"

"Oh! Tell her I have Alzheimer's and then she'll believe us when we say I thought you were a man!" Romana cheered.

"R-right...let's go with that. But what if-"

Romana cut him off, "Listen dear, if this girl really does know, I'll get rid of her and whoever she tells. I took care of Tim, didn't I?"

Kaoru's eyes widened. Lumina had a secret, and so did Romana! Kaoru knew something Miyabi didn't know! This was too good.

The door to the bedroom swung open, "We're here," Lumina called. He spotted Kaoru bending down and talking to one of their cats.

Kaoru looked up at them, "Hey. This is such a beautiful cat. Can I name it Roller?"

"...."

"On second thought, I should be going. I have farm work to do." Kaoru waved to them and walked out the door, "Talley-ho!"

**&&&**

By the time Miyabi and Cliff had convinced Rock that they should let Cliff stay there (Miyabi threatened Rock again), it was nearing four o-clock. Now that Cliff was taken care of, Miyabi could go home and try to relax until Kaoru got back.

Unfortunately, Kaoru was home when Miyabi arrived.

**&&&**

It was nearing ten-o-clock now and Miyabi decided she'd give Skye another chance. It hurt too much not too.

"Hey Kaoru, I got to go out and clear my mind soon, I should be back around-" Miyabi started, but was cut short due to the knock on the door.

"Oh god, what now?" Miyabi groaned, then walked over to the door. She opened it.

It was Kate, only, she was different. Her red eyes were now dull and lifeless looking. Her skin was more pale and her pig tails drooped. The child was holding a kitchen knife in her hand, "Someone summoned me..."

Miyabi rolled her eyes, "For the love of-- look, kid, that thing I said about the evil spirits that would suck your soul into an abyss? Yeah, I was talking about the Harvest Sprites, _not you_. What do you think this is? Halloween?"

"I need blood..." her voice was just about as eerie and lifeless as she looked. Reaching out, she got a hold of Miyabi's pant leg.

Miyabi shrieked, "Kaoru! It touched me!"

"Don't be mean to little kids."

Miyabi tried to kick Kate off, "Hey, brat, you know what happened last time? I told on you. That's right! I'll do it again too!"

"Daddy isn't here..." Kate raised her to knife to stab Miyabi in the leg with it, but out of nowhere, daring Train came to the rescue.

The little cat jumped from the darkness of the night and lunged at Kate's face. The girl cried out in pain, having a cat now attached to her face. She started screaming and running, not knowing where she was headed.

Just when Miyabi and Kaoru couldn't stand the sight of it anymore, Train leaped off. Kate ran out of the farm.

"That's my boy!" Miyabi cheered, scooping up the purring Train in her arms. Then she looked down at the large knife that Kate had dropped by the door, "Hey Kaoru, you were just kidding about you being a psychopath, right?" her voice was slightly worried.

Kaoru smiled, "Maybe."


	10. Drop the Bomb

"Carter, if you mention one more thing about your ancestors, I'll feed you curry for the rest of your sad, lonely, pathetic life," Flora said calmly, walking out of the mine entrance of the dig site, Carter following behind her.

"Hm, did you say something, Flora?" Carter asked, snapping out of his daze, "Sorry, I was occupied with thinking abut my ancestors."

Flora would have to add triple the poison into his dinner tonight.

"Carter, why don't you go inside the tent and close it up real tight so no one has to hear you talk to yourself? I'll be there to make dinner a little while later, I just have some business to take care of."

"You know Flora," Carter started as he and his murderous companion walked towards their home, "I think you're my good luck charm. So I have no doubt in my mind that I can find my ancestor's grave--hey, did you just cringe?"

"Um, no, Carter. I just got bit my a mosquito called _Shutthefuckup_."

Carter looked concerned, "Well, I've never heard of that one before! Maybe we should call Hardy."

"Or, maybe we should leave that poor hag alone~?" Flora smiled sweetly, "Remember what I said about the tent, Carter. Oh, and save your appetite because I'm cooking something delicious tonight."

**&&&**

Miyabi ran out of the house, not forgetting to grab the knife before she left. It made her nervous to think of Kaoru getting a hold of something sharp.

She felt bad for leaving Train alone with that thing. However, her thoughts of Skye quickly made her forget all about Kaoru, or even that cat. What was his name, again? Trevor or something?

She really wanted Skye to show up tonight, but something was telling her he wasn't going to and that she should forget it. It would only hurt to get excited and then realize he wasn't going to be there. Again.

Tonight felt like Spring 14th. You saw the guy you like with cookies, but you knew they weren't for you. That didn't stop you from hoping that they were, or even thinking that there was small chance he might actually give them to you.

Miyabi had already rolled the dice and there was no turning back. Hiding the knife behind her back, but keeping it handy, in case someone weirdo showed up. Or a hot guy; just in case he was unwilling, Miyabi could always force him to take his clothes off. But then again...who _wouldn't_ take off his clothes for Miyabi?

Okay, maybe Lukina, or Lumina, whatever you wanted to call him. But he was the only exception.

Miyabi was torn between deciding to take this walk slowly or running around town as fast as she could. The running around town part was because she didn't know where Skye would be, and standing by the bridge again made her feel silly.

She was afraid to go into the bar because she saw ugly, suspicious looking men walk into there. The Villa wasn't an option either, because she afraid the freak show playing the piano might eat her or something. Now the only option seemed to be the dig site.

There was an ugly, suspicious looking man there too, but she figured Skye might be there stealing rare and valuable artifacts because he was much too smart to want to steal anything like turnips, or dirt, even.

**&&&**

"You know," Rock started, looking into his mirror for what seemed to be the hundredth time this week, or day, even, "I've never slept in the same room with a guy before. Well, I've never slept in the same room with a girl, either. I bet the women are just too intimated by my strong and amazing personality."

Cliff had been trying to sleep for an hour, but Rock wouldn't stop talking about himself. Now he was just lying down and trying to ignore the narcissistic blonde.

"Not to be nosy or anything, because I'm not nosy at all, but do you have a girlfriend?" Rock posed for himself as he asked this.

"G-girlfriend...?" Cliff wasn't surprised that Rock had asked him that, "No, not really..."

"Oh, so you must be gay." With his fingers in the shape of a box, Rock pretended to snap a picture of himself.

"W-what??" Cliff blushed, "what makes you say that?"

"Well," Rock started, folding his arms in thought, "if a guy doesn't have a girlfriend, then I assume he's just gay!" Rock said it as if it made complete sense.

"Wait...you don't have a girlfriend."

"Bwaha!" Rock laughed, "Don't you remember what I said? I said my strong and amazing personality intimidated women. You don't have an excuse." Then he hummed, "Hmm, I'm not gay, but now that you mention it, if I was gay, I would be the best gay guy in the world, since I'm the best at everything!" he laughed again.

"..." Cliff ignored that last bit, "well, I...I guess it's because I'm shy..." he stared down at the bed now.

"Oh, boy," Rock shook his head, "You see, I used to have that problem too. Then I hit puberty and everything changed. I was so much more confident and good looking--even though I was good looking as a child--that all the chicks liked me. Take Lumina, for example." Rock smiled as he said this quite proudly, "She's madly in love with me. She would make the best wife ever!"

Cliff thought about wives, and Ann, and then about his sister. Why did romance make him think about his sister, anyway?

"But dude, I could teach you all I know about getting chicks," Rock beamed at Cliff, still prideful.

Cliff didn't quite believe Rock because if Rock really _did _get chicks, he'd be making love with them right now.

"Uh...sure..." Cliff didn't want to say no, "tomorrow you can...I need sleep now..." He closed his eyes and hoped Rock would leave.

"You got it! '_Picking Up Babes 101_' starts tomorrow morning, so be ready!" Rock pointed at Cliff. Then he frowned, "Hey, no hard feelings about the pot, right?"

"I kind of hate you for that."

Rock couldn't believe what he just heard. Someone hated _him_?? Rock huffed, then smiled as if nothing were wrong, "I got two people working on finding it, so don't worry! I bet Miyabi and that other girl can find it no time. After all, _I_ was the one who asked them to do it."

"R-right..." Cliff rolled over in bed.

Rock smiled still and fiddled with his medallion, "I'm hittin' the bar. Don't try and kill yourself while I'm not around. I'd love to watch you do it!" he laughed. With that, he walked out.

"I'll remember to bleed all over your bed..." the brunette muttered.

Cliff probably had HIV, too.

**&&&**

The cool valley air felt rather nice so Skye actually didn't mind getting his clothes wrinkled by the wind, for once.

He ran a hand through his silver hair and was rather pleased with how nice it felt. That Herbal Essence works wonders, especially that melon and peach kind he often used.

Right, now to go to the dig site.

Being in this town made him want to steal things. What could he possibly steal, though? He had already tried the Villa, the bar and he couldn't possibly steal from Flora. She might kill him.

Coming down from the hill, Skye spotted the turnips in the fat chick's farm once more. Fair enough. He got busy thinking about a clever line that he would put into his next thieving notice. Most of his lines, he stole from DNAngel.

Turning the corner, Skye could barely see the pathetic tent up ahead. Coming towards him, however, was something much more scarier. Flora. He refrained from hitting on her since she wasn't persuaded by his sweet talking. Not to mention that she was older than him. Skye preferred his women to be 13--uh, 23.

They met in the middle of the path leading to the dig site.

"Hehe. Good evening." He said charmingly. Despite Flora's immunity, Skye couldn't help trying to make women blush.

"Hello~" Flora said, not sweetly but not roughly either, "I'm going to make this short. Do you agree to get rid of my _assistant_?"

"I've been thinking about it," Skye started, then looked towards the dig site, "Can I see the inside of your excavation area, before I decide?"

Flora narrowed her eyes, "If you try anything funny, I will kill you, you know that?"

"Heh. I do," Skye smiled nervously.

"Follow me," Flora said, but it sounded somewhat like a demand.

Skye wasn't hesitant to follow.

**&&&**

Miyabi came out of the farm, knife still in hand. She looked towards the right and spotted Kate, face down lying on the ground outside her house. Maybe she died. She then looked to her left and saw two foggy figures. She really couldn't make them out.

Her heart raced as she walked closer towards the bridge, aiming to get a closer look.

"Hey, Miyabi!" A familiar and unwanted voice called.

Miyabi's heart dropped. It was Rock, coming out of the Inn.

"H, hey Rock." Miyabi called back. Hopefully he would just say hi and leave it at that. Instead, he walked over to her.

"What's up, babe?" he stopped beside her, "If you have free time you can get drunk with me and then we go smell some flowers."

"Or make love," Miyabi added quickly, looking towards the two figures who were now more clear. She dropped her knife, and her jaw. It was Skye. Only, he was with a woman.

Rock noticed the knife had fallen, "Whoa! Don't tell me your trying to kill yourself too!" If Miyabi died, who would be left to hit on him?

"You know what Rock?" Miyabi turned to face him, "I would _love _to spend time with you, but I've got plans right now. Maybe tomorrow?" She gave the poor guy a reassuring smile.

"Well what are you so busy with?" Rock asked. Then he looked in Skye and Flora's general direction, since Miyabi had looked that way, "Oh, I get it! You're gonna hang with your 'girl friends'. If you guys have a sleep over, invite me! Bwahaha!" He laughed, then went off to get drunk.

_Damn, that guy laughs weird_, Miyabi thought.

By now, Skye and Flora were already into the dig site.

Now that Rock was gone, Miyabi ran in their direction. But wait, did she even really want to see Skye like that? After all, he was with a woman and they might even be a date or something.

She stopped near the turnip fields. Why was she even doing this? Maybe she could wait until Skye came out? What if he didn't come out for a while? Oh no! Skye could be making love with Flora _right _now!

Miyabi had to stop it! She ran back towards the spot where she dropped her knife. She might need it.

**&&&**

Arms folded, Skye looked over the excavation site. Everything looked normal, but to Skye it was like finding hidden treasure. A smirk played on his lips, "I'll do it."

Flora smiled, "Lovely~I suppose I shouldn't give you too tight of a time limit, but I want it done as soon as possible. And make sure no one finds out. If anyone does find out, I will kill you myself, if you aren't dead already. So, do you agree~?"

"Agreed."

They shook on it.

**&&&**

Miyabi was running as quickly as she could. She sped into the location and quickly passed the tent. She thought she heard someone talking from inside it, but the only words she could make out were "ancestors" and "sex".

That was kind of creepy, but despite that, Miyabi continued to run, knife handy. If they weren't in the tent, they had to be in that cave thing.

Miyabi ran into the entrance, "Hold it right there, bitches!" she demanded, pointing her knife at Skye and Flora, who were just standing beside each other and looking at Miyabi like she was crazy.

"Oh, it's just you." Flora said flatly, looking away, "Well, I have to feed Carter now." She walked towards the exit.

"Hold on," Skye said, following her, "I wasn't quite finished with the conversation."

Flora stopped and closed her eyes for a few seconds, "Don't try poisons. You'd be stupid if you did." Then she opened her eyes and walked passed Miyabi, who was gasping for breath and staring at Skye and Flora because she really had no idea what was going on.

Skye spotted the knife in Miyabi's hand and laughed, "Hehe. You weren't planning on killing anyone, were you?"

Miyabi forgot she was still aiming the knife at him and she dropped her arms, "Um, no. Uh, were you?"

"I was just asking that nice lady if she knew how to cook red curry." Skye said with a smile and hoped Miyabi would believe him.

"Oh?" Miyabi put a hand on her hip and looked down. She was slightly embarrassed by the situation. It didn't help that she was so excited she couldn't say anything worth saying.

"It's a nice night," Skye said, once he realized Miyabi couldn't say anything. "Would you like to enjoy it with me?"

Miyabi's heart jumped. It hurt a little, but it felt good at the same time, "Yes plz."

**&&&**

Skye decided to take her to the Goddess Pond and now they were both sitting by it.

"It's beautiful." Miyabi said lightly, looking into the pond which reflected the moonlight.

Skye looked at her and smiled softly, "You're beautiful, too."

Miyabi blushed lightly, "You too, babe." She wanted to hold his hand or something. Actually, she wanted to make out with him while skinny dipping in the pond, but she doubted that would happen.

They both looked at each other. Skye felt slightly guilty. What would Miyabi do if she found out that he was planning on killing someone? Was she even okay with the fact that Skye was a thief?

"You trust me, don't you?" He said lightly, looking away.

Miyabi blinked, "Well, yeah." What was Skye getting at?

He leaned back and looked at the pond, "Even after what you saw the day we first met?"

Oh, Miyabi had forgotten about his thieving, "Sure. I mean, that wack-o really deserved it. I'd probably steal from that place too, if I had the chance."

Skye looked at her strangely then smiled. Miyabi was a much more different than other girls he'd met, "So you carry around a knife and you plan on stealing something from the Villa? Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?"

There was plenty, actually, but Miyabi had to keep Rock's secret. Aside from that, she could tell him that she's in contact with Sprites, that she witnessed someone try to commit suicide or that she lives with a freak.

"Well," Miyabi started, "I'm great in-" she stopped when, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted something small and blue. Oh dear god.

"I'm uh-um, great in-" Miyabi couldn't pull herself together.

Skye looked at her weirdly, "Are you okay?"

Miyabi smiled and laced arms with him, "Of course. It's getting late. I should probably get back home. I'm sure we both need our beauty sleep." She smiled and pulled them both up. "This was great. We should really do this more often. In fact, we could even have a nice talk in my house, on my bed. it's just, I'm feeling really sleepy," Miyabi tried to look tired.

"Hehe. I understand. I should probably be getting back too. Would you like me to walk you home?" He asked politely.

"Um, I'm going to stop by my friends to check in on them before I head to bed. Thanks anyway," Miyabi cursed this terrible interuption.

Skye frowned, "If you say so." but then he smiled, "Good night, beautiful."

Miyabi wanted to kiss him or something, but she felt like right now was a bad time, "Night~" she said sweetly, waving to him as he walked off.

Damn, he had a cute ass..

Once Skye was safely out of the way, Miyabi fumed, "Do you think this is funny?"

The Harvest Sprite came out of hiding from behind a large rock. It was Jum, "Well, I was justs trying to get a closer look!" he folded his arms.

Miyabi also folded her arms, "You could have ruined my date. He might not have even liked me anymore!"

"Fine by me!" Jum huffed, "I could have him all to myself then."

Miyabi's eyes widened, "...if you even think about it, you'll be sorry."

"Um, too late because I've _been _thinking about it."

A Sprite just told her.

"O SICK BURN." Came Hopp's familiar voice from behind Miyabi.

"You just got played, fool!" Tep added.

Miyabi spun around with her mouth open to say something, but she really couldn't think of anything at the moment. _Of course_ all three of them had to be there to ruin her date, not to mention her whole night.

Jum giggled, "I think we win. Yay! Come on boys, let's go play strip poker!"

"I'm dealing the cards, bitch." Tep=s said with a smirk as all three Roller clones walked into Sprites Inc.

Miyabi walked home, defeated.

**&&&**

The next morning, there was a knock at the door.

Miyabi, who was still lying in bed at ten o' clock, groaned, "Kaoru...get the door."

"I can't, I'm feeding Kevin and Train." She replied.

Miyabi looked over to see Kaoru on her knees, bamboo shoot in hand and Kevin and Train eating off of it. It was a disturbing sight.

"It's always gotta be me, doesn't it?!" She shouted, then threw the blankets off and hoped out of bed, "If it's Kate..." she muttered as she answered the door.

"Mornin'." An old man with large eyebrows, big white tank top (thick straps, mind you), and frayed jeans greeted.

Miyabi screamed, "BACK OFF FREAK. I've got a knife!!" she lied, because really, she couldn't remember what she did with it after she left the dig site.

The older man, who never really opened his eyes, raised his enormous eyebrows, "You must be Miyabi." he said, "I've heard about you from your father."

"W-what? W-who--HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY FATHER? You sick freak! Are you some kind of stalker!?" Miyabi was hysterical now.

"We're old friends. When I heard his daughter was running the farm I live on, I decided to come home from my island getaway vacation to have some real fun pretending to help you farm!" He smiled.

"WHOA. HOLD ON THERE. I live here. You don't. I don't even know whether to believe you or not. In fact, you should probably just leave before my cat _messes _up your face."

The stranger looked uneasy so he shifted his gaze, if he even had one, away from Miyabi and looked inside the house, finding Kaoru, who had just finished feeding Train and Kevin and was now standing.

"Kaoru? Is that you?" The stranger asked as he eyed her.

Kaoru looked towards him, "Oh, hey Takakura."

Takakura smiled, "Gosh, it's been a while hasn't it?"

"Sure has," Kaoru smiled as well and walked passed Miyabi, who stared wide eyed at them both.

"You...you know this guy?" Miyabi asked blankly.

"Yeah. Taka-san is a family friend of mine," Kaoru explained.

Miyabi was freaked out.

After Kaoru and Takakura sat down and caught up on each other's lives, Kaoru got him to agree to help them with farm work by saying, "Miyabi really doesn't work because she's too busy being a slut."

And that was the truth.

Well, Takakura said his goodbyes after letting them know that he'll be staying in the house next to theirs. Miyabi was just glad he and Kaoru stopped talking.

"You know, Miyabi," Kaoru started, now sitting on the floor and Miyabi on the bed, "We need a name for this farm. I was thinking 'Roller Hills Ranch'."

Miyabi blinked, "Um, no. We gotta think of something cute and sexy." She snapped her fingers, "We're naming it the Candy Pop Ranch."

"That kind of sucks."

"Okay then...we'll name it the--??"

"Funny Farm."

Miyabi laughed, "You mean that place you escaped from last month?"

"Two months ago, actually," Kaoru corrected.

"Ah ha ha- wait, what?"

"Listen," Kaoru folded her arms, "I got Taka-san to work for us so I think I get to name the farm."

"Fine, name it Funny Farm or whatever you want. But we've got somewhere to be." Miyabi huffed.

"We do?"

"We're giving Cliff and Rock therapy."

**&&&**

When Miyabi and Kaoru walked into Rock's bedroom, they were startled.

Cliff wasn't himself, or rather, he wasn't looking like his normal self. His hair, which had been brown with some blonde in it, was now dyed black with crimson streaks. A group of his raven colored bangs fell over his right eye. On his left and only visible eye, he wore thick, black eyeliner. His clothes must have shrunk a whole size because they looked so much tighter.

...how was this even possible?

"What the hell happened to him!?" Miyabi cried, although she thought Cliff looked rather attractive like that, "H-how _did _that even happen?"

Rock just laughed, "He found his style! I helped him do it, you know. He'll get chicks all over him now! First class of How To Pick Up Babes 101 is complete." He was so proud of nothing.

The therapy commenced with Rock and Cliff sitting on one bed and Kaoru and Miyabi sitting on the other.

"So," Miyabi crossed her legs and leaned in, "for starters, let me ask you boys this; did you guys sleep in the same bed??"

"...uh..." they both stared at her.

"Did you? Oh, come on, you can tell me. Oooh, I bet you did. How was it? Did you two sleep real close to each other? So close you could touch each other? DID YOU TOUCH EACH OTHER? PLEASE SAY THAT YOU DID." Miyabi was yelling now.

Kaoru smiled apologetically, "First, we should state what our problems are. Since the cross-eyes Chihuahua's problems aren't going to be as big as Mr. Misery's here, we'll let him go first."

Rock looked around the room, "Whoa! I didn't know there was a Chihuahua in my room!"

"Um, I think she wants you to go first Rock." Miyabi glared at Kaoru.

"Oh, right! Of course I'm going first." He smiled then frowned, "Hmm...where do I begin? Well, I'm still angry that that thief stole my pot! But, more importantly, I'm kind of confused about what Lumina thinks of me."

Kaoru held back her laughter so hard that it hurt.

"Oh? And what's your relationship status with that freak--I mean, kind young lady?" Miyabi probed with an edge in her voice.

Kaoru almost snickered.

"She is totally in love with me but she's too afraid to show it," Rock said, not even annoyed but more amused. "I know I just have to wait for the right time for her to come to."

"Or come out." Kaoru laughed under her breath.

"Did you say something?" Rock looked at her.

"Um, no, she didn't. Continue," Miyabi immediately hated Lumina now. There weren't too many women she did like, as a matter of fact. It was mostly because they were crushing on a hot guy or crushed on by one, and Miyabi tended to dislike any woman that fell into those two categories.

"I really do think she's so cute and she has the greatest personality ever. She's childish in a way, but mature too. Oh snap, am I being poetic now or what? I felt like this one time before. I feel like I'm on top of the world, again! I'm so smart. Oh, Lumina is smart too, just like me!"

Kaoru didn't know how much more of this she could take.

"Hmm, interesting," Miyabi hummed, "If you don't mind me asking, Rock, what's your IQ?"

Rock laughed, "What's an IQ?"

"Never mind," Miyabi smiled, "Okay, enough about that bit- I mean, Lumina girl. Cliff's turn."

Cliff looked downcast, "My family left me, I fell in love with my sister, I work in a winery, I have no friends, I can't even tell the girl that I like that I like her and the pastor molests me."

"..." Miyabi stared at him.

"..." Kaoru stared at him.

"Wow, you're screwed!" Rock laughed.

"You are too Rock, you are too," Cliff hissed.

"Eh? Me? No way! I got the Miyabsters on my side."

...the Miyabsters?

"What about Kaoru...?" Cliff asked, now depressed and hopeless again.

"She..." Rock looked at her uneasily, as if he were about to cry, "she hurt my feelings."

"Well, I was being truthful," Kaoru said plainly.

"Hey, therapy is about helping people." Miyabi shook her head at Kaoru then looked at Rock seriously, "Let me compliment you. You um," she was starting to see why Kaoru thought he was a cross-eyed Chihuahua. "You are an attractive young man with a bright and big, and uh, beautiful personality."

Rock's eyes lit up and sparkled so much that Miyabi actually wanted to hug him. Instead, he hugged her.

"You're the best therapist I've ever had, and I've had a couple," he sniffled, wrapping his arms around her.

Miyabi now felt like she was drunk, "Oooh? That's so good..." she wrapped her arms around his waist.

When he tried to let go, she wouldn't let him.

"I think I'm done now."

"Ahh..."

"I know that you really want to hug me and everything, but you need to let go. I can't be with you, I'm sorry," Rock frowned, "You'll still be a good fr---whoa don't touch that!"

Kaoru had to pry Miyabi off of Rock.

Rock shivered, "I appreciate your admiration, but that spot is reserved for Lumina."

Kaoru almost died.

"Mmmn..." Miyabi then snapped out of her daze, "Ahem," she cleared her throat, "Right, sorry. My bad." She regained her posture and control, "Now I'll compliment Cliff." She started, "Cliff, you are a very nice looking um, young man who makes a cute emo kid. Who cares if you love your sister? We all know sick stuff happens to the best of us. If you miss your family then always remember the people waiting for you in Mineral Town, and us too. We're your friends. And, you're safe here and I won't let anyone touch you. Unless it's me." Miyabi smiled at him.

"...that was so touching..." Cliff finally said as tears appeared to form.

"But I thought she said she wouldn't let anything touch you..." Rock said, confused.

"Oh gosh, I'm great at this." Miyabi smirked, "Well, I think today went well." She got up, signaling Kaoru, who only served to insult Rock during the session, to stand also, "See you boys tomorrow and remember; sleep in the same bed tonight."

**&&&**

Gray walked into the Valley. It felt so good to be free from Mineral Town.

There was no one to bother him. No aggravating, over bearing grandfather, no freak show Mary, no farmer asking for work. Today was Gray's day off and he was going to enjoy it as best as he could and not let anything get in the way.

_KABOOM_.

Gray jumped and landed and his nice ass. What was that? Gray managed to get up. When he did, he saw a column of smoke rising in the distance.


	11. There Be Terrorists Among Us

A loud, sharp and above all thunderous sound set off, causing the whole Inn to shake.

Rock had fallen over, but now he had crawled to his window and looked out, "Hey, I didn't know they shot off fireworks in the spring!!"

Outside the room, Miyabi and Kaoru just made it towards the stairs, Miyabi going down first. The blast interrupted the descent, however.

Miyabi tripped on herself and realized almost immediately that she was going to fall. Before she could fall, she grabbed Kaoru's trouser sleeve and brought her friend down with her.

Needless to say, they both slid down the wooden stair case and landed at the bottom, surprisingly without a single broken bone.

"Oh wow, those one-a-day vitamin's really do work," Kaoru stated.

Miyabi had more important matters to speak of. "Oh! Who's laughing now, bitch!?" she laughed at Kaoru.

Cliff walked out of the room, "I think I went deaf..."

Rock came out behind him and spotted Kaoru and Miyabi at the bottom of the stairs and laughed, "You guys are so clumsy!"

He walked down there to help them up. "You know, the fireworks actually felt kind of fun. It gave me the impression of riding a surf board and trying to stay on as a huge wave crashed down on me." He then pulled Miyabi up.

"I stayed on, by the way. In my mind, of course." he pulled Kaoru up next.

"I haven't actually surfed in real life, but I know I'd be great at it, if I ever did try!"

"I'm sure." Miyabi lied and then brushed herself off. "We've got to go and investigate the explosion. It could be dangerous."

"What if radioactive waste is spilling out all over the valley? What do we do then?" Kaoru asked.

"Oh, don't be such a baby, ladies," Rock smiled. "Geez, you guys act like you've never seen fireworks before."

"Who about we send Rock out first? If the environment is polluted, he dies and then we all end up happy and safe," Kaoru suggested.

"What's this about me dying?" Rock asked in a worried voice.

"Well, Kate's body might still be out there, so, if he look out the window and see her body disintegrating, we'll know the air is toxic," Miyabi replied to Kaoru.

"No, I'll go out..." Cliff volunteered.

"Of course you'll risk your life," Miyabi started, "but that's not good at all! I can't touch you then."

"Rock, if you're so cool why don't you walk outside to see the pretty fireworks?" Kaoru pushed, dying to see Rock get radiation poisoning.

Rock admitted to himself that he was slightly nervous, "Uh, yeah. Sure, I'm there." He walked over to the door and stood by it.

"Well, go on," Kaoru urged.

Rock pushed the door slowly. If the sky wasn't so thick with smoke, sunlight would have poured in.

Rock then fully walked out and looked up at the black sky, "Hey," he called back into the Inn, "it looks like it's going to rain!"

"You really are some kind of moron, aren't you?" Kaoru commented, coming out the door with Miyabi and Cliff following.

Rock merely frowned. He wanted Miyabi to compliment him again.

"Which way do you think the blast came from?" Miyabi looked around but it was hard to see in such smoke.

"I...I can't breathe..." Cliff whispered.

"Suck it up, pansy," Kaoru shot at him.

"Kaoru!" Miyabi hissed, glaring at her, "What's up with the attitude?"

"I don't suppose it has anything to do with my irritability levels rising due to my sensitivity to loud noises."

What were the odds?

"Yeah, anyway," Rock interjected, "I saw the fireworks coming from that direction," he pointed towards the part of town where all the losers live, which was somewhere around the beach.

"Rock, you're brilliant," Miyabi lied. Thus, with Rock's intuition being spoken, they walked towards the spot.

They wouldn't run because they'd probably take in too many toxic fumes.

Kate, who had finally become conscious, lifted her head up to see the dark black sky and clouds of smoke around her. She smiled evilly, "He's arrived."

**&&&**

As the four young adults, although I really wouldn't call Rock an adult, walked towards the place where the losers lived, they met up with Gray, who just happened to be walking there too.

"Nice hat," Miyabi said, looking him up and down. "Wanna make out?"

"Now is not the time, Miyabi." Kaoru reprimanded.

Gray blushed and pulled his hat over his eyes.

Now, the smoke had thickened and Cliff was wheezing like crazy. Actually, they were all pretty much breathing heavy, but Miyabi was only doing that because she was thinking about Gray.

Near a pile of burning debris, composed mostly of wood and metal scraps, were two old looking men who were frantically running around the smoking, burned area of what they formally called their home.

If Gray didn't know better, he would have assumed that Mary vomited all over the place.

The five stood several meters away from the epicenter of the explosion—which appeared to be the two old men's house.

"Wow, someone really doesn't know how to handle fireworks. I bet I could do a better job than them!" Rock frowned.

"I dont think that was a firework..." Gray said uneasy.

One of the men, the one in blue, spotted them and froze, his eyes wide. His twin realized this and so he looked at Miyabi, Kaoru, Cliff, Rock and Gray. Slowly, he moved over to the left to stand on front of a box, containing unknown substances, concealing it from anyone's view,

"Ah, I see no bomb hia," He said with a heavy foreign accent.

"Oh, no! No bomb! These fiarwork!" the one in green piped up.

Rock laughed, "What did I tell you?"

"We set fiarwork off early!"

"Oh, yes! Big boom!" Blue persisted.

"You think this is a joke?" Miyabi glared at them, "This is serious business. You could have killed someone!" and she looked to Cliff, who was now gasping for breath on the floor.

"We did not plan thes!" Green said.

"Oh! Sorry sorry!" Blue said frantically. "What are you here?"

"To find out what exploded and why!" Miyabi folded her arms.

"Ah! Fiarwork! Fiarwork!" The twins nodded together.

"Please," Kaoru stepped in, "if it's just fireworks, then why are you hiding that box behind you?"

"I hide box??" Green asked, pretending to be completely oblivious.

"Um, yeah." Miyabi gave Kaoru a warning glance, as if she saying that she, Miyabi, was the only one allowed to talk here.  
"Prove your innocence by showing us what's in that box."

"Uh, box?? Box not hia. Box gone!"

Rock sighed, "He lost it that quickly?"

"It's right behind you!" Miyabi walked over to them and pushed the one in green out of the way while he and his brother stared cursing in a foreign language.

She opened up the box and saw it was filled with tons of little boxes. Boxes of...?

She showed the open box to her friends.

"Those look like the explosives used in firework making." Gray told them.

"Fiarwork!" The twins chanted, "We make fiarworkz!"

"I don't really see anything harmless about those, unless..." Gray started, "they might be really strong. If that's the case then they probably did cause all this trouble."

"Touble?" they twin's eye widened as they looked at Gray, then they slowly moved their eyes to Miyabi, who was staring at them.

They charged at her.

Miyabi's eyes widened and she held the box over her head, trying to prevent the short men from getting a hold of it.

It worked. Instead of stealing their box back, they were jumping up and down, arms raised high, trying to get the box.

"Box is owrs!" They cried simultaneously.

"W-what do I do?" Miyabi looked to Gray for help.

"Don't drop it??" He offered, "If you do, this whole town will blow up."

"What!" Rock cried, "We can't blow up! I haven't heard Lumina confess her love for me yet!"

Kaoru broke out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Rock frowned at her.

"Give box or be hurt!" Green threatened.

"You should be the ones worrying about getting hurt, old men," Miyabi snapped back.

The two stopped jumping and now they glared at Miyabi. Blue pulled out a pad with a button on it from his trouser pocket, "Box goes bye now!" and he pressed the button.

"Holy shit!" Miyabi cried, about to drop the box, "SOMEONE STOP IT."

"Set it down and run!" Kaoru hollered, already seeing Rock take off.

As gently as any frantic person could, Miyabi set the box down and they took off following Rock, who was already at the door of some metal looking house.

Miyabi had to drag the fainted Cliff all the way there.

Rock knocked, "Knock, knock!"

"Just kick it down!" Miyabi cried.

"But I'm waiting for him to ask _'Who's there?_'" Rock frowned at her.

Gray and Kaoru took the liberty of kicking the door open.

They all ran inside the house and Miyabi slammed the door behind her.

"Get down everyone! I learned the bomb threat procedure in school!" Kaoru dropped down on the ground.

"School? What's school?" Everyone asked.

_Boom_.

Everyone screamed, well, except for Gray and Cliff. Gray because he was expecting something much bigger, and Cliff because he was still fainted.

"Geez, Miyabi, you scream girly even for a girl." Kaoru shook the shock off and stood.

"Oh, that was Rock."

Rock also stood, however, he was a bit wobbly, "Those fireworks are creepin' me out."

"They weren't fireworks, Rock." Miyabi hugged herself and looked at the small window to the left. No huge explosion this time. However, the twins had blown up the box and created a fire around their burned/burning/destroyed home.

"They got rid of the evidence." Miyabi said softly. "Oh yeah, this reminds me," she turned to Kaoru, "we need to talk to _our little friend_. Oh, and for god's sake, could you seriously tell him to stop his friends from being so damn weird!?"

Kaoru blinked at her, "It's not time, yet."

Miyabi scoffed, "Fine. Okay, it looks like we're safe." She looked over to the right, where her friends were standing and, in Cliff's case, lying lifelessly on the floor (once again), and saw something she hadn't seen when she first came in.

"Ah!" Miyabi jumped, a bit startled by the horrid painting hung up on the wall.

All others turned to look at the thing Miyabi was staring at in horror. All except Rock, who just frowned and said,

"Did something bite you?"

On the right wall hung a painting of a Chihuahua, but not just any Chihuahua. It was a demonic looking one, to say the least. Its head was, along with eyes, mouth and teeth, huge. The body, however, was only a few centimeters long. It wasn't the proportions that scared everyone, exactly. It was the expression on the Chihuahua's face.

It's huge, white eyes had red lines zigzagging out of the black iris, which actually made the whole creature look like it had very large pupils. Its disproportional mouth was open and the long, sharp, white teeth were barred. Miyabi could have sworn it looked as if blood dripped from the creature's mouth.

After a little while of silence, Kaoru decided to make a joke,

"Hey, it's Rock's real mother."

"H-hey!" Rock pouted.

"What kind of sick, deranged freak would do something like this?" Gray, for the second time in a span of forty-eight hours, was completely disgusted.

"Whoever lives here?" Miyabi shivered. She looked down at Cliff, "Someone wake him up."

Rock bent down next to Cliff, "Hey, Cliff, Miyabi found my weed! We can get high now!"

As if Rock had said some magically spell, Cliff's eye shot up and he lifted his head up, eyes sparkling, "R-really? Where is it?"

"Oh, I was just kidding! Miyabi told me to wake you up so I-" Rock stared but Cliff punched him in the face before he could finish.

Rock dropped unconscious.

"Do you take vitamins too, Cliff?" Kaoru asked.

Miyabi looked down at Rock's body, "Crap, now someone's got to wake _him_ up." she sighed, "Okay you guys, I'll stay behind and try to wake Rock up while you walk out and shut the door behind you. It really won't take too long."

"I'm not letting you hurt anymore guys, Miyabi. I should have stopped you from messing with Cliff while he was unconscious after he jumped off the bridge," Kaoru said to Miyabi.

"S-she did what to me...?" Cliff blushed. Because Miyabi reminded him of his sister, he wished he could have been conscious for whatever she did to him.

Gray was just freaked out, however, slightly turned on.

"Oh please!" Miyabi scoffed, "The guys would love it, if they were conscious."

Kaoru shook her head, "There's something wrong with you."

"Look who's talking!"

While Miyabi and Kaoru faced off verbally, Gray and Cliff walked over to the door to escape. When Gray opened it, he was greeted by a horde of Chihuahuas.

He looked at them nervously, although they looked perfectly harmless, there were quite a few of them--five, to be exact.

"Oh?? So you think I'm weird? Well sorry to break it to you Miyabi, but people who want to bang Rock deserve to be labeled a freak."

"THE HELL THEY DO! I think people who like Harvest Sprites are destined to live a sad life, alone. Better yet, a sad life being married to a complete loser!!"

"Hey, sorry to interrupt you guys, but there's a bunch of dogs at the door. And I think I see someone coming."

"That was probably me," Miyabi replied.

"Miyabi!" Kaoru hissed in disbelief.

Cliff blushed, "My sister used to say stuff like that..."

Gray looked back at the dogs and saw a horrible sight. Now they looked exactly like the dog in the painting, only they were rightly proportioned.

And that big guy Gray saw was getting closer, "...I think we should run."

"Let's walk real slowly. I heard that if you run from an aggressive dog, he'll only attack you. Thank god Rock isn't conscious," Kaoru explained.

"Right." Gray walked out slowly, the still evil looking Chihuahuas backing up to make room for him to step.

Next came Cliff, then Kaoru, then Miyabi, who was carrying Rock.

When Miyabi walked out, all the dog saw Rock and they started barking furiously. It sounded like a chant.

"Wow. They really are related," Kaoru was in awe.

Miyabi was just a little scared, "Crap, this can't be good." She tried to move but the Chihuahuas now surrounded her and she stepped on one's tail.

It gave out a yelp.

"Miyabi...." Kaoru glared at her.

"RUN!" Miyabi cried and they all started running, the gang of Chihuahuas trailing them.

Cody stopped when he saw the strangers running out of his house and being chased by his pet dogs, and so he thought, _What the hell is wrong with them?_

**&&&**

They all ran back to the Rock's bedroom. Rock was still out cold.

"Dang, Cliff," Miyabi said after dropping Rock on the bed, "you really can pack a punch."

"Actually, I just kind of tapped him," Cliff said in all honesty.

"Oh..."

**&&&**

Van felt secure and completely confident. In the comfort of his home, which was probably a Chinese buffet near a children's day care, or something, he thought about how perfect his plan was.

Rock was the perfect victim, him being so pathetic and completely stupid. Roller was the perfect thief, being a magical creature and everything. And Van was the perfect master mind. Soon, very soon, tomorrow, even, Van would gather the crack and sell it off, making him one step ahead of Won.

Since tomorrow was the big day, he decided to prepare. In his briefcase he packed a high powered fan, a bottle of booze, sweat bands, a box of cream puffs, cow fat, Victoria's Secret magazine, Brokeback Mountain DVD, box of pizza, water sprinkler, Pull Ups, two bags of candy, tube of anal lubricant, Jacksons 5 CD, hospital band, can of gasoline, seven milkshakes, five more bottles of booze, Naruto manga collection, hub cap, tape deck, Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series season 1, stuffed turkey, dead horse head, Death Note and to top everything off, a lone piece of sausage.

Unfortunately, Van forgot to bring a gun that'd he soon find out he'd want to shoot Roller with.

**&&&**

When Miyabi and Kaoru arrived back at home it was nearing late afternoon.

They had spent all morning and the majority of the afternoon with their "friends".

(Oh, and Rock woke up after hearing "big", "beautiful" and "personality" in the same sentence.)

They were shocked to see the fields on their farm. It was...amazing looking.

Takakura had single-handedly cleared away an entire portion of the field, hoed the ground and planted some kind of vegetable. Miyabi stared in awe.

"Wow. Thanks Takakura," Kaoru smiled at the man now standing next to her.

"I heard the blast and figured you two probably died or something, so I decided to start getting to work because I'd have to take over the farm."

"Um...thanks," was all Miyabi could say.

Then, both girls walked inside to rest.

"That Takakura sure is a hard worker," Miyabi said as she dropped down on the bed.

"Mhmm," Kaoru, having missed Kevin so much, was already on the floor petting the dog.

"I wonder how my dad knew that guy. I never even heard of him." Miyabi looked up at the ceiling.

"Your dad was in a Japanese rock band with him."

"...what the hell? How do you know this?" Miyabi was starting to think other people knew more about her life than she knew about it herself.

"My father was in that band, as well."

"...I...that's...really creepy, actually..."

"Well, the band split up when your father stopped pretending to be gay with mine. It's in the official rule book that all Japanese rockers have to pretend to be gay in order to please fan girls."

With that, Kevin ran out the front door.

Miyabi thought she should curl up into a ball and die before she was further scarred for life.

The room got really quiet. Kaoru finally spoke,

"So, plan on seeing your gay boyfriend tonight?"

"Yeah, plan on seeing yours?" Miyabi retorted.

Kaoru looked down, "I-I don't know. Maybe tomorrow morning."

"Promise me you will. I want to do this for Rock, and Cliff."

"Why should you want to do anything for them? Rock is an airhead and Cliff could kill himself at any second."

Miyabi thought about this, "Hey, a body is a body, what's inside isn't important in times like these."

"You are such a ho."

"Hey," Miyabi smirked, "Don't be jealous that guys like me."

"Guys don't like you, you like them."

"Tell that to my gay boyfriend, bitch!" Miyabi jumped up.

"Don't mind if I do!!" Kaoru jumped up as well.

"Wait-what? No! Don't even go near him!"

"I wouldn't want to. Cross dressers aren't my type."

"Oh come on! His clothes aren't even that girly!" Miyabi folded her arms, "and I'm still wondering how you knew about us."

"I dont spy on people don't ever think I'm a voyeur because I'm not and I never have been one and spying on people is definitely not something I do for fun," Kaoru said rather quickly.

"Oh my god, how did I get stuck with you??" Miyabi cried.

**&&&**

Gray had left to go check out the town some more and see if anyone was even still alive, Cliff decided to listen to Hawthorn Heights, whatever that was, and Rock decided to go downstairs and drink milk, or something.

While downstairs, Rock spotted Lukina.

"Oh, Lumina! You're alive!" He greeted her with a smile.

Lukina froze and pretend to be busy studying the front desk, "Hello, Rock," he said flatly.

"I thought you died in the firework show today, but now I see you're alive. I'm really happy about that." He took a stand by him.

Lukina blushed, "What fireworks?"

"You mean to tell me that you didn't hear the fireworks going off!" Rock was shocked.

"No, not really. It was probably just thunder, smart one." He wanted to sound cold, since that was his way of showing affection. (Or denying it.)

Lukina looked over to the side and noticed some of the plant vases were empty, "What happened to those plants?"

"UH I UM PLANTS WHAT PLANTS I EH DIDNT DO ANYTHING UM RIGHT UM YES??" Rock sputtered.

Rock's complete stupidity turned Lukina on and he blushed harder, "You're an idiot, you know that?"

"Oh Lumina, you say the darnedest things!" Rock laughed, "So yeah, about those fireworks..."


	12. Super Duper Plot Twist

"Rock, I will not go on a date with you." Lukina sighed and folded his arms, then looked away from the ever clueless Rock who was currently, and most of the time, pestering him.

"Oh, but come on, Lumina!" The blonde persisted with a smile stuck on his face, "I can take you to the beach and you can watch me surf! Wouldn't it be great if you could see me shirtless?" If the pride in his voice escalated any higher, Lukina feared Rock's voice box would burst.

Lukina blushed at bit at the thought of seeing Rock's exposed torso, despite how utterly pathetic it looked. "I said no."

"Aw, you're blushing," Rock smiled more. "That's really cute."

"Don't treat me like a child!!" Lukina shot out of nowhere. He was afraid he might actually be nice to Rock, so he had to say something to try to bring them both down before the unthinkable happened.

"I like your childish behavior!"

"...so you're saying I am childish??" Lukina stared at Rock.

"You're so childish, I can barely believe it!" Rock laughed, no offense intended.

"...you asshole!!" Lukina cried.

Rock frowned, "Do you still want to go out on that date?"

Lukina glared at him, "You are the most insecure, clueless, cocky self-centered man I've ever met!"

Rock smiled, "What's wrong with you, Lumina? You're being so nice to me today!" he gasped, "You're not going to confess your love for me, are you!?"

"My love for you??" Lukina blushed again. "I don't have any love for you."

"Don't deny it, Lumina!"

Lukina scoffed and walked over towards the empty vases, but before he could make it too close to them, Rock tried to stop,

"LUMINA WAIT!" He cried out of nowhere.

"What now?" Lukina looked back at him with a glare on his face.

"Uh, you don't really want to see those. I mean, they're empty and it's totally uncool!" Rock's was jittery and it showed in his voice.

That only made Lukina want to get closer to the vases."Rock, I'll do whatever I want to do," and he walked over to the vases.

That activated the laser beams Rock had installed sometime before the first chapter. Before Lukina knew it, a red laser was aimed right at him.

Thankfully, Super Rock was there. Knowing what would happen, Rock ran towards the unsuspecting victim and just happened to push him/her/it/cactus out of the way before the laser could blow Lukina up. The only damage the laser left was a hole in the vase.

Lukina, who had fallen on the floor due to Rock's push now stared blankly at the scene.

Rock dropped down to the floor. "Damn, that was close!" He laughed for no apparent reason.

"....what just happened?" Lukina was clueless.

"I don't know!" Rock tried to look innocent. "Something just told me you'd be in danger, so I pushed you out of the way without any idea of what kind of danger you'd be in. Strange, huh?"

"...you saved me..." Lukina couldn't believe it.

"I did, didn't I?" Rock stood and smiled proudly, "I'm a hero! Once again!! I'm just so awesome!" He pumped his fist into the air. "You know, you really owe me one, Lu-" Rock stopped in mid sentence and his eyes widened.

Every few months or so, Rock's brain starts to sped up and work and like a normal person's would. Today happened to be that day. (The last time that Rock got smart was three seasons ago.) All his thoughts stared spinning and his mind was finally able to put two and two together.

"Yes, Rock?" Lukina narrowed his eyes and frowned.

Rock still had not recovered from his shock. The shock being that his memory finally served him well. The even bigger shock was what the memory was of.

Roller had failed in his attempt to steal all of the marijuana Rock had.

**&&&**

"No, I'm not exaggerating. They were freaks. Completely annoying, and not to mention, one of them was gay. Did you get that? A Harvest Sprite is gay!" Miyabi explained the encounter she had with the CCCC the other night.

"You can't blame him. After all, he is around Roller 24/7." Kaoru said calmly, seeing nothing strange about the situation.

"...If I were around Roller 24/7, I'd constantly try to kill myself."

For some reason, Kaoru looked down sadly, as if Miyabi's mentioning of Roller depressed her even though she had said his name herself.

Miyabi sighed, "So...what kind of crops did that guy plant for us?" She attempted to switch the subject.

"Cucumbers and turnips."

"No strawberries? I love those." Miyabi looked towards the door.

"Why? Was _'Strawberry'_ your stripper-name?"

"No, mine was _Cookie_," Miyabi corrected, leaving Kaoru with disgusted look on her face. "Well, I'm going to buy some strawberries." She opened the door then stopped, "...where do I get them?"

"Fat chick's farm."

"Kay thanks~"

**&&&**

_Tonight I will steal your turnips. Even though I'm supposed to send you this letter for the green heart, I'll send it now because your turnips just looked too sexy-- I mean, rare and valuable. So yes, fear me!_

_Your friendly neighborhood Spiderma--Phantom Thief, Skye._

_P.S.__ I really wish I had an eraser._

"This is terrible! That dirty thief will ruin all of our vegetables!" Celia cried, looking down at the note on the table.

"Not if I can help et!!" The fat chick, who was later identified as Vesta, said with a heavy southern accent and placed her hands on her hips.

"Oh, the poor vegetables..." Celia looked down, "_I wonder if that thief's blood tastes good…_" she whispered quietly. Celia was running low on her supply, after all.

"What was that?" Vesta asked gruffly, which was normal for her, and looked at Celia.

"We have to stop the thief and save our vegetables!" Celia said with spirit.

"I'll cut him," came Marlin's low, monotone voice.

Celia laughed, "Marlin! What did I tell you about threatening to hurt people??" Celia then said sternly.

"I'll cap the bitch," Marlin ignored Celia.

"We must devise a plan!" Vesta balled her hands into fists.

"Vesta, do you even know what devise means?" Celia asked, "After all, I was the one who had to read the letter to you since you only know half the alphabet."

"I'll slit his throat."

"Marlin! We're not talking about killing the thief anymore. We're talking about vegetables now!" Celia threw her arms up in the air happily.

"No Celia! We'r talkin' 'bout Nascar!" Vesta growled.

Just then, before the confused group could confuse themselves any further and make even less sense than before, Miyabi walked in, singing, "_I don't want~anybody else~when I think about you I touch myself~_"

Marlin looked away and blushed, "Thanks..."

"Hey losers!" Miyabi waved, but winked at Marlin, "I'm here to buy strawberries, you got it?"

"Hey, that's that there Miyabi that lives with that Kaoru!" Vesta looked towards their guest.

"Um, the shop is next door," Celia said and then smiled, "but we can talk all about vegetables right here!"

"Arg!" Vesta got an idea, "Miyabi! We got a letter from Phantom Skye!" Vesta took the letter off the table and handed it to Miyabi.

Miyabi read it and smiled, "Aww, his hand writing is so cute and girly."

"I'll send him to his grave." Marlin looked at Miyabi.

"What! Why? They are just turnips, for God's sake." Miyabi was afraid Marlin would actually do it.

"But vegetables are beautiful and lovely!!" Celia cried.

"Miyabi!" Vesta shouted, causing the young woman to jump,

"Y-yeah?"

"Help us capture the no-good-dirty-rotten-evil-disgusting-gay-son-of-a-bitch!"

Miyabi wanted to stab Vesta in the stomach and watch the enormous amount of guts she held spill from her dying body.

"Uh, yeah, sure. I'll be here. What time should I come?" She tried to control her anger.

"Be here at ten o' clock, sharp!" Vesta shouted again, "Don't be late!"

Marlin looked into Miyabi's eyes, "Or I'll cut you too."

**&&&**

"Rock, you were just asking me out on a date and now you're trying to get rid of me??" Lukina was thoroughly confused as he was being pushed out the Inner Inn by Rock.

"You need some time to think about it. I'm sure my big and beautiful personality has intimidated you." He was now done with pushing Lukina out of the door.

"Wait, Rock-" Lukina turned around quickly but Rock slammed the doors in his face.

Quickly, Rock ran up the stairs and nearly tripped on himself. Recovering from the almost tragedy, Rock made it to the top then spun around the corner and threw open his bedroom doors, yelling, "Cliff! We can get high!!" he exclaimed, silly smile on his face.

Cliff, who was lying on the bed and looking up at the ceiling, jumped up. He stared wide eyed at Rock, "Are you kidding again...?"

"No man!!" Rock hopped over to Cliff, still smiling and looking ridiculous, "I remembered I had an extra stash hidden somewhere!"

Cliff was renewed with hope. He jumped off the bed, "Where is it!?"

Rock's smile faded as he stared blankly at Cliff, "I uh, don't remember..."

"..."

"But hey," Rock smiled once more, "All we have to do is find it and then we're off to Wonderland!"

"Rock, I hate you..."

Nami had come into the Inn to throw away the rotten tomato that Gustafa gave her. He said there was something beautiful and mysterious about the life cycle of nature. Anyway, she just got done tossing it when she heard Rock run up the stairs. Then she heard him mention something about getting high.

She stealthily pressed herself up against the wall outside her bedroom and listened to the conversation on the other side of floor. Her jaw dropped as she listened in.

Rock had...drugs?

_*spiffy London Bridge style* Oh shit!_

**&&&**

To pass the time until the late hours of ten o' clock, Miyabi decided to take a stroll around town. She walked by some of the houses lying up against the hill separating her farm from the rest of the town. She spotted Kate hanging by her door. Thankfully, she looked normal.

Kate smiled at Miyabi, "Hey Miyabi, I didn't happen to go to your house the other night and try to stab you, did I?"

Miyabi stopped and stared, "...yeah..."

Kate laughed, "I'm really sorry about that! Sometimes the evil spirits possesses me and I totally turn into another person! It's like an evil alter ego!" She said with an impish smile.

"If if happens again, you'll be sorry." Miyabi rolled her eyes at the little girl.

Then, Kate's eyes glowed red and her smile twisted into that of an evil one. Her braids curled, "You'll be the sorry one, mortal."

"First you turn into a lifeless ghostish thing and now you're a demon?" Miyabi scoffed.

"I have many personalities. It all depends on what I need, and right now I need to sense your fear." Her voice was very inhuman and demonic sounding.

"Do you want me to kick you?"

"Do you want me to send your soul to the Shadow Realm--I mean, _OBLIVION_??"

Miyabi thought for a moment, "Are there hot guys there?"

"YOU ARE A FOOL!" It hissed, "You'll regret the day you dare think you could resist me! My leader is here, and he's coming for you."

"Is he hot?" Miyabi asked.

"BAH." Kate hissed then her eyes turned back to normal, as well as her other features. She blinked, "So Miyabi, want to come inside and play dolls with me??"

Miyabi glared at the girl, "I'm watching you..." then began to walk away, fearing Kate might turn into a freak again.

"Kekeke. I'm watching you too."

**&&&**

After Miyabi ran away from Kate, she was held up a hobo who begged for money and food. He had latched onto her leg and repeatedly asked for money. Miyabi had to try and shake him off, but he held on tight. However, she had been able to throw him off. The hobo just happened to fly into the air. He hit Lukina, who was walking towards his mansion.

As you could imagine, the young man was very angry that a smelly, short, caveman-looking hobo was launched at him. So Lukina had scolded Miyabi, who pushed him into the well by the bar. It also just so happened that Rock and Cliff came out of the Inn at the same time, so Rock witnessed Miyabi pushing his secret admirer into the well.

Rock had tried to help Lukina out, but his manly strength alone wasn't enough. Cliff and the ever reluctant Miyabi helped him with getting Lukina out. Rock then blabbed nonsense about how he had saved Lukina again and Lukina just brushed him off and briskly walked back to the Villa, dress dripping water all the way there.

Miyabi asked what Rock and Cliff were doing, but they were being really secretive about it. Miyabi didn't bother asking questions, so she decided to leave it at that. The three departed and Rock and Cliff slipped into the bar.

Miyabi just kept walking. She had went by the crazy twin's house, the gathering of Chihuahuas outside Cody's house, the beach, then stopped to pay Nina and Galen a little visit, only to find Galen trying to help Nina up off the floor.

Then he had decided to stop by the dig site, just to see if that's the place she left her knife. Turns out Flora had stolen it and did not agree to give it back. Then Carter started talking about the stupid necklace he had and then asked what Miyabi thought of it. Miyabi had said it was pretty stupid and this had made Carter cry and mumble about how his ancestors were so much cooler than Miyabi's.

After that, she walked out and made her way back towards the farm. She walked up to the Goddess Pond by Sprites Inc and saw Jum, Hopps and Tep playing card games outside the tree. They complained that Roller was too serious right now. When Miyabi had tried to walk inside Sprites Inc to question Roller, his three clones blocked the entrance and Miyabi was too lazy to put up with them so she left.

Walking away from the pond, she stumbled upon a hippie with a flower growing out of his hat. He insisted that she sit and listen to him play a boring song on the guitar. That took up at least thirty minutes. The hippie, who introduced himself as Gustafa, would have sung longer, had a boyish looking character not walked over to him and Miyabi. Thank God, too. Miyabi ran away while the two had a cheesy and rather noobish conversation about how they respected lonely losers who traveled alone.

Finally, it reached ten o' clock. This was fortunate for Miyabi, since she thought her legs would fall off.

Miyabi walked up to Vesta's home door to knock, but just as she was about to tap with her fist, it opened.

Marlin was standing at the door with a small pocket knife in his hand, "You're one minute late."

"If I take off my shirt, will you let me live?"

Vesta came in the nick of time, "Alright yall! Let's group outside."

And so the four stepped outside.

"Marlin and Celia can cover the turnip fields north of the farm. Miyabi and I will cover the fields SOUTH of the farm, because I love anything southern!!" Vesta shouted. She always shouted.

"Why can't I be with Marlin?" Miyabi whined.

Marlin growled.

"Let's get moving!" Vesta growled, and they rushed off to their not-so-hidden hiding spots.

Skye strolled into the Valley, the heavy scent of self-confidence emitting from him. He immediately spotted Miyabi and Vesta, who were sticking out as badly as Rock would in a room full of smart people who kept good haircuts.

Skye almost threw up at the thought of trying to smooth talk to Vesta. Fading the cringe, he adopted a nice, charming smile and continued to walk calmly towards the two women.

"Hello angels," he purred when he was within hearing range.

"Don' think you can sweet talk me you into lettin' yew steal these here crops!" Vesta growled.

"Hey babe," Miyabi winked at Skye.

"All I want to do is take a few, that's not so bad is it?" He looked over at the turnips and felt himself having strong thieving desires.

"YOU AINT GETTIN NONE YEW HEAR?" Vesta looked like an angry hippo now.

"Don't let such raw anger steal away your beauty. You don't have much of it left."

Miyabi laughed and Vesta fumed. She charged at Skye.

His eyes widened and the cocky smile left his face as his expression turned into a "_D: oh crap_" one.

"Maiden chick beam, FIRE!" He called dramatically, a beam of light shooting from his eyes.

Both Vesta and Miyabi were temporarily blinded. When they could see again, they saw Skye was picking up a few turnips.

Miyabi tried to move over to him but she realized that she couldn't move. It aroused her slightly.

Vesta got frozen in mid-charge.

Skye's attack was pretty impressive. He probably learned it from Sailor Moon or something.

"Why you dirty b-" Vesta growled, but was cut off my Celia and Marlin,

"Oh no! Did he take out vegetables??" Celia cried, stopping outside the fence.

"Must cut him."

Skye sneered at Marlin, "What is this? A man? There's nothing sexy about being caught by a man!"

"Oh yes there is!" Miyabi jumped in.

"Maiden Chick Beam, fire!" He called again, zapping Celia.

"Wait, why did you zap them if it would only work on Celia? Marlin could always catch you, you know that?" Miyabi pointed out.

( Maybe if Skye used the beam on Rock, it would have worked a little, but Marlin was too manly to be affected.)

"Oh, that's right. It must have slipped my mind." Skye blinked.

Marlin whipped out his pocket knife.

"Oh, it seems I'm a bit pressed for time. Gotta jet~" he sang, then he turned to Miyabi and mouthed the words, "the beach."

Marlin then chased Skye out of the farm.

**&&&**

When Miyabi recovered, she walked to the beach. Well, more like ran there because she didn't want to have to listen to Vesta's accent or Celia talk about vegetables anymore.

She saw Skye standing on the shore and felt her heart melt. He looked so pretty delicious in the moonlight. Kind of like something from Twilight, only not as freaking ridiculous.

She stepped into the sand, walking towards him.

Skye heard her and turned his head, "My night just got lovelier~"

A smile crossed Miyabi's lips and she stood by him, lacing her fingers together behind her back. "That tends to happen when I'm around."

She spotted the turnips lying on the beach next to them. Then she noticed Skye's eyes had softened and laughed lightly, "You were brave back there. Marlin scared the mess out of me."

Skye smiled lightly, "Hehe. A thief's got to be brave, doesn't he?"

Miyabi's smile turned playful, "Yeah, and stealing something rare and dangerous like turnips has got to be the bravest thing I've ever seen a man do."

Skye's smile took on a playful glow as well, "I admit, I was a bit frightened, but I managed to make it through without crying."

Talking to Skye like this made Miyabi feel fuzzy and warm on the inside. There was something different about it. It wasn't a lust filled conversation like all the others had been.

She laughed softly again and then looked out into the big, beautiful ocean. She really couldn't see how Rock thought he was like something as astounding as the ocean. "This place is beautiful."

"A lot more beautiful than that fat chick," Skye added.

Miyabi laughed, "If you thought she was ugly, I guess you haven't seen Carter."

Skye tried not to cringe.

"I always think about how it would be like if I killed him. If I did try to kill him, I would take some bombs from those freaky twins and then plant them into the mines. Then, I'd lure the guy into the mines and set off the bombs. Everyone would think it was a mining accident! Either that, or they'd blame it on the twins. It would be the perfect crime."

Skye blinked. Wow, Miyabi was pretty amazing.

Miyabi noticed his silence and said, "Hey, weren't you only supposed to take me to the beach on the blue heart even or something?"

"I couldn't wait. Besides, this game has the worst cut scenes."

"What heart am I on, anyway?" She looked back at him.

"The smallest one?" Skye frowned.

Miyabi opened her mouth in an "O" with surprise, but then smiled, "I'll have to give you a spanking now~" she bit her lower lip.

"Would you?"

They both stared at each other for a minute or so. Miyabi was lost in his eyes and Skye was lost in her chest--er, eyes.

Miyabi made the first move. Grabbing his shoulders, she pulled Skye into a deep kiss that involved tongues and sucking and soul searing.

**&&&**

Wally and Hugh were out on their midnight jog, "You gotta work at it, son!! Never stop running or you'll turn into a fatty! You don't want to go back to being three hundred pounds, do you!?!?" Wally hollered, jogging towards the beach.

"No, father!!" Hugh called back, jogging beside his father.

"That's Master Wally to you!" Wally huffed.

They jogged all the way to the beach and Hugh stopped.

"Why are you slacking!?" Wally growled, "Get your ass back to working!"

"But daddy!" Hugh panted, "Why are those two people trying to eat each other??" Hugh pointed at the two people on the beach.

Wally stopped and looked as well, "They're not eating each other, they're making out!!"

"She took off his shirt!!" Hugh cried, "He took off her shirt, too!!"

Wally's star shaped pupils enlarged, "Son, this is adult stuff! Why don't you go home and let daddy watch this?"

"No way!" Hugh scoffed, "I want to watch this too!"

**&&&**

Roller decided to check up on the drugs one last time. After all, Van would come to collect them tomorrow.

Once the shop was closed and all the other Harvest Sprites had fallen asleep, except for the card dealers, who were playing strip poker, still, Roller crept over to the pot where he stashed the pot. Gently, he lifted the lid and looked inside. Roller dropped the lid and it slammed on the floor with a loud _clang_!

The pot was gone.


	13. Come On Let's Get Hiiiiigh

The sun was shining brightly over the valley on Spring 8th. The yellow flowers danced in the wind, most of Celia's turnips had been left unharmed and were now soaking up the sunlight, Grant finally made Kate go to bed, which she was still doing, even at nine in the morning, and birds could even be heard chirping about happily.

Miyabi felt something cold and wet brush against her skin and that woke her up. Her eyes slowly opened, which hurt due to the crazy sunlight, and also in part by Skye's chick beam nearly blinded her the other night.

When her eyes adjusted, she saw that she was lying on the beach with Skye at her left. However, she also noticed someone else standing by Skye. Miyabi looked up to see who it was and she screamed.

What she was looking at was a naked Gustafa with the biggest grin on his face. _Oh god, don't tell me I had a threesome and didn't know it!!_ She thought, dread filling her mind.

Gustafa laughed, "Are you here to celebrate Nude Day with me too?!"

Oh, that's right, Miyabi and Skye didn't have clothes on.

Gustafa's yelling, combined with Miyabi's scream, woke Skye. He jumped up and looked around, thinking the town was on fire or something. Instead, he saw Gustafa and shielded his eyes while Miyabi used Skye as her own body shield.

Gustafa frowned, "Maaaan, don't be so down about it! We're supposed to have a groooovin good time!!"

"I-uh, think you have a misunderstanding." Skye started, still shielding his vision.

"Skye!" Miyabi hissed, "Make him leave!"

"I thought I was going to be the only to celebrate Nude Day, again! Maaan, last year wasn't groovy at all!" he smiled at them, "but now we can all party together and smoke all day long! Woot!!"

"You see," Skye frantically looked around for his clothes, "We're not here to celebrate Nude Day." He spotted his shirt lying a meter or so away, along with his pants, "We just um, went swimming and lost track of time."

Gustafa frowned, "...so you're not celebrating Nude Day with me...??"

"Maybe next year." Skye smiled apologetically.

Dropping his head, Gustafa turned and sadly walked towards his yurt. "Maybe next year..." and then he pulled a cigar out of his hat and lit it while he created a Nude Day song in his head.

Once Gustafa had left, Miyabi and Skye quickly scrambled to put their clothes back on.

Miyabi frowned, picking up her shirt and jeans, "Hey, someone stole my underwear..."

Skye stared at his clothes, "Someone stole mine too."

**&&&**

Chris climbed up the stairs, about to take off for work. Opening the bedroom door, Chris walked in to say goodbye to her son, "Hugh, I'm going to work now-" she stopped when she noticed something strange lying on Hugh's bed. She smiled, "Now, what are Mommy's undergarments doing on your bed- wait...those aren't Mommy's..."

**&&&**

"About last night..." Miyabi started, on her walk with Skye back to the farmhouse, "I just got so carried away-"

"It's okay, Miyabi." Skye said softly, although his voice sounded unsure, "I really enjoyed it."

Miyabi blushed, "I was pretty good, wasn't I?" then she got serious again, "So I've been thinking. We should totally get together."

Skye smiled, "Hehe. Normally I wouldn't start a relationship with a woman just because we slept together."

"...would you do that for a man then?" Miyabi's eyes sparkled.

Skye looked at her blankly, "...No??"

Miyabi was disappointed, but then realized she didn't want Skye to be gay so she became happy again. "I know, it seems really shallow and terrible for me to be asking you this right now, but the truth is, from the moment I saw you I wanted to get in your pants-- I mean, uh, I had feelings for you!"

Skye threw on a charming smile, "I realize that you don't care about my bad reputation, or the fact that I'm even a thief. Most women I've met would have turned me down because of those things."

"Well, you know~" Miyabi sang, "I've always liked the bad boy type."

Skye leaned forwards and kissed her lightly, "My feelinsg for you are sincere, and it thrills me to know that your feelings as sincere as well. So, it would only be right for us to be together, wouldn't it?"

Miyabi wrapped her arms around Skye's neck and was about to make out with him again when, walking off the bridge, came Galen,

"Firs' I sees ya with that darn jumper boy an' now I sees you wit a girl!!" He wheezed at Miyabi.

**&&&**

Miyabi pushed open the front door, grim expression on her face. They had both decided that Skye would be properly introduced to Kaoru and Miyabi was dreading that.

Kaoru was sitting on the bed, reading a book. She looked up when she saw Miyabi and Skye at the door. Kaoru merely stared at them.

"Say hello to my gay boyfriend," Miyabi said dully as she walked in, Skye following her.

"Gay?" Skye frowned.

"That's Kaoru," Miyabi said, pointing at her friend, "and this is Skye." She then wrapped her arms around his waist lovingly.

Kaoru squinted, "Hmm, up close, he kind of looks like a lesbian."

Skye's jaw dropped, "Hello to you too...?"

Miyabi expected this much out of Kaoru, "Don't be jealous because he's so much prettier than you," she said smugly, then she sighed as she searched the room, "We don't even have a place to sit..."

"I'm fine." Skye lied.

"Yes you are." Miyabi smirked.

"So how was it?" Kaoru asked, setting her book down.

"How was what?" Miyabi looked at her friend blankly.

"You know."

"...you mean you saw us at it!?" Miyabi gasped.

"No!" Kaoru said quickly, "I told you that I'm not a voyeur at all. I just had a drea-" she lied.

"Don't tell me you dreamed about it!!"

"I wasn't gonna say that..."

"Oh, well, in that case, it was amazing--wait, why am I telling you this?"

Skye just felt very awkward.

"Anyway," Miyabi got back on track, "Skye's my boyfriend so I except you to treat him well. And don't tell anyone that he's a thief and I won't have to tattle on _your_ boyfriend."

"Speaking of which," Kaoru started, her voice dropping, "I'm ready."

Skye looked at them both, confused.

"Uh, oh, really?" Miyabi smiled, finally ready to beat Roller's ass for what he did to Rock, "That's great." she looked to Skye, "My friend and I have some business to take care of, I'm sure you understand," she smiled apologetically.

"I do. I should probably be hiding or something now, anyway." He smiled at Miyabi then forced a smile at Kaoru.

Skye and Miyabi kissed one last time before they departed.

Kaoru got up, "Tch. If you think you and Skye have a romantic relationship, wait until you hear about what Roller and I did last week."

**&&&**

Kaoru opened the door to Sprites Inc. To her surprise, nobody was at the front desk, or behind it.

"That's strange..." Kaoru stepped inside and looked around.

"Hopefully they all died," Miyabi stepped in as well.

Then they heard a noise in the back, coming from the Casino. Kaoru ran back there.

Jumping down the stairs and landing perfectly, thanks for the help of daily vitamins, Kaoru made a spectacular entrance.

Cowering behind the counter was Roller.

Kaoru gasped and ran over to him, "Roller!" she cried.

Miyabi was still upstairs, looking for something to steal.

Roller jumped and faced Kaoru, fear painted all over his pale face.

Kaoru stopped just a bit before the counter and her eyes widened, "R-Roller? What's wrong?"

"Roller mustn't speak of it!!" He cried, backing up against the wall.

"Roller, I'm here to help you. I know what you did but I just wanted to tell you that I love you no matter what!" Kaoru pleaded with him.

"Roller is in danger!!" The little Sprite cried once more.

"What happened, Roller?" Kaoru's eyes and tone softened as she tried to reason with the nearly unreasonable Sprite.

"Roller has burnt the cake!! Roller's house will burn down!!"

Miyabi heard all this from upstairs and figured that Roller had lost Rock's drugs or something. This was just great. Rock was depending on her and she let him down. Damn Roller.

Kaoru thought she might cry, "You lost the pot?" because Kaoru really wanted to smoke some of it.

"Roller must hide!!"

"From who? From what!?" Kaoru asked frantically.

"Roller hides from the evil force that will run Roller over!!"

"Oh, you mean Van?"

Roller gasped, "Roller's judgment time will soon be here!!"

Miyabi was getting really bored upstairs so she decided to look around the shop place thing for something other than money. Maybe Roller misplaced the pot or something.

She noticed a few cauldron looking pots over to the left so she decided to investigate them, having not searched them previously for money.

She lifted up the lid of the big pot in the middle and set it on the counter, then peered inside.

Miyabi let out a scream and jumped back, "Roller...I think I know what happened to the weed..."

**&&&**

The conversation he had with Miyabi last night gave Skye the idea he needed to plot his plan to kill Carter. Now that he had a plan, he decided to kill Carter soon. Tomorrow night even. Then Skye could finally get his hands on that wonderful golden dirt.

After that, all he had to do was find those twins who Miyabi spoke of. Skye sneaked around town looked all over the place for these two people. It wasn't until now that he thought he found them. Stepping over burnt debris, Skye walked up to the makeshift tent composed of scrap pieces that blew off the twin's former home.

Skye heard some commotion from the inside and he stood a small ways back from their front door, not knowing what to expect from bomb makers.

A small man in green popped out of the tent, "HELLO. WHAT YOU HERE??"

Skye had to take a minute to figure out what the guy had even said. His eastern accent was strong, but not overpowering.

"Hello there. I'm looking for something special, and I have money," he smirked lightly.

The older man's eyes lit up when Skye mentioned the word "money." He looked up at Skye, "You have money, for us??"

Skye reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag filled with gold. (Skye found it very strange that the mysterious thief from last night had stolen his underwear, and yet left his money, which he stole from Won, untouched. But, his underwear was very fancy and expensive all the same.)

"Ahhh!" Patrick exclaimed, eyes now sparkling. "Wait please," he told Skye, then crawled back into his tent.

After a moment, yelling in a different language was heard from inside. It sounded angry, but Skye thought that maybe where they came from, they always sounded angry when they talked. Like Germans.

Then the two popped back out of the tent, eyes narrowed at him. They stood beside each other and both rested their fists on their hips.

"What money you have?" Patrick asked.

Skye shook the bag a bit, displeased that they weren't satisfied with just the mere sight of the money. "Hmm," he frowned, "A lot. I'd say I have nearly nine-thousand?"

The twin's eyes widened and they both looked at each for a few second then they looked back at Skye, "You need special?" Kasey asked, taking his turn.

"Yes, I do," Skye let his arm relax and he rested it at his side, "I just need a small explosive device."

"...Eplosi debice?"

Skye sighed, "A bomb."

"Ah! Bomb!!" The twins both cried in unison.

Patrick said something to Kasey in a different language and then Kasey ran into the tent. Moments later, he came out carrying a small box. Holding the box out to Skye, he opened the lid to reveal something that looked quite similar to the explosives Miyabi had handled just the other day.

A smile played on Skye's lips, "How much is that?"

"All you money!" The twins nodded together.

This caused Skye to frown, "All my gold for something small like that?"

The twins gasped, "Small but makes big boom!!" Patrick defended, "Have timar too!"

"Timer?" Skye raised an eyebrow.

"Press button and boom!"

"And how big of a _'boom'_ will this create?" Skye asked, fearing he might blow up the entire dig site.

"Big big!" Patrick must have noticed Skye's frown because he said this, "Make boom small by take away powder."

Kasey lifted the box looking bomb and turned it around, showing Skye the nitroglycerin attached on the back.

Skye's frown twisted into a smile, "Nine thousand is still a lot of gold. What if I give you five-thousand?"

The twins looked at each other once more and then back at Skye, "Six or nothing!"

Since this was Won's money, Skye didn't mind paying 6K for a bomb that could lead him to ultimate riches. So he agreed, "Deal."

Skye was afraid the twins might take the money and run off, so he extended his free hand, "Bomb, please."

"We make trade at same time!" Patrick growled.

"Very well..." Skye subtracted the unneeded amount and pocketed it, while the five-thousand he left in the bag. He got hold of the bomb, complete with the remote, while Kasey held onto a portion of the gold bag.

"Now go!!" Patrick cried.

Both parties pulled away as quickly as possible, Skye hoping to make off with all Won's money and the bomb and Kasey hoping the same. However, the trade ended up being fair, much to their displeasure.

"Thank you, gentlemen," Skye smiled at them, slipping the bomb into his pocket as he turned to walk away.

"Come again!"

"Bring big money!"

**&&&**

Kaoru and Roller ran out the stairs as quickly as possible. Miyabi had found the weed! They both ran over to her, not knowing what to expect. Miyabi was just staring at the pot with disgust.

"What is it, Miyabi?" Kaoru looked at the pots too.

"Look inside that thing..." Miyabi's voice shook.

Kaoru leaned forward and peered in. She gasped and stepped back with shock.

Inside the container was a lifeless looking Harvest Sprite, and an empty bag of weed. The poor little baby had no idea that he was consuming weed, until it was too late and he had overdosed.

Roller peered into the container as well then gasped as well at the dead body. Why hadn't he seen this before?

Roller knew that only humans could see lost Harvest Sprites, so Roller should have been more careful.

"Roller is still in danger!!!" He cried, falling to his knees, "Roller will be killed!"

"Not if I can help it, Roller!!" Kaoru got down on Roller's level as best she could, "We'll protect you!"

Miyabi scoffed, "Right. It's just Van anyway, what could he do?"

Roller's pupils were small and his face was pale once more, "Roller had been warned...Roller will be eaten!!"

Kaoru gasped.

Miyabi laughed.

Roller hid his face in his hands.

There was a knock on the door.

Roller's head shot up, "He is here!!"

**&&&**

"It's here, I know it!" Rock said for the millionth time as he and Cliff marched up to the Villa.

"You said that about the bar, your house, your bedroom, the little girl's house, the mad lady's house, the old people's house and just about everywhere else in this town...Besides, we already checked here, remember?" Cliff groaned, tired of walking and searching, something they had done since yesterday evening.

"Chill Cliff! I totally remembered that I hid it in here!" Rock sounded so confident.

"If it's not here..."

"Don't worry Cliff, I've got us both covered!" He slapped Cliff on the back and the fragile emo boy fell over.

"My face! My fucking face!!" Cliff cried.

Rock and Cliff entered the Villa to see Lukina at the piano,

"Oh~ have I been caught in the ruthless game of love? A war not ceasing to be won or lost? When will the pain ever end? When will I be able to declare my love and come to terms with the me inside? Oh, how love has blinded me so!! Why can't I decide between wrong and right?" He sang.

Rock and Cliff stared at the nutcase blankly until Rock finally said, "Wow Lumina, you have a pretty voice!!"

"Rock!" Cliff hissed.

Lukina whipped around to face them, "ADGHSJFGODINFGH ROCK."

Rock frowned, "Oops..."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Lukina jumped up, fuming.

Rock and Cliff both looked at each other blankly, wondering what they should do next. Cliff, knowing Rock couldn't think well, had to do something.

He faked a seizure.

Dropping to the ground, he flopped about near Lukina, who gasped.

"I'll grab the bandages!" Rock called, running upstairs.

Rock made it safely to Lukina's room just before he heard its frightened young owner calling for Sebastian.

Opening the door, Rock slipped into the nicely decorated living space. He smiled to himself, "When I marry Lumina, I get to sleep in a cool place like this~" then he got fixed on worrying about where he had hid his secret stash. It was in this room, he was sure.

Rock looked under her table, under her chairs, the bookshelf, the vases, the long table in the back and even under the dress Lukina's dress up game manikin was wearing. Still nothing. Rock sighed, "I've looked everywhere!"

Then he noticed something lying on the table in the back, a box of some sorts. Moving over there, he lifted the lid and it contained--

water balloons!!

Rock blinked at the balloons, "Wow, why does Lumina have these in her room??" Rock wondered.

He closed the lid and walked over to the bed, remembering he hadn't checked there. Pulling up the bed skirt, Rock peeked under. His eyes lit up, "Bingo!" He cried, grabbing a small box and pulling it out from underneath.

He jumped up when he heard the doorknob turn.

The doors threw open and Rock froze.

"What the hell, Rock?!" Cliff cried.

Oh, it was just him.

"I got it!" He exclaimed, shaking the box up and down.

"Great--now let's go before Lumina comes!" Cliff looked back and heard someone coming up the stairs,

"Sir?? Sir! Where do you go?" called Lukina, searching for Cliff.

Rock gasped, "There's only one thing we can do to escape!" he whispered to Cliff and looked behind him.

...

They jumped out the window.

**&&&**

Van's heart, which was already racing from the long, tiring walk, thundered more so when he heard the door to Sprites Inc. open. However, his heart sunk when he saw Miyabi at the door,

"Hey." She said casually, although she was a bit nervous. Van was huge, and she didn't doubt that he would eat Roller, or even her and Kaoru at that.

Van narrowed his small eyes, "What is going on?"

"Listen fat ass," Miyabi snapped, "I'm going to make this short and sweet. Roller lost the drugs-" she paused when she saw Van's jaw drop, "-but I've come up with a plan to get them back. I'm friends with Rock, you see? I can talk him into doing pretty much anything. If I give you twice the amount that Roller originally stole, you'll have to promise to keep our little secret, as well as refraining from eating us."

Van blinked, "...I, um, eh, uh..." he shook his head, "I have no idea who you are! I don't even know if can trust you. Perhaps you're working for my enemy and you killed Roller? Perhaps you are trying to trick me andsteal all the valuables I keep in my briefcase, as well as the drugs Roller stole!! AND I WILL EAT YOU IF I WANT TO!!!"

Miyabi was taken aback, "Hey, you can't talk to me like that!!" She yelled back, "And I'm not lying! I don't even want your drugs because I have sex instead!!"

"How do I even know that you're telling the truth now!! You could be a liar! A LIAR I SAY!!" Van was shouting too.

"I'M ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD LIAR!" Miyabi socked Van in the face.

The brawl began.

Van whacked Miyabi with his briefcase. Miyabi jump kicked him in the guts but was bounced back and crashed into the Sprite tree. She then grabbed a few rocks and started slinging them at him, but Van was tricky and used his briefcase as a shield. Ripping it open, van pulled out the Death Note and wrote Miyabi's name down in it. Miyabi then grabbed the suitcase and threw it into the Goddess pond. Van cried in sorrow and then tackled Miyabi to the ground, nearly crushing her lungs. Miyabi tried to push him off but the gigantic monster wouldn't budge. Van bit her arm and pulled, trying to tear it off. Miyabi let out a scream and then kicked him in the balls. Van flew back, grabbing his crotch in pain. He fell to the ground, sending a whole shock wave, which ranked 5.5 on the Richter scale, across the ground. When he finally rolled over, Miyabi saw there was crack in the ground.

Both fighters gasped for breath, beaten and bruised.

Kaoru and Roller clapped in the doorway.

Van lifted his head up, his head being the only thing he could move now, "Roller!" He growled.

Roller jumped behind Kaoru, who was ready to punch Van out if he came any closer.

"Roller has failed!" The Sprite cried, "Roller is sorry!!"

"So you did lose the drugs, did you?" Van's voice was edgy, "Well, this does pose as a problem."

"Didn't Miyabi tell you that we have this covered?" Kaoru snapped, wanting to do anything and everything to protect Roller.

Van scoffed, "I'm not going to put my faith in a brat like you two!"

"If I take off my shirt, will you trust us?" Miyabi offered, "I'm still missing my bra, by the way."

Roller popped out from behind Kaoru and shook his head, "Roller says that these are good bakers!" he nodded, "Roller says you can trust them!"

Van narrowed his eyes and glared at Miyabi, then at Kaoru, then to Roller and finally back to Miyabi, "You said that you knew Rock, and that you could get me double what I asked Roller for?"

Miyabi nodded, "I'll get you as much as I can. If I don't, you can um--"

"If you don't, I will kill you, your friend, Roller, Rock and whoever else is involved in this operation." Van finished.

"Roller is afraid!!"'

Miyabi thought for a long time. If she agreed, she would be putting four lives at stake, and what were the benefits, anyway? It might not even be worth it.

"What do we get from you, if we do give you the weed?

Van was quite for a moment. Actually, for very long moments. Then he spoke, "You can have all the money I have, and anything I own."

Miyabi's eyes widened. This was a gamble, indeed, but the prize was too great to pass up. Swallowing, Miyabi extended her hand and declared, "It's a deal."

Van shook her hand, "And so it is. Have that reefer by the 13th of Autumn, or else."

"Got it," Miyabi agreed, not realizing she was shaking.

Kaoru and Roller looked at Miyabi with pale expressions.

"Alright. I'm warning you, if you don't have it by then, you'll be sorry. Very, very sorry," Van growled venomously, warning her once more. Then everyone got quiet.

...

...

...

"Could someone help me up?"

**&&&**

Miyabi and Kaoru walked home after they made sure Van had left and that the Sprites Inc. doors and windows were shut and locked up tight. Not that Van could really fit into them, or anything.

"Hey Kaoru, can I ask you a question?"

"If you let me ask one afterward," Kaoru looked at Miyabi.

"Kay~ I was kind of curious, but what happened to the other Sprites? Roller was the only one in the whole tree." The thought had been bothering her for a while now.

"Roller just told me that the CCCC had taken care of it and he left it at that."

"The CCCC?" Miyabi laughed, "What's that? The Crazy Colored Crack Creeps?" That actually fit them quite well.

Kaoru glared, "Not likely. Now let me ask you something," they turned onto the path leading to their farm,

"How do you plan on getting Rock's drugs? It should be easy, Rock being an idiot and all, but I want to know the specifics. After all, our lives are at stake. I don't even know why I didn't stop you from agreeing with him..."

Miyabi smirked, "Maybe you like the thrill?" then her smirk faded. "I'm not too sure about how this will happen..."

Kaoru stopped, an idea suddenly hitting her. She knew what they could do. It would be perfect because they, as in Kaoru or Miyabi, or even Roller, wouldn't actually be the ones taking the drugs from Rock, so they could get off clean. However, it involved a little secret that Miyabi didn't know. Since this was for Roller and her own life, Kaoru didn't mind letting Miyabi know about Lumina's true gender identity. Now just wouldn't be the right time, though.

Kaoru picked up and started walking again, "Well, better get thinking about it."

"I am."

They pulled into the farm.

Takakura was currently watering the crops while Kevin and Train chased each other in the yard.

"You better get all those watered perfectly, you hear?!" Miyabi shouted.

Takakura started telling her off in Japanese.

Miyabi rolled her eyes, walking up to the pasture line, "Okay okay, so maybe I was a bit harsh. Just keep on working and don't stop until I see that everything is perfect!" she turned to walk inside her house.

Kaoru smiled apologetically at Takakura.

Miyabi dropped down on the bed inside, "God, am I hungry!"

Kaoru walked over to the side of the house where a couple wooden boxes laid, "While you were out having beach sex with Skye, I took the opportunity to buy food for us." She opened the box.

Miyabi jumped up, "Damn! I'd probably be dead if it weren't for you and Takakura."

"Probably."

**&&&**

Cliff and Rock made it safely back to the Inn. Well, Rock forgot to roll when he hit the ground so he kind of dislocated his knees, which Cliff had to put back in their proper place, but aside from that, they were fine.

Rock, arm wrapped around Cliff's shoulder and limping, hobbled up the steps with Cliff pulling him the whole way, sighed with relief, "Thanks for helping me out back there, Cliff."

"I just want to get high."

When they reached the door, much to their horror did they find Nami waiting in Rock's door, along with a naked Gustafa standing beside her.

"Whoa, dude! Put some clothes on!" Rock frowned.

Cliff just blushed.

"We'll leave if you give us some of the crack." Nami said firmly.

"Are you two going to celebrate Nude Day with me~?" Gustafa frowned, "Nami already said no..."

"Um," Rock decided that he might as well share. She was afraid Nami would kill him if he didn't. "Here." he dumped some crack into her pocket.

"Come on Gustafa, let's make music."

"And celebrate the pureness of nudity!!" he turned to Rock and winked, "You're secret is safe with us, maaaaan!" then laughed, Nami and Gustafa walking down the stairs.

"That was weird! I've never been that close to a naked guy before!" Rock laughed, "Wanna get high now?"

**&&&**

Evening hit and Skye figured he might as well head out of town to prepare for the murder. He briskly walked towards Vesta's farm, hoping no one would recognize him, even though he had been wandering about the village for hours before hand.

"Heeeey babe!" Came a voice from behind him. He spun around to see Rock, with Cliff jumping around behind him.

Skye frowned.

Rock walked up to him, "I haven't seen YOOOU around town, babe!" Rock leaned, or more like fell, forward, "Wanna smell some weed with me?? Eh? You know you want to!!"

He sounded completely under the influence.

"Why don't you go back home to your mother and get her to help you rethink your life, since you obviously can't think very well on your own?" Skye smiled sadly.

"Whoa, babe. Whoa." Rock blinked, "Big words there, babe. Not cool. When you talk to me it's gotta be fast, because I'm beautiful like uh--the uh...." Rock's brain stopped.

"The?" Why did Skye waste his time on this loser?

"The flowers!!" Rock laughed.

"Hey Rock, look!" Cliff laughed from behind him, "I can walk on water!!" he stepped off the bridge and fell into the river.

"Oh maaan!" Rock looked back at him, "It's like you're surfing!!"

Cliff doggy paddled in the water, "Hey Rock, I think I see a shark!!"

"Punch it in the eye! Go go go!!" Rock jumped up and down.

"You children have fun," Skye turned to leave.

"Whoa babe!" Rock spun around, adverting his attention for the daring Cliff, and now chasing after Skye, "So do you want to smell the birds with me? I'll fly you to the moon, babe!"

"Stop saying babe."

"Babe!" Rock laughed, "Babe, babe, babe!!"

Skye felt like he'd be sick. Trying to ignore Rock, Skye continued walking, "And anyway, I'm a guy."

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold on there! You're a man? Babe, you make the funniest jokes!" Rock laughed loudly, "Knock knock!"

"...what?"

"Who's there?!" Rock had the stupidest looking grin on his face.

Skye stopped and turned, "Wait, what? Aren't I supposed to ask, _'Who's there?'_ because you said, _'Knock knock!'_?"

"Orange!!" Rock continued.

"..."

"Orange you glad I didn't say OCEAN!?!?!!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Skye wanted to run.

"Rock!!" Cliff cried, "The shark bit me!! HE BIT ME!! I'm bleeding out!!"

Rock turned to Cliff, "You emo bastard!!" Rock laughed, "Whoa! I didn't even know that I knew that word!!"

Rock ran over to Cliff.

Cliff was flailing around in the water that was no more than two feet deep, "He got his friends!" the emo laughed, "Let's knock all these sharks out!! Oh, oh, Rock!" Cliff grinned wildly, turning towards his new best friend, "WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL!?!?!"

"IT'S OVER 9000!!!" Rock cried, running and jumping into the river with Cliff, set on knocking out all the "sharks."

Skye ran for his life.

On the other side of town, Nami threw her clothes off, "Gustafa, let's celebrate that Nude Day!!!"

"That's the spirit, SISTER!!!" Gustafa cheered.

**&&&**

While everyone was off getting high and what not, Chris briskly walked back to her house. Her day would have been great, had she not found a stranger's undergarments lying on her son's bed.

Sighing, she walked inside and trudged up the steps. When she reached the top, she smiled, closing her eyes as many anime people did, at her husband, who was sitting on their bed, "Wally~ I'm home! You wouldn't believe how my morning star-" she opened her eyes, "...THOSE AREN'T MOMMY'S EITHER!"


	14. Oh No He Didn't

It was well into the night before Rock and Cliff decided to head back to the Inn and terrorize that place with their eccentricity.

After battling a countless number of sharks, Cliff had become nervous around the water. This was unlike Rock, who thought, and always thought, he could take on the world.

"Yeah, we showed them!!" He cheered, jumping up and down once more.

Cliff quickly looked around, nervousness painted all over his face, "Dude, I think I hear something."

Rock started laughing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts~" he sang. "There they are all standing in a OCEAN!!" he threw up his arms.

Cliff jumped, "I think I see the police!"

"What the hell is that?" Rock blinked.

"Look! A huge army of them!" Cliff cried, turning back to look at the Inn, which seemed so far away.

"Run!" he took off.

Rock, not knowing what was going on at all, decided to run with Cliff so he wouldn't be left alone.

_Meanwhile, at the farm nobody cares about, Vesta walked down the stairs._

As they ran, Rock wobbled, "I think it's an earthquake!" he continued to wobble until he tripped on himself and fell flat on his face, just as he got done crossing the bridge.

Cliff turned back, still running.

"Cliff!" Rock cried, "I can't move!!" he extended a hand towards the quickly disappearing Cliff.

"Screw you, cocky bastard!!" Cliff hollered back and left Rock for dead.

**&&&**

Morning approached and Kaoru was ready to tell Miyabi her plan. She figured that if she told her now, they could devise some kind of back up if Kaoru's idea didn't work.

With arms folded, Kaoru standing beside Miyabi's bed. "Miyabi," she started, "I think you should wake up now. It's nearly ten."

Miyabi threw a pillow at her.

Kaoru grabbed it and huffed, "Am I the only one who sees something stupid about the deal you made with Van?"

"Probably." Miyabi turned over.

"You didn't have to bet our lives, and Van didn't have to bet everything he had. You could have said that if you didn't bring him the marijuana, you'd have to pay for it. He could have said that if you did bring it, he'd pay you. Better yet, you could have let Rock take care of this and let him be the one Van kills. Why did you two seriously go that far?"

"I guess I was just kind of bored..." Miyabi murmured.

"Bored!" Kaoru scoffed, then threw the pillow back at Miyabi and sat down on her own bed, "Well, I have a plan."

"Cool," Miyabi yawned sleepily and closed her eyes.

Kaoru frowned, "This will save our lives."

"Ahuh."

"We'll get away clean."

"I don't like feeling clean."

"We'll get the drugs and we won't be blamed for it."

"Zzzzz..."

"Lumina is a man."

"Yea-WHAT!?!?" Miyabi jumped up, snapping her head in Kaoru's direction.

"Miyabi," Kaoru's voice sounded grave, "you can't tell anybody this, but, the other day, while you were out, I walked into the Villa. Lumina was playing the piano and Romana complimented her, but when Romana said it, she called Lumina a _'him.'_ Lumina got flustered and took Romana into the bedroom to talk. I listened outside the door. I heard Lumina and Romana talking about how they would kill me if I found out that Lumina was a man," Kaoru stopped to let Miyabi soak it in.

"...." Miyabi stared at Kaoru blankly.

Surely Miyabi must be thinking that Lumina was a sick and disgusting freak!

Finally, Miyabi spoke, "That is so sexy!!"

Kaoru nearly fell off the bed, "W-what?"

Miyabi squealed, nearly jumping off the bed, "Yeah! I mean, I've always had a thing for girly men, and to find that some guy in this town is a serious cross dresser? And not to mention that he's gay--for Rock? That is so hot!"

"...what the hell is wrong with you?" Kaoru cried, backing away from Miyabi, "We're talking about a guy who dresses in women's clothes and likes other men! You don't see anything wrong with that!?"

"Not really."

"Well, I can't say I didn't see that one coming," Kaoru muttered.

"You're just a homophobic voyeur who spies on me and Skye, what do you know?" Miyabi

"I'm not a homophobic and I'm not a voyeur!" Kaoru folded her arms and turned away from Miyabi.

"Pfft! As if! You know what? I hated Lumina before I found out that she was a man. His gender identity is what makes me love him," Miyabi glared at Kaoru, "so respect that!"

"Fine, I will! I won't bother Lumina about his problems, and I won't tell Rock that he is gay. Normally, I would feel sorry for him because he loves a man and doesn't know it, but I hate Rock so I don't think I will."

Miyabi smiled, "Fine by me! I'll think I'll pay Lumina to make out with him now."

Kaoru cringed, "Miyabi, let's just get back to the point. My plan."

"Oh, right. Yeah, suck it to me."

"...Miyabi that sounded strange."

"Kaoru!" Miyabi gasped, "You have such a dirty mind. You should be ashamed you ho!!"

"...do you want me to laugh at that?" Kaoru narrowed her eyes at Miyabi.

"...I was kind of hoping you would..." Miyabi looked down at the floor.

Kaoru shook her head, "Well I'm not laughing. I'm trying to be serious."

Miyabi sighed, "Right, okay...serious. So, Lumina is a man and you have a plan. Hey--I rhymed."

"Miyabi, you're starting to sound like Rock. It scares me," Kaoru frowned.

"You're right; his stupid must have infected me..."

"Be careful. It's dangerous. Anyway, I need to tell you my plan."

"Right, suck it to me."

"Don't start that again."

"...fine."

"As I was saying," Kaoru brushed her golden blond hair back, "I think we should get Lumina to take Rock's drugs for us."

"...why her--I mean, him?"

"Because," Kaoru closed her eyes, "He's in love with Rock-"

"Wait," Miyabi interrupted, "Wouldn't that make him not want to steal the marijuana?"

"I think that, even though he seems a bit cold towards Rock, he's willing to do anything for him. If we explain to Lumina that Rock's life is in danger, I'm sure he'd steal the drugs if it would save Rock. We could get away clean because Lumina would be the thief. All he'd have to do would be to give them to us."

Miyabi stared blankly at Kaoru then smirked, "Perfect! Kaoru, I knew there was a reason why I got stuck with you!" She jumped up from the bed, "Can I seduce him into submission, in case he doesn't comply for some reason?"

"...."

"It's always been my life long dream to seduce a cross dresser," Miyabi smiled.

"I hope it wouldn't come down t that, but if you have to, then I guess so..."

Miyabi jumped up and cheered, "Score~!" then she pushed against the door, "Let's tell him~"

"Wait," Kaoru said quickly, "Not now. It's too early. We should tell him when it comes closer to Autumn."

Miyabi sighed, "Good point. I'll just wait until then to get into his pants."

"You do that. Hey, did you ever get those strawberries you wanted?"

"What strawberries?"

**&&&**

What were Rick and Popuri doing in the Valley on a Tuesday? Funny story.

They were supposed to have visited Sunday. However, Rick, while working at the Ranch, got mauled over by an angry cow. This hospitalized him for a good two days.

Now the two were walking out of the Inn, the place they stayed while they visited Valley.

As they walked out, Popuri spotted someone lying on the hallway floor, apparently lifeless, "Liek, omg, is that Cliff?" Popuri gasped.

"Eggs!" Rick gasped as well.

Popuri and Rick investigated him. Popuri stared at Cliff, "He looks kinda dead."

"Chickens..." Rick hummed.

Popuri poked him, "Cliff! Wake up Cliff! Did you try to commit sui-" Popuri stopped because she forgot how to pronounce 'suicide' so she just said instead, "--try to kill yourself?"

Rick also bent down and poked Cliff in the side.

Cliff jumped awake, causing Popuri to fall back, onto her ass. He looked wildly at Popuri, then to Rick. He gasped and cried, "SHARK!!" then punched Rick in the face.

Rick fell flat on his back, unconscious.

Popuri clapped.

**&&&**

Once Rick had regained consciousness, Cliff explained to them that he had forgotten where Rock's room was and so he just crashed on the floor. He also told that them that he was staying with Rock for a while, since they were childhood friends. (That was a lie, by the way)

With that being sad, Cliff told the siblings to say hi to Duke and Manna. Rick and Popuri then headed off, Popuri going to Takakura's house and Rick going to stare at turnips for a good few hours. Or so everyone thought.

As they walked out of the Inn, they spotted yet another young man lying face down in the walkway. Popuri and Rick walked over to man, "Isn't that liek, Stoner or something?" she asked, confusing Rock's name with a similar word.

"Chickens, eggs..." Rick wondered.

Popuri poked him, hoping he would spring to life and punch Rick like Cliff did. He didn't, to her disappointment.

Rock slowly lifted his head up and blinked at them. He saw Popuri knelling down by him. He smiled weakly, "You have cool boobs."

Popuri gasped and then bitch slapped him, knocking him out. She then stood, "Let's go Rick. I have an old man to make out with."

**&&&**

Miyabi didn't know what to do. As much as she wanted to run to the Villa and talk to Lumina or whatever that thing's name was, she knew Kaoru was right in her decision to wait. If she told Lukina too early, the plan might mess up.

"Let's make a backup plan," Miyabi suggested, now back to sitting on her bed.

"Did you have anything in mind?" Kaoru asked, crossing one leg over the other.

"Well, I had always thought that I could get them from Rock. It would be easy, you know? I'm sure I could easily seduce him and then make him give them to me."

"Or," Kaoru titled her head to the side, "You could just steal them without the use of sex. Rock isn't the sharpest crayon in the box, so I'm sure that you can probably get away with distracting him and stealing whatever he has while he's busy."

"Well," Miyabi frowned, "That is true but...I really wanted to mess with him."

"What do you honestly see in him?"

"...nothing, but hey, a body is a body." Miyabi nodded, which caused Kaoru to sigh.

"We just need to get the drug. I really don't want to die. Roller and I haven't even started a family yet..."

Miyabi laughed sharply, "Heh! Roller is the reason why we're in this mess!"

"Actually," Kaoru fought to control her anger, "It's because you decided to risk our lives."

"Yeah, whatever. One day you'll fall in love with a real man, anyway. Roller will be out of the picture and I'll be happy."

"Like you're in love with real men? Skye and Rock, and Lumina even, don't even count as men. They shouldn't even be considered male," Kaoru growled.

"Liek, do I hear fighting?" A preppy voice from outside the door called, sounding a bit excited.

Miyabi looked at Kaoru, signaling for her to open the door,

"I'm too busy disliking you," Kaoru said simply.

Miyabi stormed over to the door and opened it, revealing a girl with poofy pink hair.

"Damn," Miyabi stared at her, "You got your head stuck in the cotton candy making machine or something?" she laughed.

Popuri placed a hand on her hip and quirked a brow, "Lolwhut?"

"Oh," Takakura stood at the entrance to his house and waved in their direction, "Good to see you Popuri. _Very good to see you."_

"Is it just me, or did he sound a little too happy when he said that?" Miyabi blinked at the older man.

Kaoru and Popuri waved back, Popuri walking over to him, her red dress swaying as she did, "Takakura~" she sang, "are you ready to teach me about chickens?"

A smile played on Takakura's face and he winked at Popuri, "Of course."

Taking her hand, the two of them walked into his house.

"Takakura is such a nice guy," Kaoru smiled.

**&&&**

Rock became conscious. Once again, he lifted his head up and his eyes opened slowly. Instead of seeing Popuri, he spotted Gustafa. This time though, Gustafa had his clothes on.

Rock groaned. He could vaguely remember what he had done when he was high. This was probably because he got the shits slapped out of him.

"Greetings, brother!" He waved.

"My...my face is burning..." Rock whined.

"Because you've been out in the sun for too long, maaaan. You've been lying there, soaking up the beautiful rays, ever since this morning!" Gustafa bent down.

Rock pushed himself up to sitting position, "Boy, was last night a blast or what!"

Gustafa laughed, "Amen, brother! Nami and I had a groovy time! It was so hot and passionate! I felt so good and free inside!! I always want to show my love to her like that again!"

Rock looked up at him, "Whoa! Did you two have sex or something?"

Gustafa smiled, "No, I just played the guitar with her!"

Rock frowned, "what...?"

Then he stood up, "I think I should see where Cliff is. I have a feeling I'm mad at him."

"Anger leads to the Dark Side, young one!" Gustafa warned.

"Whoa, is that some kind of hippie talk?" Rock blinked.

"Peace out brother!" Gustafa waved, turning to walk away, "and remember, celebrate Nude Day with me next year!!"

**&&&**

"Rick!" The monster growled happily, "Here for another chat?"

"Chickens," Rick nodded, following Vesta into the house.

Rick had lied when he told Popuri he went to Vesta's to _"eggs chicken eggs."_ He really went there to listen to Vesta's incredible consoling.

They both took a seat at Vesta's dinner table, "So Rick, you tell me that Karen hasn't been bullying you as much?"

Rick nodded, "Eggs."

Vesta smiled, "Great! This shows us that she likes you!"

Rick smiled, "Kai!!"

Vesta then frowned, "No, not Kai. Karen. Rick, I think you need to get over your obsession with that man. You love Karen!"

"...Kai..." Rick looked down sadly.

"You have to move on. I know that he, and your sister, turned you down, but Karen actually accepted you!"

"Chickens....Kai..." Rick sniffled.

"It's time you give all off your love to her. Think about Karen, not Kai. Try it with me," Vesta began, "Chicken, eggs, Karen."

"Chicken, eggs, ....KAI!!"

Vesta growled, "No! Karen! Not Kai!"

"Kai!" Rick said angrily.

"Karen!"

"Kai!'

"Karen!"

"Kai!

"Karen!"

"KAI!!"

"KAREN!!"

"KAAAAAAIIIIII!!!!!!" Rick screamed, throwing the table over on Vesta and running out of the house.

**&&&**

Rock found Cliff was lying on his bed. He was probably trying to sleep rather than doing the actual sleeping. A night of fighting sharks would make any man tired.

Rock stepped into the room and shut the door behind him, "You tired, C?" he then began to look at himself in the mirror. His hair was a bit frizzy from the air drying after he had jumped into the stream to help Cliff, but aside from that, he looked gorgeous. Or at least, he thought he looked gorgeous.

Cliff rolled over on his back, "...Yeah...those sharks man...they really got me."

Rock leaned forward, getting a closer look at himself. "Ahuh. Well, I'm glad I fought them all off for you."

"Actually, you almost drowned. I was the one who saved you from that big one."

Rock frowned, "What? No way. I was the hero, like always!"

Just before Cliff could argue with Rock, or give up on trying, a knock was heard.

"Get it Rock."

"I'm too busy looking at myself."

Cliff groaned, then sat up and threw the blankets off. Hopping out, he walked over to the door to opened it.

It was Ruby, "Good afternoon, Cliff." She greeted with a smile.

"Hey Miss Ruby."

Rock jumped and stopped looking at himself, "Mom," he said surprised, spinning around to face her.

Ruby peered into the room, "Rock, Lumina is here to see you. She sounded a little angry! Did you do anything to upset the poor girl?" she frowned.

"Oh, Lumina is always like that." Rock moved away from his mirror, "Thanks Mom. I bet she can't wait to talk to me."

"Don't make her hit you again, dear."

Rock laughed, "What?"

Lukina really did hit Rock before, only, Rock had somehow erased it from his memory.

Ruby left, Cliff crawled back into bed and Rock hopped down the stairs to see Lukina.

Skipping two steps at the bottom, he jumped and nearly dislocated something again. He spotted Lumina leaning on the counter and smiled, "Hey Lumina!"

Lukina simply gave him a glare of acknowledgment, "Hello, Rock."

He walked over to her, "What's up, babe?"

"What's up?" He laughed, "I'll tell you _'what's up.'_ You were in my bedroom yesterday and I want to know why."

Rock frowned, "Bedroom...bedroom. I don't remem-"

"Listen," Lukina snapped, "That young man who was having a seizure disappeared. I hadn't even taken my eyes off of him for ten seconds. And anyway, it doesn't take you that long to get bandages, not even if it's you. Besides, you don't need bandages when someone is having a seizure!" Lukina shot out, sounding very irritated. "And above all, I saw you jump out of my window."

"Oh wow, I'm screwed." Rock tried to smile.

Lukina blushed a bit, thinking about screwing Rock. "Yes, you are," he huffed and turned away. "Explain yourself, or I'll never come see you again."

"Bwaha!" Rock laughed, "You're kidding! There's no way you can go longer than one week without talking to me!"

"I dont know, because I think _you're_ the one who can't go a week without talking to _me_." Lukina folded his arms.

Rock smiled playfully, "Okay then, it's a bet! If I win, you get to let me kiss you! If you win, I get to let you kiss me!"

Lukina blushed harder, "If I win, I get to have a thirty day restraining order."

Rock frowned, "That's harsh Lumi. Real harsh."

"...don't call me that again."

"Whatever lights your joint, babe!" Rock snapped and smiled at him.

"Hmph...the bet begins," Lukina turned away from walk and headed for the door, "Now."

"I'm going to beat you, Lumina!"

Lukina stopped, pure annoyance running through his veins, "...Rock. I just beat you."

Rock blinked, "What?"

"I said that the bet began then, and after I said it, you talked to me!"

Rock's jaw dropped a bit, "Oh...well, in that case, I use my redo!"

"What?"

"My redo!" he then smiled. "If I mess up, I get to use this redo."

"That's completely childish, but fine. You get one redo. As for me? I can beat you without making a single mistake."

"We'll see about that!"

"It begins now." Lukina continued walking for the door.

Rock resisted the urge to say something to him, but acting too stupid would give him a bad rep. So instead, he ran upstairs to look at himself some more.

Lukina shut the door behind him, smug frown on his face. Rock sure was such a child, and he couldn't see how the boy thought that he, Luke, was anything like that.

Just then, Lukina remembered that he had forgotten about his asking Rock what was going on at the Villa yesterday.

"Curses!" Lukina cried, running home.

**&&&**

Skye came into the Valley earlier than normal. After he ran away from the stoned Rock and his sidekick Emo Lad, Skye deviously thought up his plan. He would lure Carter into a mine by laying out a trail of stolen artifacts. Then, he would simply press the button and Carter, along with the evidence, would explode. It was the perfect plan, since the little concentration of explosives meant that the rare dirt would be spared.

Skye, with the help of Flora, just finished collecting and laying out the artifacts that would be used in the murder. Now he was safely hiding out by some windmills. Flora was supposed to send him a signal when Carter had entered the dead zone.

It was hitting mid evening now, and Flora had sent Carter out to the bar, to 'relax', an hour or so ago. He should be back soon.

As if on cue, Carter strolled into the fat monster's--for Vesta was no longer called a chick—farm, wobbling. Skye determined that he had to be drunk.

Slipping behind a windmill, or something that looked like a windmill, Skye watched Carter as he made his way to his doom.

Skye couldn't help it, but his heart was racing. Killing someone was no light business, and it was getting to Skye. Right now, he tried not to rethink this. It wasn't as if anyone liked Carter or anything...so, why was Skye feeling bad about everything?

Popping out of his thoughts, Skye realized that Carter had disappeared from sight. Peeking out from behind the USO--unidentified stationery object--Skye saw that Flora was chatting with Carter. If she followed the plan, she would be telling him that she found rare objects which he should check out.

Skye noticed the smile on Carter's face and the man ran off towards the mine.

Skye looked at the remote in his hand, biting his lower lip and holding it tighter.

He looked towards the tent again. Flora wasn't there, so she must still be watching Carter.

Now Flora was standing by the tent. Skye had asked her if she wanted to stand farther away, but he also assure her that the only thing getting harmed would be Carter and anything within a 500 foot radius of him.

She looked back at the tent rather quickly, then turned to Skye and waved. That was the signal.

Skye stared at the remote once more. All it took was one button and Carter would die. He could have the reward he wanted and he'd be under no suspect.

Now his heart was pounding more thunderously. His hand was shaking a bit too. He was so close to killing a man and it made the extremely cool and collected Skye very nervous.

Swallowing, he quickly pressed the button before he could rethink any further.

_BOOM!_

A small explosion, much like a mix between the first and second one the twins set off, erupted from the excavation site. The whole top didn't cave in, but smoke billowed out from the opening.

Skye stared at it, surprised at himself, and maybe even disgusted.

He just killed Carter.


	15. Take it Off

The explosion was heard throughout the Valley, however, it being just a small one, it didn't create too great of a ruckus. It was faintly heard in the Villa, and could easily be mistaken for Sebastian purposely dropping Romana's fine china, which he blamed on Lukina.

The terrorists, Kasey and Patrick, however, could sense an explosion a mile away. They both understood that this explosion was caused by the bomb they had given Skye.

They decided to throw a party.

----------

The farmhouse shook. Miyabi nearly fell and choked on the bread she was eating.

Kaoru continued eating, as if nothing had happened, "The supermarket sells cheap food."

Miyabi coughed, "What was that!? Did Vesta fall down or something!?"

"I think it's coming from the dig site," Kaoru commented.

"And how do you know that? Don't tell me--your animal instinct, right?"

Kaoru blinked, "...I'm not a furry..."

"Lies!!" Miyabi shouted then ran out of the room to investigate the blast.

---------

When the explosion had first set off, Rock and Cliff, who had fully recovered from being stoned, ran into Rock's bedroom, heading for cover.

Rock jumped on his bed and hid under the blanket. "I wish I was still stoned!" He cried.

Cliff also cried, "I wish I had my bahjinger!!"

**&&&**

Skye just stared at the damage, the seriousness of the situation just hitting him. Being a thief, Skye really wasn't all too sensitive to the bad things he did, but this was so much more different then thieving. It was murder.

Miyabi was running towards Skye. This wasn't because she wanted to ask him what had happened or even to see if he was okay. She merely wanted to tackle him to the ground and start making out with him right then and there.

"Skye!!" She cried happily, arms wide open.

Skye stared ahead.

"Skye!!"

He still stared ahead.

"SKYE I LOVE YOU."

She jumped on him.

They both crashed to the ground, Skye completely shocked and not paying any attention to Miyabi, and Miyabi completely not paying attention to the smoke clouding up the sky.

If she had a tail, it would be wagging ferociously. "Skye! I wasn't expecting you so soon! I-" she stopped when she saw the blank expression on his face. Then she saw the remote lying on the ground next to them. "Skye," she blinked, "did you just blow something up?"

"Um, well..." Skye looked into her questioning eyes with uncertain ones of his own.

"...did you kill Carter?"

"...If I said 'yes', would it make the situation and worse?"

"....so you did kill Carter?"

"...yes."

Miyabi jumped up and squealed, "Oh my god you killed him! Do you know how long I've wanted to do that?? After finding out he hurt Cliff, I wanted to punish him!" she was now grinning widely.

Skye didn't know who to be more disgusted with, Miyabi or himself.

Miyabi helped her boyfriend up.

"Thank you~" He dusted himself off and looked towards the explosion.

Flora said it would be wise if Skye showed up for his reward a few days later. If people were to see Skye walking about the place, they'd become quite suspicious.

Flora ran out of the dig site moments after Miyabi got done cheering over Carter's death. Her eyes were shedding tears, but Skye was sure he saw the menacing smirk on her face as she ran passed him and knew that those were tears of joy.

&&&

Soon, the entire Valley found out about this. However, nobody was really sad. Most people didn't care.

Cruel and horrible people like Miyabi, the twins, Kate, Flora, and even Skye, rejoiced in Carter's death. Kate did it because she saw it as an offering to the higher ups.

It was decided, by Mayor Thomas, that they were to hold a funeral on the beach the next day.

And so it happened.

&&&

Nobody wanted to be there. Nobody really cared about Carter. Sure, he was a decent, hard working man, but face it--he was obsessive over stupid things like digging and his ancestors. At first, Flora's tears of joy broke loose because she knew that she'd never have to hear about those damn dead relatives of his ever again.

There really were no caskets in this town, but Carter's body was blasted into little pieces so really there was not a need for one. Flora merely collected the pieces that hadn't burned to a crisp and dumped them in an old bag.

That bag now sat in the middle of the beach, the towns folk surrounding.

Thomas sat up on a podium, prepared to give a speech. "Ahem," he cleared his throat, "Carter was a good man. He meant so much to this village," although the apathy in his voice was a little too vocal, "and he contributed his time and money into doing his best to search for rare and valuable artifacts that might one day provide this family the riches it needs--"

No one was really paying attention. Miyabi was thinking about having sex with Skye, Kaoru was thinking about having sex with Roller, Rock was too busy looking at the ocean and thinking about how it reminded him of himself, Flora was worrying over what she'd have to give Skye, Lukina just watched Rock, who was still looking at the ocean, and turned away every time someone spotted him looking, Cody was planning out his next Chihuahua painting, Nami was looking up at the sky idly, Kasey and Patrick weren't there because they were throwing a party, Cliff was watching the ocean, on the lookout for sharks, and everyone else was pretty much talking amongst each other.

After a while, Thomas concluded, "We all miss him." His head hung as he took a moment of silence. Then he lifted his head up and smiled, "Now let's dump the body!!"

Thomas grabbed the bag with the remaining pieces of Carter in it and walked to the edge of the shore, "On three!" He called, and everybody ran to the edge as well.

"One," he swung the bag back and forth, "two," another swing, "THREE!!" and then he threw the bag into the ocean.

Everyone cheered, although in their minds their cheering seemed innocent since they told themselves that they were cheering because Thomas was able to throw something into the ocean.

Everyone watched the very light weight bag float on top the water, not knowing what to do now.

Just then, a large fish shot out of the water, opened its mouth extremely wide and swallowed the bag whole. Then it dove back in the sea.

Everyone stared blankly.

Rock laughed, "So when does the funeral start?"

&&&

The funeral was over and everyone was dismissed back to their silly lives.

Miyabi, Kaoru, Lukina and Cliff were all called to Rock's bedroom. Rock said he had something _'important and exciting'_ to tell them.

They all shuffled into the room, Rock jumping up and down, grinning.

"You seem happy, Rock," Kaoru commented.

"I bet it's because Carter died!" Miyabi smiled.

Rock gasped, "Somebody died!?" then he blinked, "Oh, right! I remember--Carter is that one guy with the-uh, hair and stuff," he nodded. "I knew that. I have better news though!" He then began to jump up and down again.

"Suck it to us~"

"Miyabi, please stop saying that." Kaoru sighed.

"I just did it that time to piss you off."

Lukina, who already knew what today was, rolled his eyes, "It's Rock's--"

"BIRTHDAY!" Rock finished.

"Yes..." Lukina looked away from him, pretending to be annoyed with Rock's enthusiasm.

"We gotta have a party!" Rock smiled, "at the Villa!"

Lukina's eyes widened, "You're not having it there! Rock, my home is the last place I want you."

(Because the first place he wanted Rock was his bed.)

Rock frowned, "Aw, you're so cute when you're being an ass to me, Lumina!"

"Rock!" Lukina hissed.

Rock only smiled wider, "Don't feel bad! I complimented you!"

Miyabi jumped in before Rock would make anyone else even more angry, "Rock," she said sharply, "Why don't we have it at my house? I have money and a big yard and a bed big enough for two~"

Rock thought about this, "Will you get me a present?"

Miyabi smiled, "Of course."

Rock almost started bouncing up and down again, "Okay! And-and--we'll do something cool, like--"

"Spin the bottle!?" Miyabi exclaimed in hope. She was okay with that, since the chances of her spinning and hitting a girl happened to be 1/4 and if Skye were they chances would drop to 1/5. (Although, some people can argue and say that Skye being there would give Miyabi a 2/5 chance of landing on a girl.)

"Whoa!" Rock exclaimed.

Cliff whimpered, "No one wants to play spin-the-bottle with me when I don't have a bahjinger!!"

"Oh," Miyabi looked at him, "I was talking about kissing but if you want to go deeper than that it's fine with me-"

"Why don't we play a card game instead?" Lukina piped up, fearing that Miyabi might talk Rock into playing it dirty. If that happened, Lukina wouldn't know how to keep his secret.

"As long as you buy me presents!" Rock reminded them.

**&&&**

Rock deiced to throw his party at nine that night. Miyabi and Kaoru couldn't really make any food so they made Lukina bring something, him being rich and everything.

As soon as Rock threw open the doors, he exclaimed, "SO WHAT DID YOU GUYS BUY ME!?"

The four people sitting on the floor looked up at him. They hadn't really put any thought into buying a present for Rock.

"Um, here you go, Rock," Miyabi pulled a box out from underneath the bed and handed it to the eager Rock,

"It's from me and Kaoru."

He tore it open. Inside was a bag of gold, since they really didn't know what else to give him, "Whoa! Money!" he grinned, "Now I can finally pay the rent!"

"...rent?" Miyabi asked, "doesn't your mom let you live there for free??"

Rock frowned, "No way, babe. She makes me pay every month!"

Then Rock frowned, "Hey, there's something else in here—Whoa. Why is there a penis…?"

Miyabi laughed, "Silly! That's a dildo! That one is especially from me."

Rock stared at it. "Why would I need a—Oh! I can do laundry with it!"

Miyabi smiled and nodded, "Exactly—wait, what?"

Lukina gave Rock a painting of the ocean, since he appeared to like it so much and Cliff gave him eye liner. It wasn't the most exciting set of presents, but Rock was just happy that someone actually gave him something this year, since his mother always ignored his birthday.

Miyabi rummaged through a box in the corner and pulled out glasses of wine, which she had bought the day earlier."Let's get drunk!"

Everybody cheered.

While they were waiting for the alcohol to take effect, they decided to play poker. They five sat in a circle, as best they could, in the middle of the floor since seating was unavailable. Lukina complained about this.

Kaoru was the dealer since she felt that dealing cards brought her closer to Roller and his friends. After getting their hands, everyone examined their own cards.

Rock's eyes lit up. He excitedly threw down a ten and an ace, "Black jack!! Ha!! I win!"

Cliff stared at the two cards, "Rock...this is poker, not Black Jack."

Rock frowned, "Same difference."

Before Rock could manage to make himself look any stupider, someone knocked on the door. Knowing that that was probably Skye, Miyabi jumped up to open it.

Everyone stared at her exposed hand of cards.

Miyabi opened the door and sure enough, it was Skye.

See, Miyabi didn't have a problem with Skye showing up when Rock, Lukina and cliff were around. She had a plan to prevent them from bothering him.

"Oh baby~" Miyabi purred, wrapping her arm around Skye's waist and pulling him in.

Skye saw Lukina and Rock and Cliff. He felt a bit uneasy.

Rock gasped as he spotted Skye, "Hey!" he narrowed his eyes, "You're that hot girl I saw the other night!"

Skye almost cringed, "Oh, yes. I remember you."

Lukina rolled her eyes, "That's not a girl, that's Phantom Skye. What is he even doing here, Miyabi?" Now Lukina sounded a bit cross.

Miyabi smiled, "I'll pay Rock and Cliff if they're willing to keep this a secret, and, if Lumina thinks she's going to tell anyone, we can always play spin-the-bottle. The right way!"

"Money!" Rock cheered happily.

Cliff just stared at Skye.

Lukina's eyes widened, but then he huffed, "I don't really care about this. It's not as if he stole anything when he broke into my Villa..."

Miyabi turned to Skye, who still looked a bit nervous, and smiled, "See baby? I've got this taken care of."

"So you do." Skye tried to act normal. "Well, shall we continue with the card games and wine drinking?"

"Yes~!" Miyabi exclaimed, "and this time, let's make it strip poker!"

"What!" Lukina cried.

Cliff blushed, "There's more guys than girl's here!"

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Miyabi sat back down, Cliff now moving over to make room for Skye.

Cliff looked away and blushed a bit more. 'I wish I had a bajinger.'

The strip poker commenced. Something very unique happened. Miyabi and Kaoru both knew that Lumina was a man, so they both had similar plans. However, it kind of felt like somehow they were telekinetically communicating with each, as they kind of teamed up in their attempts to get Lukina's clothes off, even though they hadn't said a thing about it to one another.

Miyabi purposely lost once just to be able to take her top off.

Cliff felt something strange. He looked down and gasped, "My bajinger grew back!"

After Miyabi, along with Kaoru's help, got Lukina to take off everything but his dress, she decided to try make Skye take his top off. Lukina stared at Skye's pale, exposed torso, and Miyabi thought she saw Cliff looking, too. She couldn't blame him.

Skye said that if he was playing with a room full of ladies, he would purposely lose all the time.

Towards the end, the only person who hadn't lost anything was Rock. Nobody except Lukina was disappointed about that.

Finally, it came time for Lukina to take something else off. He bit his lower lip as he thought things through. He did wear something under his dress, but it was very light and sort of see through. Even if it wasn't like that, everyone would find out that he was man because well, he was very happy since both Skye and Cliff were topless. Cliff actually lost his pants, only serving to worsen things.

"Come on Lumina!" Rock cheered him on.

Lukina looked around. Everyone was waiting on him. Miyabi and Kaoru were smiling evilly while Rock, Cliff and Skye were waiting to see breasts, the breasts that Lukina didn't actually have.

The pressure was too much for Lukina. He jumped up and cried, "I can't do this!!"And he ran out the door.

They all grew quiet for a while, Rock very disappointed. Skye and Cliff just looked to Miyabi and Kaoru.

"You know," Miyabi started, "I can always take off my pants for you guys."

All three boys nodded and waited in anticipation.

Kaoru looked to the open door. She knew exactly what she was going to play next time she visited Roller.

**&&&**

At home, Lukina decided to write another lament, "Why must these things happen to me?" he stared, playing away at a sad melody, "It isn't fair that I must be put through such pain--and all for the one I love! It hurts and yet I cannot do a thing to ease the pain! Oh! Cruel and tormenting feelings-"

"Shut the hell up!" Romana snapped from her bedroom, "I'm trying to have sex with Sebastian!!"

"That's my husband's name!" The old man cried.

Lukina sniffled and continued, only this time, whispering, "Oh, Rock. Whatever will I do? How can I love you? How can you love me-" he stopped again, only this time it wasn't because of Romana.

He just realized that he lost the bet with Rock.


	16. Isn't it Ironic?

Everyone at Rock's party, except Lukina, who had ran home to write a lament after refusing to take off his dress, passed out on the floor. Wine bottles were scattered everywhere and one could walk around the place without stepping on a glass or an article of clothing.

It wasn't a surprise that they all had hangovers the next morning. The unfortunate thing was that they all had one at the same time.

Miyabi was the first to wake up, the pain causing her light sleeping to cease. She jumped up and ran through the door, accidentally stepping on a glass. She couldn't yell the word 'shit!' because if she opened her mouth, she knew what would be coming out, and it wouldn't be a word.

Miyabi took care of things outside on the lawn. She gasped and leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees as she tried to figure out what had happened.

Walking by the farm was Chris. Like every day, this hard working business woman walked to work. It just so happened that she spotted Miyabi, who was only wearing her undergarments, outside near the entrance to the farm

Chris froze. Those panties looked extremely similar to the pair Wally had in the bedroom. The poor, scarred woman tried to tell herself that Wally was a good husband, that he was a loyal, hard working man who would never do something dirty behind Chris's back.

While Chris still stared at Miyabi in horror, Skye ran out of the house, him wearing only his underwear as well, which were really underwear since Skye didn't wear something as manly as boxers.

Funny…what he was wearing looked quite similar to what Hugh had in the bedroom that morning. Chris thought for a good, long moment, ignoring the sounds of vomiting that were coming from the farm. Then it hit her.

"My family is falling apart!!" She cried, running off to the city to file a divorce.

Rock, Cliff and Kaoru all woke up close to the same time. First it was Cliff, then Kaoru and finally Rock, who probably could have slept through the whole day, hadn't he been attacked by a killer headache.

He grabbed his head and almost fell over. Rock wobbled to the door, "It hurts!" he cried.

Kaoru and Cliff also craved to be out of the house. They looked at each other for a brief moment and knew exactly what they had to do. Both jumped up and ran for the door.

Rock, who was so unaware and slowly making his way for the door, got trampled by the two rushing out. Cliff caught Rock's leg and Rock fell flat on his face, which also brought Cliff down. Kaoru jumped over them and flew out the door.

Groaning, Cliff crawled out the door with Rock clinging to his leg for a ride out.

"Hey!" A very familiar voiced called from outside the perimeter of the farm. Since Miyabi was done puking, and because she never passed up an opportunity to greet a guy while she was half naked, she decided to see what Gustafa wanted.

"Y-yeah?" Miyabi blinked her eyes, trying to focus through her headache, and walked up to the man who was now standing at the farm entrance.

"Today isn't Nude Day!" Miyabi would have seen Gustafa narrow his eyes, had he not been wearing a ridiculous hat and not to mention, an equally ridiculous pair of sunglasses.

Miyabi groaned, mostly because the pain but also because of this insane hippie, "We aren't celebrating Nude Day..."

"Then why is everyone in their underwear? I only assume you children were planning to take it off."

"Ugh, c-children?" Miyabi sighed. "No, we're not doing any of that. Now isn't really a good time so could you beat it-" Miyabi stopped when she saw a bright flash go off behind her.

She spun around to see Takakura, holding a camera and snapping photos of not only Miyabi, but of everyone else there as well. Miyabi screamed, "Takakura you freak!!"

Takakura pulled the photos out of the camera and turned to her, "I'll give you these photos of those boys if you pay me."

"Psh!" Miyabi scoffed, "Why would I want a picture of half naked boys-" she stopped when she realized what she was saying. Of course she wanted those pictures, even if she could always get Skye or Rock or Cliff in bed whenever she wanted.

"I'll take the picture of Miyabi," Skye jumped in, "and the one of myself."

"What the hell, Skye?" Miyabi spun around, "Why do you want a half naked picture of yourself!"

"Well..." Skye's voice trailed off as he blushed.

Rock, who was still clinging to Cliff's leg, piped up, "I want the picture of myself, too!"

"Hey," Miyabi glared at Takakura out of the corner of her eye, "we're not paying you for pictures of ourselves. That's just stupid!"

Takakura slipped the photos in his pocket, "Then I'm keeping these."

Rock frowned, "but I wanted mine! I could hang it up next to my picture of the ocean and um, yeah..."

Takakura ignored him and walked into the house, thinking about who he could sell those yummy pictures to.

"Can you believe that guy?" Miyabi huffed.

"It's your fault for celebrating Nude Day too late, maaan." Gustafa said.

Miyabi grabbed Rock's leg and ripped him from Cliff and Rock screamed. She then threw him at Gustafa, "Have a load of this, shroom head!"

Both Rock and Gustafa crashed to the ground, Rock still screaming and Gustafa falling on his guitar.

Gustafa violently pushed Rock off and grabbed his guitar, which had snapped in two. He stared at it in horror.

"Dawn!!" He cried, tears streaming down his face. Getting up, he hugged the guitar close to his chest and ran off, bawling.

"Ugh," Rock groaned, "Cliff...carry me back to my room..." he crawled back into the farm.

"What? Then everyone will think I'm gay..." Cliff walked off to meet Rock in the middle.

"But dude, you are gay..."

"What?" Cliff frowned, "Why would you say that? That's just mean..."

"I did see you looking at Skye a lot last night," Kaoru added, amused.

Cliff blushed and looked away, "Well I, um...I'm not gay, I just appreciate attractive men..."

"Just get me home somehow Cliff!" Rock whined, "I can barely walk!"

Cliff sighed and grabbed Rock's wrist, dragging him away from the farm, "Thanks for the party, guys," he told Miyabi and Kaoru. "I'll come back and get our clothes later."

Everyone waved at them.

"See ya~" Miyabi called.

She quickly ran into the house to steal and hide the boy's clothing before they could come back to retrieve it.

Skye stepped in and slipped on his own clothes, "These have been a very interesting three days."

"Tell me about it," Miyabi sighed, shoving the pile of clothes she gathered underneath her bed. She stood up and wrapped her arms around Skye's neck, pulling herself close to him, "but I liked it."

He leaned forward and kissed her, "As did I."

After she slipped on her clothes, Kaoru looked around as if in search of something important. Her eyes were narrow and her eyebrows furrowed, "I wonder where Kevin and Train ran off to. I don't remember seeing them around last night."

"I'm sure they're okay." Miyabi reassured her, although she was paying more attention to how good Skye's chest felt as she ran her hand up it. However, her touching was interrupted by a horse like noise coming from outside. Then somebody knocked on the door.

"Get it Kaoru, I'm too busy rubbing Skye."

"You win this time."

Kaoru walked over to the door and opened it. Takakura just so happened to be standing outside of it, strap in his hand. Kaoru opened the door more fully and noticed he was holding a horse's reins.

"Yo," He greeted, as if the little picture taking event hadn't even happened. "I forget to mention that the reason why I was out in the first place was to show you this horse. Your lack of clothing caught my attention and completely distracted me from my original plan."

It wasn't until then that Kaoru spotted Kevin and Train. They were at the horse's feet, nipping at and trying to bite off its legs.

"But now I realize that you guys hadn't shipped one thousand items so I guess I'll just eat this guy instead."

"No!" Kaoru cried, grabbing the reins from Takakura.

She stood firmly and narrowed very determined eyes at him, "We're keeping him! As an animal lover and a family friend, I ask you to search into the depths of your heart and look for any trace of kindness inside of you-"

"Okay! You can have it." Takakura hated talk of emotional things like the depths of one's heart.

Kaoru smiled and hugged the horse's neck, "Thank you, Taka-san!"

Miyabi ran to the door, dragging a blushing Skye along with her, "Oh! Can I name it!?"

Takakura was tempted to whip out his camera again since Miyabi had purposely forgotten to put her clothes back on.

Kaoru frowned, "Don't name it something stupid, and, we both have to agree on it."

Miyabi smiled, then bent down to examine the horse, "It's a boy," she said, then rose to a stand, "let's name him--_Stacy_."

"Stacy?" Kaoru, Skye and Takakura all questioned in unison.

The horse veered his head and let out a long, _'Neeeeeeeigh~!'_

"Yep! It's cute, right?" Miyabi winked at them.

"Hm," Kaoru hummed, "I guess so. That's a catchy name if you think about it. If you don't mind, I'll take Stacy to the stable." Kaoru softly pulled the leash and the new horse followed her lead.

Takakura just frowned, "I guess this is payment for not beating me up when I told those pictures."

Miyabi smiled sadly, "It's okay. I don't blame you for thinking that way about me~ I mean, who doesn't want to see me in my underwear?"

"Ahem," Skye gave Miyabi an uneasy glance, not liking her sluttish attitude.

Miyabi kissed him and frowned, "I guess you have to leave soon?"

Skye also frowned as he brushed Miyabi's hair back, "I do, but don't worry yourself too much, I'll be back tonight. Try not to miss me too badly."

Miyabi bit her lower lip and smiled at him, "I'll try." she leaned forward and pulled herself up a bit, kissing him again.

Skye walked off as Kaoru returned from the stable, "Stacy is so cute~" she smiled, "He has a really great coat, too. We really need to buy a brush, but most importantly, food."

"Oh, he doesn't eat." Takakura said.

"...what?" both girls stared at him blankly, wondering what kind of logic something silly like that made.

"He doesn't eat. He's a special breed of horse that doesn't need food to live."

"That's really...weird. Is that even natural?" Kaoru frowned, hoping Takakura's tidbit wouldn't get the horse killed.

"That's pretty screwed up." Miyabi almost laughed, "but hey," she placed a hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes as she said that very seriously.

Her tone changed drastically as she then yelled, "GET IN THE VAN!!"

Kaoru gasped, "Miyabi! That's not our joke! We could get flamed for using that!!"

Miyabi shrugged, "I thought it was kind of funny." Then she got quite serious again, looking at Takakura once more, "Takakura, seriously," and once again her tone changed, but this time she wasn't going to shout about Van, "GET YOUR ASS BACK TO WORK!!"

**&&&**

Cliff had managed to successfully drag Rock back to the Inner Inn. He was a bit worn out because of this, Cliff being a fragile emo kid with an even more fragile mental state. Even so, he managed to pull through for Rock.

Ruby was at the front desk, happily doodling cooking recipes on a note pad. She looked up when she heard the two enter.

"Oh, hello Cliff-" she stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed the only thing either boy was wearing was their boxers.

Rock and Cliff both stared at Ruby, who was staring at them, jaw slightly dropped.

"...this isn't what it looks like." Cliff whispered, blushing.

Ruby blinked, "It had better not be! I payed five hundred gold for those pornography and if I find that Rock isn't looking at those women, I'd be so disappointed!!"

"Uh..." Cliff returned to staring blankly at Ruby. First Rock had drugs and now he had porn? How much luckier could this guy get?

Cliff waved to Ruby and continued with dragging Rock, pulling him up the flight of stairs. Rock's head bumped against each step as Cliff did this.

By the time Cliff reached Rock's bedroom, Rock was unconscious. Cliff sighed and left him to lie near the doorway. How many times was that guy going to just pass out randomly? Although having your head repetitively smashed into the stairs didn't exactly count as being a random cause of unconsciousness, it didn't make up for all those other times.

Cliff was still feeling a bit under the weather so he decided to lay down even though he knew quite well that he wasn't going to be getting any sleep.

Just as Cliff felt himself slip away into the dark abyss that were his thoughts, Ruby knocked. At first, he didn't hear it, being a normally spaced out person, however, he did heard it on the tenth knock.

"Oh," he sat up, "come in."

Ruby pushed the door open. Since Rock was in the way, his head got smacked by it, probably causing him another two hours of unconsciousness.

She gasped when she realized she hit Rock, but then just pushed the door open more, kind of sliding his body out of the way, "Cliff," she started, "you have a phone call. It's from a Pastor Carter?"

Cliff's eyes widened, "C-Carter?"

**&&&**

Cliff didn't like that fact that his body shook as he followed Ruby down the stairs. Of course, Cliff thought the worst. The idea that was currently tormenting his mind was that Carter had talked Duke and Manna into wanting Cliff to come back to Mineral Town.

Even though Cliff achieved his goal of becoming high, he still felt uneasy about going back home. Cliff still thought that Miyabi and Kaoru were searching for those stolen drugs, and he wasn't ready to go back without a lasting supply.

They reached the bottom and Ruby led Cliff to the front desk, where the phone rested. Cliff picked it up and hoped he didn't look nor sound nervous, even though he was sure he did, "H-hello?"

"Good afternoon, Cliff."

Carter sounded so grave that it nearly made Cliff's heart drop, "Are you, by any chance, sitting? You might want to be."

Trying to clear his drying throat, Cliff swallowed, "What's up?"

Cliff heard the pastor expel a sigh, "Cliff," his voice filled with such seriousness that Cliff was deathly afraid to find out what he was about to say. "Cliff, there's no easy way to say this and I hate to have to be the one to bring you the bad news." He stopped to let Cliff soak this in.

Cliff felt his body go weak and he tried to grip the phones harder, fearing it might slip out of his hand, "Cater," his voice shook slightly, "tell me..."

Carter was silent for a moment, the he spoke, "Duke and Manna are dead."

**&&&**

"Are you just going to lay there and eat all day?" Kaoru whined, placing a hand on her hip and closing the door as she walked in.

"Pretty much," Miyabi's voice droned from the bed.

She, who finally put her clothes back on, currently laid on her stomach and repeatedly poked a piece of bread with a stick.

"I'm also kind of hiding from Kate. What have you been up to?" she didn't bother looking at Kaoru.

"I was trying to make us money."

Kaoru threw the hammer she had been holding to the corner of the room.

"Ha!" Miyabi laughed, "Who needs money when we're about to be rich!?"

"Rich...?"

"Yep~ were you not there when I made the deal with Van?" Miyabi smiled and rose to a sitting position.

"Miyabi, that won't get us rich," Kaoru pulled off her gloves and walked over to her bed. "Van stole Rock's drugs for a reason. Roller told me that the only reason he stole from Rock was because Van was broke."

"....oh...shit..."

Then both Miyabi and Kaoru thought they heard someone shouting outside the door.

Miyabi's ears perked up, "Did I just hear a man scream my name?"

The door busted open, which it really did often, and at the door frame was a panting Rock, who still did not have his clothes, frantic look on his face,"Miyabi! I have news!!"

"Oh my god!" Miyabi jumped up. "Did you and Cliff just have sex?!"

Rock stopped breathing for a second and stared at Miyabi with a expression that read something like _'WTF PLZ???_' After the initial shock disappeared, he became completely frantic again, "Cliff went crazy!!!"

"What?!" Kaoru and Miyabi both sort of yelled, completely surprised and yet, finding this to be something they both expected from the beginning.

"He ran off in his underwear, carrying a big knife thing!"

"Holy shit!" Miyabi jumped off the bed, "Give me all the details!"

"I was sleeping," for that was what Rock saw his unconsciousness as, "and then I kind of woke up and realized he was talking to me and I- I- then he was holding this huge knife and he was talking about how he thanked me for helping him get high but-but-but, I looked up at him and he looked EVIL! He was crying but I could tell he was gonna kill somebody with the knife so I like ran to my bed and hid behind a pillow until finished telling me about how he was going to get even and kill somebody in Mineral Town and and-" Rock gasped, afraid he might pass out once again, but this time from lack of oxygen.

Miyabi gasped, "Oh my god! My poor Cliffy-poo!!"

Kaoru was the only calm one in the situation, so she tried to take advantage of this. "He's going to kill someone in Mineral Town? Do you know why?"

"Um, um," Rock desperately tried to remember, "before I ran out of the Inn to tell you guys, my mom told me that he got like that after a phone call he had!"

"OH EM GEE KAORU," Miyabi cried. "Do something! You know I'm only good at getting men!!"

Kaoru was very pleased that Miyabi was looking to her for something now. It made Kaoru feel incredible powerful.

"We have to try to stop him before he does something he regrets. Follow me."

She ran of the house, causing Rock to jump out of her way.

Miyabi followed her out and pulled Rock along to.

"Stacy!" Kaoru called then gave a whistle.

On cue, the loyal horse which they had only gotten less than an hour ago, run out of the stable, stopping beside Kaoru.

"Damn, you're good." Miyabi whistled.

Kaoru hopped on top of the horse.

"Come on, Miyabi." and she helped her 'roommate' up as well, figuring that Miyabi probably didn't know how to get on a horse by herself.

"Hey!" Rock cried, "What about me?!" he jumped up and down as he whined.

"Put some clothes on," Kaoru said then grabbed the bridle. "Are you ready, Stacy?"

_"Neeeeigh!"_

"Alright then~talley-ho!" Kaoru gave the bridle a small yank and the horse took off, leaving Rock to cry alone.

"Talley-ho?" Miyabi laughed as they sped into the village, "What the hell, Kaoru?"

"I thought it sounded cool..."

**&&&**

Cliff must have taken a different path, because they never passed him on the road, and he couldn't have gotten there before them because he didn't run faster than a horse.

"Wow," Miyabi started, looking around the forest as trees sped by, "we're actually going to see Mineral Town. Can you believe it? Hey, how did you know how to get here?"

"Um, I don't really know," Kaoru said bluntly, "It was as if Stacy took us here himself."

They rode by a log cabin set off to the right and briefly noticed a buff man in a white t-shirt.

Gotz gasped and stared at them, not expecting to see two strange young women riding on a horse fly by his house.

"The British are coming!!" He cried, running off to hide.

They pulled into a very nice looking farm that was owned by someone truly genius and dedicated. The buildings were huge, tons of cows and sheep grazed the fresh grass of the pasture and nearly ten chickens were hopping around a in a fenced area.

"Damn~"

Miyabi couldn't help but stare at all the pretty colors of the large crop field that ran across the north left section of the field.

The owner of the farm was walking away from the cows, milk in hand, as the girls stopped near his house.

He stared at them blankly but continued walking towards them.

"Hey sexy," Miyabi winked at him.

"Hello, sir," Kaoru greeted. "If you don't mind, could we park our horse here for a moment? We just need to find a friend of ours."

"...." was what Kaoru got in reply.

"Thanks!" she hopped off and Miyabi followed, only, Miyabi nearly fell on her face when she tried.

They both took off into the town, frantically set on finding Cliff before he hurt somebody.

Jack stared at Stacy for a bit, when his eyes widened, "Hey!!" he cried. "So they're the ones who stole my horse!!"

**&&&**

Cliff, being very familiar with Mineral Town and the commute from there to the Valley, knew the quickest route to take, so he made it to the Church just as Kaoru and Miyabi pulled into Jack's farm.

The two would never know this, though.

**&&&**

When they hit the streets, Miyabi and Kaoru decided to split up. Well, they would have decided to split up had they not been interrupted by Mayor Thomas.

"Good afternoon ladies!" He greeted them, smile on his face.

They stopped, caught outside the Poultry Farm, and stared at the unattractive man, "..."

"Might I be of some help to you newcomers?" He chuckled, bowing politely to them.

"Um...who are you?" Miyabi wasn't impressed with ugly guys.

"Why!" Thomas gasped, "I'm the Mayor of Mineral Town!"

"Oh right," Miyabi was finally remembering. "You did that speech at Carter's funeral or something?"

"Mayor," Kaoru butted in, knowing that the clock was ticking, "what can you tell us about a death that happened here recently?"

Thomas faked a very grave and depressed look as he sighed and hung his head, "Duke and Manna, the Winery owners. They got into a fight with each other the other night," At this, he shook his head, "Chased each other to the beach, and in their drunkenness, jumped into the water, thinking nothing about safety. All they wanted to do was have fun, and play Death-By-Wine-And-Drowning, but, they ended up drowning themselves on accident..."

Miyabi and Kaoru both gasped. Was the person Cliff planned on killing--himself then!?

"Thanks, and um," Kaoru's words got a bit jumbled. "Catch you later!!"

Then the two girls ran off.

"Where should we go!?" Miyabi cried, running down the street with Kaoru.

"Cliff said something about a Pastor on the day we first gave him therapy. Maybe he went to the church," Kaoru suggested.

Miyabi's eyes widened and she turned away from Kaoru, looking up ahead, "That's--it!" She panted, "Let's look for it!"

"So do we still split up?" Kaoru asked.

"Yeah, I figure it'll give us a better chance of finding him and stopping him!"

"Alright, but don't do anything stupid!" Kaoru warned, turning to the left and departing from Miyabi.

**&&&**

Cliff quietly shut the doors of the church behind him, the knife he had stolen knife still in his hand.

Carter was at the altar, as always, writing down something. Maybe funeral plans, and, if that were the case, he'd need to write down a couple more.

Carter heard the door open and he looked up, "Clif-" then stopped, his eyes falling on the young man.

It wasn't the knife that startled Carter, because that was hidden behind Cliff's back. It was what Cliff was wearing--practically nothing. He didn't bother to retrieve his clothes before he left for Town, or even put on new ones. He was now standing in the middle of the walkway, wearing only boxers and his boots.

Carter blushed and tried to ignore those facts, "Oh, Cliff, I see you dyed your hair."

Cliff walked up to the altar, not saying anything at all but even so, the glare and look of hate that tainted his face was enough to scare Carter into thinking something was wrong.

"Cliff?" Carter frowned, "I know you're upset about Duke and Manna, but-"

"You killed them!" Cliff cried, unable to control his feelings any longer. "You bastard!!"

"Cliff!" Carter gasped, "You don't know what you're talking about! I cared about them, I care about you!"

"That's not true!" Cliff was dangerously close to the altar as he took the first step to the platform it was rested on.

"You couldn't stand how they made me happy, and how I actually enjoyed life sometimes!"

Pastor Carter was terrified and appalled. "What?! Cliff! Snap out of it! I would never kill a human! Not even an animal! What has gotten into you!?"

Cliff was now on the same level as Carter. He slowly pulled the knife from behind his back, "You'll probably go for Ann next!"

"No! I would never-!" He cried in protest, but wasn't quite able to finish since Cliff had stabbed him in the chest.

"Ah!" he fell to his knees and rolled on his back, "Cliff...!"

Cliff then dropped to his own knees after pulling the knife out of Carter's chest and then stabbed him in the stomach, "That's for killing Duke and Manna!"

Then again in the chest, hitting the place Cliff guessed Carter's heart was, "and that one's for touching my bajinger!!"

Body trembling, no, shaking violently, he stood, pulling the knife out of Carter's chest and letting the twitching man to die slowly and painfully.

Cliff wasn't finished yet. He gripped on the knife as tightly as he could, which wasn't tight at all, and brought it in range of his own chest. Cliff closed his eyes tightly, forcing a stream of tears out. Walking away from Carter's body, he plunged the blade into his chest.

Immediately, his eyes shot up as the pain surged through his chest. He fell against the side of the pew, holding on to it and gasping for breath.

The doors to the church busted open, letting a terrible sunlight in. In the doorway was Miyabi, also gasping for breath. Her arms and jaw dropped as she looked upon the bloody sight.

Her face flushed pale, "C-Cliff...?"

Cliff looked at her, "He-he...killed them..." he whispered so feebly and broken that Miyabi barely heard him.

Now it was Miyabi's turn to cry. She bit her lower lip and let a couple drops escape. She didn't want to be the one to tell Cliff what really happened, but he had the right to know, even though it would kill her to say those things to him.

"H-he didn't kill them, Cliff...they got drunk and, and drowned in the ocean..."

Cliff stared at her, hating to see her cry openly like that. She really did look like his sister. For the last few seconds he had left, he thought about his sister and how much he missed her, how much he'd miss Miyabi, Kaoru and even Rock.

"Heh..." Cliff closed his eyes, "It figures..." and fell over.

Dead.


	17. Oh My Gooooooooooooood

A memorial service was to be held on the 11th. This was the first one and it would honor the death of Duke, Manna and Carter. Cliff's funeral was going to be held on the 15th, because unlike with Duke, Manna and Carter, people actually cared about Cliff and so Thomas decided to give them more time to prepare for the funeral.

It was only the eleventh, and this gave Miyabi three whole days to whine and cry, causing Kaoru to wish Cliff would have killed Miyabi too. Unfortunately for Kaoru, that wasn't the case.

Miyabi had been in bed since Cliff died, bawling on and off about it the entire day. Sometimes Kaoru even thought that Miyabi was faking it, her crying sounded to pathetic.

"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~" Miyabi sobbed, burying her face in her pillow as she hugged it.

"Miyabi," Kaoru said, looking at the dust that accumulated on the Beauty Box, "Please stop."

"I never got to have sex with him!" Miyabi choked on her tears.

"There's more to life than sex, Miyabi."

The brunette gasped, "LIES!"

She rolled over in bed and turned away from the very misguided Kaoru.

Kaoru looked to Miyabi and rolled her eyes. "Please. You saw that girl, Ann, back in Mineral Town, right? She told me that she loved him and she's not even being as big of a baby as you are. Just suck it up."

Miyabi stopped crying for a moment and pulled the pillow from her face. "I'll suck it up. I'll suck it up, I'll suck it down, I'll suck it all around-"

"You're a creep!" Kaoru spun around and headed for the door, not wishing to be in the room with Miyabi anymore.

"Wait!" Miyabi jumped up, whipping tears from her eyes. "I'm not done telling you about how I wanted to lick his-"

Kaoru ran out and slammed the door before Miyabi could finish.

Miyabi sat there, staring at the door. What was she to do, now? Because she was lonely, mourning and feeling very crappy, she deiced to talk to herself.

"Maybe I'll ask Skye to get his sweet ass over here and make me feel better," she thought, but then remembered that she had no way to contact him.

She sobbed some more.

Then another thought came to her. Rock and Cliff's clothes were still under her bed. Rolling off the bed, she excitedly tore the blanket out of her way and pulled the clothes from underneath.

She hugged them quickly and then examined them, making sure they were clean enough to keep on the bed. Cliff's clothes smelled like angst and Rock's gave off the same scent as Lukina's did.

"...what the hell?" Miyabi whispered, but decided that if Rock were sleeping with Lukina, or stealing his perfume, it would be fine with her.

She hugged them once more and hopped back on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling and pretending that the boy's body filled the clothes and that they were both on top of her. Then she imagined they were both on top of each other.

After touching herself, the warm, good feelings were over and Miyabi started crying again.

Spared of seeing Miyabi's little episode, Kaoru was now inside of Sprites Inc.

Guts greeted her, "Roller, I think I see your friend friend friend!" he called, fiddling with his abacus and blushing as he did so.

Roller didn't answer.

"Roller?" Kaoru wandered over to the stairs and peered down. She only saw Jum, Hops and Tep.

Jum was attempting to hump Hop's leg and Tep was talking on a very expensive looking cell phone.

"You wanna fly with me tonight, gurl?" She heard the blingalicious Sprite say into the phone.

"Um," Kaoru interrupted, "do any of you know where Roller is?"

"Roller is here!" She heard a voice from behind her.

Heart jumping and smile crossing her lips, Kaoru spun around to face the man--well, if you consider Roller a man--she loved. Her smile disappeared when she saw the Sprite, who was dripping wet and holding a briefcase.

"Roller, what happened?"

"Roller had to retrieve!" He tried his best to hold up the drenched, tattered and half open briefcase.

"Isn't that Van's?" Kaoru cocked her head to side slightly. Then her eyes quickly widened as she realized she probably shouldn't have mentioned Van's name.

"Who is this Van? Is he a friend of yours?" Guts cocked his own head to side as he asked this.

Roller's eyes widened and with all his strength, he threw the briefcase at Guts and he whacked him right in the face.

"Oh!" The chubby Sprite cried out before falling back on top of the pacing Riviera.

"I'm dying!" Riviera cried, trying to break free from his squished condition.

"Follow Roller!" Roller cried, grabbing the briefcase and running down the stairs with Kaoru, who wanted so badly to save little Riviera, following him.

"Jum!" Roller gasped upon seeing Jum latched onto Hops leg.

Jum blushed and got off, "You look fabulous today, Roller~"

Roller ran to the Casino counter dropped the briefcase behind it, safe out of view.

He then turned to Kaoru, "Roller apologizes! Roller had to retrieve the last star chip!"

Kaoru giggled, "You're so cute." Then she frowned, "Can I talk to you? Miyabi is being so weird."

"Roller wonders what is on Kaoru's mind!" Roller yelled, but that was because he found it difficult to talk if he wasn't yelling. Kind of like Billy Mayes.

"Well, our friend, Cliff, killed himself the other day. I guess Miyabi really liked him because she's crying and whining about him all the time. I expected her to be mourning, but this is just ridiculous."  
Kaoru sighed, "I kind of wish Cliff was still here. Not because I care about that emo stoner or anything, but because it would make Miyabi happy and I wouldn't have to listen to her complain!"

Roller was silent for a moment, then his eyes widened. He jumped behind the counter and rummaged through Van's old briefcase, its contents flying in the air. The Death Note flew at Jum, who was hit by it and knocked over.

"Oooh the pain!" He cried as he fell back. Placing a head on his head, he pulled himself up and saw Hops standing over him, looking amused and in no way concerned.

Jum's eyes widened, "Liek, there's a monsters behind you!" he cried, running to safety.

Hops looked behind him, yet saw nothing suspicious, "Hey blingaling, wanna kick Jum?! I mean—the can. Kick the can is what I meant!" Hops also sounded like he was trying to see household products on an infomercial.

"Fo sho playa," Tep snapped the cell shut and stared kicking Jum, Hops joining in as well.

By the time that Jum had nearly ripped Hops leg off in defense, and Tep pulled a gun on them both, Roller found what he was looking for.

Climbing back over the counter, he looked at Kaoru with a smile on his face and hand open to reveal what he had found.

Kaoru's eyes widened, "Roller, what's that?"

&&&

On the 15th, Miyabi, Kaoru and Rock arrived at the church early.

Miyabi came up with the idea that they were to wear black, since she felt it only respectful to Cliff, black being the traditional funeral color.

Miyabi had begged Skye to buy her and Kaoru a dress, because any man who can afford leopard shirts and purple pants had to be wealthy.

Rock had just begged Ruby to buy him a black tuxedo, feeling that wearing a tuxedo made him powerful and sexy, which it really didn't.

Skye was to be at the funeral, but he would arrive when the other villagers were to enter. Because he didn't want anybody to recognize him, he decided to disguise himself. Who or what he was going to be dressed as, he didn't tell anybody.

Thomas was there already, 'preparing'. Since Carter was dead, he had to come up with a fake, sappy little speech about Cliff and what a wonderful life the poor child had.

"Feel free to say your goodbyes to Cliff before the funeral." Thomas hung his head and faked a remorseful tone.

Rock was too busy looking into a hand mirror to worry about saying goodbye to Cliff at the moment.

Miyabi walked up to the open casket but couldn't bring herself to look inside. Well, she couldn't bring herself to look at Cliff's dead face so instead she focused her attention on his crotch.

Before she knew it, she found her hand reaching for it.

"Miyabi!" Kaoru snapped from behind the girl, pulling her away from the unfortunate dead man, "Don't molest dead guys!"

"But...but..." Miyabi almost started crying again.

"Go touch Rock instead, if you're that desperate." Kaoru needed an excuse to get Miyabi away from Cliff.

Miyabi sniffled. She needed a fix so Rock would do, "Rock~ give mommy some sugar~" she whimpered, sulking over to the blonde.

Rock laughed lightly, "My mom is all the way in the other town! You're cute when you're being slow."

Miyabi wrapped her arms around his waist and slipped down to the floor, as if she had no energy what so ever, almost causing Rock to nearly fall on top of her, "Ahhhh..." she sounded dead.

"Whoa! Cheer up Miyabi! I was sad when I found out my getting high partner died, but then I figured he's probably in a better place now." Rock tried to break free of the anchor-like Miyabi.

Miyabi groaned, "The best place he could ever be is in my bed....in me, actually."

"What, are you going to eat him or something?" Rock smiled.

Miyabi stared at the dumb blonde, giving him the _'Are you stupid?!_' look.

Rock stared back, blinked, the gasped, "Oh, you mean _'in you'_ like..._sex_."

Miyabi sighed and turned to look at the casket containing the pretty boy once more. She almost died when she did look.

"Kaoru, what are you doing?" She asked the girl who was leaning over the casket and moving her right arm around.

Kaoru's eyes widened and she spun around, hiding her right hand behind her back, "I was…" she needed to think of something to distract Miyabi. "I was trying to touch Cliff. I wanted to feel his wonderful...cock."

Miyabi now dyed a bit on the inside, but she enjoyed it.

"Kaoru! I have taught you well!" She jumped off of Rock and giggled, "Soon you'll become a slut, just like me!"

"Yes, Miyabi. One day soon." Kaoru slipped something into Cliff's pocket and walked away from the casket.

Thomas was sitting on the pews, reading a magazine and blushing as he did so, "Oh...she's good..."

&&&

The funeral started at six. People were already filing in as the nonexistent clock sounded off, marking that the majority of the day was already over.

Miyabi, Kaoru and Rock sat in the middle second row from the top, on the right side of the church. Rock was looking into the mirror once again, until Miyabi snatched it from him so she could examine her dress and hair before Skye arrived. Kaoru watched people filing in, bored and with nothing better to do.

The closed, black casket rested on the makeshift altar. Flowers brought by villagers surrounded it.

"Can I have my mirror back?" Rock frowned at Miyabi.

"Shut up Rock, Mommy is still looking."

Kaoru's eyes narrowed when she saw a girl she didn't recognize. The women was wearing a morbid looking hat with a black veil over her face, matching her dress.

She walked over to Kaoru and as she did so, Kaoru smelt curry.

Oh, that wasn't a woman, that was just Skye in disguise. That was a little homo, even for him.

Skye moved passed Kaoru and Rock.

Rock winked at him, "Hey babe."

Skye wanted to slap him but that would seem like a rude thing to do at a funeral.

"Skye!" Miyabi forgot to whisper upon seeing her boyfriend dressed in such womanly clothes.

He simply smiled and sat down next to her.

"Hello, darling~" he greeted, then glared at Rock, "Don't call me babe again."

"Whoa, babe!" Rock gasped, "You sound like a gay guy!"

Skye refrained from snapping at him, thinking that it would be ungentlemanly to snap at anyone in any situation.

Kaoru continued to look around. Gray and Mary sat in the row across from them. Ann, who was crying openly, sat with her father in the front row of the left side. Karen, Rick, Popuri and Lillia all sat in the back right row while Sasha and Jeff sat on the other side of them, the left row. Gotz and Zach sat next to Sasha and Jeff. Elli, Trent and Ellen, along with little Stu, were sitting in the top pew in the right row. (Kaoru swore she saw Gotz wearing a pin of the English flag.) Won had even come. He slipped into a spot behind Skye and Miyabi.

"Hello, miss. I have not seen you here before. What your name?" he tapped Skye's shoulder.

"Won, it's me, Skye." Skye turned his head slightly.

Won gasped, "Skye!" he whispered, "Why you dressed like woman?!"

"It's a disguise," Skye winked and turned back to face Miyabi.

"Rawr," Miyabi smiled, wrapping her arm around Skye's.

After it seemed that everyone had settled, Thomas, who had been reading the magazine and blushing ever since Miyabi and her friends first arrived at four 'o clock, walked up to the altar and cleared his throat.

"I like to thank everyone for coming. It means a lot to Cliff. You citizens represent me well. It's not like a mayor from a neighboring town is spying on us as we participate in this funeral or anything, I just think it's great to have faithful followers."

He gave the strange, unknown man in the back of the room a suspicious look, then continued, "Where was I? Oh, right, Cliff. As you all know, Cliff passed away on Spring 10th. This was five days ago, for those of you who can't count," (which was pretty much everybody), "It was such a tragic day. He died trying to protect this village from the evil plans that he believed our innocent Pastor Carter had."

Thomas lied, of course, but he honestly didn't know what had happened other than Carter and Cluff being dead, so he twisted the story into making Cliff look like a hero.

"We will always remember his sacrifice."

Sniffling and sobbing noises echoed from around the room. Miyabi started crying again and Skye tried to comfort her.

"Cliff was such a hard working, dedicated man and we all loved his completely shy and closed personality. He never really talked to any of us, but did that stop us from caring? No! I'm sure that if everyone had a wish right now, it would be that Cliff were alive right now," Thomas continued then pinched himself to try and make it look like he was teary eyed.

Miyabi and Ann started bawling now, both trying to hide it by burying their faces in the chest of the nearest man, Ann hiding in her father and Miyabi in Skye. Miyabi also tried to cop a feel while she was at it.

"I know that I will miss him. He has a good man with a promising future." Thomas hung his head and sniffled. "Would anyone like to say something about Cliff?"

Rock sniffled as he stood up, "I do!"

Everyone adverted their attention to the pretty blonde.

"Cliff was like a brother to me. He was a great friend and I'll always remember him! He's the only guy I used to get high with--" Rock stopped when he realized he said that he and Cliff got high.

His mind stopping temporarily, although some will argue and say it never started up to begin with, he fought for words to say, anything that would turn this situation around. The villagers just started at him with jaws dropped.

"Uh- when I say high I mean, going high into the mountains and singing happy songs about love and peace!" Now, instead of sounding like a stoner, he was making himself out to be a gay hippie.

The villagers all nodded and smiled.

"Cliff always used to deliver wine to the Inn," Karen piped up, standing and getting the crowd's attention. "God, I don't think I would be alive today if it weren't for his wine delivering!"

Many people cheered at this.

"He was such a friend to my daughter," Doug started, "she really enjoyed his company."

Many people _"Aww'd"_ at this.

Miyabi continued to touch Skye, who was trying to push her away, knowing that Miyabi was getting a little too carried away to be doing this at a funeral.

Miyabi stopped in time to speak, "I may not have known Cliff very well," she started, "But he was hot, and I appreciate that!""

Many people cheered to this as well, even though this was funeral. Actually, funerals shouldn't be all sad. They are about remembering your loved ones, right? Why only discuss things that make you cry? Everyone needed to laugh and love too, especially after a death as tragic as Cliff's.

If Carter, Pastor Carter, were alive, I'm sure he'd say something about Cliff having a nice ass.

"I don't really know Cliff all too well," Kaoru stood, "but I could tell that he was a sweet guy. A little shy, but I know he probably had a really caring heart if someone were to just break that barrier he put up around himself."

She felt herself getting emotional, which wasn't normal since she never got emotional about men unless they were two feet tall and had green hair, "Come to think of it…he was actually opening up to people. He tried to be friendly and nice, despite his social disadvantage, such as being shy. We should really appreciate his strength."

Many people started crying a bit now.

"Yes, Cliff was a nice boy." Elli said softly. "He was very healthy and rarely got sick. If he ever did need medical attention, he was so sweet about it and thanked me for everything. Even when he was in pain, he just smiled and carried on."

Thomas noticed the the rival mayor, who was spying on them, was getting a bit annoyed by the kindness of the villagers. Thomas had to do something about that.

"Ahem!" He brought everyone's attention on himself. "Yes, Cliff was a nice young man with a good state of mind. He had no problems what so ever and never once said anything rude and offensive--"

Just then, the top of the casket flew open.

"THE FUCKING SHARK STILL HAS MY BAJINGER!" Cliff, who was supposed to be dead, bolted up to a sit as he shouted.

Everyone freaked out.

Mary vomited all over the pews and Gray, who had been reluctant to sit next to her in the first place. The pew in front of them sizzled away, along with Gray'ss clothes, due to the high acidic value of Mary's puke. Gray screamed and threw his top off before the acid like waste could burn his very fine body.

Ellen feel back and had a heart attack. Elli and Trent frantically tried to assist her.

Rick fell into the isle and started hyperventilating. "Kai, Kai, Kai," He repeated, hugging himself. If taken out of context, it he sounded like he was jerking off while continuously gasping Kai's name.

Karen dropped to her knees by Rick and tried to calm him down.

Ann fainted and luckily Doug was strong enough to catch her before she crashed to the ground.

"Zombie! He'll eat our brains!" Stu cheered, throwing rocks, because he always kept rocks in his pocket, at Cliff, but missed each time.

Jeff developed a terrible stomach ache and feel to the floor, Sasha trying to keep him from doubling over.

Skye and Rock simply stared at Cliff in disbelief.

Miyabi also stared, jaw dropped. In fact, she was so busy staring that she didn't notice Kaoru smirking.

Cliff was...alive?


	18. God Save Our King

Cliff looked around at the chaos that engulfed the entire room. Everyone was on the floor, either because they had fallen down for some inane reason for because they were helping a person who had fallen down for some inane reason.

However, it wasn't the chaos that struck Cliff as awful, it was the fact that he was in the church--the place where he murdered Carter, then killed himself.

He fell back against his casket, "I'm in Hell," he told himself. "I died and went to Hell..."

Because Cliff thought this, he expected Carter to waltz over to him and try to pat his ass again. Another miserable thought of Cliff's was that his sister would come to him and tell him that she never really loved him.

He groaned and closed his eyes, preparing to suffer his fate for the rest of eternity.

"Cliff!" he heard a familiar voice cry out as its owner approached his casket. Leaning over and peering inside was Miyabi.

Eyes still closed, he groaned, "It's okay Sis, you don't have to tell that you were faking those orgasms, I already know! It's a hard thing to say, but this relationship is over!"

"What the hell, Cliff?!" Miyabi gasped. She spun around to look at all the occupied people. She had to get Cliff out of there. "Cliff," Miyabi turned back to him, "get out!"

"I-I can't. I'm trapped in here forever--"

"If I take off my shirt, will you get out?"

Cliff blinked. "You mean, you still love me?"

"Rock has drugs waiting for you!!" Miyabi cried in a desperate attempt to make Cliff move.

To her pleasure, Cliff gasped, "I knew Rock would pull through for me! Hey! I know where I am now. I'm in Heaven!"

"That's great, but could you hurry up a bit? Rock is impatient." Miyabi bit her lower lip and looked at the flustered Thomas who was trying to explain the situation to the short, fat, and bald, not to mention cross, man in the corner of the room.

That Thomas look-alike was apparently the rival mayor.

Cliff hopped out of the death case and looked around the room for Rock who was now hitting on Skye, still thinking that Skye was a woman.

"Babe," Rock smiled sadly. "Don't get so mad! All I said was that you sounded like a gay guy!"

Skye threw off his hat, revealing his true identity, "It's me, that guy you met the night you got high."

Rock did a double take, "Dude, you look like a lesbian!"

Kaoru nodded and Skye only seethed, "That is not true! I am more man than you'll ever be," he said to Rock.

"Let's just get out of here," Kaoru suggested, making her way into the isle after being careful not to step on anyone's downed body.

Once Rock and Skye were clear of the pews, Kaoru walked up to Miyabi. "Miyabi, let's go."

Miyabi turned to face Kaoru and frowned as she did so, "But--we can't leave Cliff here!"

"Rock!" Cliff cried, spotting Rock.

"Eh?" The blonde turned into the direction of the call and nearly gasped as he saw Cliff speeding towards him. It turned out that all Cliff wanted to do was hug him,

"My sister told me that you had marijuana!" he was grinning widely now, "so, so, where is it?!"

Rock laughed, "I wish I had marijuana!"

Cliff stared at him for a brief moment. Then he punched Rock in the face.

"Ahh!" Rock cried and fell on his ass.

Cliff sniffled, "I'm back in Hell!!"

Theb he spotted Skye out of the corner of his eye and turned to him, "Aren't you that gay guy I met at the party?"

Skye cried, "Why does everyone identify me with homos?!"

"Zombie, zombie!!" Stu shouted, running over to Cliff and kicking him in the shin repeatedly.

"Hey!" Cliff stumbled backwards and into Kaoru, who was walking away from Miyabi.

"Oh," she let out a small gasp as Cliff bumped into her, "Cliff, pull yourself together!"

Cliff turned to look at the blonde girl he had just stumbled into to, "A-are you my mother?"

"Sir, I am afraid that zombies are illegal in Mineral Town!" Cried policeman Harris as he ran up to Cliff. "You are under arrest."

"...do we even_ have_ a jail in this town?" Cliff frowned at him.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, all prisoners are confined in Honorable Mayor Thomas's basement!" He said very authoritatively.

Cliff gasped, "So that's what happened to Claire!"

"I thought I was supposed to be Claire," Kaoru huffed.

"If I take my shirt off, will you not arrest him?" Miyabi suggested.

"....Yes." Harris blushed, "uh-I mean, no! No way will I belittle the law for sexual desires--"

Miyabi took Cliff's wrist in her hand and ran out. This caused Kaoru and Skye to immediately follow. Rock, however, was a bit slower. "Hey guys, I found my mirror--" he blinked at the four people now rushing out the door. "H-hey!" He cried, chasing after them.

Harris put a foot forward to run off in hot pursuit when Rick rolled right in his way, "Kai, Kai, Kai..." he still gasped, continuing to nervously hyperventilate.

"What the hell?!" Harris gaped, pulling his foot back and away from Rick's shaking body.

Karen slid down to Rick's new spot, smiling nervously up at Harris, "He has some issues…" She then looked down at Rick and laughed just as nervously, "You can't really blame him!"

Shaking his head, Harris hopped over Rick and pivoted, aiming for the open church doors. His father called, "Harris! Get over here and arrest this man for questioning my authority!"

Harris groaned and waddled over to Thomas and the other balding old man.

"Now see here!" The blonde dressed in blue cried, "You can't arrest me for this! I will have you arrested if you arrest me!!"

While the two mayors pitted it out verbally and Harris stood there trying to decide who to arrest, Miyabi, Cliff, Kaoru, Skye and Rock, made it safely out of the church. They ran, as fast as possible, which wasn't fast considering that three of them were in a dress, to Jack's farm.

Meanwhile, at the farm, Jack stood under the night sky as he watched Stacy grazing before him.

"Listen, Stacy, you aren't mad, are you?" he frowned.

The horse scoffed and continued to eat, narrowing its eyes.

"Oh, come on!" He threw up his arms, "You can't blame me! That night the strange guy stole you, I never thought I'd see you again. You have to understand, Z is nothing compared to you!" he tried to reason with the horse.

Stacy looked up at the little pony prancing happily around the field.

It tripped over itself and tumbled right into the ground.

Stacy turned his head, "_Neigh_." he voiced flatly.

Just then, he saw the group of the perverted-crossdressing-Sprite loving-emo-airheads coming into his farm.

Stacy ran off towards them.

"Stacy!" Jack cried, "I want you back!"

"_NEIGH_!" Stacy huffed.

"Stacy!" Kaoru called and the horse came to a halt in front of the young woman. She hopped on top of him with ease, while Miyabi was afraid to even try to get on.

"We'll have to take Cliff back to the Valley!" Miyabi called persistently, looking up at Kaoru.

"Fine by me, but that means you and Rock will have to walk."

She offered her hand to Cliff, who looked at the horse with intimidated eyes.

"T-thanks for this," Cliff said shyly, taking Kaoru's hand and pulling himself up onto the horse.

Skye looked to Miyabi, "I'll be fine--I have friends here. Take care of yourself, darling~"

"Stay sexy," Miyabi told him, feeling her heart saddened by their soon-to-be departure. She leaned into him and they kissed one last time that night.

Jack sniffled and turned away as he approached them. "Just go. I can't bear to look at Stacy anymore..."

"Just look at me, babe." Miyabi smiled at Jack.

"You're stealing my word again!" Rock frowned.

Before Miyabi could say anything back to Rock, Stacy trotted off with Kaoru and Cliff.

"Hey!" Miyabi huffed, following after them with Rock close behind.

Skye was left with Jack, who was staring at him. Skye turned to face Jack with an annoyed look on his face, "What? Are you going to tell me that I'm gay, too?"

"...No."

Skye sighed, "Then what?"

"I was going to ask you out..."

"Ah!" Skye cried, running off into the night while doing his best not to trip over his dress. Unfortunately, it was dark and he couldn't see a thing. He ran around and just so happened to trip and fall into the pond.

Meanwhile, Stacy was trying to walk at a pace slow enough for Miyabi and Rock, and the task had become painstaking. Rock was already complaining about walking too far,

"Can't I ride the horse?" he continued to whine, "Cliff isn't even that special. He's not big or beautiful, like me."

Miyabi crossed her arms and tried not to get angry with the blonde that was straggling behind, "Cliff is special," she started, closing her eyes, "he came back to life."

Cliff blinked, "S-so I'm not dead?"

"Of course not, silly," Miyabi smiled, loving how good it felt to talk to Cliff again, and even look at this gorgeous figure. Then she frowned, "Wait, how did you even come back to life?"

Before Kaoru could say anything of her super ingenious plan, they heard the familiar voice of Harris, "STOP IN THE NAME OF LOVE!"

They stopped in their tracks and turned around to face the angry policeman.

He had made it just in time, even after arresting the other mayor and his own father, which had taken up quite a bit of time. Luckily, he had made it to the farm just as Jack was helping a poor woman out of a pond and now had the criminals caught near Gotz's house.

"You're under arrest for aiding in this zombie's escape!"

"He's not a zombie!" Miyabi shouted back.

"You!" Gotz roared, running out of his house, which was strange because last they saw him, he was at the church, "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO ARREST THESE BRITISH PEOPLE YOU RACIST BASTARD!" he cried, charging at Harris and tackling him to the ground.

The four very scared but thankful people decided that they should use this opportunity to escape. And so ran for it.

&&&

They arrived well into the late night, although none of them knew the exact time. Miyabi and Rock were holding it together as best they, even though they thought their legs would fall off at any second. Rock couldn't even make it into the Inn. He collapsed right outside of it.

Cliff hopped off the horse and looked up at Kaoru, "Thanks," he whispered.

"I thought you could use the help," She said, trying not to smile even though she liked that he thanked her.

"Can't we just go home now?" Miyabi groaned, falling down to the floor and slipping into sleeping position.

Suddenly, Cliff's pocket started to glow a bright white.

Kaoru, Miyabi and Cliff all stared at it. Cliff's jaw dropped and he wondered if whatever was in there might explode and kill him for good this time.

Miyabi laughed, "Is that a flashlight in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"Miyabi, you've got to stop stealing jokes," Kaoru said flatly.

Cliff reached into his pocket and pulled the glowing object out. When he did, it stopped glowing and the three of them could see what it was, even if Kaoru already knew.

It was a sausage.

"Ah!" Cliff cried, quickly tossing it as if it were some radioactive material.

Miyabi and Stacy also backed away, fearing the same thing as Cliff.

It bounced and landed on the ground in the middle of their little triangle. Miyabi jumped up, "W-what the hell?!"

Kaoru smiled, "Wow, that's pretty weird. Why did you have a glowing sausage in your pocket, anyway?"

"I...I don't know..." Cliff continued to stare at it, still thinking it might explode.

Stacy ate it.

"The fuck, Stacy?" Miyabi cringed.

Kaoru sighed, "You'll be fine, Miyabi." Then she turned to Cliff, "Don't go off killing yourself again, okay?"

"O-okay..." He told her, still freaked out by the fact that Stacy ate the glowing sausage.

With that being said, Miyabi and Kaoru made their way home, and Cliff went up to Rock's room, leaving Rock collapsed outside the Inn.

Later that night, Murry made his usual rounds. Most people were asleep inside or were they were just plain awake, so stealing things happened to be very hard. Tonight, however, he got lucky when he saw Rock sleeping outside the Inn.

Murry checked Rock's pocket and saw that the poor guy was broke. So he stole his necklace instead.

&&&

The next morning, Miyabi could barely control her laughter. She had tried so hard to hold it in the moment she first looked at Kaoru, but now she let it escape, "Haha! If you're hair was brown, I could call you Miss Banana or something totally lame like that!"

Kaoru sighed and ran a hand through her blonde hair. "I like the color yellow, what can I say?" Kaoru was decked out in yellow overalls and a white t-shirt with yellow stripes, thus earning her the horrid mockery from Miyabi. "Besides, you're colorful too. Orange and white top with a yellow skirt and _light seagreen jeans_ underneath?"

"Hey," Miyabi narrowed her eyes and said defensively, "my clothes are sexy."

"If you're selling sherbet ice cream to little kids, then yes." Kaoru smiled and opened the door to let Kevin and Train in.

"Oh yeah?" Miyabi crossed her arms and got up from her bed. "Overalls aren't hot at all!"

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?" Kaoru voice was really too amused. She walked over to their makeshift fridge--which was really just some boxes of food on the floor-- and pulled out a package of rice balls.

Miyabi scoffed and walked a few steps towards Kaoru. "I think you're just jealous that real men like me."

"As far as I've seen, they don't like you. You've always tried to touch them without their say," she opened the package as Kevin jumped up on her, trying to get the food, "and I don't like it."

Miyabi laughed, a bit unbelieving, "W-what?"

"I was shocked, at first, to know that you didn't have the decency to even ask them if you could touch them. What if you met someone along the way that doesn't like it? What would you do then?" Kaoru bent down and set the food out for Kevin, who nearly bit her hand off trying to get it, as if Kaoru and Miyabi had been starving him for weeks. (Which they kind of had been.)

Miyabi looked at Kaoru with a blank expression and let her arms drop. "Well, you know…I'm sure it's not that big of a deal…Rock and Cliff love it. Sure, they may not say it, but haven't you seen how hard they get when it I--"

"Just be careful. You've perverted this game enough, okay? Not all guys are the romantic types."

"Actually…no guy here is really romantic except my Skye baby~" Miyabi purred happily.

"OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T MET MARLIN!" Cried the voice of a distant Marlin fan girl.

"...That was freakin' disturbing..." Miyabi cringed, "where did that even come from?"

"I...I don't know..." Kaoru didn't notice Kevin sneaking into the bread box, or Train clawing at a bag of flour and creating a whole, causing the white powder to pour out from the bottom.

"Anyway…what was I saying? Oh yeah. About Skye. He's packin' heat too, you know."

Kaoru gasped when she saw Train and Kevin. She pulled Train away from the flour and picked Kevin out of the bread box. She gave Kevin a sad face and the dog whimpered as if saying sorry.

"Twenty Roller dongs could make one Skye dong," Miyabi continued to explain.

"Miyabi," a smile played on Kaoru's lips, "Skye is cheesy, and he looks gay."

"Is there something wrong with that?!" Miyabi stomped her foot.

Kaoru giggled and stood, "If you're into that sort of thing, then no, but it's really disturbing to know that you'd like a guy who looks so much like a girl!"

"Hey! Are you calling me gay?" Miyabi huffed.

"Yeah, pretty much." Kaoru laughed, walking to the door.

"You do not just walk away from me after saying LIES about me!" Miyabi snapped, pointed a finger at Kaoru.

"Oh, I believe I just did." Whatever was making Kaoru enjoy upsetting Miyabi, she didn't know, but it felt good, either way. Besides, she wasn't trying to be _mean_ about it, she was trying to have fun.

With that, she walked out the door.

Inside, Miyabi was still pouting, "I...he...Skye doesn't look gay! D-does he...?"

&&&

Kaoru decided to hang out with her friends, the Harvest Sprites. As she walked out of the farm, she noticed Cliff and Rock outside of the Inn. Rock looked very panicked. Out of plain curiosity, she walked over to them.

"Is there something wrong?"

Cliff looked at Kaoru, "Um, Rock is freaking out because he says someone stole his necklace..."

"Someone did steal it!" Rock cried, falling to his knees.

"If it's just a necklace, can't you get a new one?" Kaoru narrowed her eyes.

"No babe, you don't understand! I can't touch my drugs unless I have that on!" He choked on his nonexistent tears.

Cliff gasped, "W-what!"

"It's true!" Rock cried.

"Hmm, well…" Kaoru hated to hear a nearly grown man whine like that and over a necklace, even, so she tried to make him stop. "Miyabi and I will help you out. We'll get those drugs for you, alright?" she smiled sympathetically.

Rock jumped up and hugged her, "That's the spirit!"

Cliff smiled nervously, "Um, yeah, go get that weed!"

"We will." Kaoru gently pushed Rock off of her. "Oh, and if Miyabi happens to try to touch either of you, don't let her. Don't you dare think about sleeping with her, either," Kaoru cringed.

"W-why?" Rock frowned, thinking that Miyabi would be his only chance at losing his virginity. Aside from the ocean, that is.

"Because she probably has AIDS. Oh, and never ever, ever get her pregnant. Never."

"Whoa!" Rock gasped, "Sex makes babies?!"

Cliff and Kaoru both stared at him blankly, not believing what they just heard.

"Yes," Kaoru started. "During intercourse, there is a chance that the female could get pregnant and eventually have a child…"

"I didn't know that either!" Rock's mind was boggled.

"W-well where did you think babies came from?" Cliff asked, amused, sad and shocked all at the same time.

"....the ocean."

"Well," Kaoru faked a laugh, "that's cute, Rock, but I think I should go now. You have fun finding that necklace, alright?"

"You have fun finding my weed?" Rock offered, feeling stupid.

"I will try~" She waved to them both and headed off to Sprites Inc.

&&&

"Welcome welcome welcome!" Guts greeted Kaoru as she walked in, "it's a funny thing, but last time you came, I think I sort of blacked out out out!" he chuckled.

Kaoru frowned, "Oh, that's a sad thing to hear."

"Oh!" Guts nearly dropped his abacus, "This reminds me! I have something to tell you! Bad bad bad!"

"Bad?" Kaoru questioned, furrowing her brows and looking to Guts.

"The Witch Princess got bored and decided to use one out of Harvest Sprites in her magical potion potion potion!" Guts gasped. "Could you retrieve him for us?"

Kaoru gasped as well. "Of course! Which one did she take?"

"Bran." Guts hung his head.

Kaoru sighed with relief. At least it wasn't Roller, "I'll go there. Where does this Witch live?"

"Next to the Villa Villa Villa! It's to the left, you can't miss it. She lives in a small little shack shack shack!"

"Right. Tell Roller I said I said hi."

"Roller!" Guts called, "Kaoru says _'Hi hi hi'_!"

"Roller shall spray today!" Came the faint voice of the Sprite downstairs.

Kaoru was strangely aroused by that.

Guts shook his pudgy head, "I never understand what that guy is saying saying saying!"

x-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-x

Kaoru didn't know whether to knock or just enter. Well, standing outside the Witch's shack, wasn't getting her anywhere. She pushed the door open.

The Witch was standing over her cauldron which was filled with purple ooze, her back turned to the door. Over all, the house looked rather messy. Book shelves lined the back but some books were thrown on the floor. A dead frog lay off to the right and pieces of paper sat scattered on the floor. Kaoru got bad vibes from this place.

"Say that you hate the Goddess!" Witchy threatened the Sprite by holding Bran over the purple liquid.

"Never!" Bran bravely shot back, struggling to get free.

The Witch sighed, "Looks like I'll have to eat you."

Bran gasped, "You monster!"

Witchy smirked, "Why, thank you."

"Hold it right there!" Kaoru cried.

Both the Witch and Bran gasped as the Princess spun her broom around to face Kaoru. Her eyes lit up, "Oh! I just love _female_ visitors!"

"Don't try to sweet talk me, I'm here for my friend!"

Bran sniffled, "I'm saved!"

"Ha! What makes you think I'd listen to you?" The Witch moved her arm, now holding Bran over the pot again.

"Because I'm the one who's going to bring the Goddess back!" Kaoru said firmly, placing both hands on her hips, "and because I love these Sprites!"

The Witch gasped in shock. She was so shocked that she accidentally dropped Bran into the cauldron.

"Aaah!" The Sprite cried, falling into the ooze. He panicked and started flailing around until he finally sunk into the potion.

Kaoru gasped and stared in horror.

"Oops..." the Witch looked into the pot.

After a few second, bubbling was heard. Kaoru's eyes widened in anticipation. Then the Sprite popped up out of the liquid, gasping for breath, "Hey, is this grape juice?!"

The Witch cursed, "I like to use my imagination..." then she looked to Kaoru and smiled evilly, "Didn't you say something about you loving the Sprites? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that I love them!" Kaoru had recovered from the initial shock and was now acting brave again, "I have deep sexual feelings for Roller. Okay, that's not really important right now…Anyway, give Bran back!"

The Witch cackled and almost fell off her broom, "You can have him!" She pulled him out of the pot and tossed him at Kaoru. "Why don't you run along cutie--_I mean_, young lady. I have much better things to think about than those Harvest Sprites! I don't want either of you in my house!" she pushed Kaoru, who was holding Bran, out the door. Then she slammed it shut.

"She likes the Harvest Sprites, eh?" (That sentence proves that the Witch is Canadian.)

The Witch paced back and forth, "This means I get to curse her! She'll have to fall in love with a complete loser! She'll be unhappy for the rest of her life!" she cackled more, "This is too great!" then she stopped pacing and narrowed her eyes, "Hmm, with Rick already taken, who will I make her love?"

After giving it much thought, she decided it would be between two boys, since there were only really two other sad, wimpy, whining, pathetic excuses for real men in this town--Rock and Cliff.


	19. Zach the Asterisk

A/N: Yikes! Sorry for the loooong wait. I got really distracted from this fanfic. This chapter gets graphic.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

While the Witch continued to think about who to make Kaoru fall for, while Cliff continued to hide out in Rock's room, while Rock continued to look for his necklace, while Murry ate Rock's necklace, while Kaoru continued to be the only one to do the farm work, while Miyabi and Skye continued to have sex, days passed. Two days, actually.

None of the Mineral Town villagers bothered to look for Cliff. Before his arrest, Thomas had gotten them to believe that Cliff really was a zombie and that that was just as bad as Cliff actually being dead. Besides, people had other things to worry about.

First of all, Doug was getting scared because Ann had become suicidal. Ann blamed it on Cliff's 'death', but Doug blamed it on Ann getting too close to Cliff and Cliff spreading his _'disease'_ to her.

Elli and Trent had three cases to worry about, two medical and one mental. Ellen was resting in the hospital and recovering from her heart attack. Jeff was put on Pepto Bismol. Unfortunately, the real cause of his stomach pain, on the day that Cliff came back to life especially, was because his appendix had burst. The doctor and his nurse had frantically tried to fix that, once they found out. Rick was put in the hospital just because...well, it seemed like somewhere he'd belong.

Sasha was busy running the Supermarket. Because Duke and Manna were dead, Karen decided to take up running the Winery. She usually just drank wine all day, which is what she considered 'work'.

Mary had to pay for the damages to the pews and Gray's work uniform. While in the process of handing the money over to Gray, she vomited on the money. It dissolved, but on the bright side, Gray drew his hand away before he could lose it. The second person Mary had to pay was Gotz, who had bought out the Church with the money he earned by selling overpriced house extensions. (Actually, the church cost about one-thousand gold since no one wanted it, it being the home to a murder, a suicide and some kind of awakening of the dead.)

With Rick out of commission, Lillia ordered Popuri to take over the Yodel Ranch. Too bad Popuri didn't know the difference between a cow and a sheep.

Stu was lonely since Elli and Ellen were both always at the hospital. So he decided to steal porn from Thomas's house and read it. He also called his seven year old child-entrepreneur friend, May.

Harris was busy listening to Thomas, who was locked in his basement along with the rival mayor, complain about Harris letting him out. Truthfully, Thomas did nothing wrong. Harris just wanted to send his father to prison, hoping that if he went to prison, he'd turn gay and give all his Playboy to Harris. Harris would have stolen it, but he couldn't find them so he figured that Thomas hid them. He didn't know that Stu stole the magazines, and was the reason to why they went missing.

Zach and Won pretty much did what they normally did. Zach took steroids and Won cheated people out of their money by selling overpriced apples from Brazil.

The point is, Cliff was unhappily living with Rock, not bothered by any of the villagers in Mineral Town.

Being dead was almost as bad as living with Rock. _Almost_.

**&&&**

On the morning of the 17th of Spring, Kaoru sat outside the house, contemplating whether to get up and walk off the farm. Skye had spent the night last night and now he and Miyabi were at it. Kaoru has pleaded for them to hold out on the sex until morning. It was very hard to sleep when you heard moaning and gasping all night long.

Kaoru finally decided to go when she head Skye say,

"Come on barbie--let's go party!"

and then heard Miyabi squeak and gasp, "Ah~, ah~ ah~! Y-yeah!"

Kaoru got up and knocked on the door, "Could you be a little quieter?"

What she heard in return thoroughly disturbed her and she ran off before hearing any other strange sex noises Skye and Miyabi made.

Just as she was about to exit the farm, she noticed cotton candy hair strolling towards her. Kaoru stopped. Popuri got distracted by a butterfly and started chasing it.

"Can I help you?"

Popuri jumped and looked up at Kaoru, "Hello!" she squeaked all giddy like.

Kaoru didn't like extremely happy people, but she decided that if Popuri was there on a Tuesday, it must be for an important reason. Either that or she just got lost finding her way back to her house and had somehow stumbled upon the Valley.

"Good morning," Kaoru greeted, still weary of the stranger as the cheery` girl approached.

"Oh wait--let me think! I know I came here to tell you something!" Popuri frowned, biting her lower lip and furrowing her brows as she racked her for the most part empty brain. "Don't give me any hints," she warned, "I can figure this out!"

"Popuri, I don't know what you're going to tell me, so therefore, I can't give you any hints-"

"Oh!" Popuri smiled, "I was going to tell you that Rick is a total," and her voice got a bit angry, "idiot!"

"Um, I don't think that was it." Kaoru was getting slightly annoyed.

Popuri ignored her, "Now that he's in the hospital, I can't beat him with a whip without Elli telling me not to! What a ho!" Popuri huffed.

"...Popuri, maybe you should go home now." Kaoru looked off to the sides, hoping to spot something or someone that could distract Popuri.

The red eyed girl gasped, "I know what I wanted to tell you! Tomorrow is the duck festival! So I'm like, supposed to host it at the beach and everything! So you should, like, totally come, like, yeah?" Popuri looked at Kaoru with wide, expecting eyes filled with glee.

"Um, sure, I'll think about it." Kaoru faked a smile.

"Think about it!" Popuri gasped, "No no! You should liek, totally go! My festivals are, like, so much cooler than my stupid brothers! And we'll have ducks at my festival! Ducks are so s-"

"Good day to you, young British lady!" The gruff voice of Gotz called from behind Popuri.

Popuri turned around, "It's the scary mountain man!" she shirked, then took off running.

Kaoru blinked, "Hi?"

Gotz stopped in front of her, "I thought that it was my duty to let you folks from across the Pond know that tomorrow we're having the horse races in Mineral Town! Normally you couldn't participate because Harvest Moon DS is whack, but because this is dumb spoof series, you can!" He laughed heartily.

Kaoru's face lit up, "Horse race? Would I be able to enter?"

Gotz smiled, "Sure!"

Kaoru smiled as well, "And it's in Mineral Town tomorrow?"

"A ten 'o clock in the morning!"

"Thank you, um, Mister." Kaoru smiled at him, slightly guilty that she didn't know his name.

"I expect you to win!" Gotz said firmly, yet encouraging. "British horses are the fastest, you know!"

"That's right," Kaoru waved to him. "Thanks again, and I'll be sure to be there. And win."

"All hail the Queen of England!" Gotz cheered, stomping off.

_'Wow, that guy is so weird!'_ Kaoru thought to herself and then headed off to the Inn. She figured that Miyabi would want Rock to come with them to horse race, and since Miyabi was busy messing around with Skye, Kaoru brought it upon herself to let Rock know. She felt bad that Cliff couldn't come, but she felt that Cliff being there would only create problems.

As she walked to the Inn, she saw Cliff rush out, looking rather urgent.

"Cliff!" She called, startling the nervous boy and making him jump to a stop.

Cliff looked towards the approaching girl and frowned uneasily, "H-hey."

"Don't tell me Rock's gone off and did, or is doing, something completely stupid and senseless."

"Well..."

**&&&**

Kaoru and Cliff both ran to the beach, unsure of what they were about to see, or if they even wanted to see what they thought they would. As soon as Kaoru was told what Rock planned to do, she knew that she had to stop him. Unfortunately for her and for however went to the beach within the next fifteen minutes, she didn't get there in time.

What they saw when they got there could scar anyone for life.

Flailing around in the ocean, naked, was Rock.

They both blushed like anyone would after seeing a naked man, but Kaoru wasn't enjoying it half as much as Cliff was. Quite simply, she was more disgusted than thrilled.

"R-Rock!" She called to the poor, young man that was splashing about in the water, trying to 'do' it. Kaoru, seeming to be the only one able to talk right now, continued, "What are you doing?!"

Rock must have noticed them because he turned to Kaoru with a smile on his face, "I'm having sex with the ocean! It's the scene all the fans have been dying to read!"

Kaoru cringed, "No, Rock! It's the scene everyone _thought_ they wanted to read!"

"Aw, come on Super K!" Rock splashed about a bit more, coming in closer to shore. "You're bringing me down!" At this, he looked as if he were humping the waves, which was very gross, if you could imagine.

"Super K?" Kaoru nearly cringed again. "Just get out of there! You look really ridiculous! Are you on drugs or something?"

Once poor Cliff recovered from seeing Rock, he decided to help Kaoru out a little bit, "Watch out! There are sharks in the ocean and stuff!"

"Sharks!" Rock laughed, "I'm not afraid of sharks! Remember, we punched them out last time!"

"We were high, Rock!" Cliff frowned, "Real ones will bite your bajinger off!"

Rock blinked, trying to soak in what Cliff had said. Sharks bite...off..bajingers?? Oh no! Rock couldn't have that! Sex was nothing without a bajinger! He began to frantically swim towards shore, as if he were stuck in the middle of the ocean during a Jaws movie. He then stood up and began to run, but tripped on the waves and fell head first into the shallow waters.

Finally he recovered and made it to the shore, apparently not caring if he was nude. After all, he thought Kaoru and Cliff were "privileged" to see him naked. He was very wrong.

Kaoru turned her head to save her eyes from seeing exposed Rock, Cliff doing the same.

"Maaaan," Rock whined, "I wish I were high again. I don't know what we were smoking last time! I just wanted to smoke something! Anything!"

"Y-you didn't know what we had last time?" Cliff cried, "W-what? I thought..."

Rock laughed, "Yeah, I think it's funny too! Hey, has anyone seen my clothes?" He looked around for them but they were nowhere in sight.

"Oh, you mean the clothes that are now floating off into the endless horizon?" Kaoru said flatly, pointing to the ocean where Rock's soaked clothes were drifting far, far away.

"Oh shit!" Rock cried, running to the shoreline. "Come back!" he reached out to the clothes that were already a mile out, lost forever.

Just then, a white flash blinded all three of them. "Ah!" They cried.

Once they could see again, Kaoru looked around for the source, knowing who and what it was. At the beginning of the beach was Takakura, with his camera.

Rock let out of girlish shriek and hid behind Cliff. Even though Rock was sure that Takakura, even as old and as manly as he was, would enjoy seeing Rock like that, (because in Rock's mind, everyone wanted him) he didn't want to have pictures taken of him because Rock hadn't yet gotten the operation like he wanted.

Takakura frowned a bit, "These won't sell as high as the others, but thanks for the money." and then walked off.

"That guy is clever." Cliff said quietly.

"I still need my clothes!" Rock whined, "Oh well...I guess I could always try to have sex with the ocean again. It seriously needs more practice!"

**&&&**

"Horse race?" Cliff repeated after Kaoru had explained the situation to them, "Oh..I remember those...I usually didn't go because I was too busy cutting myself, but I did go once. And the horse trampled me..."

"That's awful," Kaoru gasped, "What happened?"

"Oh," Cliff hung his head, "I was just sitting too close to the fence and Ann, in all her excitement, punched me and that knocked me into the fence, which knocked the fence over and the horse...it ran right over me while it was running. I couldn't move for weeks..."

"Wow," Rock gasped, "Your life sucks!"

Kaoru frowned, "I think you could have found better words of sympathy, Rock." she looked at him.

Rock looked puzzled, "What's _'sympathy'_?"

"I'm afraid to ask you if that was sarcasm or not, because it probably wasn't..." Kaoru turned away. "Oh, it looks like the Inn is up ahead. So, will you be able to make it, Rock?" she quickly looked to Cliff after she said that, "I'm sorry that you couldn't come, I just think the villagers would freak out a bit?"

Cliff frowned, "It's fine...before I had nightmares about sharks, I had nightmares about horses."

They stopped outside of the Inn, and yes, Rock was still nude. Kaoru stared at Cliff, not knowing what to say, "...I'm sorry..." came out quietly.

Lukina, who had been hiding inside his house and writing stuff on the piano, finally decided to approach Rock and tell him something very important.

That Lukina had lost the bet.

It just so happened that Lukina came to the Inn right as the two emotionally scarred adults were talking to Rock.

Lukina thought he noticed, from a distance, that Rock wasn't wearing anything so he ran over to them to get a closer look. He screeched to a halt a little passed the Blue Bar and stared. Thankfully he was wearing a thick dress, because if he wasn't, everyone would find out that he was a man.

"Oh, hey Lumi!" Rock smiled at him, as if nothing was strange or abnormal about the situation.

"R-R-Rock..." the blushing man stuttered, still staring downwards.

Rock blushed and laughed, "You can look at me all you want! But let me look you too, okay?"

"W-what?"

"Take your dress off!" Rock cheered.

Lukina shrieked, "No! I mean, don't be such a horny jerk, Rock. I'd never take off my dress for you."

"I think I'd better get going. If Miyabi and her gay boyfriend are still at it, I'd better stop them." Kaoru quickly ran off.

Cliff just ran off into the Inn and right into Rock's bedroom where he locked the door and started reading a manga called _'In The Dark'_. (Remember kids, he's not gay, he's just appreciative!)

Lukina shook his head, trying not to stare at Rock's bajinger. "Rock, I think it's time I act like a grown woman," the sad thing was that he didn't feel weird when he called himself a woman, "and come clean. I lost the bet we made."

Lukina found himself staring at Rock's bajinger again, which very closely resembled candy gummy worms.

Rock laughed a bit, "Bet? What bet?"

"...don't tell me that you forgot.." Lukina felt rather embarrassed now.

"Sorry, babe, I totally forgot! Bwhahaha!" Rock laughed.

Lukina was now blushing from pleasure, embarrassment and his newly developed emotion, anger. If you looked at his face you'd think his head would explode at any second.

Before Lukina could yell at Rock, Rock smiled at him, "Did I mention that I had sex with the ocean today?"

"Ah!" Lukina cried out in disgust, picking up his dress and running off, planning, when he got home, to write a lament on the piano called, _'I Wish To Sleep With A Freak'_.

**&&&**

Kaoru made it home and she didn't hear any noises from outside, so she figured either someone yelled at them to quiet down or they had stopped and Skye was gone, because if Skye was still there he and Miyabi would still be having sex.

Kaoru walked into the house, afraid of what she might see.

Skye wasn't there and Miyabi wasn't naked, thankfully. No, Miyabi was fully dressed and was straightening out the bed sheets.

Kaoru noticed her bed was stripped with nothing more then the scratched and beat up mattress lying on it, "Miyabi," she started, looking towards her 'roommate', "why did you steal my bed sheets and blanket? What happened to yours?"

Miyabi stopped patting the bed down and hesitated to speak, looking at Kaoru, "...the condoms were cheap."

**&&&**

The eighteenth came around rather quickly. Kaoru had convinced Miyabi to let her enter Stacy into the contest. Miyabi just wanted to go there so she could scope out the pretty boys. (Although, with Cliff reading yaoi at the Inn, Gray and Trent were pretty much the only studs left.)

It was only nine 'o clock when they arrived, but Kaoru suggested they get there early so she could get ready. When they arrived at the square, Thomas greeted them. Or rather, he would have, had he not been locked up in his own basement still.

Because there was no Thomas there to tell them that they "were too early" and that he needed time to "set things up", and pretend to set things up but instead read Playboy, they got in as Gotz, Gray, Jack, Trent and Doug, the only men able to work in that town, were setting up the tent.

As everyone very well knew, because Barely had accidentally killed himself in a Satanic ritual, Rick had taken over Yodel Ranch. So now Rick, who had recovered from his panic, was in charge of handing out the tickets, since it never should have been Thomas's place to do it to begin with!

Kaoru, being a kind and helping person, left Stacy with Rock and Miyabi and went off to help the guys set up.

Miyabi sighed, "Do you think Kaoru will win? I'm willing to bet lots of money on her, but I don't know if she'd be good enough."

"You know," Rock started, "If I could race, I'm sure I'd beat everyone!"

Miyabi didn't want to destroy his very high self esteem, so she let him believe those silly lies.

"Miyabi~" she then heard a voice whisper from behind her.

Rock was too busy thinking about himself and his fun time with the ocean to notice. Miyabi spun around to see Skye peeking out from behind a hill near the beach. With her eyes widening, she stealthily walked over to him.

"What's up, babe?" She turned around the hill, letting herself slip out of sight.

Skye brushed Miyabi's brunette hair back softly and smiled, "I noticed you were in town, so I just had to get close to you. You don't know how hard it is for me to control my feelings right now."

Miyabi laughed, "Seriously. I'd have sex with you right here, but you're such a screamer..."

Skye blushed lightly, "Well, I do enjoy it."

"Me too," Miyabi ran a hand through his soft, silver hair that had been recently washed with girlish shampoos. "Hey, you don't happen to know anyone who has steroids, do you? My friend is entering the horse race and I want her to win."

Skye blinked, "But that is cheating."

"I know," Miyabi looked down and bit her lip nervously, "but," she said in a cute, uneasy voice, "we don't have much money, and big fat man is threatening to kill me and my friends if I don't pay him by Autumn so it would be really helpful if you could do this for me."

Well, that wasn't how the real story went, but something like that.

Skye looked into her sad eyes and frowned. What should he do? After thinking about it for a few moments, he finally spoke, "I know a guy..."

Miyabi jumped and hugged his neck, kissing him lightly. "Thank you so much, babe! I'll pay you back, you'll see." She winked at him and walked off. "I'll be right back."

When she reached Rock, so gave him instructions, "Distract them and I'll make out with you later, kay?"

Rock smiled, "Score!" then ran off to the people setting up, "hey guys! I had SEX with the OCEAN!!!11!"

Everyone dropped whatever they were carrying and stopped whatever they were doing. Doug, who had been setting up the pole to hold up the tent, dropped it as he stared at Rock. The pole smashed against the poor man's head and he fell to the ground.

"Doug!" Jack cried, running over to the man on the floor.

Meanwhile, Miyabi lead Stacy to the beach. Once out of sight, she turned to Skye, "Where is he?"

"Follow me." Skye motioned, walking towards the little shack. Not the one where Kai worked, the one where Won and Zach lived.

Stacy and Miyabi stayed outside while Skye walked in.

Won was busy counting his money. When Skye entered, he looked up and smiled, "Fifty-thousand gold! We fifty-thousand gold better than Van!"

Skye smiled back, "Wonderful. Say, do you happen to know where Zach hides his 'vitamins'?"

Won looked back at his money and pointed idly towards a box lying against the north eastern wall.

"Thanks," Skye told him, walking over to it. He lifted the top and found a box filled with pill bottles. He picked out a bottle and slipped into his purple pocket, "Don't tell him it was me."

"I promise." Won said as Skye walked out.

**&&&**

By the time Miyabi had got done feeding the whole bottle to Stacy, made out with Skye, made out with Rock, made out with Skye again, told Won that she wouldn't make out with him and feed another bottle to Stacy, Kaoru and the men finished setting up.

Miyabi and Stacy walked back to the square while Skye told her that he'd be watching from a distance.

"Miyabi, I'm going to ride Stacy around town to get him ready." Kaoru hopped on, "don't bet on anything because if you do, I'll know."

Miyabi smiled, "Sure thing Super K."

"...where the hell are you two getting that?" Kaoru shook her head and sped off.

Miyabi just laughed.

Now, while Kaoru was off riding Stacy around, Miyabi had nothing to do so she sat next to Rick, who was handing out tickets and such, and decided to watch the other races since Kaoru planned to race last. Rock simply started flirting with the girls, which scared them quite a bit.

While Kaoru was out riding Stacy, and while Stacy was waiting for the steroids to kick in, they ran into Harris. He was perched outside his house, waiting for Cliff to show his face. He spotted Stacy and Kaoru running by. He jumped, "Hey!" he cried. "You can't ride a horse around town, that's illegal!"

"Eat my dust!" Kaoru cried as she sped past him.

After Harris had chased her around town seven times and had finally passed out, it was Kaoru's turn to race. Stacy trotted into the square and got settled at the starting line. Kaoru looked around at the other riders and saw them as no threat.

Gotz watched by the fence and threw a fist into the air, "GO GO GO! DO IT FOR ENGLAND! DO IT FOR BRITISH PRIDE! DO IT FOR THE QUEEN!!"

Rock had stopped flirting with the girls because each of the slapped him. Popuri because she remembered him from before, Ann because she was depressed and didn't want to hear it, Mary because Rock tried to create poetry but couldn't and Karen because she was doomed to love Rick. Elli wasn't there because she was trying to patch a hole in Jeff's appendix.

After betting all her money on Kaoru, Miyabi walked over to Rock and Gotz and began to watch, the smirk not leaving her face. Rick walked over to the race way and began to start. He blabbed about chickens, eggs and Kai for a bit before beginning the countdown.

**&&&**

Zach threw the box of steroids across the room and growled like an angry beast, "SOMEONE STOLE A BOTTLE OF SOME OF MY STRONGEST STEROIDS. WHO WAS IT?!!!?" He stormed over to Won, practically creating a tremor, and glared at the Asian man, "WAS IT YOU!?"

Won looked up with big, scared eyes, "Skye took it! I saw him give it to girl! Girl fed it to orange horse!"

Zach grabbed his gun from the corner of the room and rushed out, planning to get revenge.

**&&&**

"Chickens," Rick began the countdown.

Kaoru narrowed her eyes and set her focus on the path ahead.

"Eggs," Rick called out next.

Just before Rick could count to his own version of three, Zach charged at the tent, roaring as he did so. He ran inside and everyone gasped in fear, baking away. The rabid man looked around for the orange horse and spotted Stacy. He aimed the gun.

"KAI!" Rick shouted just before Zach fired the gun at Stacy.

It nailed Stacy in the thigh, and the horse let out a long, startled _'neigh!'_ and took off, along with all the other horses. Everyone gaped in complete bafflement.

Mary threw up, her vomit landing on a horse as it sped past. It got on the creatures leg, and its right foreleg sizzled away. Because its leg had dissolved, the horse let out a cry and toppled over, rumbling in a circle and spinning out of control. It headed straight for Rick, and the poor, confused man couldn't get out of the way on time. Breaking through the wooden fencing, the horse trampled right on top of Rick, who let out a shrill, "KAI!" and was squashed underneath the heavy creature. Rick's dreams would never be the same.

Stacy, pumped up on steroids, was flying by incredibly fast. Kaoru fell off of him, falling into the blood stained ground with a thud.

The ground was blood stained because Stacy's flesh wound was gushing out blood like a geyser would. It was gushing so terribly, that the blood splattered into all the others horse's eyes, making them all run and crash into each other. They riders all fell to the ground as Stacy continued to run at lightning speed.

Near the end of the track was Gray. He had decided not to sit near Mary. Today he was not going to have any yucky bodily fluids, or wastes, get on his new jumpsuit! No way. Nothing was going to get him dirty now, since Mary was all the way at the other end of the raceway.

He then noticed people screaming and running. He turned to them, a bit nervous and not knowing what to do. Then Stacy ran by him. Blood spattered all over Gray's clothes, and some even sprayed onto his face. "I can't take this anyone!" he cried, running off to read _In The Dark_ while taking out his frustration by touching himself.

Stacy made it to the finish line, but because he was pumped up on steroids, he kept running around, lap after lap after lap, jumping over all the broken bodies and such. He accidentally stepped on Rick.

Once the majority of people had minor to major blood stains and had ran away, everything quieted down. Well, except for the cries coming from the mangled mass horses and humans who lay in the run-way. And also Rick. Stacy continued to run laps.

Everyone that was left was staring blankly at the blood race track, wondering what the hell just happened, why it just happened and more importantly, why hadn't Stacy died yet?

They stood there in that silence, not knowing what to say or do.

Rock finally spoke, "Whoa! he cried, "that horse is bleeding!"


	20. Escape from Pompei

A/N: Oh my god! I am soooo sorry for disappearing! D:

* * *

Kaoru stared at Stacy who was continuing to bleed and run laps. Her jaw dropped a bit as she spoke, "He told me it would _'give the powers of life'_, but I didn't think that it would make you immortal." she whispered as she crawled over to Miyabi and the others

Miyabi quickly turned her head to Kaoru, "W-what?"

Kaoru didn't look at her--she merely fixed her eyes on Rick who was now having a panic attack on the floor, trying to crawl out from underneath the injured horse, "The sa--" she stared, but stopped when she saw Stacy run by. This time, Stacy was glowing just like Cliff's pants had been. "I think we should go," Kaoru said nervously. She got up.

Rock broke his stare and looked over to Jack, who was wide eyed and had a dropped jaw. "So, about me scoring with the ocean..."

Summarizing to get to the good part quicker, Kaoru and Miyabi and even Rock hopped on Stacy and ran off, the poor horse still glowing. The bleeding had stopped, however. Gotz distracted the other villagers by singing England's national anthem.

Once the Mineral villagers recovered from the initial shock, they were left to clean up the bloody mess and send Rick to the hospital, again. None of the horses died, however. The one who was most injured was Rick, but who cared about him, anyway?

**&&&**

Miyabi, Kaoru and Rock arrived in Valley rather quickly. Actually, it was only a little passed seven. This was because Stacy was still pumped on steroids was running at mad speeds. They would have made it to Valley sooner, but Rock fell of the horse a couple of times.

Stacy ran passed the farm, not being able to stop.

"Stacy!" Kaoru cried, pulling on the reins.

The horse continued to run, however. Kate was outside of her house and Stacy nearly ran her over. The little girl shrieked and jumped out of the way. Stacy didn't care and he continued running towards Lukina's villa.

Glaring, Kate's eyes turned bright red. "You'll regret the day you ever crossed paths with me," she growled.

Stacy sped up the stone walkway and spotted Lukina walking out of the house. He stopped and stared.

Lukina turned and noticed them, "Oh, Rock! What on earth are you doing?"

"I...uh...." Rock fell of the horse, feeling very sick from Stacy's incredibly fast sped of fifteen miles an hour.

Lukina huffed and looked at him, "I was just going to invite you to a tea party, as an apology for the way I was acting the other day."

"Whoa!" Rock jumped up. "You mean it, babe?"

"Yes." He turned to Stacy and smiled, "Aw, it's such a nice looking horse. What's his name?"

Before Kaoru could answer, Stacy cried, _Neeeeeigh!_ and rammed Lukina.

The startled man let out a cry and fell back into the fountain outside the villa.

Miyabi and Kaoru laughed. Rock also laughed.

Stacy turned away and took off to run rampantly about the rest of the village.

When Stacy was done with his insane running, he headed for the farm. Miyabi and Kaoru made it clean with few scratches.

**&&&**

Everyone decided they should take a break on the 19th. Miyabi slept all day. Rock slept all day. Cliff read porn all day. Skye played with his makeup all day. Kaoru and Takakura worked on patching up Stacy's wound. It wasn't until the 20th that things got a little crazy.

Lukina planned to have his tea party with Rock on the 20th. It was to be held at lunch time, but Rock slept in until two in the afternoon so he was running a few hours late. He did finally make it after jumping out of bed and rushing to the villa.

Sebastian greeted him at the door, "Good morning Si-" he stopped when he saw that Rock was still wearing his night clothes which consisted of simple Elmo boxers. See, the thing was, these were the same pair his mother bought him when he was seven. So now they looked very small and tight. Small and tight meant they revealed certain things.

Sebastian stared at him for a moment, "What the hell is wrong with children these days?" And walked away, shaking his head.

"Don't be jealous that I'm bigger than you!" Rock laughed at himself, and then began to walk to Lukina's bedroom. He didn't bother knocking and simply threw the door open, "The party has arrived!"

Lukina was sitting at his round table, tea cup in hand. He turned to look at his guest and nearly dropped his cup, "Rock, what is the meaning of this!"

Rock grinned widely and sat down across from the flustered male, "I look hot, right?"

"Well, um," Lukina blushed and looked into his cup. "I think you look foolish." He poured Rock some tea and slid the cup over to him then took a sip of his own.

Rock kept smiling, because obviously he took insults as compliments. "Let me guess, you want to sleep with me?"

Lukina almost spit out his tea. "Rock!" He gasped, blushing harder and bringing a napkin to his mouth.

"Haha!" Rock laughed a bit and took a hold of his tea cup. "You're blushing! How cute! This means that you like it." He took a huge gulp of his tea and nearly choked. "Oh shit!" He cried, leaning forward and receiving a _'wtf'_ glance from Lukina, "this stuff is hot! Oh my god, I'm going to die!"

Lukina sighed and shook his head, "I dislike cold tea. Besides, it's very un-Japanese like to drink cold tea."

Rock gasped for breath, "What's a Japanese?"

Lukina ignored Rock's silly comment, "Be more careful next time," and took a small sip from his own cup.

"Hey, Lumina, what if I was your father?"

Lukina almost spit out his tea, again. "W-what the hell, Rock?"

"I was just thinking," Rock leaned forward, "wouldn't it be cool if I was your father?"

"W-what? No!" Lukina cried, "Why on earth would you think that?!"

Rock frowned, "Would you sleep with me if I was your father?"

Lukina gasped and glared at Rock, "Rock, do you think I look like the kind of girl who would sleep with my own father?"

"Yeah!"

Lukina threw his tea cup at Rock, but missed because gay cross dressers obviously have no aim. "Get out of here, Rock!" He shrieked as he rose to a stand.

Rock frowned some more, "Hey, babe, no need to get all defensive!"

"Get out!"

Just then, Romana knocked on the door and opened it a bit. "You aren't beating Rock up again, are you, Lumina? Oh~ I just love hurting men. Come on Sebastian, let's play in my dungeon." Her voice sounded sick with pleasure. Romana cracked her whip.

"Even though I prefer animals, I'll play with you anyway~!" The old man in the toupee called back as he followed Romana down to the S&M lair.

(Yes, Sebastian, or whatever his real name, does in fact wear a toupee. Remember how Rock and Lukin argued about that in AnWL? Well, when Rock is arguing with someone, you always believe the person that isn't Rock, because Rock is stupid. But when Rock is arguing with Lukina, you always believe Rock, because Lukina is just silly.)

So while Romana was being sadistic, Rock was kicked out of the villa. Because he was sad and had nothing better to do, he went back home to go back to sleep.

When he arrived at home, Cliff was on the bed reading yunakitty fanfictions. Rock dropped on his own bed, "Man, Lumina got mad at me. I don't see why! All I said was that she seemed like the kind of girl who'd sleep with her father!"

Cliff filled a page in the book as he blushed a bit. "Oh, I don't know...it seems like I'm the only one who likes doing incest..."

Rock looked over at him, "Don't you mean, _insect_? Oh wait, I don't even know what an insect is!" He sighed and rolled over. Unfortunately, he rolled over a bit too much and fell off the bed.

"Whoa..." Cliff was blushing harder. "Claire and I really get it on in this!" Simply put, he ignored Rock.

Rock curled up into a ball as he was in slight pain. As Cliff continued to read, Rock stared at the bed, thinking. It had been forever since he looked underneath it. Curious, he flipped the bed skirt up. Rock gasped at what he saw. Quickly, he grabbed what was underneath. He rose to a sit, holding the fair sized zip lock bag up for Cliff to see, "Cliff..." He breathed out.

Cliff looked up for the book, "What is it no--" he stopped when he saw what Rock was holding.

For a moment, they both stared at it, wondering what the hell that was. It looked like pot, only, it was rainbow colored.

"Aw...man..." Rock broke the silence. "Cliff! You made my pot _gay_!"

"W-what?" Cliff stammered, "I'm not gay!"

Rock frowned, examining the substance in the bag. Then his face lit up. "I know what this is!"

"What!" Cliff leaned forward.

Rock grinned, "You know that stuff we smoked last time? That wasn't pot, it was grass!"

"...what?" Cliff blinked.

"You know those colored grasses around town? I remembered that one day I was bored so I decided to try and smoke them! And It worked! So then I gathered them, prepared them and then stored them in this bag!" Rock was so excited; he might have wet his pants.

"R-really!" Cliff gasped, hopping off the bed and kneeling next to Rock. He looked at the rainbow colored drugs in awe.

"Do you know what this means?"

"We can get high?"

"Yes!" Rock cried, jumping up and accidentally hitting Cliff in the face. "Oops my bad!"

Cliff shook his head, "P-perfect!" He jumped up as well. "Give me half of it and you can have the other half."

"Okay!" Rock dumped half the bag on his bed and handed the rest to Cliff.

Cliff stuck it in his pocket. "I have to go to Mineral Town!"

Rock gasped, "Where is that!?"

Ignoring Rock's stupid comment, Cliff continued, "I have someone I need to see."

"I'm just going to get high now!" Rock laughed.

_MEANWHILE...._

Skye had come to the village early that day for he wanted to see Miyabi pretty badly. Walking up to the farm door, he knocked on it lightly. The door fell over. This caused Miyabi to stare at it.

"Sorry about that," Skye smiled apologetically and brushed a lock of silver hair from his eyes.

"The door is a piece of crap, anyway." Miyabi got off her bed and walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his wasit. "So, babe," she started, looking up at him, "what's up?"

Skye smiled lightly, "I was a bit bored so decided to check out what was happening in Mineral Town." He then laughed softly, "Zach was going crazy. He tore up his whole entire house on a mad rampage of sorts."

Miyabi smiled in amusement, "That's crazy, although…it's kind of my fault."

"You didn't exactly win the horse race, did you?"

"Nope. I blew all my money on nothing. They had to 'discontinue' the race because well, you know...the whole uh, incident with the horses…Kaoru and Takakura are working in the fields, trying to help us regain our money."

"If nothing else went right, at least you got to see me, yes?" Skye winked at her.

Miyabi leaned forward and kissed him lightly, "That's always a good thing. Hey, do you know what we should do?"

"Have sex?"

"Well, yeah, but, I don't want it to ever become boring, so…" She stopped when Skye gave her a worried look. "Don't get me wrong, having sex with a guy as hot as you is never boring! I just think we should try something different. Like, let's visit Rock or something."

"Rock? Skye frowned, "but I hate him."

"Yeah," Miyabi pressed, "but, if we don't visit Rock, BAD can't make those lame jokes."

"Oh, you're right. We better visit Rock, then."

_MEANWHILE...._

Vesta was enjoying Nascar on the TV. Of course, they didn't have cable so she made Celia stand on top of the set and hold up the antenna, but she figured it was totally worth it to see Tony Stuart dust his competition.

"GO NUMBAR TWENY!" She roared, jumping up and down and throwing a fist into the air. "ALL YALL LOSERS AINT GOTTA CHANCE 'GAINST STUART!" she continued to bounce. "YOU BEAT THAT THERE GORDON! NO WAY YER LETTIN A HOMO BEAT YA!"

Number twenty collided with number eighteen. Vesta gasped, which sounded more like a wild beast gnawing at the flesh of its prey. "What the HELL was that?!" She growled. "Pieces of shit! GET YER ASS BACK ON THE TRACK STUART!!" Vesta was now really excited so she jumped up and down more roughly, causing the house to shake. On the fifth jump, the house shook more violently than ever before. Vesta fell ove. Her fall provided the final seismic wave the house needed to collapse, leaving Vesta and Celia under the ruins.

The TV had survived, though. =D

After a while, Vesta threw the bed, which had fallen on top of her, off. It hit Murry, who had been innocently walking back to his orgy tree.

Vesta veered her head and pounded her chest, letting out a vicious roar that sounded like an angered mammoth, "CEILER!" She shouted. "YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK ON THE TV! I want to see if that son of a bitch won!"

_MEANWHILE...._

While Vesta collapsed her house, Skye and Miyabi had found a way to sneak into Rock's bedroom. (They just took the front door.)

"Okay, let's steal something from him," Miyabi whispered as she climbed the stairs.

"What shall it be?" Skye asked in a hushed tone.

"His clothes?" Miyabi shrugged and received a strange look from Skye.

When they got to Rock's door, Miyabi decided it would be cool to bust it down. Of course, she wasn't a very logical thinker so she had no idea that when she would bust the door down, Ruby would think Rock did it and tell him to pay for the repairs. She also didn't know that Rock would beg her for the money. So, she kicked the door down, not realizing what the consequences would be.

The smell of the strange, makeshift drug lingered in the room. Rock was jumping up and down on the bed, mumbling some sort of rap song it sounded.

Miyabi and Skye stood in the doorway, not knowing actually what they should do.

Rock must have spotted them, "HEY!" He called in mid jump. When he landed, he hit the bed wrong and he rolled off, crashing to the floor. Rock merely laughed. "What are two sexy ladies doing in my bedroom this late?"

Skye cringed but decided he should let Miyabi handle this.

"...I thought you said didn't have any more drugs..." was the best the shocked brunette could come up with.

Rock laughed some more. "Lolwhut? I have all the drugs in the world, babe! Hey, did I just rhyme? I should become a rap artist!"

This disgusted Miyabi and her boyfriend. Rock being a...rap artist?

"I don't know what you're smoking, but do you have any extra?" Miyabi looked around the room.

"Extra extra! The ocean and I had sex-uh!" the blonde shouted, trying to rhyme. He rolled around on the floor, laughing, "Sex-uh! Sex-uh!"

"This isn't how I imagined things to work out," Miyabi frowned. "I mean, it won't be fun to steal anything if he's high. He won't care the-"

Rock jumped up and began rapping again, cutting Miyabi off, "My anaconda don't want none unless you got bunz hun!!!"

"--n...." Miyabi was shocked by what Rock said. She merely stared at him blankly, wondering where the hell he got that from. "Maybe we should go."

"But," Skye protested. "I don't want to~"

Miyabi quickly turned to glance at him, "What?"

"I want to stay here for a bit, you know," Skye sounded slightly nervous, "to scope out the place, to get ready for the yellow heart event."

"Oh, well if that's the case, I'll let you stay here as long as you want. No wait, scratch that. Be back before ten. I want to beat your ass up and down my mattress.

Skye smiled at his girlfriend, "Just the way I like it."

"Do you have a motor in the back of your Honda?!" Rock spun around in a circle.

"...see ya, Rock." Miyabi walked backwards out of the room, then turned around and briskly walked for the stairs.

Rock ran to the door and called out, "BABY GOT BACK!"

Walking down the stairs, Miyabi blushed and smiled cockily, "I do got back, don't I?"

**&&&**

_MEANWHILE..._

Gray heard a knock on his door. Guessing it was Ann, he quickly hid his yaoi fanfiction underneath his pillow and hopped off his bed. That is, after he pulled his pants and boxers back on.

Gray opened the door to find not Ann, but Cliff. Gray's heart stopped. "Aren't you supposed to be...dead?"

Cliff looked paranoid, "I-I didn't really die. I j-just..." Cliff didn't know what to say, exactly, so he just held up his copy of _In the Dark._

Gray's eyes widened, "Y-you've been reading that too?" His hat fell over his eyes.

Cliff nodded shyly.

Gray looked around the hallway, checking to see if anyone was around. There was no one. Not even the Inn's cat. Gray pulled Cliff into the room and locked the door.

_MEANWHILE..._

Ann thought she heard bumping from upstairs, a bed bouncing around against the floor. She figured it was Gray, tossing and turning in his sleep. That couldn't be good. If he was uncomfortable, the Inn would suffer. Sighing, she got out of bed and walked to the second floor.

The thudding got louder as she made her way up the stairs. When she reached the door, she could hear moaning and gasping. Gray was having sex! But with who? It must be that sickly librarian.

Because the noise was keeping her awake, and because she wanted to see Gray's bajinger, Ann tried to open the door. It was locked. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the inn keys, because she always carried keys around in her pocket. Then she threw the door open.

It took Cliff and Gray a few seconds to realize that Ann was staring at them with pure horror on her face. Cliff let go of Gray and they both stared back at her.

This went on for a minute. Then Ann dropped the lamp she had carried up and screamed. She ran all the way downstairs and to her father's bedside, "Dad!" she cried.

Doug jolted up, "W-what? What's wrong darling?!"

"Cliff is alive and he's having sex with Gray!" She began sobbing, "He's gay Dad! He lied to me!"

Doug looked at Ann like she was crazy, "Hunny, I'm sure you're just imagining things. Cliff is dead and Gray is one of the straightest guys in this entire town."

Ann just fell to her knees and continued to sob.

**&&&**

_MEANWHILE..._

At Sprites Inc., Roller and all the other Sprites were arguing about what they should have for dinner.

"Liek, what day is it agains?" Jum looked to the calendar and twirled his hair around his finger, "I don't, like...know."

"Let's have cereal!" Riviera cheered.

"No! All our cereal is soggy!" Bran cried.

"DO NOT WANT." Hopps frowned.

"Let's have a steak steak steak!" Guts suggested.

"It's not Sunday, foo!! Tep responded.

"Roller wants an Orange Mocha Frappuccino!

"Isn't Roller in charge of deciding who eats?" Jet suggested quietly.

"Roller is!"

No one cared though. So they all started going off about what they wanted, everyone speaking out of turn. Everyone was arguing and Roller really couldn't talk over them. This went on for about three minutes until Hopps spoke up,

"YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTHS WHEN BILLY MAYS IS SPEAKING!"

Immediately, everyone stopped talking and they all stared at Roller.

"Roller thanks you, Hopps!" Roller cleared his throat. "Roller suggests that we have pancakes!"

"But that's like, breakfast food!" Jum gasped.

"Stop complainin', bitch!" Tep growled and walked into a corner and pulled out his cell phone.

"Roller says we're having pancakes so we are!!!"

"Of course, Roller! Great idea idea idea!" Guts clapped.

"I'm sorry for disagreeing at first, Roller~" Jum blushed, "Did I mention that you looked absolutely fabulous today?"

Hopps slapped him on the forehead, "Should'a had a V-straight!"

In the corner, Tep was now talking on his cell.

"Yo wazzup gangsta T?!" The voice of a girl called from the other end.

"It's all cool gangsta K," Tep answered.

"Word, word," the girl nodded, "What's crackin wit chu?"

"These fools is thinkin' bout what they gonna eat."

"WORD DAWG!" She shouted. "Ey man, hold up. I gotta get rid of dis duck."

Tep waited. He could hear the faint and distance voice of the girl shout,

"Fuck off fool! This is MY mine, motha--" she then came back to her phone. "Here."

"Aight gurl," Tep said. "You tell that betch that Imma came after him if he don't mess off, gotta it?"

"Aight dawg, aight. Yeah! You hear that son?! My gangsta brah is gonna mess yo ass up you come round here 'gain! Yeah! You carry yo ass outta ma place!"

"Fo shizzle!" Tep cheered.

**&&&**

_MEANWHILE..._

Kate was having a little night blood--I mean, tea, party with a friend.

"So, master, are you angry that Natsume gave you a generic American name when they translated Cute?"

Da-chan shrieked demonically and stabbed the table with the butcher knife he always carried.

Kate laughed evilly, "Stab! Staby rip stab stab!"

Da-chan's eyes glowed red.

Kate drank her dark red fluid and poured some for Da-chan. "Thankfully I stole this blood from Celia. Do you know how she does it? She gets her slave boy to kill innocent people and then she drains them of their blood! Can you believe it? I love how evil they are!"

"Your mother plays card games in HELL!" Da-chan growled.

Kate smirked, "Hopefully my mother is in Hell. I have someone I want you to destroy for me. For some reason, every time I've tried to kill her, it wouldn't work."

"Tell me her name and I will make sure she suffers!"

Kate giggled, "I think her name is Miyabi. She's the whore who works on the farm, the brunette."

"EVERYONE WILL BURN!"

"That's right, Da-chan. Burn! Fire, fire, yeah!"

The two laughed evilly. Kate accidentally spilled some blood on Da-chan, who licked it off of himself.

**&&&**

MEANWHILE...

"King me, bitch!" Rock cheered, jumping up.

"We're playing chess, Rock, not checkers." Skye looked down at the board.

"I don't know about you, but I'm long, I'm strong, and I'm down to get the friction on!"

"...you redefine what it means to be a complete loser." Skye moved his chess piece.

"Damn babe! Your curves are kickin'!"

Skye blushed and looked up, "C-curves? I have curves?"

"Yeah!" Rock grinned widely. "You make my London Bridge wanna go _UP_!"

Skye was feeling strange, being hit on by a man who thought he was a woman. Skye was MUCH too straight to be interested in men.

"London London London, be goin' up!" Rock sang.

Skye looked at Rock nervously, "Rock, I'm a man!"

"The OCEAN says otherwise, babe!"

"The Ocean? Of course, because it's perfectly logical for the ocean to talk, right? I hear it every time I walk by." Skye shook his head.

Rock ignored him, or rather, he didn't hear. He just continued singing, "HOW COME EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND MY LONDON BRIDGE BE GOIN' UP?"

**&&&**

_MEANWHILE..._

In Daryll's basement...

"This homosexual pornography is rather quite arousing!" Leia told Daryll, flipping through her Loveless manga.

"So, w-why are you telling me this?" Daryll stuttered. "Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?"

"Aw," Leia frowned, "you don't have to get all defensive ab-"

"I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!" Daryll shouted then sighed. "W-why do I care about some gay porn you read, okay? I am trying to work."

"Well, I didn't mean anything by it Daryll! I just think that this is something we should be able to talk about!"

"Well I do not want to talk about it Leia, this conversation is over!"

"Yeah, but Daryll-"

"OVER!"

**&&&**

Kaoru walked through the door and sighed, "That was a lot of work we did!"

Miyabi laughed from her bed, "Haha. It sounds like you just had sex."

Kaoru rolled her eyes, "With Takakura? No way."

Miyabi shrugged, "Yeah, you're right. It would be better off if you had sex with a babe like Rock or something."

Kaoru dropped her tools into the bin and sat down against the wall, resting. "You know, Miyabi, you are really butch."

Miyabi's heart stopped, "B-butch? What do you mean by that?"

"Well," Kaoru cocked her head to the side, "you act like a guy more than you act like a girl."

"Nonsense!" Miyabi sounded flustered. "I like guys, and…and I don't look like a man! See? No butch there!"

"No, I mean, personality wise. You act like a guy. I'm not saying you look like a guy. I just think you have a very…_dominant_ personality."

Miyabi whimpered, "W-what? N-no...I'm not butch...that's like...what, are you calling me a lesbian or something?"

"Hey!" Kaoru smiled, "You and Skye now have something in common!"

Miyabi gasped, "Hey! That's not funny! I don't want to be act like a lesbo."

Kaoru giggled, "Well, then act more like a girl!"

"I...I...I will!" Miyabi jumped up, "I can!"

"I have doubts."

"You are such a jerk!" Miyabi cried, sulking in the corner and carving the sentence "I am not butch" into the floor with a twig. Yeah, the twig scratched the wood.

**&&&**

Jack stood by his pony, "Z, we need to talk."

Z just ate some grass.

"I think you already know that I have feelings for Stacy. Not romantic, of course, but...I miss him. I loved him! I raised him from a pony!" Jack felt his voice crack and tears threaten to fall. "I want him back...but, I don't want you to feel unloved!"

Z sneezed.

"I, I will raise you and care for you the same why I cared for Stacy. You will be my new favorite, and I will treat you better than I ever treated Stacy!" Jack was determined. "I won't let anyone hurt you-!"

Just then, a pack of wild dogs ran into the farm and attacked Z.

"Z!" Jack cried, "I'LL SAVE YOU!" Whipping at his sickle, he charged into battle.

**&&&**

By the way, Lukina _would_ sleep with his father.

* * *

**Disclaimer**: "Card games in Hell" joke belongs to LittleKuriboh. _If You Were Gay_ skit belongs to Avenue Q.


	21. Mister Fishy & The Magic Tea

After Gray and Cliff had been caught messing around the night before, Cliff knew that the smartest thing to do was to escape and head back to the Valley. But instead of listening to wisdom, he pulled out his strange drug that Rock gave him and him and his friend got high. Very high.

They ran around town getting into whatever they could.

Percent of people who believed that Cliff was a zombie before he got high and raided the town-- 47%

Percentage of people who believed that Cliff was a zombie after he got high and raided the town-- 99.7

The remaining losers who didn't think that he was a zombie- .3%

Harris, who wanted to arrest Cliff, had chased Cliff and Gray into the woods where, once again, Gotz came to the rescue. After the high wore off, Gotz allowed them to stay at his cabin.

What he hadn't expected was that they'd have sex on his floor. Oh well. At least they were just _appreciative_. Thankfully they weren't gay.

That had all happened on the 20th. Currently, it was the night of the 21st.

Thomas had been locked up in jail for the longest time--ever since the funeral. He wanted out and badly. Harris wouldn't let him out though and he saw that the other mayor was getting a little _desperate_ so he knew what he had to do. He had to use his powers to save himself and go back to reading the Playboy.

"I've had enough!" He cried out, jumping up from the cardboard box he was sitting on. "HYAAAAA!" He shouted with fury, a yellow flame surrounding him. The flame created a gale force wind that swirled around the cell. The rivaling mayor nearly shit his pants.

Instead of turning into Super Saiyan Thomas and breaking the scanner with his unrealistically high power level, the flame died slowly and Thomas reappeared, this time wearing a speedo.

The other mayor nearly had a heart attack and an orgasm both at the same time. Who could blame him?

Thomas charged at the door, his short, fat body packed into a tight, small, blue speedo, and shouted, "I will not be imprisoned any longer!"

The bars snapped and created an opening from the mere force of his extreme sex appeal.

Harris heard something. He got up and was about to walk down to the basement door when it busted open, Thomas running out with his fat rolls bouncing up and down as he did so.

Harris nearly died, the sight was so horrible to him.

Thomas ran to his secret hiding spot and threw the doors of the cabinet open. He rummaged through it and then, with fiery eyes, gave Harris a death glare, "WHERE THE HELL IS MY PORN?!"

Harris blinked, "I-I didn't do anything..."

Somewhere in Mineral Town, Stu was learing how to jack off.

**&&&**

On the morning of the 22nd, Kaoru threw a box at Miyabi.

"Get up."

Miyabi was temporarily speechless because she had just been hit with a wooden box. She blinked and looked around to see what was going on, "W-what? Is the meadow on fire?!"

"It's the Cooking Festival."

"The what?" Miyabi sat up.

Kaoru was at the calendar, looking. "We have to cook something. Well, anyone who is entering has to, and we're entering. The Gourmet picks a theme and everyone cooks according to that theme. The one with the best dish wins."

"Pfft. Lame." Miyabi laid back down. "Wake me up when the Sex Machine gets here."

"Who?"

Miyabi rolled her eyes, "Skye," as if Kaoru should have known that the Sex Machine simply had to be Skye.

"That's stupid, but I'll let you know when your lesbian lover gets here." Kaoru suppressed a giggle.

Miyabi growled, "Leave him alone! You're just jealous that he's hotter than you. Hotter than that lousy Sprite with a one inch bajinger."

"How do you know it's only one inch?" Kaoru flipped through the calendar.

"Not even one inch, I bet."

"As long as it gets the job done." Kaoru turned away from the calendar and looked at the boxes of food with a frown. They couldn't make anything without a kitchen.

"Ugh!" Miyabi sneered. "Spritefilia is so gross."

"What time is it?" Kaoru said, ignoring Miyabi comment.

"How should I know?"

"Check the sundial that Takakura and I installed yesterday. It's out in the pasture."

"...you're kidding me," Miyabi voiced flatly, getting up out of bed.

"I wouldn't joke about something this serious."

"Alright then," Miyabi walked to the door and opened it, "I'll check."

She walked outside and the bright morning light hit her retina's.

"Shit! My eyes are melting!" She fell to the ground and started crawling around in the grass, not knowing where she was going.

"Hey, babe!"

"Oh...double shit."

Rock stood behind her, his face beaming, "No need to thank me," he said, walking over to her.

Miyabi turned to face him, "W-what?"

"No, really. I decided to do this out of the kindness of my heart!"

Rock's grin widened.

"What the hell do you want, Rock?!" Miyabi snapped.

"To invite you to the Starry Night Festival!"

"..." Miyabi stood. "The what? Kaoru told me it was the cooking festival."

Rock blinked as his grin dissolved. "Oh...yeah. I must have been looking at the wrong page in the calendar, bwahaha!"

"I don't see how that funny, but you're cute so it's okay."

"Of course!" Rock smiled. "Everything about me is cute."

"Sure is, hun." Miyabi gave him a sympathetic smile.

Kaoru walked out of the house and over to the sun dial. She gasped,

"It's nearly ten already! You sleep in way too late, Miyabi."

"I could sleep all day!" Rock exclaimed, although nobody really cared about what he had to say.

"I could sleep with Skye all day." Miyabi sighed. "So I guess you want me to go to the festival wit-"

"Yeah, well I could sleep with the OCEAN all day!" Rock blurted out in counter to what Miyabi had said.

"...." both girls stared at him the man oblivious to his own stupidity.

"Let's just go." Kaoru walked off and Miyabi just followed. Rock was too busy day dreaming about his romantic relationship with a giant body of water to notice they left him.

**&&&**

Kaoru walked over to the Gourmet, whose back was turned to her and Miyabi. "Good morning sir, I was hoping you could tell me about the fes--" she stopped dead in her sentence when the Gourmet turned around.

Miyabi and Kaoru couldn't help but stare. He was just so...freakin' weird!

The Gourmet was fat. Short. Had Gigantic lips. Wore purple. Didn't have eyes that opened. Looked like a fish. How could anyone not stare at it?!

"Damn..." Miyabi breathed out. "With lips that big, I bet he can suck way better than me!"

Kaoru didn't know if she should just throw him into the ocean in order to prevent him dying by being out of the water for too long.

"Yes?" The Gourmet said, his voice even sounding quite high-pitched, squishy and fish-like.

"Um, I..." Kaoru had lost her train of thought after seeing the man's face.

"If you're wondering what the cooking festival theme is-- POT!"

Rock came running into the beach, "Did someone say pot?!"

"Please prepare a dish that has been cooked in a pot and return here at noon," The Gourmet instructed.

Kaoru feared that a vortex would tear open in time and space simply due to the mere force that was created when his lips bobbed up and down.

"Yeah, thanks," she said quickly, then ran out of there.

Rock watched her, "Hey! You better not steal my pot!"

"Rock, it's already been stolen." Miyabi gave the Gourmet one weary glance and then high-tailed it out of there as well.

Rock just walked over to the ocean and engaged in romantic conversation with it.

**&&&**

Despite how much they didn't want to go back, they decided it wasn't fair to leave Rock all alone with the freak. He might accidentally have sex with the Gourmet, thinking the Gourmet was a fish and knowing that fish came from ocean.

Actually, Rock probably had no idea that fish lived in the ocean.

Back at the festival, dishes were lined up on the table. All of the contestants were women, except Rock and Lukina.

Rock just took some random things he found in the kitchen, threw them into a pot and _bam_! He had made a deliciously horrid dish. Lukina made tea, because that's what gay guys enter into cooking festivals that were going to be judged by a fish. The rest of the dishes were things no one really cared about.

Ann was happily standing by her dish. She knew she would win.

Gourmet guaranteed her the victory. She had even put in extra effort last night in order to insure that he would certainly pick her.

Rock was back to romancing with the ocean and everyone else pretty much talked amongst each other.

"Psst, Kaoru!"

Kaoru heard a small whisper call from the ground. He looked down to see Roller.

"Roller!" She whispered back, looking around to see if anyone was looking. No one was, so she looked back down at him.

Roller held up, with both hands, a cup filled with green fluid. "Roller would have baked a cake but then Kaoru would get DQ'ed! Here, Roller gives tea!"

"But Lumina already entered tea."

"This is special tea!" Roller nodded. "Kaoru will surely win!"

Kaoru bent down and took the cup, "T-thanks Roller," and blushed.

"Roller is victorious!" He called before poofing out in a sprinkle of purple dust.

Kaoru walked up to the Gourmet and handed him the dish, "I'd like to enter."

"Oooh! Please, please! Set the cup on the tabl--OW!" the Gourmet cried, staggering backwards. Blood ran down his enormous lip, "My lip! I bit my lip!"

Kaoru looked at him with disgust but didn't quite know what to do.

Gourmet brought a fat hand to his lip and with the other, brushed a stray tear away. "Well...we should start the festival now! Everyone, get in the line!"

All the contestants stood in a line before the dish table. Rock had no idea what was going on, and only got in line because he saw everyone else doing it.

"Now," the Gourmet started, "I shall start by tasting the first dish--"

"HYAAAA!" The familiar voice of Mayor Thomas called.

Everyone shifted their eyes to the beginning of the beach. They all gasped when they spotted Thomas, still packed into a tight Speedo, running towards them.

"You will not let this festival start without me!" He huffed, coming to a stop. "It will start when I saw so!" He panted heavily. "And it starts now!" Then he collapsed, his fat rolls loosely laying against the ground.

Everyone had to suppress their vomit.

"Now let us start!" The Gourmet smiled but then winced in pain as his lip stung.

The Gourmet went through the dishes that the women made. He gave Ann a little wink as he gave her a _G-O-O-D_ comment. Then he came to Lukina's, said that his tasted queer, and continued onto Rock.

Rock's dish looked awful. It was black with random, not-edible items sticking out. The Gourmet cringed and took a sip.

He spit some out of it out immediately and screamed, "B-A-D!!"

Rock frowned, "B…A…D? What's that spell?"

"Your dish sucks!" Gourmet hissed, "You are the worst chef ever. No, you're not even a chef--" He stopped and grabbed his stomach, his face turning lime green. He made strange dying noises and fell into the sand, rolling about helplessly as his stomach felt like it would explode. "Ah, oh God! Ahhh! Save me!!" He groaned, gasping for air.

Everyone panicked. They didn't know what to do.

Miyabi just laughed at the Gourmet while Rock was looking to the horrid scene with pure terror on his face.

Kaoru acted quickly, however. She ran over to the table, grabbed the tea and poured the liquid into the Gourmet's mouth. It was very difficult to do because he was flopping around like the fish out of water he really was.

Immediately, he stopped moving and his face paled.

Everyone stared quietly at him.

"Is...is he dead?" Miyabi had stopped laughing and looked to the seemingly lifeless Gourmet.

Just then, the Gourmet jumped up, "_ONOMNOMNOMNOM_!" He cried, tackling Kaoru and attempting to eat her.

Kaoru screamed and tried to kick Gourmet off. "What are you doing?!"

She couldn't kick the enormous man off so she grabbed his giant lip and pulled it.

The Gourmet immediately fell back and screamed in pain.

Kaoru got up and ran towards Miyabi, "Eat her first!"

"I--I didn't want to eat you!" Gourmet lied. "I wanted to thank you! And congratulate you. Young lady, you saved my life. You win the cooking festival!"

"What?!" Kaoru and Ann both gasped at the same time.

"But...but, you…you!" Ann stuttered. First, Cliff's ghost was having sex with Gray and then she loses the cooking festival!

Ann stormed off. "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME IN BED AGAIN!" She cried.

Nobody knew what to do so they all congratulated Kaoru and then walked off.

The Gourmet chased Rock around the beach, "I'll kill you! _ONOMNOMNOM_!"

Miyabi gave Kaoru a wink. "Nice job Super K. So, when do we get the Sprite?"

"We don't get a Sprite for this." Kaoru frowned.

"...WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS THEN?"

"To tell readers the story behind why they'd always win the cooking festival if they entered Relaxed Tea."

"I'm still wondering when we get to smoke pot!" Rock cried, still being chased.

"_ONOMNOMNOM_."


	22. Miyabi in Wonderland

_There's a place where a black hole can take you through the looking_

_glass_

The sun shone through the windows and cracks in the ridiculously cheap wood that the house was made of.

Miyabi stirred and rolled over in her nice, comfortable bed. After all, she had stolen Kaoru's blanket, bed sheets and pillows, having milked the _'the condoms were cheap'_ idea for all it was worth.

After a moment or so, a knock was heard.

Miyabi was just getting ready to fall back into nice, erotic dream sex, so she heaved a sigh. "Kaoru, get the door." she groaned, not opening her eyes.

There was no answer.

"Kaoru..." Miyabi said louder.

Still no answer, and another round of knocks sounded.

"Kaoru!" After calling a third time and getting yet another reply of silence, Miyabi pushed herself up. "Kaoru, get your lazy ass--"

Kaoru wasn't in her bed.

Miyabi blinked and tried to think of where she would be. Having no idea what time it was, she assumed Kaoru was either working in the fields or off trying to have sex with Roller. _Trying_ was the key word, since there was no real way anyone could have sex with a Harvest Sprite. (And if you could, you were just freakin' weird.)

The knocks on the door grew harder so Miyabi decided she should have open it. She jumped out of bed and called, "Hold on," then searched for clothes to change into. Running over to the clothes chest, she threw it open not to find her normal, every-day outfit, but to find a gorgeous looking, sweet-lolita dress of blue and white colors.

She gave it a good long stare. "I could look hot in this," she finally decided and threw it on. Miyabi brushed her hair back and walked to the door. "Yeah?" She opened the door to find--no one. Then she looked down and spotted a--

Teddy bear. A cute, adorable teddy. Cute, adorable teddy that was alive. Okay...

"You better not be a Sprite in some kind of wannabe kinky outfit for Kaoru--" She started impatiently but stopped when the bear turned around and ran off, but not before it motioned for her to follow.

"Hey!" Miyabi cried, chasing after it. "I'm gonna tell Kaoru that bear outfits are _not_ sexy!"

She chased the bear out of the farm and into the middle of the street. Being faster than her, the bear had about 5 yards on her before he stopped.

Miyabi stopped as well and yelled to it, "Yeah, you better stop! What was I saying? Oh yeah…" She cleared her throat. "Right, so this whole bear thing, it's not sexy. Kaoru isn't into that _furry_ junk. Or at least...I hope she isn't..." Miyabi was frightened with the thought. If Kaoru liked Sprites, then what made Miyabi think she didn't like animals?

The teddy bear's little eyes glowed red now. A twisted smile formed on his once cute face.

"...oh..." Miyabi looked at the bear fearfully.

The evil creature cackled and lifted his arms to the sky. The sky immediately blacked and lightening flashed, the sound of thunder exploded nearby.

"Ah!" Miyabi squeaked, jumping. What on earth was going on?

Just then, the bear waved his arms around in a circular motion and a gigantic, black hole opened up in the earth between him and Miyabi.

Miyabi was too frightened to move even though she knew it best she haul her ass out of there as quickly as possible. Instead, she stood, trembling slightly as looked upon the gaping, black hole with horror.

"Mmn..hmm...hmmmnmm! Ha ha...HA! HAHAHA! HAKAHACKKEH! KEKEKEH KUHAKAU! MWAHUHAWA KEKEKAHAHA!" The bear threw back his head and released the most horrid, evil sounding laug--no, _demonic cackle_--that Miyabi had ever heard.

The hole in the earth suddenly grew.

"Oh...shit..." Miyabi realized what was about to happen. Before she could react, the hole had sucked up the earth she was standing on and she fell right into it. "AHHHH----!" She cried all the way down.

Da-chan bent over the hole and watched her fall down the black, ominous funnel. (He had been able to catch a glimpse of her panties in the process).

**&&&**

"Ooof!"

Miyabi finally landed after what seemed like the longest fall ever. Luckily, she landed on a conveniently placed mattress.

Groaning, she sat up and fell back down due to the pain that attacked her when she moved since falling on a mattress always caused injury. "Damn..." she sighed, staring up at the ceiling. The room, it looked familiar. Two beds rested to the side of it, one Miyabi was sitting on and a vacant one next to it with hentai halfway hidden underneath the pillow, a dresser was set in the back, a small coffee table resting beside it and there was a window to the left.

Miyabi bit her lip. Where did she know this place from? For some reason, being in the room made her think about emos and idiots. She couldn't quite put her finger on who the emo or who the idiot was, though.

"Heehee!"

Miyabi pushed herself up after she heard a little girl's giggle. "Eh?" She looked around the room.

A brunette little girl was standing towards the front of the room. "You had a long fall, didn't you?" She squeaked.

"Who the hell are you, brat?" Miyabi voiced flatly, not in the mood for games.

This only produced another giggle from the girl. "You're a mean lady. I don't like you!"

"Wonderful. Hey, do you know where I am?" Miyabi slid her legs off the side of the bed.

The girl giggled again, this time, more evilly. "You thought that my Master was a monster? Well, wait until you get in trouble with an even bigger monster! You better hurry and change!" She squeaked and opened a bottle of pills that laid beside her.

Miyabi watched, perplexed, as the girl took a few in her hand, popped them into her mouth and swallowed. Almost immediately, the already-little girl shrunk. Miyabi's jaw dropped.

The girl gave Miyabi an evil looking grin and ran through the tiny doors behind her.

The bottle of pills was gone, so the nutty girl must have taken them with her. However, when Miyabi looked behind her (for reasons she didn't even know), there was a tray on the coffee table. Two bottles of pills rested on the tray, one blue and one red.

Miyabi assumed that when the girl said 'change,' she meant to get smaller. So all Miyabi would have to do would be take the right pills.

But, which one to take? Miyabi wasn't the brightest, or the dumbest either, but she had a hard time at remembering details, unless it involved hot guys, which this matter didn't. So when it came to recalling what color of pills the evil girl took, Miyabi was just as clueless as Rock when it came to Lukina's gender identity. (Whoever those were.)

She bit her lower lips again and decided to randomly pick a bottle. She decided to do it an old fashioned way.

"P," she pointed to the red bottle. "E," she pointed to the blue bottle. She continued to do this until she went through the letters N, I and S. The "S" landed on the red bottle. "Oh, no wait, one penis isn't enough!" she then added an "E" and an "S" to make it "penises". It still ended up being the red bottle, either way.

Grabbing it and opening it up, two pills dropped into her open palm. She frowned as she looked at them. "Only two?" She lifted her hand to her lips and let the pills roll into her mouth. Then she swallowed—a familiar action to her.

As if by magic, Miyabi immediately shrunk to the size of Harvest Sprite!

"Damn!" Miyabi was pleasantly surprised. She crawled off the bed and dropped down, almost breaking her legs due to the treacherous fall.

Just then, the room shook. Miyabi shrieked and fell over to the ground.

"W-what?" Her eyes scanned the room.

Busting through the western wall was giant, hulk of a man. Burly, tanned, and dark haired, the beast's eyes spasmodically darted around the room. He growled when he saw Miyabi and the empty bottle of pills on the bed. "YOU HAS EAT MY STEROIDS?!"

"Steroids!" Miyabi cried. She frantically looked to the little door which the burly man could never fit through.

He charged at her, the ground shaking as he did so.

She let out a squeak and darted for the door, trying helplessly not to fall over. Just before the giant could step on her and crush her, she jumped and dove, sliding through the doors.

The small doors shut behind her, leaving the angry man-thing to huff and cry out in sorrow.

Miyabi let out a heavy sigh of relief and looked ahead. The hallway was dark. It was either walk down the hallway or go back and get stepped on. She walked down the hallway.

Unfortunately, there was another hole--that led into Oblivion--at the end of the hallway. Before she knew it, she was screaming as she fell down the pit.

**&&&**

This time, she landed on a giant flower and slid off of it.

"Argh, not again!" She cried, rubbing her ass, which was in pain. Picking herself up, she looked around. She was in a field of...mushrooms. In the distance, she saw puffs of smoke. That was the only interesting thing that she could see, so she walked towards the smoke.

When she made it to the end, she saw a man on top of a giant mushroom, smoking. This wasn't your average cigarette smoke, though. This was something far better.

Miyabi stopped by the mushroom and looked up at the man. He was sitting there, contently smoking, although that wasn't the strange thing. The strange thing wasn't even that he was using hentai magazines as a bong, if that was even possible. It was that he has butterfly wings attached to his back. Bright, colorful, big, butterfly wings that flapped every so often.

The brunette breathed the smoke and coughed a bit before setting his tools down and looking to Miyabi.

He stared at her blankly with tired, red eyes.

She stared back. "Um...hello?"

"....h-hi!" he finally said, eyes widened as he did so and body trembling slightly. "W-who are you?"

"...who am I? Tell me who you are first!" Miyabi shot back, the word of _emo_ coming to mind once more.

"...what? No...No, tell me who I am first!" He tried to sound serious but was way too stoned to be taken that way.

Miyabi shook her head. "So what chu got there? Pot?"

The young man's eyes narrowed and he fixed them on Miyabi, giving her a hard look. He remained like this for at least three minutes. Finally, Miyabi got annoyed. "Hey, I was talking to you!"

The boy jumped again and nervously shook her head back and forth, scanning the area, "Huh? What? I don't have any pot! I'm not stoned! Truth! Uh, I mean, uh...honest!"

Miyabi blinked then turned to the mushrooms. "Um, why is this place surrounded by mushrooms?"

"I grow 'shrooms..."

"You smoke pot and you grow 'shrooms?"

Quickly, the young man threw his bong off the giant, purple mushroom. "I um, don't have pot! What, um...these are, a, um...just normal 'rooms. Mushrooms. Didju know that I k-killed the guy who used to run this plantation??"

"So you're a stoner and a murderer? That's kinda sexy." Miyabi walked up to the man's mushroom.

He swatted her away. "Don't touch my um, merchandise you damn, dirty,

um...shark!"

She backed up, and it wasn't until then that she realized that everything was normal sized. Except for the giant mushroom, of course.

The man's butterfly wings flapped. "Do...do you want to buy pot?"

"....Yes."

"I-I know a guy," he said, leaning towards the edge of the mushroom, near

Miyabi. "He um-" suddenly the young man stopped and his eyes started spinning.

Miyabi blinked then backed away a little bit.

"Oh maaan...am...am I dead...?"

"Not that I know of?" This guy was a freak, a hot freak.

He looked towards Miyabi. "Who are you...are you my sister?"

"No...Who are you?" She countered.

"I am...Shinji. No, that's not right...I am...stoned..."

"Obviously. Hey cutie, do you know how to get out of here?" Miyabi was growing impatient.

"Wait...so I'm Cutie?" He blinked. "Hey...wanna buy pot?"

"I thought you were growing mushrooms."

Then man's eyes widened, "W-what! I-I'm not growing anything, I'm clean!' He started breathing heavy and twitching as he looked around nervously.

This was obviously going nowhere, so Miyabi decided to end it. "You have fun with your drugs, okay?" She walked off.

The brunette fell back on his mushroom and grinned at the sky. "I think I was named after a cliff. A cliff. How pretty...."

Then he saw the image of a shark appear in the sky, and swim towards him. He let out a scream and rolled off the mushroom. "N-no! Not my bajinger!"

**&&&**

Miyabi had been walking the path for a while now. The mushroom field had ended a while ago, and now she was just thinking of having sex with the stoner to pass the time.

Up ahead, she saw a mansion. Finally! Getting excited at the sight of a building that could possibly hold people, she ran towards it. Running passed the glorious fountain outside, she pushed through the dark wood doors and, as if her legs moved on their own, ran up the stairs. At the top of the stairs she stopped, confronted with a directional issue.

She could go right. She could go left. Or, she could walk about five feet ahead and reach a door. Taking the needed steps, Miyabi stayed straight. When she got to the door she opened it, revealing a very nice, sophisticated room with a long table in the back.

A cloth was draped over the table and it was decorated with fancy tea cups, pots and saucers. Near the head of the table was a huge, blue cake with a blue ribbon on top of it. In silver letters, the word "male" was printed on the ribbon.

Seats lined the edges of the table, but a larger, grander looking chair sat at the right end. In it was a blonde dressed in top hat and overcoat. To his right sat a comely looking girl with dark, sandy brown hair.

The blonde turned to Miyabi who was standing at the doorway, simply staring at them.

"Hey, babe!" He grinned, motioning for Miyabi to come and sit. "The party's almost started!"

"Party? What party?" Miyabi walked over to their table and took a seat to the left of the blonde.

"It's supposed to be my "_True Gender_" day, but you aren't supposed to know that. So, instead, it's my Unbirthday." The she-who-was-really-a-he said in a boyish voice.

Miyabi blinked, "Um, okay..."

"Would you like some tea?!" The blonde leaned forward, grabbed the tea pot and dumped the whole thing into a small cup near Miyabi. Miyabi jumped out of the seat to avoid getting tea splashed all over her.

"Damn, chill out!" She cried, watching as the tea spread through the table cloth.

"Oh, you fool!" The she/he/it/cactus cried, frustrated. "You've ruined my fine table decoration!"

The blonde merely laughed, "Happy unbirthday to you! Happy unbirthday to you! Happy unbirthday deeear---OCEAN! Happy unbirthday to you!" He clapped for himself and blew out the candles on the cake.

"I was supposed to blow them out, you silly man." The _it_ pouted.

"Hey, hey! How old are you?" The Hatter asked _it_, bouncing up and down in his seat.

It blushed and turned away, "A woman never reveals her true gender--I mean, age!"

The blonde grinned widely. "I got you a present!" He then turned to Miyabi. "Would you like to see the present I got my friend?"

"Um...yeah, sure." Miyabi didn't quite know how to react, so she said the easiest thing.

Blondie threw his arms up into the air. "Yay!" he cheered and pulled a box out from underneath the table. He handed it to the it. "For you!"

"For me?"

"For you!"

"Oh, you shouldn't have!" It blushed, taking the box.

"The ocean begged me to, haha!" The blonde leaned forward and watched the cactus as it opened the present, as if he were a dog watching his owner open a bag of treats.

Pulling the top off, the it looked inside and gasped at what it saw. The box was filled with...water.

"From the ocean! Can you believe it! Aren't I the greatest?!" The blonde cheered and fell back against his chair, laughing.

It grimaced and dumped the box of water on the cute guy in the top hat.

He laughed only more so. "The Ocean and I are lovers! She's on me all the time, and I don't mind a bit!"

Miyabi was slowly backing away.

"I am your only lover!" It argued, huffing and placing its hands on its hips.

"Whoa, babe! Calm down, will ya!" The goofy smile never left this guy's face.

It swung at him, aiming to slap him. However, the annoying blonde was too fast (a very rare occurrence) and ducked. He accidentally whacked the It in the chest as he moved, being the clumsy person that he was.

_POP_!

It shrieked and grabbed its boob. Well, if it had one. Turns out that blondie hit it in the chest, popping one of its fake breasts. Now, there was a wet spot and broken water balloon pieces replacing the used-to-be cleavage.

The it gasped and started to cry as it held its chest, "You asshole!"

The blonde in the top hat blinked with a look of utter fear on his face. What had he done?! Then his open mouth curled into a grin as he leaned back against his chair. "Your boob just broke, babe."

"Hey, how the heck do I get out this place?" Miyabi butted in, interrupting their conversation.

The one wearing the hat turned to her. "There's only one way to do it!" He pointed a single digit into the air.

"And that is...?"

"Jump through the window!"

"What?" Miyabi narrowed her eyes, a bit taken aback by the stranger's comment. "Jump through the window? Why the hell would I have to do that?"

"To get out, of course!" The blonde turned away from Miyabi and picked up his tea cup. What he should have done was take a sip, but what he did instead was throw the tea on the gender cake.

"And there it is!" He cheered, throwing his arms up into the air, causing the small cup to fly through the window. "My wonderful creation! My recipe that will own all others!"

"You threw some tea on a cake, I doubt you could win with that!" The it sniffled.

"Tea cake, that's what it is!"

"I don't even think tea cake exists in this game." Miyabi mused aloud.

"Game? This is no game!" The blonde narrowed his eyes seriously. "This is a party!"

"I think I'll just go jump out of that window now." Miyabi walked by the table and to the window, wanting out of that place as quickly as possible.

"Remember, hit the ground rolling. You don't want to get injured like I did!" Top Hat grabbed another tea cup and took a sip of it.

"Right..." Miyabi took three giant steps backwards.

"Remember, you never knew that I'm a man," It hissed.

"Huh? Did you say something?" Blonde asked, looking over to It.

It smiled, "No, nothing~"

Miyabi prepared herself. "One, two...three!" and then she took off running towards the open window.

"Wait! I forgot to mention something!" Blonde cried, jumping out of his seat.

But it was too late, for Miyabi had already jumped.

Running towards the window, the blonde bent over the edge and called down to the falling girl, "Did I mention that I had sex with the Ocean?!"

**&&&**

Miyabi had successfully landed with little difficulty. She thought she heard someone mention "sex", but she wasn't sure. After she landed, she noticed a path leading into a forest. Well, she might as well follow it, seeing as it was the only path she could spy.

So she walked deep into the forest as the earth around her grew darker. She wasn't sure if it was because the forest, or because the time was nearing dusk. Either way, it creeped her out a bit. It was as if some strange, perverted lesbian was hiding in trees, just waiting.

"Are you lost, fair angel?"

Miyabi jumped at the sound of the incredibly attractive and yet, slightly feminine voice that completely aroused her. "Yeah, would you mind helping me home?" she replied in a playful tone. She stopped and looked around.

She then heard a small laugh. "Home? I doubt such a place exists, here."

From behind a tree, a silver haired boy (or so she hoped, it was a little hard to tell in the dark, because he looked so much like a woman) emerged from the shadows. He slid around the front of the tree, a silver cat's talk wagging playfully.

Miyabi blushed deeply upon seeing him. He was rather hot. "Well, you're sexy..."

Smiling with pleasure, the cat closed his eyes. "You are very attractive as well," he purred.

Smiling to herself, Miyabi played with the lace on her dress. "I get that a lot."

"Of that, I'm certain." The cat purred more, his tail wrapping around the tree. He folded his arms. "Heh," with that, he disappeared.

Miyabi blinked. "Hey!" She called, thoroughly disappointed that the hot cat guy had vanished.

Heaving a sigh, she continued to walk down the dark path, hoping to once again run into him.

A little ways down the path, she saw silver cat ears sticking out of the leaves in a tree. Her heart jumped and she stopped. "Is that you, sexy?"

"It is I," he spoke coolly and his full body appeared, sitting on a tree branch.

"Oooh, I like the way you talk. Are you British?" Miyabi smirked. "I like me some foreigners."

"Perhaps," The same, charming yet seductive grin never left the Cat's pretty face. His tail slowly started to disappear. "Did you know that they call me a Phantom?"

"Phantom?" Miyabi asked him, continuing to walk but still looking up at him. "Is that because you can disappear?"

"No," his voice was slightly surprised. "It's because I steal things."

"And that makes you a Phantom, how?" Miyabi then shook her head. "While we're both here, will you steal my virginity?" Her eyes widened just then. "Strange..I feel like we've had this conversation before..."

"Never, that I can remember," he whispered coolly. Then his whole body disappeared, which was rather unpleasant. "If you want to find this place called home," his voice, could be heard, "find the pair of red slippers and--Shit! Wrong movie. Um, bother the shoes, just keep walking and maybe one day I really will have your virginity." He reappeared, leaning against the tree in front of her. "You aren't a virgin, are you?"

"Well, no. I was just saying that to be…romantic."

The cat laughed which strangely aroused Miyabi even more, and then disappeared with a strange smile on his face that almost resembled the crescent moon. That was creepy, if you could imagine.

Now that he was gone, Miyabi had nothing to be excited about so she walked, lazily and bored and instead of imagining sex with the strange emo kid, imaging sex with the cat guy. Oh god, a furry!

Suddenly, she spotted two men in the path. They looked virtually identical except for their horrid attire. One wore a blue dress, and the other wore a green dress.

"Oooh!" The one in blue called out, looking to his brother, because Miyabi only assumed that they were twin brothers, with wide eyes.

The brother looked back with equally widened eyes, but then ruined the identical-ness by narrowing his. "Why you come?"

Miyabi looked down at her dress, right where her underwear was. "I haven't cum. Not yet, anyway."

"You bring fiarwork???"

"F-firework?"

"Fiarwork!" The twins chanted. "You have gold in bag fo us??"

"Gold in a bag? What the hell is wrong with your voices?" Miyabi cried.

They twins gasped and started going off. They screamed a trail of curse words at Miyabi until she could no longer understand what they were saying. Then the one in blue pulled out what looked like an explosive device.

Miyabi gasped, "Hey! Chill out!"

"You pay gold or die!" He growled.

"I don't have any money!" She cried.

"HAAAA!!!" The twins cried. The one in blue dropped the box looking device.

Miyabi squeaked and braced herself.

Instead of a loud booming sound and her body being blown into many tiny pieces, Miyabi heard a magically chiming sound and ended up being perfectly unharmed. She opened her tightly closed eyes and looked around, only to find the bomb had exploded, but instead of being destructive it exploded into a field of pastel colored flowers.

"Are you guys ready?"

Miyabi heard the high pitched, somewhat male voice and for some reason, it didn't feel right. Something about that voice, no, something about the way the sentence was said, was off.

"LET'S GO."

"Waits, let me put on my makeup!"

"Aight dawg."

Miyabi spun around to find three small men standing in a row, with one in front of them all, kind of like a conductor. The one in front was wearing purple and the three behind him were wearing red, blue and gray. The twins also stared at the sight.

"Okay!" Purple cheered.

Just then, _Cooking by the Book_, a song featured on the children's television show, **Lazy Town**, started blaring out of the flowers as the plants bounced to the beat. Once the lyrics started, the four men started jumping around and singing to it, bouncing from flower to flower, trampoline-ing into the air, twirling around the steams and doing various other gay things.

"If the way is hazy, you gotta do the cooking by the book! You know you can't be lazy!"

Miyabi saw the purple one jump over her head and land on a pink flower to her right.

This insane little episode continued until the third verse, in which Miyabi quickly ran away from the scene. Even when she had ran a good 25 meters or so away, she could still hear the faint sound of the music, and the four men finally cry "CCCC!!" at the end, before everything finally quitted down.

"Damn, that was weird." Miyabi shivered.

**&&&**

Just when she felt that there was no hope left, Miyabi spotted a door at the end of the forest. She ran for it. Throwing it open, she was nearly blinded by the beautiful sunlight that broke through the darkness of the forest. Staggering back, Miyabi lifted her hand up to shield her eyes.

Once adjusted, Miyabi stepped into the colorful world as the door shut behind her. Her hand dropped, as well as her jaw. It was--beautiful!

The grass was so lush looking and green. It covered the whole area except for the sandy colored, stone pathway. A thick grass hedge fenced in the place. Round, grass bushes with different colored flowers lined the edges of the walkway. There were three flowers on each tree. The first tree had red flowers, the second had orange and so on, fitting to the colors of the rainbow. Miyabi walked down the path, gawking at the splendor that was this place.

A little ways down, she came upon some strange, small men, much like the ones who were singing the cake song. Only, these ones didn't look like they were supposed to be working at a Las Vegas gambling & strip club. Each team of these guys painted the white colors according to the color of their clothes.

A red one spotted her. He smiled and hopped up to her. "Hello, hello!" He jumped up and down. "Have you come to be hired for work?"

Miyabi looked down. "Work? Whoa, is this a brothel?"

The little guy giggled. "No, no, silly! We are hiring humans to help us paint!"

"Oh," Miyabi frowned. "I guess I'm not needed here."

She took a step to walk off. The little man jumped up and latched onto her arm. "Don't leave! Please, just help me paint one flower!"

"I said no!" Miyabi shook her arm viciously in attempts to get the freak off of her.

It opened its mouth real wide and clamped down on Miyabi wrist. Miyabi let out a cry of pain. "Ahhh! What the hell!" and threw the demon off of her. He landed in the bush that he was supposed to be coloring.

"Alright, I'll help!" Miyabi grabbed a paint brush off the ground and quickly painted over the white flower as the small thing watched with a content smile on his face.

After Miyabi finished, she rested her hands on her hips, "Happy?" and backed away.

Suddenly, a small gasp was heard. Miyabi and the guy in red turned around to see that Miyabi had accidentally, when throwing her arms back to be placed on her hips, had splashed a drop of red paint on a light blue flower. All the workers then dropped their brushes and glared at Miyabi.

"Oh shit."

Letting out a blood curdling shriek, the whole army of small, male looking creatures charged at her. Letting out her own cry, Miyabi ran as fast as she could.

They chased her all the way down the path and to the foot of a large, elegant looking, yellow castle. Miyabi jumped over the small mote, leaving the creatures to stand there, glaring at her with hatred for they couldn't cross the water to get to her. Still running, Miyabi ran up to the doors of the castle and jumped through them.

Landing, she rolled. Once she stopped rolling, she laid on her back, panting and looking at the high, castle ceiling. She continued to breath heavily for a good minute before she realized where she was. She was in a royal palace. Jumping up, Miyabi looked around to see that she was in a sort of court room. Two, large, magnificent thrones lined the north wall, while other, very small chairs, too small for humans, lined the left side, behind a white rail. On the right side, behind a rail, were fewer, bigger, human sized chairs.

Miyabi walked up to a small, raised platform in the center of the room. Immediately, the lights dimmed and only one very large, bright light shone. It fixed itself on the two thrones, which were suddenly occupied.

In the spot of the queen was a blonde girl wearing a bright yellow dress. Miyabi gasped when she saw the one in the spot of king. It was that guy in purple, the one singing about cake!

The blonde cleared her throat. "I have been informed, by my husband, that you purposely splashed red colored paint on a color that was supposed to be cerulean. Is this true?"

A dimmer light shone on Miyabi. Her eyes widened. "Lies! It was an accident," she huffed.

Another light shone on the side of small chairs, which were suddnely occupied by the crazy group of small demons that tried to kill her.

"She's the liar!!" They chanted, jumping up and down.

"These Sprites do not lie to me. I'm their friend," The Queen said softly.

Miyabi was about to come back with a smart ass comment because she felt the strange urge to piss the Queen off, but the King spoke.

"She has been loyal to us for many years. Asides, I know my fellow Sprites would never lie to anyone, for they are good, kind creatures!"

Again, something about the way he said that sounded slightly off.

"Objection!"

A fourth light beamed on, above the section of human sized chairs. It was filled with people she had met along the way. The Teddy Bear, the little girl, the giant monster, who wasn't so giant now, the blonde, the strange _it_ that was at the party with him, the butterfly guy and the foreign twins. Miyabi turned her head to see the guy in top hat standing up, pointing a finger at the King. "I had sex with ocean," he started, "and my personality is big and beautiful, therefore--um. I just wanted to put that out there!" A stupid grin crossed his face as he sat back down.

Miyabi rolled her eyes. "Even if I did do it on purpose, what are you going to do? Cut off my head?"

A very smirk crossed the Queen's face. It was a smirk so evil that it caused Miyabi to shiver. "Something awful. Something completely terrible and unimaginable."

"E-eh??" Miyabi stuttered, backing away slowly.

"You will be locked in a room without men!"

Miyabi nearly had a heart attack and died. Many gasps could be heard from around the room.

"Roller is thrilled!" The king cried, bouncing up and down in his throne.

Wait, Roller? Miyabi thought that name sounded slightly familiar.

"You wouldn't!" She cried, looking up at the Queen with pure terror. You can't!"

"I can, because I am the Queen of England."

"Roller is the Banana King!"

"Damn," Miyabi hissed. "I guess this means that I'm screwed."

"Stop if I c-can help, uh, it!" Running towards the center of the room was none other than the pot head butterfly. He stood in front of Miyabi and looked up while pointing at the ceiling. "My sister has done anything right, I mean, wrong!"

"We're down here, Sir," The Queen spoke softly.

The brunette looked away from the ceiling, a little above eye level where the Queen and King sat. "...what was I talking about? Oh, right! Leave my um, sister alone. I have a bajinger a steel and you can't s-stop me!"

Miyabi felt like she would cry. "You can't do that! Without men, my life has on meaning!"

"I know." The way the Queen said that made her sound too happy about hurting Miyabi. "Royal Stalker, take care of this please."

Miyabi heard a mumble from behind the throne. A short, fat man in a speedo came wobbling out from behind.

The pot head's eye widened, "A s-shark!" he cried, stopping, dropping and rolling away.

Miyabi didn't know what to do! The Royal Stalker was coming at her at such low velocity that she may never be able to out-run him!

Just when all hope was lost, appearing behind Miyabi was the delicious looking Phantom Thief Cat. His eyes were closed as his tail swayed back and forth. He smirked lightly. "I thought I heard a beautiful maiden being judged unfairly."

Miyabi's heart melted.

"Don't think you can sweet talk me, homo." The Queen wasn't fazed, and her comment produced a laugh from her "husband".

"Homocake!" the King chanted.

Mr. Sexy merely smirked. "You wouldn't say that if you could see all the hot, passionate love that I'd make with Miyabi here."

Everyone gasped, and the silly cross dresser, the one who had it's true gender party, cried out, "Suck me!"

Miyabi's heart pounded. She spun around to face the Phantom, her eyes sparkling with glee. She ran towards the young man and cried out, "Do me! Do me Skye! Do me hard and slow and hot!!"

Just as she was about to jump the willing man, everything blacked out.

When she opened her eyes, however much later, she was in her home. Her normal, lousy, country farm-house, lying in her bed, with stolen blankets, in her normal night clothes. (Which consisted of nearly nothing; merely a tank top and extremely short cotton shorts. She did have hot dreams particularly every night, after all.)

Blinking, she sat up and looked around to see Kaoru giving her the strangest look that was a combination of '_wtf_' and '_what the hell is wrong with you?_'

Miyabi simply stared at her, and Kaoru stared back, looking disgusted still. Finally, she spoke.

"Wow Miyabi. _'Do me hard and slow and hot'?_ I like to think that I don't know you anymore."

Miyabi pouted.

**&&&**

Somewhere in Lukina's bedroom, he cried out in his sleep, "Do me! Do me Rock! Do me hard and slow and in the ass!"


	23. Hello New Love

The rest of Spring flew by as things carried on as normal. Kaoru and Takakura proceeded to do all the work. They had even racked up enough money to upgrade the house. Yes, they finally got a table! Train and Kevin, who have been mentioned in and out of this fanfiction at random times, got a house upgrade as well so Miyabi kicked them out of the farmhouse and they've had to sleep in their doghouse suite.

Miyabi chilled with Rock and Cliff for most of the time, and because Cliff spent a lot of time in Mineral Town or reading porn, she was pretty much listening to Rock talk about his great sex adventures with the ocean while reading yaoi with Cliff. (She also smoked Crass with Rock and Cliff sometimes).

Everything else was pretty much boring, although the villagers were all excited for summer. After hearing that a very hot guy was coming to town soon, Miyabi was also excited for the season.

One very important thing happened, however. The Witch decided on who Kaoru should fall in love with.

The Witch smirked evilly as she filed through her cabinet of heart--fake, papers hearts, of course. She had been planning to give them to the Goddess as an expression of love, but never got the courage to. Instead, she wrote all the villagers names on them and used these to break up couples or in this case, make one.

She pulled out the Kaoru heart and another heart. Then she held them up towards the sky, one in one hand and on in the other at shoulder length apart. "I can't wait to ruin Kaoru's love life! She'll be destined to spend eternity with a complete and total loser," she cackled. Slowly, she brought the two hearts closer to together. "This is what you get for falling love with Harvest Sprites." The hearts were almost together now. "Have a happy life, Kaoru and Rock!" And they joined.

**&&&**

The sickle fell to the ground.

"Kaoru?" Takakura asked with concern, looking over to the girl seemed to be frozen in place with blank eyes that stared off into space.

It took a few seconds for the liveliness to return to her face, but when it did she merely smiled and turned her head to him. "There's someone that I need to talk to."

**&&&**

While all that serious shit was happening, Rock decided to take a stroll. Where else would Rock go but to the beach? He happily pranced around the sand because he had just got done smoking a joint--a joint of Crass. "Summer starts tomorrow, summer starts tomorrow!" He cheered as he hopped around.

"Duuude..."

Rock stopped and, with big, wide eyes and an opened mouth, looked to the ocean. "Why, hello ocean!! Would you like to have sex today?!"

"No maaan, over here..."

Rock spun around to see Gustafa, thankfully in clothes, sitting against a pile of logs. "Oh shit! It's a hippie!" Rock laughed.

"Dude...I heard you sell...weed."

"Ahaha! What's weed?!"

"I also heard that you're uh...on some kind of weird mess, maaan. I heard it's better than weed."

Rock ignored him. "Hey! Did you know that I had sex with the ocean?!" He wiggled.

"Let me tell you a secret dude..." Gustafa motioned for Rock to come closer.

Hop-scotching over, Rock leaned forward. "Whoa! A secret! Tell me, tell me!"

Gustafa smiled lazily and took off his hat. Rock gasped.

"You're bald man! Holy shit!"

Gustafa frowned. "What? No maaan...that's not my secret! Look at my little buddy, dude," he said, pointing to the flower which rested on top of his hat.

Rock's eyes widened in anticipation.

"Go baby, go go!" Gustafa cheered. Strangely, the flower shook, or wiggled.

As if by magic, pot fell from the wiggling flower and landed on the sand.

"Oh my ocean! That flower moved! Haha!" Rock dropped to his knees and stared at the pot.

"This is my weed makin' friend, maaan."

Rock scooped up the pile of sand that the marijuana rested on and shoved it into his pocket. "Oh, I get it! You're stoned! No wonder you act so different, haha! You been smokin' pot!"

"But duude...I want what you're on...I want it...baaad man!" Gustafa sounded desperate.

Rock stood up and grinned widely. "No way, I'm savin' all that for myself! And my lover, the ocean."

Gustafa frowned. "Come on duuude...help a brother out."

"Hey, hey, you want to hear a knock knock joke?!" Rock bounced up and down.

Gustafa sighed. "I didn't want it to come down to this," he said in a threatening voice. Gustafa pulled a machete out from behind his back and pointed it at Rock.

Rock gasped. "How come everyone is trying to steal my drugs?!" He cried. Quickly, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bag of Crass that he and Miyabi had made earlier that morning. He threw it at Gustafa. Then he ran off, crying, "You'll never take me alive!"

Rock tripped and fell into the ocean. He laughed. "Ocean! You've saved me!" then took of his clothes.

Really though, Gustafa didn't have a weapon. Rock was hallucinating a bit and thought that Gustafa's smashed up guitar was a machete.

Gustafa sighed and looked at his once beautiful instrument. "It's okay Dawn, even if he's afraid of you, I love you..." And then he ran off to sex his guitar.

**&&&**

When Cliff answered the door, his pants were a third of the way off. Kaoru stared at him with a perplexed look on her face as she blushed slightly. "Cliff, why are your pants off?"

Cliff blushed and pulled them up the rest of the way, not wanting to tell Kaoru that he just got done reading porn. "Um...d-did you need something?" He asked in a small voice.

"Yeah, I was wondering if Rock was here."

"No, he went off to do...drugs, I think," Cliff bit his lower lip.

Kaoru smiled. "Oh, good, because I really wanted to talk to you without him bothering us."

**&&&**

Miyabi ran out of the farm, "Kaoru!" she cried. Miyabi was desperate to find Kaoru, because Miyabi needed to talk to her about finalizing their plan to defeat Van and spare themselves of being eaten. Takakura had refused to tell Miyabi where Kaoru went. Actually, he had said that he'd tell if Miyabi let him take a nude picture Skye. It took her a second or two, but she ultimately refused the offer.

So now she ran around the town in search of her friend. As she ran by, she noticed a red headed boy that she had never seen before. He was standing near the Blue Bar, just looking up at the sky. Smirking, Miyabi walked over to him.

"Do you have a mirror in your pocket, because I see me in your pants."

The boy didn't move. He just stared up at the sky. Miyabi didn't bother; she just decided she needed a better pick up line.

"Hey, wanna screw?"

At last, the boy turned to look at her. "What?" he asked in a very deep, manly voice. He was very cold about it.

Miyabi brushed her hair back and smiled at him innocently. "I haven't seen you around here before. What's your name?" She threw on the 'sweet-and-innocent-girl' act.

He growled. "Are you trying to flirt with me?"

Miyabi bit her lower lip and giggled. "I haven't complimented you yet. Take off your shirt and I can really get to work on the words."

He narrowed his eyes and sighed. "I'm not interested in women."

Miyabi gasped. Oh my, another gay man! Although she was slightly disappointed, she remembered that she had Skye, and the thought of this new guy making out with another man was pleasing enough to keep her from feeling sad.

"After all, I am straight." He said, as he walked off.

Miyabi nearly exploded when she realized that the _he_ was actually a _she_.

**&&&**

Cliff and Kaoru sat on separate beds, Cliff making sure to hide his porn under his pillow. Nervously, he looked up at Kaoru. "You wanted to talk to m-me?"

Kaoru blushed slightly. "Yeah. I know that living with Rock isn't the best thing in the world, and well, I get bored with working all the time. But, I can't hang out with just Miyabi. She's too, weird! So, I thought I'd keep you company."

"T-thanks..." Cliff blushed, looking down.

Kaoru smiled lightly. "What do you do in your free time, besides try to ignore Rock's complaining?"

Cliff blushed feverishly. He couldn't tell her that he got high and looked at porn when he was bored! She might think he was an even bigger freak. And, what would she think if she knew that he messed around with a guy?!

"Um, I-I just...walk around. Yeah..." He lied.

"You read porn and get high, don't you?"

Cliff gasped. "How did you know?"

Kaoru smiled. "I had a feeling. You want to share with me?"

Cliff's eye widened, "W-what?"

Kaoru laughed. "I was kidding. I wouldn't want to end up like Rock or Miyabi! That would be awful."

Cliff smiled a bit and laughed nervously. "Um, haha...yeah!"

Suddenly, the Witch flew into the bedroom. "NOT AS PLANNED."

Kaoru and Cliff both fell off their beds.

The Witch glared at Kaoru and then at Cliff. "Why! Why him?!"

Cliff sniffled. "Does no one love me?"

Huffing, the Witch spun around in circles on her broom. "Has my evil plan failed me?! Perhaps I picked up the wrong heart! Shit...No one in this Valley is as bad as Rock. Although, you're pretty damn pathetic too…" she scoffed at Cliff who merely sniffled some more. "This is bad. There is no way I can reverse this either...That's it! I'm seriously going to have to have sex to blow off some steam! You!" She pointed at Kaoru. "Find the Goddess...quickly!"

Then she disappeared.

Kaoru and Cliff blinked and sat up.

"That was...odd."

"Y-yeah..."

Kaoru looked at him. Damn...he was hot. Kaoru felt scared to be thinking this, because she never felt this way about anyone before. Well, okay, Roller and his fellow sprites were pretty darn foxy but…

Wait! Why did Karou suddenly not feel sexual attraction towards Roller anymore? Was the world coming to an end?

"Thanks for the chat," she said quickly. "I have to go, though. Um, talk to you later, kay?" She ran out the door.

"O-okay..." Cliff was a bit pleased because now he could read his porn and touch himself.

**&&&**

Miyabi spotted Kaoru as they both ran around town. They spotted each other near their farm entrance. "Kaoru!" Miyabi shouted. "I've been meaning to talk to you!"

"Not now Miyabi, I have a Sprite to break up with."

"But it's- did you just say that you were breaking up with a Sprite?" Miyabi thought she felt a distant planet explode or something.

"Yeah! I've--I've fallen in love! With a real man!" Kaoru cried in triumph.

"Oh shit!" Miyabi also cried. "Kaoru, you've finally turned into a real woman!" She hugged her.

"Yes! It's great!" Kaoru smiled proudly.

"Who is it?!" Miyabi backed off and looked at Kaoru expectantly.

"Cliff!"

Miyabi stared at her blankly. "...well, he's better than a lot of other guys here. Like, he's a lot better than R-"

"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's--- a pirate ship!" Rock cried, although he sounded a bit happy, as he ran towards them.

Miyabi and Kaoru turned to the frantic boy who looked like he was enjoying himself.

"What now, Rock?" Miyai narrowed her eyes.

Rock tackled her. "A pirate ship! It's commin this way! I saw it when I had sex with the ocean!"

Miyabi blinked, not minding the fact that Rock was on top of her at all. "Pirate ship? I think you're just too stoned."

"No way babe! I saw it! FOR SERIOUS."

Rock turned around to look back at the ocean and then he saw Gustafa with his '_machete_', walking towards them.

He let out a cry, jumped off Miyabi and ran for the fat chick's farm. "He's back! Holy shit!"

And, while Rock was running away from Gustafa, Kaoru ran towards Sprites Inc. Miyabi just walked back home.

As she walked into the farm, Takakura greeted her with a camera in his hand.

"Just one picture." he begged.

Miyabi scoffed. "No way."

"Can I snap a photo of you, then?"

"Pssssh…"

"I'll pay you."

Miyabi bit her lower lip. "Well...if you put it THAT way..."

And so the two of them ran into Takakura's house for a nude photo shoot.


	24. Crazy Gay Ocean Lovin Summer Fun

"Roller, I dont know how to say this," Kaoru spoke softly.

Roller narrowed his eyes and leaned over the counter, closer to her. "Roller cannot hear you!"

The noise that Hopps and Jum were making was much too loud. Hopps was trying to fight Jum, who, yet again, was humping his leg. Tep was simply ignoring them both and chatting away, seeking safety in the far corner of the room.

"Come on Hoppsy-kins! Let me do it just once!"

"DO NOT WANT!" Hopps cried, trying to shake Jum off.

Finally, Tep had enough. "YO, MOTHA FAWKERS. SHUDDUP OR IMMA CAP YOUZ BITCHES!"

Jum squealed and hid behind the poker table.

"HEY YOU," Hopps cried, running over there and trying to drag Jum from his table table.

Kaoru spoke louder. "Roller, I want to break up!"

Everyone in the room gasped and stopped what they were doing. Silence gripped the entire place.

Roller stared at her with a hurt expression and couldn't say anything for a while. Then, his open mouth slowly turned into a frown. "Roller thought Kaoru loved Roller…"

Kaoru bit her lip and held back tears. "I did, but...I think it's for the better that we both just let this go. I-I found someone new."

Roller hung his head. "Roller understands. Roller will let you go..."

Kaoru picked him up and hugged him. "I'm sorry. We can still be friends, right?"

Roller nodded.

She set him down and turned. "Good bye, Roller."

Roller just waved sadly as she walked off.

Everyone was silent for a long time. Tep was on hold, Hopps was staring at Roller, and Jum was staring at Hopps' crotch.

Finally, Jum spoke. "Um, like, let's have an orgy!"

Roller's head lifted up. "Prepare the oven!"

**&&&**

Later that night...

Rock retreated to his room, still high. Cliff was on the bed reading porn.

Rock sighed happily as he sat down on his bed. Cliff looked up at him, "Something happen?"

"I scored with the ocean, AGAIN!" He laughed, falling backwards onto his bed.

Cliff flipped the page of hentai and had a nosebleed.

"Holy shit, you're bleeding, babe! I mean, _dude_!"

Cliff blushed and looked up, "W-what did you call me?"

Rock smiled to himself. "Don't worry dude, I'm not gay!"

"I-I wouldn't mind even if you were..." Cliff said quietly.

"Whoa man, whoa." Rock grabbed and pillow and hugged it. "I saw that hippie freak today. He tried to kill me, dude!"

"Oh…" Cliff continued to read.

"Yeah, so I gave him my Crass!"

"Rock!" Cliff gasped, looking up.

"No, no, it's cool! He gave me pot in return. Crazy shit right there, right?!"

Cliff gave him an uneasy look. "Um...yeah..."

"Hey, did I mention that I scored with the ocean today?!"

**&&&**

Later that night...

Gustafa ran around town, clothes off.

"Nude Day!" He laughed. "Who needs Nude Day? It's Nude Day everyday!!" He ran passed the Inn and hollered, "Come out everybody, it's NUUUUDE DAAAY!!"

Chris happened to be walking out of her house while this went on. She stopped when she spotted the naked Gustafa running passed her. Her face paled. "What is wrong with this town?!"

She ran off to get drunk.

Gustafa spotted Nami near the still ruined house of the two terrorists. He stopped by her and grinned. "Nami! Come celebrate Nude Day with me!"

"Not now, Gustafa. I'm trying to contact Aliens." She said lazily, staring up at the sky and spreading her arms out.

Gustafa laughed and pulled off her pants. "Come on!"

"Gustafa!" She cried happily.

It got really hot from then on out.

Watching in the distance was Cody and his team of Chihuahua. He smirked a bit and whipped out his canvas. "Watch and learn." he told the dogs who simply barked a happy reply.

**&&&**

Later that night, passed midnight...

Miyabi had just got done having sex with Skye under the waterfall. They departed and now she was walking back to her farmhouse.

On the way, she spotted a teddy bear lying in the road. She froze. That looked exactly like the bear she had seen in her dream.

The bear moved. Towards her.

"If you're going to create a dark whole in the earth and try to kill me with it, it won't work!" She yelled at the creature.

"Cute almond eyes~" it sung, coming closer.

"...I don't have almond eyes, you dumbass!"

They both stared at each other for a long time.

"Oh, Miyabi, it looks like you met my Lord." A sinister little girl snickered. Walking towards them was Kate, a menacing smirk plastered on her face.

Miyabi rolled her eyes.

"This is my Lord, Da-chan. He is the holder of all evil and he is even more powerful than the Witch Princess!" She cackled.

"Beat it, brat." Miyabi huffed.

"I like bears, do you?" Kate continued, picking up Da-chan and holding him.

"...yeah, sure..."

"Especially the Pedobear. He knows how to please me in all the right ways." Kate smirked wildly at that.

"Ugh, gross!" Miyabi cringed.

Kate looked to her with glowing red eyes. "Beware. Pedobear will find your children. He will find them and do terrible things to them! PEDOBEAR WILL HAUNT YOU!"

Without saying a word, Miyabi took off running, scared to death.

"I fucking HATE overused memes!" She cried.

**&&&**

The next morning...

Miyabi sat Kaoru down at the dining table. With the most serious expression on her face, and a tone to match it, she spoke. "Okay, it's summer. We only have one more month to execute my plan."

"Your plan?" Kaoru questioned.

"Yeah. The one with Lumina. This is what we'll do. I'll go to Lumina and tell her, I mean…_him_, that I know his secret."

"You can't," Kaoru started, "Romana will kill you."

"That is where you're wrong." Miyabi pointed a single digit up. "I'll tell him that someone else knows his secret too, and that if I die, that person will know to tell everyone in the village about the secret." Miyabi said deviously. "Damn, I feel like I should belong on Death Note."

"Hmm, but what if Lumina doesn't buy it?"

"Oh, he will. Because I'll tell him about the drugs too, I'd have to. He loves Rock, and if doing this will save Rock, I'm sure he'd do it, right?"

"Hmm," Kaoru hummed. "I think so, but we can never be too sure."

"Life is about taking risks." Miyabi smiled a bit. "After Lumina gets the drugs from Rock, he'll give the drugs to us and then we can give them to Van. We'll be safe and we'll get everything that Van owns!"

Kaoru looked down in thought. The plan sounded decent. Not the most thought out, but hey, Miyabi wasn't a deep thinker. Still, it might work. Might. Was it worth a shot?

"Alright. I have confidence in you," she stood. "I have to get to work. Can you brush Stacy for me, as well as feed Train and Kevin?"

Miyabi huffed. "Do I have to?"

"Yeah, because if you won't, I'll ask Guts out on a date."

"Oh shit!" Miyabi grabbed the animal's food and ran out the door.

**&&&**

After feeding Train and Kevin, Miyabi walked into the stable. She looked at the orange horse and couldn't help but feel afraid. After all, she was the reason he got shot.

"Hey, Stacy," She laughed nervously.

The horse scoffed at her.

Taken aback, Miyabi narrowed her eyes. "Hey, chill out. I just want to brush you. I'll make this quick."

She walked over to him, being careful not to get behind him for fear of being kicked. She pressed the brush against his fur and dragged it down.

Stacy cried out and Miyabi backed off. "What? Did that hurt?" She gasped.

Without warning, Stacy rolled over on top of Miyabi. She let out a cry and fell to the ground, the weight of the horse pushing on her.

She was stuck under the horse that was crushing her lungs. "Can't--breathe!" She cried desperately.

While Miyabi was dying, Kaoru and Takakura were working the fields.

"Yo!" A young male's voice called out. Kaoru stopped working and looked to the farm entrance where a tanned, thin, yet slightly ripped man was walking from. Kaoru dropped her hoe and blushed. "Whoa..."

He walked on over to here. "Hey, pretty. I thought I'd come by and introduce myself. The name's Kai, and I'll be here for the summer." He stuck out his hand for a shake.

Kaoru was glad that Miyabi wasn't around. She extended her hand and it met with his. "Hey. Nice to meet you."

"You too," and he winked at her, smiling as he showed off his pearly teeth. "Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to mention that today I'm havin' an all you can eat buffet down by the beach! Awesome, huh? Come by if you have some free time. It'll be great!"

Kaoru smiled at him. "Oh, thanks. I'll make sure to be there."

Kai smiled more. "Sweet. I'll start cooking the food pretty soon, so come by soon." He waved to her before walking off.

Kaoru stared at him as he walked off.

Miyabi emerged from the stable, gasping for breath and clothes filthy with horse hair. "That horse is a freakin' psycho!"

**&&&**

Miyabi and Kaoru walked to the beach. After hearing about a hot guy cooking delicious foods, Miyabi had to check it out. When she reached the sand, she practically skipped to the food stand where Kai was. Everyone else was either talking or eating, so Miyabi jumped in front of the stand.

She batted her eyelashes at Kai. "So, I heard you're staying here for the summer."

"Yep!" Kai grinned, placing corn on a plate and handing it to that emo blacksmith.

"You're hot." Miyabi said bluntly. "Wanna have sex?"

Kai looked at her with a smile and mouthed the words '_tonight'_ as Kaoru walked over to them.

"Hey, Kai." She said.

"Yo. Hey, would you ladies like to order? Be warned, by cooking is one of the best!" He gave them a confident grin and they both sighed happily.

Rock nudged Lukina. "Hey, babe. Do you like his cooking?"

Lukina smiled. "I do," and took a bite of his salad, because gay guys just love salad.

"Well, if you like his cooking, wait til you try mine!" Rock smiled.

Lukina swallowed. "Rock, you're cooking is awful. Don't you remember what happened at the Cooking Festival?"

Rock laughed, "No, what? I thought I won."

Lukina rolled his eyes.

Cliff walked over to Gray. "H-hey."

Gray looked up at him. "Hey."

"I-Is that corn good?" He asked, eying it.

"Yeah, but I'd rather be eating you."

Cliff squeaked and blushed. "We can't flirt! This is a comedy, not gay literature!"

"Oh, right." Gray went back to eating his corn and imagining it to be Cliff's asshole.

Miyabi and Kaoru ordered their food. Miyabi eat near the stand and chatted with Kai while Kaoru walked over to Cliff.

"Hey, Cliff," she greeted.

"Oh, hey Kaoru." He blushed nervously, stepping away from Gray.

"You aren't eating anything?" She frowned.

"Oh, yeah, I'm...on a diet?"

Kaoru giggled. "You can have some of mine. Do you like pizza?"

"If it has gay porn on it--I mean…" Cliff winced. "Yeah. I love it."

Kaoru smiled at him and tore off a piece of her food, then moved the plate over to Cliff. "I'm sure Kai's cooking is great."

"Y-yeah." Cliff picked up the pizza and took a small bite. His eyes sparkled. After swallowing, he gave a small smile, "Wow. This really is good."

Kaoru smiled back.

From a distance, Gray watched in envy. '_Yeah, well, I sucked his bajinger way before he even noticed you!_'

**&&&**

After everyone was done eating Miyabi and Kaoru volunteered to help Kai clean up.

Cliff and Gray were the last ones to leave.

"Are you sure you don't need our help?" Cliff asked politely.

"No, we're cool," Kaoru offered. "Thanks though."

Gray just turned to walk away, not liking Kai or Kaoru very much.

Cliff smiled nervously at her. "Oh, okay. Well, um, see you tomorrow then?"

"See ya," Kaoru waved.

Then Gray and Cliff ran to Rock's bedroom to have sex.

Miyabi, Kaoru and Kai worked until night fell. After they were all done, Kai smiled at the girls.

"You did a good job at cleaning." He looked at the sea.

'_Good, my ship isn't visible from the beach…'_

"It's pretty hot." A playful smirk crossed his lips as he pulled his shirt off, exposing his lovely chesticles.

Kaoru and Miyabi both blushed as they watched him walk over to the water. He turned to look back at them, "Wanna go for a swim?"

Both girls squealed and ran to the water's edge.

"I don't know, it's kind of cold!" Kaoru dipped her hand into the sea.

"That's why we've got to make it hot, right Kai?" Miyabi looked to him with a smile.

Kai smiled back, "I do bring the heat! Ready to have some fun?"

Miyabi kicked off her shoes and chased Kai into the water. Kaoru watched them and wished she could be chasing Cliff into the water. It was too bad that the boy was so gay—err, _appreciative_.

"Whoa Dad, she's at it again!" They heard a little boy cry out, excited.

"Only this time she's with a different man!" Wally added, looking towards the beach scene.

Kaoru looked back at the two runners and gave them a confused look. "Eh?"

"Can we watch again, Dad? Please, please, please!"

"Alright son!" Wally nodded. "This guy isn't as hot as the last one, though!"

"He's hotter, I think!" Hugh pipped up. "This one looks more like a man! Hey dad, can we steal their underwear again?"

"Of course! Just don't let Mommy see it this time!"

**&&&**

While Miyabi was messing around with Kai as Kaoru and the two athletes watched, Rock also did some porn watching.

"Whoa! How does that even work?!" He gasped. Needless to say, he was high yet again.

Gray growled. "Get the hell out of here." He had just been about to tear off Cliff's pants when Rock walked in. Apparently, Rock could unlock locked doors.

"No man, I wanna see you do him in the ass! That's freaky shit right there!" Rock laughed.

Cliff blushed, still under Gray. "Gray, make him leave~" he whined.

"I will." Gray grunted, getting off of Cliff and stomping over to Rock who was singing now.

"I wanna take you to a gay bar!" Rock cried, swaying back and forth.

Gray grabbed him by the arm and threw him out of the room. Rock flew down the stairs.

Gray relocked the door and got back on Cliff. "Now we can have fun."

Crashed at the bottom of the stairs, Rock continued to sing as Lukina walked over to him.

"Rock, what on earth? Are you quite alright?" He asked with concern.

"I've got something to put in you!" Rock carried on. "At the gay bar, gay bar, GAY BAR!"

Lukina blushed, "R-Rock!" He then ran off to mess with himself while he composed a love song.

**&&&**

After watching Miyabi give Kai a hand job, Hugh and Wally retreated to their house with Kai's boxers.

Kaoru decided to head off to bed because watching Miyabi mess with Kai was making her wish she had a man to love on.

Miyabi and Kai finally finished and they walked out of the water.

"You were great, damn!" Kai shivered with pleasure.

Miyabi smiled and tried to sound innocent, "Well, you know...I get lots of practice."

"Hey, hold it right there!" They heard Rock call from the beginning of the beach. He stormed over to them. He noticed that Kai had no pants on and he got very suspicious.

"What are you doing back here?" Miyabi groaned. If anyone could ruin a sexy moment, it would be Rock.

Rock huffed. "Well, I got kicked out of my room because Cliff was being gay with that other emo guy and then I came here to have alone time with my lover and I find out that you've been having sex with her!"

Kai looked at Rock with utter confusion on his face. "You mean, Miyabi?"

Miyabi rolled her eyes. "He means the ocean. And no, Rock, we haven't been having sex with the ocean."

Kai laughed.

"What's so funny?!" Rock stammered. "She's mine, you hear?!"

"I hear!" Kai continued to laugh, which just upset Rock even more.

"You inferior fools!" Rock cried, kicking sand at Kai and running to the water.

"Whoa, what the hell?" Miyabi's eyes followed Rock and he dove into the sea.

"What a freak," Kai snickered.

"Tell me about it," Miyabi sighed.

Kai looked around the beach. "Hey, where did my boxers go?"

**&&&**

Hugh tossed and turned in bed. For some reason, he couldn't go to sleep. Maybe it was because he had watched dirty material right before bed. Whatever it was, it was bothering him. He opened his eyes and looked around his room.

He could have sworn that in the corner of his room was a brown bear just watching him with perverted, evil eyes.


	25. This Shit Got Real

On the morning of the 3rd…

Miyabi was too excited to hold in the secret she knew. She had to let it out. She had to confront Lukina about his 'problem' and about her 'secret plan.'

"I'm going to harass Lumina now~" Miyabi waved to Kaoru as she opened the door.

Kaoru was trying to patch a hole in the flour bag. The one that Train had ripped long ago creating a whole colony of termites to migrate into the house and eat Kaoru's bed. (She slept on the floor ever since.)

"Wait a little bit longer. If we tell him too early, things could go wrong," she worked without looking up.

Miyabi laughed. "Kaoru, please, this is ME we're talking about. I'll use my powers of seduction to get him to do anything I want."

"He's gay."

"For Rock!" Miyabi smiled. "It's that sexy?"

"No...no, not really," Kaoru frowned.

Miyabi scoffed. "Don't worry, I can handle this!" And then she ran off.

**&&&**

"Now, Luke, Sebastian and I are going to play in my bedroom. If you walk in on us again, I will shove my cane up your ass," she smiled and walked off to the bedroom, a naked Sebastian following her in.

Lukina smiled to himself and decided to walk in on them, for the last time Romana shoved something up his ass, he liked it, but that besides the point...

Lukina's smile fadded and he continued to play the Backstreet Boys on the piano.

"It's gonna--gonna--gonna--" He started singing along with it. "It's gonna be--"

"You!"

Lukina jumped at the sudden cry that came from the door which had been flung open. He turned to glare at Miyabi.

"You have a hot voice," she said, walking over to him and leaning against his piano. "Oh, I know! Sing _'I Kissed a Boy'!_"

Lukina blushed as his eyes widened. "W-what?"

"If I take off my shirt, will you play it?"

"No!" Lukina was immediately turned off. He got up. "You have just interrupted my lessons--"

"AH! OH! Sebastian! AAAAH!! OH MY HEAVENS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

They heard the horrible, cry-moan-scream of pleasure come from the bedroom.

Both Miyabi and Lukina stared at the bedroom door, both utterly terrified and receiving a wave of horrible images.

"What...the...hell..." Miyabi honestly had no better words.

Lukina took this opportunity to run for his bedroom.

"Hey!" Miyabi cried and chased after him.

Lukina ran into his bedroom and right before Miyabi could jump through the doorway, Lukina slammed the door shut.

He let out a sigh of relief and fell back onto his bed. Now all he needed to do was wait for Miyabi to give up and leave.

After a few seconds of silence, Lukina was sure Miyabi was gone. He sat up and looked to the door. Should he open it?

Then, the door flew open. He gasped.

"You forgot to lock it!" Miyabi laughed.

"Oh...shit..."

Miyabi shut the door behind her and developed a serious look on her face. "Let's cut to the queer, literally, I know your secret."

Lukina's eyes widened. "What?"

"And don't think about killing me, either. I'm not the only one who knows your secret. If I die, the person who also knows will know to tell the whole town about you," she smirked evilly, feeling very clever.

Lukina growled. There was no way out of this. "So what's my secret?"

"You're a man!" Miyabi said proudly.

Lukina gasped again. She was right! Curses. Lukina bit his lip. "Is this all you wanted to tell me?"

"Well..." Miyabi walked over to the bed and groped Lukina.

He let out a squeal and pushed her back. "Ah! Now I feel so filthy!" He cried.

"Whoa! You really do have a bajinger! And it's kinda big, too," Miyabi blushed. "Why am I here again? Oh yeah...I need your help."

Lukina, who was still blushing and glaring, hissed. "Why should I help you?"

"Because if you don't, Rock might die."

"Rock!" Lukina cried. "Why would Rock be in danger?!"

Miyabi took a breath. "He's the deal; Rock is a drug dealer there's a Harvest Sprite and this Sprite stole some weed that Rock was growing and then the Sprite lost the weed because a baby eat the weed and overdosed and then Van, you know, the fat pedophile, he was working with Roller, uh--Roller is the Sprite, and so Van asks Roller for the drugs and we run into them and make a deal with Van saying that we'd get him drugs to replace the stolen ones in order to protect Roller because my stupid roommate used to love him and so then Van tells us that if we don't get him what he needs he'll kill everyone involved in this case!" She gasped for breath.

Lukina only stared at her as if she just said something totally awful, sinful, evil, insane and purely mad. Lukina's face twisted into a disgusted cringe.

"Rock would never sell drugs," was the only thing he could whisper.

"Can't resists the facts, babe!" Miyabi snapped her fingers.

Lukina looked like he was about to cry. "W-what do I have to do? How can I save my poor Rocky-kins!"

"His new set of drugs finishes growing this fall. When they grow, seduce him, steal them and then do him in the ass!" Miyabi said very seriously.

Lukina blushed. Not a bad plan at all.

"Why don't you tell Rock about this?" Lukina tried to reason. "He would surely give his drugs away to save everyone! Oh, wait…"

"Exactly."

"Okay. I'll do this, but only for Rock! Even though I'm stealing from him, I know it's to ultimately save him!" Lukina tried to assure himself.

"That's the spirit, baby!" Miyabi smiled. "Now remember, kill me and the whole town will know you're a tranny!"

"I'm not a transvestite I…" Lukina had no evidence to back himself up. "Natsume doesn't like gay guys so I had to turn into a girl..."

"Well, damn!" Miyabi breathed out. "So anyway, good luck fucking Rock and don't try to do anything uh—stupid, because remember--"

"I know!" Lukina sighed, getting up and pushing Miyabi out the door.

Miyabi happily skipped down the steps while Lukina stood by his door, feeling very awful.

"OH SEBASTIAN GIVE IT TO ME!!!!"

He heard the scream and thought he would puke. It was then that he decided to spy on his them, since he really needed something up the ass right about then.

....Several orgasms later....

Lukina pulled his pants back on and set off. He had a job to do. Romana used the cane to create her own orgasms and then Sebastian had his turn.

There's nothing wrong with this family, really!

&&&

"I'm an Oscar Myer wiener!!" Rock sang, rolling around on the ground.

"Gosh...Rock..." Cliff stared at the lamp. "Stop uh...smoking tho-those drugs...!"

"Are you a wiener, Cliff?!" Rock asked, laughing.

"Wiener..." Cliff blushed. "Ah..! I'm not gay!"

Rock busted out laughing, "Dude you're so homo!"

"Whoa! Aaaaam not!" Cliff whined, eyes now burning from staring at the light for too long.

Just then the door busted open to reveal Lukina. Rock gasped when he spotted him. "Hey, Babe."

"Rock! We have to talk!" Lukina breathed heavily.

"Talk is cheap, babe. I need sex! With the ocean! Bow chicka wow wow!" Rock winked at him.

Lukina rolled his eyes. So this was the effect of the drugs Rock dealt...and smoked.

"Rock, we need to talk in private."

"Hehe, you said PRIVATES!" Rock giggled.

"NOW!" Lukina grabbed Rock by the wrist and pulled him out into the hallway.

"...I! I...! I'm not g-gay!" Cliff whined once more.

From outside the hallway, Lukina looked around. No one was around. Good. He pushed the door to Rock's bedroom shut.

Rock continued to sing. "My bologna has a first name!"

"Rock!" Lukina cried, looking at him seriously.

Rock laughed a little and blinked. "Yeah, babe?"

"Will you marry me?"


	26. The Bajinger Eating Shark

Rock blinked. "Whoa babe, whoa."

Lukina narrowed his eyes very seriously. "Rock, I love you. I've always loved you. Please marry me."

Rock laughed loudly and nearly blew Lukina back. "BWAHAHA! Oh man, babe! Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that?! Four hundred years!!! Four!! O-over nine thousand!!!!"

"Rock!" Lukina cried, trying to bring Rock back to reality--a task of impossibility.

Rock hugged himself. "Yes Lumina, yes. I will marry you! Oh man, I have to tell everyone in town!"

Lukina gasped. "No! No, don't do that, dear," he smiled nervously. "How about we keep this out little secret?"

Rock frowned. "But babe, I gotta tell the world!"

"Tell anyone and I will shove my grandmother's cane up your ass," Lukina threatened, developing a boner.

Rock smiled. "Alright, but only for you! Let's have sex!"

Lukina was horrified. "Let's wait until we're um--married," He laughed. "You know, set good examples for the children..."

Once he was married to Rock, they couldn't get a divorce, so it was best that Rock not find out Lukina's true gender identity until after the ceremony.

"Fine, but let's PAAAATEEEH now!" Rock jumped up in the air.

"Oh, it'll be a penis--I mean, party, alright," Lukina smiled evilly and turned to the stairs.

"Haha, you said bajinger!" Rock laughed.

"Goodbye, Rock," Lukina descended. His plan was now set in motion.

**&&&**

Meanwhile, something disturbing was happening at Kai's snack stand.

Rick.

"Kai Kai!' Rick called happily.

Kai turned the other way and tried to ignore him.

"Kai!" Rick said more demanding, stopping in front of the stand.

Kai glared at him. "Dude, beat it. You already interrupted my sexy time with Popuri and you're not going to drive my customers away with your insanity!"

"Kai!!" Rick cried. "Eggs..."

"What the hell do you even say! I mean, damn! If you're gonna talk, speak something I'll understand!"

Rick gasped. "Kai!"

"Stop saying my name!!" Kai cried.

Rick opened his mouth to speak.

"If you say it--"

"Ka-"

Kai threw a plate of spaghetti at Rick and it nailed him in the face.

He let out a girlish shriek and fell backwards. "Kai! Kai! Kai!" He gasped, starting to hyperventilate while having an epileptic seizure on the sand.

"Whoa! Like, oh my god, did you KILL him?" Popuri, who had somehow managed to get to the beach, ran over to Rick's side. "Aww shucks! He's still alive!"

"He won't be so lucky next time," Kai warned. "Hey Pop, you want some corn?"

Popuri giggled. "I love it when you talk dirty to me."

**&&&**

Cliff really didn't want to sit there and listen to Rock sing about fatty meat products like bolgna, so he headed off for the beach. Maybe there he could read his porn in peace.

When he arrived, Rick was squirming around on the floor and Popuri and Kai were doing it in a boat. Cliff cringed at the site and quickly flipped open his Yaoiboy magazine.

He was just sitting under an umbrella when he looked up from his book, a bad vibe coming across him. He shuddered. Something wasn't right. He looked around. Rick was still dying and Kai and Popuri were still having sex. He looked into the ocean. He gasped.

He fell backwards, dropping his Yaoiboy nearby. A wave took it and carried it off to sea, but Cliff kept a fixed stare of horror on the creature swimming around. It was a shark. A giant one, nearly 20 feet long.

The Yaoiboy drifted near the shark and with one powerful lash, the shark threw open its jaws and clamped down on the magazine. If he couldn't get the real thing, paper bajingers would work too.

Trembling, Cliff got up. And when he did, he ran. Ran as fast and as far as he could.

Rick rolled his way over to the water's edge. Not purposely, but because he was in blind, spazzing fit. A huge wave took him and he was carried off, just like the Yaoiboy had been. He gasped. "Kai!! Kai!!"

"KAI!! KAII!!" Popuri gasped as well, only for different reasons.

The shark, which was identified as the Bajinger Eating Shark, spotted Rick and swam towards him at full speed.

The poor victim had no idea as he splashed about trying to stay afloat. He noticed something was wrong when a huge shadow blocked out the sun. He turned around and was face to face the most deadliest and cruel monster of all.

"KAI!!!!" Rick cried before an inconceivable horror befell him.

Kai looked out into the sea and regretted it. Rick getting his bajinger bitten off was a terrifying sight to behold. But then he gasped as he spotted a speck in the distance. To others, it may be just a speck, but to him it was--

PIRATES.


	27. We Do It For the Booty

Kai pulled himself out of Popuri and gaped in horror at the little speck approaching the shore. It had be at ten miles out, but Kai needed all the time he could get to react.

"Kai! What are you doing! You didn't even come!" Popuri demanded.

"Sorry, Popuri, but I gotta do something--"

"No!" Popuri huffed. "Get back in!"

"Popuri I really have to do something--"

"You get your bajinger back inside of my woowoo now! Or I'll tell Mommy—"

"Popuri!" Kai cried desperately.

"GET IN THE POPURI!!"

They both went silent after that. It was as if something in nature, like an unwritten law, had been broken.

"It doesn't work for you," Kai finally said. Then he jumped out of the boat.

"Oooh, Kai!" Popuri growled, getting up as well. "Fine! I'll have sex with Takakura!! Do you know how many times he's done me?" Popuri placed a hand on her hip and glared at Kai.

"I dont want to know!" Kai hollered back.

"Thirty-seven!!"

"Thirty-seven!" Kai gasped. He was never doing her again! He threw back on his clothes and quickly thought up a plan. He couldn't fight these pirates alone, he needed help. The first people to come to mind his mind were Miyabi and Kaoru.

Kai took off running to their farmhouse, Popuri doing the same.

Rick was splashing about on top of the water, bleeding to death. "KAI!!"

**&&&**

Meanwhile, Miyabi was on the phone.

"We're sorry, the owner of this shop is mentally unstable and therefore, unable to come to the phone. Please call back later." An automated voice said.

Miyabi looked at the phone strangely. "What the hell?" then shrugged. She thought she remembered the Yodel Ranch being closed today, anyway. So she dialed a random number.

"Hello, welcome to Homo Hotline. We thank you for calling. Please wait one moment while we connect you to a therapist." A very fake, manly sounding voice said.

Miyabi hit the jack pot.

"Hee~llooo~, I'm and I'll be helping you with your homo related issues today~! Please take a moment to listen to the list of issues I can help you with," a voice, extremely gay, said. "Press one if you need to come out of the closet, ooh! Press two if you think you're gay but don't know for sure! Press three if you are being harassed because of your sexuality, oh no! Press four is you want my address--"

"Juli!" Miyabi heard a distant, muffed voice say. "Get your ass off my phone! All this week, you've been using up my minutes to pretend that you're a therapist for suffering homos!" This voice was quite manly.

"But auntie, I mean, uncle, I mean--" Then the phone cut off.

Miyabi stared blankly at a wall, phone still to her ear. "Well..."

Then there was a knock on the door. Miyabi hung up the phone, hopped off the bed and answered it. It was Kai.

Miyabi suddenly turned her 'sexy' on. "Hey, Kai~"

"Yo, Miyabi." He smiled at her at her, but something about him looked urgent. "You got some free time?"

Miyabi got a little excited. "Sure, why?"

"I need you to help me do something."

Miyabi, assuming he meant something sex related, agreed happily. "I got you."

Kai breathed a sigh of relief. "Can Kaoru come too?"

Miyabi's smile disappeared. "Oh. She's hanging out with Cliff today. Said something about him looking terrified and running away from the beach."

"Oh, it's fine," Kai said, thought he sounded a bit worried. "What about Rock? Is he free?"

Miyabi's smiled returned. A Threesome! "Oh, hell yeah."

"Great. Well, meet me at the beach in an hour, bring all the guys you can get," Kai said.

Miyabi nearly touched herself. "Will do, Kai~" she winked at him.

As Kai walked off the farm, he noticed Popuri and Takakura holding each other in the man's doorway. She was glaring at him. She reached her hand in Takakura's pants. This caused him to slap her ass and she let a little, "Oooh~"

Kai nearly threw up.

**&&&**

Meanwhile, Vesta and her 'family' were having some problems.

Vesta had rebuilt the house that she caused to collapse, because she jumped around during a Nascar game, using her manly-man powers. But now there was a giant, human sized whole in Celia's roof.

"CELIER," Vesta cried, making her way up the stairs, which almost broke.

Celia quietly sat on her bed. "It's Celia."

"That's what I done said!!" Vesta growled. She finally made it to the top and looked glared at the whole. "What done happened to ma' new house?!"

"A meteorite," Celia lied.

Vesta roared. "Dar ain't been no gotdamn meterite flyin' thru that dar damn RUUF! Wha'dda take meh fer, a dumb HICK?!"

"I never said that," Celia said quietly.

"ARG!" Vesta growled. Then she decided to leave and started walking down the stairs. The weight was too much, however, and the wooden board crashed and broke beneath her. "AHHH!! GOTDAMNIT!" She cried, crashing into the floor.

The house shook, and everyone feared it would collapse again. Well, it didn't, but it still scared Celia quite a bit.

And while that was happening, Flora was feeling very confused. Skye said he would retrieve his prize a long time ago, but...he never did. Aside from that, Flora actually felt that she missed Carter. After all, she enjoyed kicking his ass when he drunk. Well, there was always Griffin.

So, feeling the strong urge to kick an old man, Flora ran all the way to the bar. She stopped outside the doors, composed herself, then pushed them open casually. Inside, Muffy was on the counter, stripping. Flora gaped at the scene.

Muffy looked to her and frowned. "You have to pay to look!"

Flora didn't want to look because she knew Muffy was 50% plastic.

Griffin was drunk, as suspected. He kept throwing gold coins all over the place, not knowing what in the world was going on aside from Muffy's body. This made Flora a bit sick.

"Taaaake i' oooof!!" Griffin cheered. He poured himself another glass of beer, but accidentally spilled some all over the place because he missed the beer dispenser. Griffin giggled and looked to the yellow mess on the floor. "I-I caame...!!"

Muffy giggled as well, but Flora saw nothing funny about off-colored cum.

"Shall I take off my panties?" Muffy blushed deeply and batted her eyelashes at him.

Before Muffy could pull down her thong and release even more of her jungle, Flora jump kicked her right in the chest and BOTH her boobs caved in, them being made of cheap plastic and all.

Muffy let out a blood curdling cry and fell to the ground. Griffin was too drunk to know what was going on, so he continued to throw money.

Flora then looked at him, who was now hanging over the counter with beer spilled all over himself, and growled. "You worthless pervert. The world could do so much better without you!" She brought her leg up and slammed it down on his back.

He let out a cry and collapsed on the floor with Muffy.

**&&&**

Meanwhile, Roller was having some problems, as always.

Because no one bought medals, the Sprites all gambled with each other. And this time, they had played Spin-the-Bottle poker. How does this work? Well, it wasn't the Spin the Bottle that everyone knows and loves. In this game, you got to punch, hit or kick whoever you landed on. Of course, everyone had just 'coincidentally' landed on Jum. So right now the poor, gay Sprite was lying on the floor, bruised all over and bleeding.

Roller took to getting the bandages while Hopps started throwing medals at Tep, who fired his gun at him but missed every time. Guts came waddling down the stairs to see the horrid scene; A vicious Tep shooting at the frantic Hopps who was running around the card tables, stack of medals in arms, and throwing them at Tep, Roller hurriedly tearing out bandages and sticking them all over Jum who was bleeding out on the floor.

"Ah!! What is this this this?!" The fat Sprite cried.

"Roller let the oven get out of control!" Roller cried, looking up at Guts.

"There is no oven you silly silly silly!" Guts laughed nervously. "Please control your friends!"

"Roller commands you all to shut the EF up!" Roller shouted. Nobody listened. Roller looked back to Guts and frowned.

Hopps threw some medals at Guts, causing him to lose his balance and fall forward. He fell all the way down the stairs and a small _CRASH_ was heard.

Everyone grew silent and stared at poor Guts who was lying face down on the ground.

After a few minutes, he slowly got up. Then, a broken abacus fell from his vest.

Guts stared at it, tears welling in his eyes, jaw dropped. His abacus…his love...his life...it was--broken.

"NOOOOOO!!!" Guts cried, falling to his knees as his body shook with sobs. After a few seconds of crying, he jumped up and ran over to Teps. Grabbing Teps gun, he placed it to his own head.

"I CANT LIVE ANYMORE!" He cried, face red. "Good bye bye bye!!" and before anyone could stop him, he pulled the trigger.

Everyone gasped and stared silently at Guts's body, which now on the floor and oozing blood from his head.

"Roller thinks Hopps burned that cake..." Roller broke the silence with a whisper.

**&&&**

So, it eventually it hit three which was when Miyabi was supposed to meet Kai. She brought Rock, Lukina and Skye and was expecting a pretty good fuck.

However, she learned that Kai did not want to have sex, but he wanted them to help him fight pirates, so now the five were on Kai's ship and traveling towards the pirates that Kai saw earlier. They were just a mile away, now.

Kai gathered them all up on deck. "Okay, this is the plan. I'll steer the ship and give orders while you guys follow them, okay?"

"When can I have sex with the ocean?!" Rock piped up.

Kai rolled his eyes. "This is serious business. These losers could be after my loot."

"Loot! You mean like marijuana!" Rock laughed.

Kai frowned. "No, I mean like, gold."

"That's what I said!" Rock grinned.

"Go below where there are canons. I preloaded them so all you have to do is light them," Kai explained.

Everyone scrambled to the lower deck of the ship and took a post by the canons. Skye looked over to Miyabi and smiled. "Are you scared?"

Miyabi smiled back. "I'm more afraid that _Rock_ will accidentally blow us up, instead of the pirates."

Rock then laughed loudly and everyone snapped their heads in his direction.

"What are you laughing about?" Lukina huffed. "She made fun of you."

Rock laughed a little. "What?"

Lukina rolled his eyes.

Then Kai hollered down, "The ship is within hitting range! Be ready!!"

Rock spun around in circles, Miyabi rubbed Skye and Lukina did his nails.

Up deck, Kai looked through his handy-dandy binoculars and spied on the other ship. There was...only one guy on it?? He narrowed his eyes. Yep, the captain was the only one on deck. Kai suspected the other crew members to be at the cannons or something, but then he realized there were no cannon holes. He let his arm drop.

"What the hell...?"

Then the pirate, who was a creepy old man with a long, rainbow colored beard, looked at Kai and smirked evilly. He had a whistle around his neck and he brought it to his lips.

Nothing could prepare them for what happened next.

The pirate blew the whistle and for a moment, everything was silent. Kai frantically looked around the area with his binoculars, trying to find out what was about to happen. Then, from behind the ship, he saw a large fi--a huge fin with a huge, dark shadow underneath it. It was racing towards the ship at incredible speeds.

Kai dropped his binoculars. "It's coming!!!" He cried, running down below. "A shark!!! A giant one!!"

Everyone gasped. They all ran up deck and looked into the water. The shark was...gone.

"I-is it under us?" Miyabi asked nervously. Just then, the B.E.S. jumped out of the water and rammed himself into the ships, his giant jaws crashing into each other. Everyone let out a scream.

The shark then jumped up, nipping at the side of the boat the most men were on, which was every side they ran to. Miyabi, being the only woman, ran to the wheel and tried to steer the ship while the guys frantically ran about.

Feeling a little mischievous, she walked over to Lukina and pushed him closer to the edge of the ship. He let out a cry. Kai looked to him. "You don't have to worry, you're a girl!" Then jumped when the shark flew up out of the water right near him.

Lukina laughed nervously. "Haha, right...of course I'm a girl!" He ran off, trying to get away. Not surprisingly, the B.E.S. followed him and the men stared in shock. Miyabi just fell to the ground laughing.

The B.E.S. attempted to attack Lukina again, but bit a hole into the boat. Lukina screamed and rolled around on the ground, trying to save himself.

While this madness was going on, the evil pirate pulled out his gun and aimed it at Kai. He was sure to hit since the ships were so close together. All he had to do was get Kai while he was still...

"Kai!" Miyabi cried, pointing in the direction of the other ship.

Kai craned his neck to see the gun pointed at him. "Oh shit!"

But before the pirate could pull the trigger, someone shouted, "KAAAII!!"

The pirate spun around to see Rick, drenched, with a hole in pants where the B.E.S. had bitten his bajinger off, breathing heavily and glaring. "KAAAI!!" He cried again, and bitch slapped the pirate.

The pirate fell to the ground. Apparently, Rick could give a pretty mean bitch slap.

Rick grabbed the whistle and blew into it. The shark immediately stopped attacking Kai's ship and dove deep underwater. As quickly as he came, he disappeared.

Kai stared blankly at Rick. "You saved me..."

Rick looked back at Kai with loving, expecting eyes.

"But I still hate you."

**&&&**

So, they drove away the pirate and returned to shore. Kai's treasure and bajinger had been saved.

They all got off the ships to go their separate ways. Kai went to apologize to Popuri, Skye and Miyabi went off to make love, Rock went off to smoke more Crass, Lukina went off to write a sonnet on the piano and Rick headed back home to cry to his mother and explain to Karen why he'd never be able to make babies with her.

Miyabi and Skye wrapped their arms around each other's waists and they kissed deeply as they walked off. Lukina huffed. If Rock were gay, he could be romantic with him. But alas! Lukina must wait and slowly turn Rock gay over time.

Lukina looked to Rock. "I'm surprised you managed not to tell anyone about our marriage."

Rock stopped walking, looked at Lukina and laughed a little. Then, with the stupidest grin on his face, he said, "We're getting married?"


	28. All That Junk Up In Yo Trunk

Skye and Miyabi were having sex. Where? Probably somewhere really disturbing like Vesta's crop field and they were probably using corn as an odd sex toy.

Kaoru had returned home to help Takakura in the fields.

Cliff continued to read porn, for he had many different copies of Yaoiboy just in case one was to be ruined like it had been.

Rock, who had been making Crass all day, continued to smoke until the room was so badly filled with pollution that Cliff's esophagus nearly combusted.

With Guts now gone, the Sprites turned Sprites Inc. into a strip club. Roller made thousands.

That was pretty how they spent Summer 4th, although it wouldn't be too incorrect to say that that's how they spent _every_ day.

**&&&**

The next day, Celia awoke to a knock on the door. She knew that Vesta was snoring her ass off, deeply sleeping and much too lazy to get up. Marlin just didn't give a shit so he wouldn't get it.

Opening her dresser drawer, she pulled out a packet of blood and sucked it dry, then carefully walked down the stairs. Yes, Vesta was snoring like a wild hog and Marlin was cutting up his matress with a knife.

Celia opened the door to see policeman Harris.

He cleared his throat. "Ma'am, I have been informed that a serial killer resides here."

Celia shielded her eyes from the sun. "No, you must be mistaken."

Marlin rolled off the bed and fell to the side in which Harris could not see him.

"No Ma'am, I got information from a reliable source." Harris didn't falter.

"Who told you about this?" Celia asked.

"The strip club by the pond." Then he shook his head. "I could have sworn I just saw the murderer roll of his bed."

"You'll never take me!" Marlin grunted. Knife in hand, he jumped up and ran to the door. Pushing Celia out of the way, he lunged at Harris, who was wide eyed with terror. They crashed to the ground.

Marlin then began thrusting the knife into Harris's body, slashing and stabbing, ripping and tearing. The man let out cries of terror but couldn't do anything as Marlin continued to murder him.

Finally, blood completely drenched the ground beneath Harris and the man was dead. Celia stared at Marlin with a slightly horrified look. She knew this would happen one day.

Marlin, stained with blood, looked back at her with evil, small, crazy, red eyes and then took off running, knife in hand and trail of bloody footprints on the ground behind him.

Celia looked to Harris's butchered body and her eyes lit up. She dropped to the ground and started licking blood off his ripped flesh.

It was then that Vesta woke up. She got a huge bug stuck up her nose and that was what awoke her, not Harriss's cries of anguish.

After she sneezed it out, Vesta jump up. "CELIER," She hollered. "SHUT DAT THER DAMN DOOR! YA LETTIN' FLIES'RN!"

Celia continued to lap up the blood.

"CELIER!" Vesta roared. "WHAT THE HEYL YA THINK YA DOING WIT A DEED MAN ON THE FLOO?"

Celia ignored her.

"CELIER!!" Vesta jumped out of bed and nearly caused the house to collapse again. "WHIR DA HELL IZ MAR'IN?"

Celia stopped licking. "Gone. He killed Harris and left."

Vesta let out a beastly cry and clawed at the floorboard. "NA WHO DA HELL I' GONNA GET UP ON MAH TELEMABISHION?!"

"Let us make use of this body," Celia told her. So they carried Harris's body--what was left of it--and set it up on the TV set. They set the satellite on top of the body.

"NOW!" Vesta roared cheerfully. "TIM'A WATCH RACIN'!

**&&&**

Lukina was sent to Vesta's farm to retrieve a spare sickle from Vesta. Romana said something about it being a very resourceful tool.

When Lukina arrived, Vesta was watching Nascar and Celia was up in her room, sucking the blood out of Harris's detached arm.

Lukina tried to ignore the dead man on the TV set.

"AH YOU GO STUART!!" Vesta cheered, tempted to jump up and down.

"Ma'am," Lukina said quietly.

"SHUDDAP YA NO GOOD RICH GURL!" Vesta snapped, not taking her eyes off the TV.

"Hmph!" Lukina folded his arms and glared. "I need to bring my grandmother a sickle."

Two cars just then crashed and it switched to a commercial. "GODDUMIT!" Vesta dropped down on her bed, which caused a small tremor.

Then a commercial for a gay dating website came on. Two very attractive men, one with long, purple hair and the other with shorter, beige hair, started making out and feeling each other up.

Lukina got an instant boner and it poked up his dress, visible for Vesta to see. Vesta just happened to turn around at the moment and Lukina let out a scream at what he saw.

Vesta had a boner too!!

Both Lukina and Vesta blushed deeply, speechless.

"This is a pen!" Lukina cried desperately.

"LUMNA!" Vesta gasped. "YA HAVE A DINGERDONG."

Lukina squeaked and turned away. "You have one too!"

Vesta then frowned. "I gerse it be high time someone'a know da truf," she shook her head and stood. "I GOT A WEENIE _AND_ A COCK TRAP!"

Lukina didn't say anything.

"I'a keep yer secrt if ya keep mines!" Vesta said. She proposed most seriously.

Lukina swallowed. "O-okay...but do not tell!!"

"I WOWN!" Vesta assured him. "Just promise you'a do some'in fir me!"

Lukina shivered. "What is it?"

Vesta threw off his pants and revealed a HUGE bajinger.

Lukina shirked with horror as he eyed the monster, which bounced up and down.

"GIMMA A BLOW JERB!"

Lukina screamed again and run out of the house. Vesta ran over, creating eveb more tremors and craters in the floorboard.

"WAIT!" He cried. "I LURV YA!"

Lukina kept running and didn't look back.

Vesta ran about five steps then collapsed, out of breath. "LUMNA! LUMNA!" He cried desperately.

**&&&**

Roller swung himself around the pole.

"OOO~ You shake it boy!" Jum cheered him on.

Roller threw off his shirt and Jum slipped some gold into the Sprite's pants.

Hopps had been put out of commission because Tep, out of anger, pushed him into a pole, breaking the poker master's rib cage.

Teps left to _'have ma gurl grind on me,'_ whatever that meant.

So now Roller was stripping and dancing for Jum, who was enjoying it completely.

Gut's dead body lay in the very same pot that the Baby Sprite's had after he overosed.

It just so happened that on that particular day, Kaoru decided to stop by and check on Roller.

She walked through the door without knocking, a bad habit she picked up when she had dated Roller. She saw the injured Hopps at the counter and he directed her to what used to be the Casino.

She stopped at the top of the stairs and gasped at what she saw. Poles were set up on what used to be card tables. A bar, along with seating, was installed in the back and Roller was sliding off his pants while twirling around a pole.

A rainbow strobe light made things seem very slow and unrealistic.

Jum and Kaoru gasped at Roller's black, lacey panties that he had bought specifically for his strip club.

Kaoru closed her eyes and shook her head. "Roller!" She cried. "I thought I knew you!!" and she ran out.

Roller, not knowing she was there, gasped. "Roller is making the icing!!"

"I'd like to taste some of your icing!" Jum giggled.

**&&&**

Rock was in his bedroom, about ready to smoke the biggest joint he'd ever smoked before.

"I dont think you should smoke all that," Cliff said wearily, looking at Rock from his own bed.

Rock kept adding more. "Well I dont think _you_ should be looking at man parts!!"

Cliff blushed. "I-I'm not gay, I swear!"

Rock lit it and started smoking. "I'm gonna be high like a plane, babe!"

**&&&**

Meanwhile, at the Chinese buffet located near the daycare center, Van was having a romantic dinner with Pedobear.

They were now passing pictures of little children back and forth while touching themselves quickly. Van was also slurping up his fifty seventh plate of beef and broccoli.

"Too bad those brats aren't children!" Van sighed with disappointment, shoving a beef chunk into his mouth. By brats he meant Miyabi, Kaoru and Rock. If they had been kids, he could have simply asked them for a free 'Let Van Molest Me' session in return for canceling the debt Roller had. But no, things had to be mature.

Van shoveled the remaining noddles into his mouth and accidentally swallowed the plate whole. He worked on his fifty-eighth while Pedobear watched a little boy lick some Chinese ice cream.

Once Van had reached his 102th plate, he stopped. His stomach had swelled so bad that he couldn't move and when he tried. He merely tipped over and began to involuntarily roll about. He gave a hardy laugh.

"Good thing I saved some room for desert, and children!!"

Pedobear grinned wildly.

**&&&**

"What's wrong Lumina?!" Rock ran around the room in circles then dropped to the floor and attempted break dance.

Lukina, still shaken by the encounter with Vesta that happened earlier, shook his head. "I'm f-fine..."

"IF I WERE GAY~" Rock began to sing. "I'd give you my heart! Hey Lumina, I have lovely OCEAN humps!!"

"Rock, I-"

"GET IT!"

Lukina blinked. "Get what?"

"It! Oooo~ It it it!" Rock gasped. "It is sex! Sex is it! Sex is where babies come from! The ocean is where sex comes from!!" He started rolling about on the floor, hugging himself and looking so silly.

Lukina frowned. "For the love of--Rock! Stop smoking!"

"Hey, babe!" Rock jumped up. "Can I feel your chest!!"

"No."

"What chu gonna do wit all dat junk, all dat junk up in yo trunk?!" Rock head banged.

"Nothing..."

"I have junk up in my FRONT! Get it?"

Lukina rolled his eyes and lay back on his bed. "No, I do-"

"OCEAN!!"

"Rock, please leave if you're not going to be like this, leave!" Lukina cried.

"But we're getting married!" Rock grinned.

"You remembered?" Lukina's eyes lit up.

Rock laughed. "Remembered what?"

"That we're getting married!"

"Whoa babe!" Rock gasped. "We are?!"

Lukina stared at him. "But you just said..."

Rock laughed loudly and they both stared at each other in silence, Lukina looking hurt and Rock grinning like an idiot.

After about five minutes, Rock shouted. "THE PANDA ARE COMING!" and he jump on top of Lukina.

Lukina shriek as he felt Rock's hand accidentally come over his crotch. Oh no, first Vesta and now Rock!!

Rock laughed. "Why do you have a pen here?"

"Rub it--I mean!" Lukina blushed. "That's...where I always keep my pens."

"Oh!" Rock laughed. The he started bouncing up and down. "IMMA IMMA IMMA IMMA IMMA-" he repeated over and over. Before he could finish and steal Roller's catch phrase let alone overused meme, Rock stopped suddenly. His pupils grew so large and his body shook. Lukina stared at him with a sudden and horrible feeling.

Rock flew off the bed, not by his own force but by a giant muscle spasm, and flopped around on the floor. He was experiencing a seizure.

Later that night, he was omitted to the hospital, diagnosed with having OD'd.


	29. Rick Never Gets a Break

Rock lay on the hospital bed, his eyes large and white while his muscles continued to engage in random, spasmodic convulsions. He was flopping around like Gourmet out of water.

Lukina had been at the hospital all night. He was worried sick about his fiance and was up all night writing morbid, Edgar Allen Poe esque, pre-death love laments on his piano which he had taken with him to the Mineral Town clinic.

Eventually Lukina had to stop because his music playing was causing Jeff to develop severe stomach aches and causing Rick to make strange, cat like screeching noises. This caused Stu to start throwing rocks at him, shouting something about how demons and zombies should be destroyed immediately.

"Stu!" Trent shouted. "Don't throw rocks at Rick, he is recovering from a serious accident!" The man sighed.

"Rick always gets into serious accidents!" Stu complained. Then he gasped. "He must be a demon zombie! Demon zombie! Demon zombie!" Stu chanted, pulling rocks out of his pocket. "Kill him! KILL HIM!!"

Stu sent a rock flying at Rick who was lying on the bed and looking up at the ceiling, shivering and whispering Kai's name over and over. Rick turned just in time to see the rock before it nailed him in the left eye, shattering his glasses and scratching his eyeball. Blood dripped from the wounded organ, splattering all over the bed.

Rick started sobbing and Trent rushed over to him to calm him down. Stu continued to pelt the poor victim with rocks.

Lukina was standing by Rock's bed now. "Oh, Rock!" He cried, feeling as if his only way to getting free sex was disappearing slowly. "Don't leave me! Not until we get married and I've had time to enjoy you!!"

Rock stopped moving immediately and Lukina gasped, fearing the worst. He lay in the bed, limbs unmoving, lifeless and eyes closed. Lukina was on the brink of tears and all of the sudden Rock's eyes snapped open, he bolted up to sitting position and spun his head to face Lukina.

"You mean we're getting married?!"

**&&&**

What to do with the body?

The Sprites had thrown Guts's body out by the Goddess Pond and covered it with leaves. Now, however, it was starting to decay and smell funny so something had to be done. Muffy once thought the dead Guts was a giant rodent and stepped on him repeatedly until his insides started spilling out from his mouth.

Jum couldn't bring himself to look at the body or get anywhere close to it. "It's icky," he has explained to the other. So while Jum was inside, probably fapping to opera music or taking a bubble bath, the other members of the CCCC were standing around Guts's jacked up body.

"Whoa! He's fucked!" Hopps observed. He poked some strange goo that was dripping onto the ground from Guts mouth.

"Roller must fix the recipe before the cake can burn!" Roller explained.

"HEY! I thought the cake was already burned!!" Hopps shouted, looking to Roller.

"Rolla," Tep glared at his clone. "You be slippin, dawg?"

"Roller never slips, Roller slides!!" Roller declared. This caused both Tep and Hopps to back off. Roller's words were the final words. Always.

"I think we should go...into the city and look for someone...who can take Guts's place!!" Hopps suggested.

"That is motha fuckin' stupit," Teps retorted. "We don need no gotdamn replacement."

"Son of a bitch!" Hopps cried. "YOU CAN SUCK MY--"

"Roller calls Tep and Hopps to order!!" Roller shouted above Hopps.

"Nah! This bish wanna start shit!" Tep whipped out his gun and aimed it at Hopps.

Hopps ran about the pond area, hoping Tep's aim would be terrible like always.

"Roller will destroy you all!" Roller shouted shrilly. This caused Tep to lower his gun and Hopps to stop prancing about.

"Mah bad," Tep said, lowering his head.

"I offer you my soul, Billy Mayes!" Hopps fell to his knees.

Roller's eyes went blank for a moment and he wore a lifeless expression on his face. Hopps and Tep stared at him. Then his mouth moved.

"С кем я говорю? Мне нужна Елена. Пожалуйста, позовите Елену." Roller said, in a non-human/Sprite voice that sounded eerily possessed.

"Holy Fuck!" Hopps gasped.

"What da fuuh--" Tep just stared.

"волшебный народ в германо-скандинавском и кельтском фольклоре. Известны также под названиями альвы, ши или аульвы. Во многих произведениях нет фактических различий между эльфами и феями."

Once Roller was done with this strange, demonic talking, his eyes returned to normal as his big pupils filled them once again. Color returned to his face and his stache perked up again.

"Roller has just got a vision!!" He gasped. "Roller has been told by the Cake Mistress that Roller must take the CCCC to the city and find the kingdom of oriental dishes!!"

"Do you mean a Chinese restaurant?!" Hopps piped up.

"Roller never lies!!" Roller said quickly. "Quick! Grab the cake pan!"

Hopps grabbed his own ass.

"Other cake pan!!" Roller said frantically.

Hopps looked at Tep's ass.

Teps growled, "Don you even THINK 'bout it!"

"Onward! Onward!" Roller chanted. "Roller will guide Roller's crew to culinary perfection!!"

***

Kate snickered evilly from her hiding spot in the tree. She hugged Da-chan closer to her chest, the red glowing eyes of the bear narrowed into fine slits. "Tell your brother that he'll be expecting kids."

**&&&**

"Celyer," Vesta let out fat, choking sobs, "I dun thank Marlin be comin' home!"

Celia continued to suck blood from Harris's stomach.

"N' the lurv of mah life jus r'ject'd me!!" Vesta fell to her knees and slammed a giant fist into the floor, causing a small tremor.

"Sucks to you," Celia said, pulling away from Harris for a quick moment.

"I gots nobawd'a get on mah telemerbishion!!" Vesta began pounding her fists into the floor. The whole house shook and trembled. Then the roof caved in on them. "SON'ERVA BIT!!" Vesta cried before everything else crashed around them.

**&&&**

"Son of a bitch!" Miyabi cried, only meters away from the crash site. "Did you just see that?!" She gasped through roars of laughter.

Kaoru stared at the house, her mouth open in surprise. "I wish I hadn't."

Miyabi was on the floor now, rolling about in laughter.

"URAAAAAAH!!" They heard a monstrous cry as ruble was thrown off the top of the mound that was once a farm house. Both girl jumped and let out a shriek of surprise. From the wreckage, Vesta jumped out with glaring eyes, snorted in their direction.

"Oh, shit..." Miyabi slowly same to a sitting position and never let her eyes off of Vesta.

"We should have just called Karen," Kaoru suggested with regret.

"WHO THERE LAUGHED?!" Vesta roared, her face redder than usual.

"Her," Kaoru said, quickly pointing to Miyabi.

"Kaoru!" Miyabi cried, feeling betrayed.

Vesta rolled off the wreckage and came to a stand. She brushed her gigantic shoe against the ground and aimed his head at Miyabi, like a bull about to charge.

"You should run," Kaoru suggested calmly.

"URAAAHH!!" Vesta cried, the charged at Miyabi, who let out a scream and started to run back to her farm. Kaoru picked some flowers before heading back. "I wonder if Cliff likes flowers." She said quietly to herself.

**&&&**

Cliff was rather lonely all by himself, and whether he liked to admit it or not, hanging out with Rock was always fun. So, disguised as a Rick--for no one would suspect him of any evil if he were dressed like Rick--Cliff headed to Mineral Town, Yaoiboy in his pocket.

**&&&**

Miyabi easily outran Vesta and Kaoru slipped back home easily as well. Miyabi dropped down on her bed. Unfortunately, the bed snapped and broke, wood and Miyabi crashing to the ground.

"Why!!" Miyabi cried in shock. "Why the hell is everything breaking?!"

"Maybe Vesta's running created such great of sound vibrations that they weakened the ground, as well as any material that they bounced off of," Kaoru explained. "Think about it. If we make any sudden movements, the house could fall down on us. By the way, you're not getting my spot on the floor."

Miyabi was about to protest when there was a harsh, nervous knock on the door.

"I got it," Kaoru said quickly before Miyabi could order her to the task. Kaoru walked to the door and pulled it open while Miyabi tried to pick herself up from the broken bed.

Miyabi, who was busy picking herself up, didn't realize it but Kaoru said nothing after she opened the door. It wasn't until Miyabi brushed herself off did she note the silence. "Having troubles over there, Kaoru?" Miyabi scoffed and turned to the door.

"I think so," Kaoru said in a distracted voice.

That had gotten Miyabi interested so she carefully, taking Kaoru's earlier words into consideration, crept over to the door. She reached Kaoru. "What the hell does that m--" she stopped when she spotted what was outside the door.

After a while of staring, Miyabi said quietly, "Oh...my go--"

"Silence!"

"We keel you!"

"We blow up awp!!"

Sure enough, Kasey and Patrick, the two bomb-happy twins were standing at the door. However, they weren't the real reason for the girl's fears. It was the fact that had at least twenty bombs strapped to their chests.

"W-whoa, h-hold on!" Miyabi laughed nervously. "Can't we talk this over?"

"Geev aws all you gold!!" Kasey demanded.

Patrick just looked at them with crazy, nervous eyes.

"W-we don't have any money, I spent it all on sex toys for me and Skye!" Miyabi cried truthfully.

Kaoru snapped her head in Miyabi's direction and gave her a 'bitch, wtf?' look, although she expected Miyabi to blow her money like that from the start.

"You lie!" Patrick cried. "You lie!"

"You has gold! Now we blow you awp!" Kasey put his finger on a trigger on the top of the bomb, yet didn't press it.

"We'll give you are horse!" Miyabi cried desperately.

"No!" Kaoru gasped. "They are not getting Stacy!"

The twins growled and looked even more threatening than before.

"If I take off my top, will you not blow us up?" Miyabi offered.

The twins looked at each other with wide eyes and thought for a moment. After a while, they looked back to Miyabi and nodded.

"Her too!" Kasey said, pointing at Kaoru.

"Oh, you're kidding me." Kaoru forced a smile.

"Listen Kaoru, this is our big break. All we have to do is top strip and we'll live," Miyabi whispered.

"I am not taking my top off for them." Kaoru hissed back. "They are old and ugly."

Kasey and Patrick must have heard this because they both gasped.

"We blow you awp!!" They shouted in unison. Then Kasey pressed the trigger.

Both Miyabi and Kaoru screamed before everything went black.

....

....

....

Well, everything went black because they both closed their eyes. There was no loud boom, no loud sound, no flash of bright light, no flames no nothing.

Miyabi and Kaoru opened their eyes to see Kasey frantically pressing the trigger over and over again.

"Won't go!!"

"Harda!" Patrick encouraged.

"Nheeeeeeeey!!" Stacy cried, suddenly running out of the stable.

"Stacy!" Kaoru exclaimed, her eyes lighting up.

Stacy rammed Kasey, knocking him onto the ground. The strange man let out a cry before the horse started to kick him mercilessly.

Miyabi and Kaoru quickly jumped back inside their house and slammed the door shut.

The twin's cries of pain echoed throughout the valley.

**&&&**

Cliff made it to Mineral Town fairly quickly. As he walked to the hospital, many people passed him and said hi. Good, his Rick disguise was working. He strolled into the hospital as cool as possible.

He hadn't expected Rick to be in there.

The doctor looked up from his desk with shock written all over his face. "Rick! I thought you were supposed to be in bed!" he reprimanded.

"W-what--I mean, Kai??" Cliff cocked his head to the side and asked nervously.

"You silly fool! Get your ass in bed!" Trent ordered.

"K-Kai!!" Cliff laughed nervously, walking on over behind the back curtain, where the patients stayed. Coincidentally, that was the section Rick was laying in.

Rick looked up at his visitor who was looking nearly identical to him aside from the attractive face and blue eyes that Rick lacked.

The two Ricks stared at each other for a moment and blinked. Then they both screamed.

"Chickens!!!" Rick screamed.

"Kai!!" Cliff screamed.

"Eggs!!"

"Kai!!"

"KAI!!"

"Oh shit!!" Cliff looked around frantically and dove under Rick's bed, then pulled the blanket down to cover himself up.

Trent came running into the place. "Rick! For the love of god, would you calm down!! I told you not to take the bandage off!"

"K-Kai! Eggs!! Chicken! Chicken!! Kai!!!" Rick stuttered, then fell back on his bed and started having a seizure.

"Oh my goodness! Elli!!" Trent cried. "Get over here and hook up an IV!"

**&&&**

Once the coast was clear and Rick was out cold, Cliff crawled out from under the bed and crept over to Rock's side of the hospital. He slipped behind the blue curtain and spotted a big black piano in the corner of the room. Lukina was at Rock's bedside, asleep. Rock was trying to do a cross word puzzle and was obviously struggling.

"What is big, blue and wet?" He said to himself, straining for the answer.

"Rock!" Cliff whispered.

Rock jumped and blinked at him. "Whoa, babe! Do you know the answer to this? Im totally lost! What's big, blue and wet?"

"Rock," Cliff said most seriously. "I need to tell you something!"

"The answer to the question?" Rock grinned widely.

"I love you!" Cliff blurted out, not being able to control himself.

Rock blinked. "What?"

Lukina bolted up, now wide awake. His eyes burned with rage unknown to man. "OH HELL NO."


	30. IM OLD GREEEEG

"I love you!" Cliff repeated, voice desperate and determined.

Rock laughed. "Whoa, babe. You're kinda sexy but my heart belongs to the ocean, kay!?"

Lukina elbowed Rock and the poor blond fell over in his hospital bed, giggling.

"Okay," He stood. "Who the hell said you could walk up to my fian--" Lukina stopped himself before it was too late. He cleared his throat. "Rock loves me, you silly head," Lukina pressed, his voice rather bitchy and gay.

"T-that's okay...i-it's just...!" Cliff looked down at the floor. "I-I just wanted to let him know m-my feelings..." then he gasped, suddenly realizing what Rock had said seconds before Lukina elbowed him. "R-Rock called me sexy!"

Lukina gasped as well. "He did, didn't he?!" He snapped his head in Rock's direction and glared.

"lolwhut?" Rock blinked at him.

Lukina bitch slapped the blond, causing him to fall out of the hospital bed.

"WHOA BABE!" Was his final cry before he hit the floor.

"How could you do that!" Cliff cried, gazing at Rock's laughing, slapped body on the floor. He turned to Lukina and saw hate, burning red and bright in his eyes.

Hell hath no fury like a gay man scorned.

Now, a gay transvestite scorned made the situation approximately ten times more furious.

Cliff was in danger.

"Um...I-I-I think I'll g-go..." he swallowed, backing up slowly.

But it was too late, for Lukina had already jumped in for the kill.

**&&&**

"This is not as planned," The Witch bit her lip as she paced back and forth. She could have sworn that on that one fateful day, she connected Cliff's heart and Kaoru's heart. She actually meant to bring Rock and Kaoru together. Now the situation was really out of hand.

"Damn. I've been fucking up lately."

**&&&**

"Oh, wowie!!" Jum cried in awe, twirling around in a gay fashion as he stared up at all the tall, tall building that the city comprised.

Roller, Hops and Tep were studying a map that they had acquired.

"A great voice is telling Roller that Roller and Roller's friend must head south!!" Roller explained to the other two sprites.

They didn't dare argue.

"Let's see if any of these city bitches will give us a ride to the Chinese Buffet!" Hops shouted, running over to the side of the sidewalk, watching people pass.

He then gave a giant pelvic thrust. Then again. And again. And again. And a-

"Ey, bitch!" Tep growled, storming over there. "Doing dat shet aint gonna get us a gotdamn ride!"

"Sure it will! I've seen it on TV. THE TV NEVER LIES! BILLY MAYES IS MY GOD!" He then thrust his pelvis on Tep, who let out another growl and whipped his gun in Hops' direction.

"I've had it with these motha fuckin' homos in this motha fuckin' fanfic!!"

"Yeah?!" Hops retorted. "Well maybe _we're_ sick'a _you_!!"

"EEEEK!" They then heard that scream come from a woman.

Wait, it was just Jum.

Apparently, he had been stepped on while the two card dealers fought and while Roller continued to listen to the voices in his head--voices who also spoke in third person.

"Oooh! A dollie!!" A little girl cried joyously, picking up the squished Jum.

The three other Sprites stared in horror.

"I-I'm a Barbie girl, i-in a Barbie w-world--!" Jum started to feebly sing, but was slapped.

"No," said the girl. She started to shake him. Shake him so hard that he vomited. The waste flew about three feet and landed directly on Tep.

"No fuckin' way. '.WAY." The mini gangsta was on the brink of a mental breakdown.

Another consequence of the shaking was Jum's pants falling down. The little girl let out a blood curdling scream. "THE DOLL HAS A LITTLE WORMIE ON HIM!!"

Hops whistled. "Hey there, mornin' glory."

The virgin girl quickly threw Jum to the ground and started stepping on him, which really couldn't even be called stepping. It was more like, slamming him with her foot, repeatedly.

"Roller's friend is in danger!" Roller cried. He quickly grabbed a stray rubber band that was lying conveniently on the ground next to them, jump on the girl's shoulder and chocked her. She fell with a soft thud and Roller landed on her stomach.

He dusted his apron off. "Roller has beated the batter!"

Hops ran over the beaten, bleeding, crippled Jum while Tep shot random people walking way in attempts to release his anger.

"Jum, buddy!" Hops cried, looming over his friend, who lay with his face beat into the concrete. "Jum!" Hopes then narrowed his eyes. He knew what he had to do.

**&&&**

"What the hell is going on?!" Trent cried from the bottom of the stairs.

It all started when he heard Rick have another seizure. Everyone knew when Rick was having a seizure because you could hear him screaming, "Kai...kai...kai...Kaikaikai!!KAI," all over town.

Then Trent heard a loud, loud growling sound, like a cross between a car engine, a bass, and a giant lioness in heat. After that came the crash, the boom, the thud, the omfgwho'sbeingmurdered sound, then something that sounded like black hole feeding upon human insides, then a strange laugh and finally some screaming.

What he saw when he got down there was Rick, flopping about on the floor, Rock, laughing his ass off, also flopping around on the floor, Lukina on top of a second Rick. The second Rick with a nosebleed, an eyebleed, a twisted arm, and no pants on because Lukina had tore them off and began strangling Rick the Second with them.

What was more shocking was the fact that there was medicine spilled all over the floor, cabinets overturned and beds broken in half.

Trent stared at the scene in pure horror as Cliff slowly died. Again.

"...I can't stand this," Trent started. "First, I have to suffer patients like Jeff. You don't need to come to the hospital for every damn stomach ache you have! You know," Trent laughed, "I was actually going to tell him about his acrid-reflux disease, but now? Now I think I won't!! And you!" Trent pointed to Rick, who was accidentally stabbing himself in the face with the spork he was given to eat hospital meals with, "There's is always something wrong with you! Everyday you're here, for some reason. You had a seizure, you hyperventilated, you got a concussion, your brain shut down because you're too friggin' stupid--just something! Everything!" He threw his hands up. "I'm done!!"

With that, he threw off his coat, dropped to the floor and started gathering up the pills that had spilled on the floor. Once he had at least 234 different kinds of pills, he closed up his coat and ran out with the bag slung over his shoulder.

Cliff finally passed out.

Lukina brushed his chestnut colored hair back and let out an accomplished sigh. He then turned to Rock who still hadn't stopped laughing.

"Lukina!" He cried through a laugh, holding his stomach while tears of joy trickled down his cheeks. "You like, killed him, babe!"

"No, but I almost did. Nothing comes between us."

"Lukina," Rock's laughter died down a little bit.

"Yes, Rock?"

"I wet the bed."

**&&&**

"That was a very interesting way of reviving someone!" Roller noted as they walked down the sidewalk.

Hops gave a little smirk. "I know how to do things. Billy Mays is my father."

"Shut da hell up about that sonuvabetch." Tep was on his last wire, and it was burning away very quickly. Although, shooting a random lot of people had made him feel better, he was still peeved.

Jum, who was leaving a trail of blood as he walked, simply stared ahead and blushed, his mind in a complete daze. "Wowie..."

**&&&**

When Celia walked down the stairs, she saw that the living room was flooded in a good three feet of water. Or rather, tears. Vesta's tears.

Celia has heard the poor tranny bawling his/her eyes out, and in a matter of second, yes, seconds, the living room, as well as the whole bottom floor, became a small pool.

"Celier," Vesta heaved a gigantic sigh. "Whuter I do?"

"I dont know. I dont have a personality. I don't know anything."

"Marin left me," he sniffed, "dis damn house always be fallin' down," again he sniffled, "the love of mah life don't love me!"

"Yep, you're fucked."

"AND THE NASCAR SEASON BE OV'R!" Vesta let out a gigantic, clement sob, which caused the water level to rise three inches.

Celia hopped up to step above. "I don't have interests besides vegetables. I love vegetables! They are my life!"

"I-I dun hav'r lief!" Vesta grabbed a table cloth, which made a decent sized handkerchief for a creature of her obesity.

"I know. None of us here do. That's why people write crackfics. You can't write a normal story about people as boring as us."

"OH! Why!?" Vesta fell from the couch and landed in the pool of tears, creating a small tidal wave that crashed over Celia, causing her to fly ten feet out the window and straight into a windmill.

Because the windmills were so cheap, the blades flew off as soon as they made contact with Celia's head. The girl fell to the ground, unharmed.

The blad, however, flew towards Flora's cabin. Wait? Cabin?

Well, after Skye killed Carter, she actually sold the things she found, so she used the money to buy herself a small, log cabin with modern conveniences. Go Flora.

So right, the windmill blades went flying over to her home. Flora just happened to be walking out of the cabin at that time, and noticed the large, metal objects which was about to destroy her luxurious living space.

Quickly, she ran at ninja speed, which was close to the speed of light, jumped up about 150ft into the air, coming between the blades and her beautiful log cabin, and karate chopped the little bastard into approximately 1203 tiny pieces.

This all happened in the time span of 0.98 seconds.

Two milliseconds later, they both dropped to the ground, Flora landing expertly in a small form of the splits, and the 1203 pieces of the windmill just plain falling.

Flora adjusted her glasses. "That shit's not something you see in Naruto, now is it?"

**&&&**

Trent sought solace on Mother's Hill. He rested near the Sacred Lake while he sorted out the many, many pills he had stolen from his own hospital.

Now, here's the strange part.

A small pill accidentally rolled off, dropping into the lake. Trent hadn't thought about it. That is, not until the entire area filled with a thick fog.

Trent panicked a bit. What was going on?

When the fog cleared, Trent heard a voice.

"Hey there."

He jumped at the strange sound and looked around. Floating above the lack was a fish creature of sorts. His jaw dropped. The legendary Kappa!

"Y-you're Kappa," Trent could hardly believe it. Had he accidently swallowed these pills?!

"Call me Old Kappa." The creature stared at him. Not blinking.

"Alright..."

"I'm gonna fuck you."

"Excuse me?" Trent was taken aback by the question.

"It gets mighty lonely down there," Kappa explained, his voice unchanging.

"I'm sure it does."

"All I can do is paint water colors and eat cucumber."

Trent didn't know exactly where this conversation was going, but he was sure he wouldn't like it. "I-I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm really peeved right now so could you--"

"You wanna see what I got?" Kappa's voice rose slightly.

"What?"

Kappa then grabbed his skirt, "I've got somethin' special for ya." He lifted his skirt up. "KAPPA'S GOT A GIRLJINGER."

Trent gasped at the sight. So what did this mean?! Kappa was actually a girl with a penis? Now that Trent thought about it, he did notice the giant boobs hanging off the strange fish creature....

"H-how--?!" Trent began, but before he knew it, everything went black.

**&&&**

"This is it, boys," Hops said as the Sprites stood outside of Ching's Son's Buffet, the most popular Chinese buffet in all of the city. "We got guns. We got ammo. We got cups--"

"Roller doesn't know why the voice told Roller to come here, but Roller must obey the Russian!" Roller said with determination. With the power of his mind, he pushed the doors open and him and his crew waltzed right in, looking like total badass G's.

Lately, the buffet had been open only to pedophiles.

On that particular day, Van was out chasing little boys at the daycare next door. However, Pedobear was there and he currently making sculptors of children using icecream imported from Taiwan.

Pedobear spotted them immediately because he had a radar that went off whenever someone under four feet tall was close by.

He stared at them and they stared back. Neither party knew what to say. The Sprites all had different feelings. Roller was wondering how he should approach this strange being, Hops was thinking about German cleaning products, Tep was thinking about cleaning out the cash register and Jum was still thinking about the thing that Hops did to him earlier.

Pedobear could admit, he had been a little excited at first. Four very small beings were standing right in front of him! But then he caught on. He noticed their mustaches, their small, beady eyes and their adult attire.

These were no children!

Pedobear let out a growl.

"Greeting, Your Eminence!" Roller waved. "A strange voice has called Roller to you! Please, accept our arrival--"

_WHAM_.

A glob of icecream was shot at Roller's face and it landed, a dead bulls- eye.

Everyone let out a gasp. Tep swung his gun in the pedophile's direction.

"You mess wit mah home boi, you mess wit me!!" With that, he jumped into the air and fired off three bullets.

Pedobear jumped behind his sculptor. The ice cream deflected the bullets. Tep growled and went to shoot again but a loud cracking sound was heard, and before anyone could react, Van was standing in a hole in the wall.

He had to bust a hole in the wall because he certainly couldn't fit through the door.

"Oh! All the little boys there kept running away from me! Those daycare supervisors caught me in the act and they called the police. But guess what? I sat on them and they all died! Wahahaha!" Van roared with laughter.

Roller gasped, whipped the icecream off of his face and stared in horror and the giant mass of blubber before him. "ABORT!" He screamed, and the Sprites made a run for it after Tep shot Van in the stomach, his stomach which also reflected the bullet.

"Neva buyin' these bitches at Kmart eva again!!"


	31. Carter III

Lukina and Rock and Cliff returned to Valley. Cliff was resting in bed because he was still recovering from Lukina's violent assault. Rock was doing what he normally did; fuckin' the ocean and smoking odd forms of pot.

Now...it was a dark, lonely summer's night and everybody was either drinking their brains--and sense--out at the bar, trying to have sex with a certain body of water, writing morbid sonnets, having sex with a man that looked like a lesbian, talking to animals or just being normal and personality-less.

However....

**&&&**

Kate wandered the silent graveyard beside the Mineral Town church. Her eyes burned bright red and a shark like smile stretched across her face.

She stopped by a particular gravestone and her smile stretched out further. It stretched too far and broke off her face, if that's possible.

"Son of a bitch!" She cried, half her mouth hanging off her face.

Even though she was bleeding all over the chickens and cows that laid 6 feet under her, she started to dig up the grave.

After pulling the suspicious body out, she smiled. Well, she should have if her mouth wasn't all jacked up.

"We've found the first piece of the puzzle. Lord Da-chan, it's time to go swimming."

**&&&**

Roller and his friends were appalled to find that the night they return from the city was the night the little Sprites decided to have a dance party.

They were blasting Beastie Boys just as loud as they could and were attempting some odd form of break dancing.

Roller and his crew could only stand in the doorway, staring, jaws dropped.

Bran jumped on the counter and started to break dance but failed and landed on Riviera, who was spitting out lame raps like crazy. The other sprites, mostly from the Lumber Team, had no idea what they were doing and just acting like fools.

Tep was most disgusted. Before anyone could stop him, he whipped out his M16 and shot the gigantic, eggplant sized stereo system.

The music crackled and died and all the little Sprites ran in circles screaming.

"AIGHT. WHO DA FUCK PUT DIS SHIT IN MAH STEREO?!" Tep stood in the middle of the floor and looked around at the cowering Sprites clinging to the walls of the tree.

No one spoke.

"If you trifling little bitches don't fess up, I swear, Imma--"

"T-Tep, Sir, you b-blew up your own stereo..." A little orange Sprite squeaked.

"....motha fu--"

"Bakka, bakka desu!" A purple Sprite ran up to Tep.

"Whut da...?:

"Tep wa tottemo bakka desu! Kawaii!!"

Tep's head was spinning as the little Sprite hopped up and down, crying out Japanese.

"Boku wa Anime desu! Anime!"

"Uh..."

"Anata no chinchin ga daisuki!!"

"Shut da fuck up!" Tep kicked the Sprite across the room.

"Ganbatte! Kowai!!" Anime cried, flying into the wall.

"Ahem, Roller calls for attention!" Roller walked over to the counter and stood on top of it.

"Roller demands that this Bake-a-thon ceases!"

All the Sprites looked at each other confusedly.

"Shamwow! German engineering, bitches!" Hops called out randomly.

"Yes, alright!" Roller continued, "Roller wants to this his Strip Club slash cake bakery kitchen to be back in order very soon!"

"Keeki! Keeki!" Anime cried, his head stuck in the wall.

"How wants to play strip poker?" Jum asked excitedly.

For once, the all of the CCCC agreed to play.

"But if Jum keeps losin', I'm out," Tep warned.

**&&&**

Later that night, Miyabi was drunk as hell. She was messing was a rolling pin in their kitchen (because somehow they managed to steal a rolling pin from Won, who is most definitely the supplier of TV Shopping).

"D-do you think...do you think it'd feel good if I shove this up my vagagrgwef?!"

"No, but do it anyway. Maybe you'll break something," Kaoru said nonchalantly, searching for the kitchen knife they never had.

"Haha! Gooood one, bitch!" Miyabi laughed. "I ain't breakin' nufin. Skye'z ginormous pendgdfg is big!!"

"...stop talking."

"Itz like, huuuuuge!" Miyabi spread her arms out to show how big she thought it was. ((Enlarged to show texture))

"Yeah, okay, I'd rather go my whole life without hearing another word you have to say about this." Kaoru had to escape.

Where was the knife when you needed it? Damn you Marvelous Interactive. Damn you.

**&&&**

"So C-man!" Rock started, him his normally high and happy and annoying self. "Czerz, The Big C, The-" Rock stopped and busted out laughing.

Cliff, who had a broken leg, arm, hip, neck and arm just looked at him. "Need...marijuana...."

"Do you know what 'The Big C' stands for?!" Rock was hysterical.

"...No?"

"It--It stands for...!" He could barely squeeze this out, he was laughing so much. "It stand for The Big Co-Co-COW!!"

"................." Cliff honestly had no idea how to take this.

Just then, the smell of death wafted throughout the door. A thumping could be heard from outside. Running followed.

Suddenly, the door was thrown open and Skye came running in. He was utterly panic stricken. Quickly, he turned around and slammed the door shut then pressed up against it.

"WHOA BABE!" Rock got excited and developed an instant boner.

Skye had to catch his breath. "There is something dead out there...!"

Rock twirled around.

Cliff got a sudden fear inside his chest. A fear he once new...a terrible, familiar fear…

"C-Carter!" He cried.

The door busted open again, sending Skye flying into Rock.

In the doorway was a weird mutation of sorts--a fusion. It was Carter. Both of them. The creature in the doorway had Old Carter's fat body, Pastor Carter's robes, Pastor's hair and Old's facial structure.

It was hideously ugly and disturbing, to say the least.

"Keekekekeke!" Kate cackled, stepping in front of the monster. "Skye, Cliff, meet Carter the Third. He has some business with you both."

Rock gasped and jumped up. "Daddy! Dad you're back! After all these years! You're finally back! Mom didn't lock you in the basement after all!"

"Rock! That's not your dad!" Skye and Cliff cried.


	32. SUPER METROSEXUAL BEAM!

Skye smiled nervously at the monstrous beast in the doorway. "Business? And what sort of business does this...poor creature have with me?"

Rock laughed and clung to Skye's leg.

"Oh, I think you know, Steiner, since that _is_ your real name," Kate hissed. "You killed him. You killed him and you loved it."

Skye thought for a moment. "Now that I think about, you're right. That dirty old man deserved it. My heterosexuality tells me so."

"Lol, you said sex~"

Skye tried to shake Rock off.

"And you!" Kate pointed to Cliff. "You killed him also, didn't you? Right before you killed yourself."

Cliff gasped. "H-How did you know?"

"I'm the goddamn Batman," Kate said.

"Oh...that explains everything....wait, what?" Cliff was confused.

Rock gasped and jumped up. "Batman! Ooh, ooh, let me be Robin! Okay, okay, check this out guys....Into the Bat Mobile! Haha! Huuury~ We must stop Lex Luther before he destroys Megalopolis!!"

"....excuse my language," Skye started, "but you're a twat."

Rock just started to hump Skye's leg.

Then, from behind the horrid Carter monster and Kate, a growling could be heard.

Kate turned around to see Da-chan, his eyes glowing red and his sharp teeth bared. Blood dripped from his mouth.

"Lord Da-chan! Have you feasted on the souls of the innocent?" Kate gawked.

"..."

"....Lord Da-chan, are you okay?"

"Aaaapplllessss aaaaaand baaaanaaanaaasssssss..."

"..." Kate cleared her throat. "M-maybe we should go back to my room and have a tea party."

"Iiiiinnnncesssssttttt....."

"Lord Da-chan!" Kate cried. She ran over to him and turned back to face the room. "Carter the Third will destroy you all. Until then, Da-chan and are doing to play with dollies. Farewell mortals! I'll see you in Hell."

When she and her demonic teddy bear poofed in a cloud of darkness and evil, the three boys were left to stare at the horrid creature before them.

"Cliff," Skye started cautiously, "we need to get rid of this eyesore. I propose we--ugh! What is this sticky white substance all over my pants?"

Rock laughed, "I came."

Carter the Third gasped. "You too?"

**&&&**

"Gray, how come you've been avoiding me?" Mary asked while stalking him that day.

"Uh, what?" Gray never took his eyes off the axe he was upgrading. "Why would I avoid you, Mary?" He pulled his hat over his eyes.

"Because every time I get near you, you run away like I have a disease."

"Sorry?"

"That's okay, Gray. I felt just so torn apart. Like my heart was fighting in a losing war. The bruises and scars that I received do not compare to the warmth and joy I felt when I heard your humble apology."

"Mary...you're trying to be deep, but it just isn't working."

She continued anyway. "Oh, Gray, your love will always be the delicate desert rose in my vast empty pit of sand."

"I don't love you."

"Something has been pulling at my heart. This desire, no, this need, to have you beside me all day. G-Gray...I want to have your hand in ma-BLAAaRGH!"

And with that, Mary heaved and tossed her lunch out all over the floor.

"Son of a bitch!" Gray fell backwards to avoid the acidic substance. This caused the fiery hot hammer he was holding to go flying. It flew up and smashed into Mary's face.

Mary feel into her own vomit and not only did her face start to burn, but her whole body.

Saibara ran out of his room. "Gray! You dumb shit, what is going on?!" When he saw Mary's wounded body, he gasped. "Oh, Lord! Somebody call ! And Gray, get over here so I can whip you!"

Terrified and dazed, Gray jumped up and ran out of the shop.

"Gray! Gray! Gray!!" Mary and his grandfather shouted as he ran through the door.

**&&&**

"No."

"W-well hows about we paint us a water color?"

"For the hundredth time, no."

At the bottom of Mother's Hill Lake, Trent was being held by a gay, scaly man woman fish cactus creature who seemed only interested in Baileys and water colors.

"Do you dance, Trent?"

"No. I'm a doctor."

"I could show ya how to dance."

Trent sighed. "I just want to leave."

"But, we only just begun."

"I've been down here for hours."

"Are you playing games with me?"

Trent looked at Old Kappa. "What?"

"Love games, Trent."

"Love games? I dont love you!"

"Oh, I think ya do love me."

"Bullshit."

Old Kappa hopped on top of his table where Trent was sitting. "How'd ya like my downstairs?"

"It was freakishly unnatural."

"Can I see your downstairs, Trent?"

"Just what the hell are you?"

"I'm Old Kappa."

Trent rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes. I know _who_ you are, but I am asking _what_ you are."

"I'm Old Kappa."

"I give up!"

"Trent, I-I want ta marry you."

"Well I don't want to marry you, so hate on that, bitch-face."

"I dont like ya attitude, Trent."

"What makes you think I'm happy down here?"

Old Kappa jump on Trent's lap, almost causing the chair to break. "I could make ya happy, Trent. You just hafta let me."

Trent was disgusted. "Get...off..."

Old Kappa wrapped its arms around the poor doctor. "I want to make ya happy. We could stay here forever."

"Get the fuck off me!" Trent threw the fish creature off of him and frantically ran around the cave, searching for an exit.

"There's only one way out, Trent."

Trent looked at Old Kappa. He was desperate to escape. "W-what is it?"

Old Kappa merely smiled, bent over and lifted his skirt up.

Trent fainted.

**&&&**

Nina was out for a casual stroll and just wondering why on earth a huge, black cloud was hovering over the Inn and Grant's house, when she happened to hear a guitar.

"Heeey, maaaaaaan," Gustafa waved. Nina was sure he meant to wave at her, even though he was looking in the opposite direction.

"Oooh! What lovely guitar playing, young man!" Nina hobbled over to him.

"Heeeey...you wanna buy some...uh...weeed, maaaan?"

"Oooh, some fresh eggs, you say? Well, of course, dear!" Nina fumbled in her pocket for some change. "How much?"

"Uh..........whut?"

She dropped 5G on the ground. "Is that enough?"

"Uh...totally." With that, Gustafa threw a package of marijuana at her.

Nina surprisingly caught it and smiled. "Green. Just the way I like my eggs. Thank you, young man."

"Yeah, yeah. Whooooo...."

Nina nodded at him and started to walk off.

"Oof!" she cried as she tripped over a flower.

**&&&**

Back at the Inn, Carter III had somehow managed to pull out a chainsaw from his pocket and was now aiming it in Skye's direction.

"My ancestors tell me that I should molest you _before_ I kill you, but since I am half necrophiliac--"

"W-what? Which of you...w-was the necrophiliac?" Cliff asked.

"Carter from the Valley. Couldn't you tell?" The monster said.

"Holy-freakin-bubble baths!" Rock gasped. "Good golly gosh!"

"I feel the need to kill this lesbian first," Carter III took a step closer to the frightened Skye. "Where is your bomb now?!"

Skye backed up but almost tripped on Rock, who was still clinging to his leg. "Now, I think this is all unnecessary," he said nervously. "Your reprisal could be sought in a different method...you know, one that doesn't involve killing me?"

Carter III stopped to think. "Well...you could always shave my chest."

"Kill me. Just kill me now."

"W-wait," Cliff sputtered, crawling off his bed. "D-don't hurt Rock or Skye....just take me instead!"

"Oooh, oooh! Cliff! Big C, hey, man, let me get some of your weed when you die! Oh! Please please please!" Rock piped up.

"Nobody is going to die," Skye tried to remain calm. "Not if I can help it. I have a secret weapon."

Rock gasped. "Is it that super gay chick beamy thing?!"

"...how did you know I did that?"

Rock laughed. "Ushi no Tane. Duh!"

"I'll pretend like I didn't hear that. But, no, that is not the secret weapon I have planned."

"W-what is it? Will I live? Or w-will I die...again? For the third time?" Cliff asked.

Skye looked back to him and smiled. "Leave it to me."

Cliff blushed.

Carter III was tired of waiting and he decided to try to attack Skye. With his chainsaw ready, he ran towards Skye and readied his machine for the kill.

Just as the vicious blades were about to pierce Skye's womanish skin, he quickly threw off his shirt.

The ray of light that was emitted from his delicious looking chest not only blinded the dangerous creature, but it was so powerful that it caused him to go flying out of the door and down the stairs.

Rock started humping Skye's leg again. "Whoa babe! You don't have boobs!!"

Cliff gawked. "O-oh my..."

**&&&**

"Mistress Lumina," Sebastian stepped into Lukina's bedroom with nothing but a small thong on.

The scary part was that Lukina had no problem with being called a mistress.

"What is it, Sebastian?" He asked, filling up his last boob balloon.

"Come and give daddy some sugar~"

"Excuse me?" Lukina looked back to the door and gasped. "Sebastian! What are you wearing?"

Sebastian frowned. "This is the outfit Romana prepares for me when we play S&M."

"Well it's quite disgusting. Take it off."

Sebastian stripped.

"Ugh! No! I meant to replace it with something else!" Lukina shielded his eyes.

"Oh, but old ladies aren't my cup of tea. I was really hoping to score with a young lass like yourself."

"And I was hoping you would leave immediately!" Lukina couldn't stand to have a look at that wrinkled, shriveled up member of his again.

Sebastian started to dance. "Is this turning you on?"

Lukina screamed and jumped out of the window to save himself.

**&&&**

Since the monster was still alive, Skye walked out of the door and stood at the top of the staircase, his glorious chest still exposed.

"That's not all. No, unfortunately for you, that was just the beginning." With one swift hand, he expertly brushed his silver hair back just as masterfully as any woman could.

"Super Metrosexual Beam, fire!!"

A powerful beam of metrosexuality shot from Skye's body and pierced Carter III's heart. The beast gave an agonizing cry before he died.

Cliff ran out of the room, boot in his hand. He stood beside Skye and threw the boot at the monster. "And that's for molesting me all those years!!"

When the boot hit Carter III, he exploded into tiny fragments of darkness, which then dissolved.

**&&&**

"Oooh! Wouldn't it be cute if we had our own television show?"

Jum said, playing down two kings. "A pair!"

"Nah. We dun need a show,"

Tep over looked his hand and threw down four cards. "Two pairs, bitch!"

"Oh, I know what I'd do. I'd advertise shitty cleaning products that don't even work. _'Introducing, the amazing, the exciting, the electrifying, the CLEANINATOR!'_"

Hopps threw down some cards. "A straight! That's what Jum is not!"

Everybody except for Jum laughed.

"Roller thinks we have a bakery business already, and that we should focus on that," Roller said, carefully overlooking his hand. "Roller wants to create the biggest cake ever! Roller will name it The Almighty Lazer, and Roller will put purple icing on it!" He then laid some cards down on the table.

"Straight flush! Roller just owned your sorry asses!!"


	33. THE RUSKIS R COMING

Miyabi an Kaoru were sound asleep, Miyabi enjoying hot dreams about Skye and Kaoru having strange dreams about talking vegetables, when all of the sudden their TV flickered on. Wait, they have a TV?

"ALERT! ALERT!" The Sprite on the screen shouted, causing both girls to awake with a start.

"What the hell?!" Miyabi rolled off the bed.

"The annual fireworks festival begins at 6:00 P.M. today! If you don't have a lover boy I suggest that you not go or else you'll have to watch next to two old perverts!" With that, he disappeared.

"Why did that Sprite have an afro?" Kaoru wondered.

"Hell if I know. All I know is that I'm seriously going to that festival for some major beach romance!"

"I really think he had an afro."

Miaybi rummaged through the Beauty Box from something slutty to wear. "Do you think Skye will be there? I guess I could watch the fireworks with Kai or something if he's not..."

"That afro was rather large..."

Miyabi let out a sigh. "Useless! These outfits couldn't give _Rock _a boner!"

"So poofy...So green..."

"Kaoru. Shut up."

**&****&****&**

Skye didn't know exactly how it had happened, but when he woke up he was lying on the floor, pair of boxers (not his) on his head, shirt off, Italian loafers missing and Sharpie doodles all over his face and chest.

"What. The hell."

"Woohooo~!" Rock cheered as Skye finally came to. He continued to bounce around on his bed.

Cliff had been the culprit who had stolen Skye's shirt and was now wearing it like a cape. "C-Call me, Super Metrosexual Man!!"

"Ugh," Skye groaned.

Oh, that was right. They had an epic battle with Carter III the previous night and Skye brilliantly saved the day. All of it was coming back to him.

Getting up, the bamboozled bachelor walked over to Rock's mirror to fully examine the extent of the body doddles. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry when his eyes fell on a kindergarten skill level drawing of a bajinger.

He rolled his eyes, "Oh, that's fabulously mature, you two."

"What's 'mature' mean?" Rock crawled over to the edge of the bed and looked up at sky with wide eyes.

"I have to get cleaned up before the festival tonight."

Rock frowned. "Uuuuh, yeeeah. Sorry maaaan, but uh, you can't go."

Skye looked to Rock. "What?"

"Rules and regulations, babe. Can't take the hear? Stay outta the ocean."

"You think that I'd let myself miss a chance to attend a romantic event like the Fireworks Festival?"

"Rules, babe. Rules. You tell her, Metrosexual Man!"

Cliff perked up and suddenly become nervous and started having a small shaking fit. "W-w-well....I...I-I...."

Rock just grabbed his stomach and started laughing.

Skye knew that this was getting nowhere. "I need a shower."

"No babe. You need this," reaching under his bed, Rock pulled out a bag of Crass.

Skye stared at it. "I couldn't..."

"Babe, you so totally could. FIGHT DA POWAH!"

Skye contemplated. He reached out and took the bag. "I...I will...I will!"

Rock wet himself.

**&****&****&**

Lukina stormed into his grandmother's bedroom.

"Grandmother!" He called, nose up in the air.

Romona was peacefully sitting in her rocker and knitting. Sebastian was snoring in her bed.

"I had to flee the house to escape Sebastian's harrassment, last night!" The gay man huffed, holding his arms and glaring at his grandmother.

"My dear Luke...Why would you want to flee that?" Romona asked quite earnestly.

Lukina huffed again. "Please control your servant in the future! I have developed rashes from sleeping in the grass!"

"Well why don't you take a bubble bath, dear?" Romona suggested, knowing quite well that Lukina's skin was highly sensitive to precious soaps.

"Well...I suppose that would be nice. I've never had one before, after all..."

"Well you'd best be off to do that now. It's nearly time for Sebastian's acupuncture." Romona eyed her knitting needle lustfully.

Lukina ran.

**&****&****&**

"Heads or tails?" Roller asked.

"Ummm~ tails!" Jum decided.

Narrowing his eyes, Roller threw the medal up into the air. He and Jum both took several steps away to ensure that it wouldn't land on them.

When the medal landed, Roller inspected it. "Heads."

"Shucks!" Jum hissed. "Okay, another round! I pick heads this time."

Roller tossed the coin once more. "Heads."

"Fabulous!" Jum cheered.

The game went on for five more hours, Jum kept picking heads and he kept winning.

"...Roller?"

"Yes?"

"This coin..it's....the same on both sides, isn't it?"

"...Roller should have read the recipe first..."

**&****&****&**

Eventually the hour struck six and all the bachelors and bachelorettes headed off to the beach for a romantic, loud, seizure inducing evening of watching the fireworks together.

And Skye wasn't there. Neither was Cliff and neither was Rock, and to Miyabi's misfortune, Kai was already making out with Popuri.

"Well shit."

"If it makes you feel any better," Kaoru started, "I don't have a date, either."

"Well it doesnt make me feel better, because now I'm grouped in the same loser category as you--and why the hell did you wear the banana outfit?"

Kaoru looked at her yellow trousers and just smiled.

Gray was being pissy on the beach bench, far away from the crowd. Mary was sitting next to him.

"Gray, I'd like to thank you for all the support you gave me during my time of need. The injuries and the pain were both intense, but your love helped my health blossom into a thriving and elegant flower."

"I didn't do anything. I ran away when the axe flew into your face. I never visited you in the hospital."

"Gray, it was the thought that counted."

***

Miyabi was getting really worried when the sky started to grow dark and Skye still hadn't shown up. She was about to give up hope when she finally spotted Rock, Cliff and Skye walking onto the beach. However, there was something quite funny about Skye. He was jittery and wide eyed.

"Hell yes!" She cheered, ignoring the obvious signs that something was wrong. She ran over to her lover and embraced him. "Oh god, I missed you so much--"

Before she could finish, Skye pulled off one of her gloves. "Mine."

"Oh, sweet. Are we gonna strip now?" Miyabi asked excitedly.

But then Skye pulled away from her and ran over to Gray. He snatched his hat with a small, "Mine!" and then snatched Mary's glasses the same exact way. "Mine mine!"

"...Uhh, Skye, baby? You feelin' okay?" Miyabi laughed nervously.

"I'm fine as a whistle, babe!" Rock hollered.

It was at that moment that things started to click and Miyabi realized what had happened to Skye. "Holy shit...he...you gave him...Oh jeez..."

Rock just grinned broadly at her and placed his hands on his hips. "Welll, if you insist upon knowing...the Ocean and I plan on adopting soon!"

Cliff slowly inched over to Gray. "H-hey..."

Gray looked at him with a cold, stoic expression which was the signature Gray way of showing that he cared. "Hey."

Mary looked to Cliff. "Aren't you supposed to be dead? Oh! This can make an excellent story! Zombie hunts for my dear beloved's brain, but I heroically step in and save Gray from the clutches of the undead!"

"Mary, just fall in a whole and die!" Gray cried.

"O-oh..I'm not a z-zombie...." Cliff backed away slowly.

"Don't you worry, Gray. I'll defeat this nemesis!" She launched a kick to Cliff's face.

Cliff fell back into the sand and Mary continued her assault. Gray jumped up to try and pull her off.

"Skye, calm down sweetie," Miyabi said calmly as she tried to get Skye to stop stealing random accessories from people. So far he had Miyabi's glove, Mary's glasses, Gray's hat, Kai's bandanna and Popuri's headband.

"Mine mine mine mine mine!" He chanted all around the beach.

"Kaoru! Give me a hand!" Miyabi cried, but Kaoru was too busy talking to the fishes.

The first round of fireworks shot off.

Gray managed to pull the kicking Mary off of his boy-toy. He helped Cliff up and then pulled him close to his body. "Let's watch," he grunted.

Cliff gave a small squeal of delight and they both turned their heads towards the dazzling display of color in the sky.

Meanwhile, Rick started having a seizure but nobody much cared.

Miyabi had tackled Skye to the ground and was squeezing him tightly just to keep him from running around and stealing more useless things.

The second round of fireworks began and they proved to be much louder and than the first.

"I think I, like, totally just went blind!" Popuri giggled as she stared up at the bright lights.

Rock, who had been splashing about in the ocean, looked up at the sky and shrieked as he finally realized what was going on.

"Bombs!" he screamed loud enough for everyone to hear.

Everyone fell silent and stared at Rock.

He continued to shriek, "Missiles! THE RUSSIANS ARE THROWIN' SHIT AT US!!"

And everyone broke out into a panic like it was 1960.

Popuri began running around and crying, Mary began to vomit like never before, Gray pulled Cliff under the bench to hide, Rock began running and flopping his way to shore, Rick had multiple seizures at once, Miyabi started to make-out with Skye and Kaoru wondered why she was surrounded by idiots.

In the very heat of the panic, the ocean started to tremble. Large waves were produced. A bubbling whirlpool near was created near the shore and a giant water spout shot from the twisting ocean waters. On top of the spout was none other than--

Old Kappa.

Everyone fell to their knees in terror. Rock looked back at the whirlpool and the creature and cried out, "IT'S THE COMMUNIST MONSTER! We must offer it a sacrifice!"

"I say we throw Rick in the ocean!" Kai shouted. Many cheers were heard. Smiling to himself, Kai dragged the spasmodic Rick over to the water's edge. A giant wave crashed onto the beach and Kai jumped out of the way just in time for it to drag Rick out into the deep blue sea.

"Rick!" Karen cried.

Popuri and Kai brofisted.

"KAAAIIII!" Rick wailed as he was caught in the whirlpool's grip.

Everyone watched as Rick slowly faded into the water. Once he had completely been swallowed up by the ocean, the whirlpool, water spout and Old Kappa disappeared. Everyone remained silent and staring. Suddenly, a man shot out from under the water.

Everyone gasped as the man frantically swam towards the shore. He began shouting, "EVERYONE RUN! RUN AWAY!!"

Breaking out into another panic, the villagers stampeded away from the beach, diving into grass patches, hiding behind buildings, jumping into the well, climbing on top of roofs, anything they could do to get away from the terror of Russians.

Cliff and Gray fled to the Inn while Rock began splashing around in the ocean once again, giggling and playing as if nothing had ever happened.

Kaoru identified the man who had warned everyone as Dr. Trent once he came ashore. He didn't stop though. As soon as his feet touched the sand, he broke off in a sprint.

Skye pushed Miyabi off and tackled Trent. "MINE!" He cried, ripping the stethoscope from the doctor's body then running off into the night.

"Skye!" Miyabi cried and chased after him.

Kaoru helped Trent up. "This way," she instructed, taking his hand. They both ran like hell towards the dig site.

Once at the dig site, Kaoru and Trent slipped into the cave and took a rest.

"Thank you..." Trent said through pants.

"No problem..." Kaoru also said through pants. "T-that was a Kappa, wasn't it...?

"No ordinary Kappa...it was...it was a monster..."

"You...you wanna talk about it?" She asked softly, looking to him. He looked back. "I...I've always wanted to be a therapist," she admitted. "So if you like to talk...I mean. We're here, alone, in a dark cave, what else would we do besides talk about psychologically disturbing issues?"

Trent nodded, "You have a point...well...it all started when I was three..."

_11:00 p.m._

"My mother worked all day long! My father never had time for me!"

_12:00 a.m._

"So I forced myself to be a work-a-holic! I had to surpass my mother and father or else they would never accept me!"

_1:30 a.m._

"I stayed up all night studying medicines, reading tabloids and writing research papers! I wasn't living, I was barely surviving! Not even all the Turbojolt XL in the world could help me!"

_2:45 a.m._

"So after the previous doctor died, I was finally able to take over the Mineral Town Clinic...I had no idea what I was getting myself into!"

_3:56 a.m._

"Rick ALWAYS has to be put under intensive care! He's always getting hurt! Jeff has acid reflux but I never told him because I know that would only make him more miserable than he already is! And...and there would be other things too, like when Stu would fall down, or when Jack would pass out farming or...or when Duke used to get so drunk or when Doug would have a strokes..."

_4:25 a.m._

"And I got no help from Elli! All she wanted was sex! I worked my ass off 24/7 and she just stood there asking me to bear her child while she helped another woman have a child. I was constantly stressed!"

_5:13 a.m._

"So I left the clinic...grabbed a bunch of pills and took off! But then...I met that monster. He abducted me and made me live under the lake with him...painting water colors and dancing all day!"

_6:38 a.m._

"He wanted to marry me! Love me! DO me! I had to suffer through his torment for God knows how long!"

Trent had long since been crying, but now he completely broke down in sobs.

Kaoru stared at him with an open mouth for quite some time before replying, "That's...that's fucked."

"That's what _I'm_ saying."


	34. The Cave Dwellers

Kaoru awoke to the sound of screaming. Manly screaming mixed shrill cries of pain and maybe a little dash of FML.

"Evil!" Flora accused in a grunty voice.

It took Kaoru a few seconds to realize that Flora's boot was repeatedly making contact with Trent's stomach via violent kicking motions.

Well, at least know she knew who the cries of terror were coming from.

"I want you out of my sight you damn, dirty male!" Flora played dirty by kicking sand into Trent's eyes.

Trent was crouched over, shielding his stomach and squinting his eyes to prevent the dirt from scratching his optical devices.

"Flora!" Koaru gasped, getting up from the ground.

"You evil bastard! All men do is HURT and DESTROY!" Flora continued her assault until Trent finally regained his breath and started to run around the cave.

Flora was about to give chase when Kaoru stopped her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Flora hissed. "I've seen the light, Kaoru. The Mary Tyler Moore Show has turned me into a whole new person, and I'm lovin' it. Mary Richards is a beautiful, strong, powerful woman and I love her. No homo, I just admire women with courage and nice legs."

Kaoru only rolled her eyes at the silly Flora. "Well, Trent's not doing anything wrong, and you're acting like a wild beast."

Flora narrowed her eyes. "You have failed womankind."

Kaoru sighed. "We'll leave. We were only staying here the night because we felt this was a safe haven. You didn't have to hurt the Doctor."

"Fuck my life," Trent groaned from the corner of the cave.

"Aha! You see, Kaoru? Men only want sex."

"...what? Oh jeez..." Kaoru walked over to Trent and helped him up.

"You get involved with men and it's like getting involved with the devil!" Flora warned. "They only want to control!"

"You feeling okay? You can rest up at my farmhouse until you heal," Kaoru said softly, ignoring Flora.

"Don't let him in your house!"

"Thanks," Trent grunted as he took Kaoru's hand was lifted himself up.

"Careful! Men are tricky! They'll attack when you least expect!"

Kaoru and Trent started walking to the exit but Flora blocked it.

"I'm not letting you go home with him. He should die and he should die right here."

"Flora...since when did you go crazy?" Kaoru asked.

Ignoring the very reasonable question, Flora shifted into a karate position. "I'll have to teach you, Kaoru. If you cannot see the evil of a penis."

"...Well then, bring it on."

Trent stared at the two women, wondering what sort of crazy shit was about to go down. Both were determined. Both were angry. Both were fit to kill. Both were--

"Fuck!" Trent cried, rubbing his eye. "Damn dirt..."

Flora lunged at Kaoru. Expertly, Kaoru ducked and rolled out of the way. Flora couldn't stop though--she had too much momentum and she headed a crash course straight for the wall of the cave.

Normally this wouldn't have been a problem. Normally she would have bounced off the wall, back flipped and then went right back into lunging at Kaoru again but this time...

Flora got stuck in the way. How? She was stuck in between the wall, one half of her on the side Kaoru and Trent were on, one half on the other side. She stayed there, floating and stuck.

"Wow. Looks like the game glitched," Kaoru noted.

"H-how do you fix this?" Flora said with panic.

"That's the thing. You got to hope that it fixes itself and if it doesn't..." Kaoru's voice slowly trailed off as sh and Trent walked to the exit. "Give it a day. Maybe it'll reset in the morning..."

"Ugh! This is all that man's fault! If that evil being hadn't slept here none of these problems would have happened in the first place!"

"I was actually the one who decided to hide here," Kaoru explained.

"That's alright, Kaoru. You're a woman and therefore, you cannot be evil." Flora began to wiggle around, trying to break free of the glitch.

Kaoru really had no idea how or why Flora turned into a psycho, but it was starting to scare her and Trent was staring to wheeze so she decided not to care.

Walking out of the cave, she gave Trent a fair warning, "If we get to my house and you see two people doing strange and unusual things to each other...don't be alarmed."

**&****&****&**

Rick's mind was slowly starting to become less and less fuzzy. Well, his mind was always fuzzy but it had been extra fuzzy ever since he was swallowed up by that whirlpool.

He noticed that he was in a dark, moist, warm cavern. He was lying on top of a file of broken fish nets.

"K-Kai...?"

"Old Kappa?"

Rick jumped, startled. Who said that?! In a panic, he started scanning the dark cave of sorts. No one was there....

"Kai?!"

"Old Kappa."

"Kai!" Rick cried, jumping up as his breathing became heavier.

Suddenly, a light was turned on and Rick spotted a freakish green creature with tits in front of him. He let out a scream and fell back into the pile of fish nets.

Old Kappa looked at the shivering, cowering Rick with glee. "We're gonna have us some fun."

**&****&****&**

The drugs had not worn off yet--Rock made sure Skye smoked a butt load--and Skye was still on a crazy stealing rush. He had ran around all night stealing random items and chanting 'mineminemine' the entire time.

After he had left the beach with Gray's hat, Mary's glasses, Kai's bandanna and Popuri's hairband, he pranced around town, stealing more random things until the very early hours of morning. Then he headed off to Vesta's farm to steal some turnips. Only, it was Summer so there were no turnips. He settled with grabbing has many corns as he could.

Eventually Vesta noticed because she ran out roaring like a wild hippo, and what did Skye do? He stole her apron, stuffed the corn cobs into his pockets and ran into the house, speedy from the caffeine-like drug and having an advantage because Vesta was a slow bitch.

Inside the house, he picked up a couple things before he ran up the stairs, like the satellite antenna and a few spoons. When he had ran upstairs he grabbed Celia's bandanna and jumped out of the window.

What to steal now?

Skye started to ponder and suddenly an old thought came into his mind. The golden dirt at the dig site, of course! He had killed Carter seasons ago and he hadn't claimed his prize! But it was on that fine morning that Skye decided to get his just reward.

**&****&****&**

Skye waltz--yes, he fucking waltz--right into the excavation site, sporting his snow leopard print shirt and fabulous purple pants accompanied by all of the lovely, useless junk he had illegally acquired from the other villagers, junk they probably had forgotten even existed by then.

"Mine."

Flora whipped around, turning from the pile of diamonds she was crushing with his fists.

"My virginity is NOT yours."

"...Mine," Skye said, looking to the ground.

Flora thought he was looking down because he felt defeated. She huffed. "No, not yours. My saggy breasts is too glorious for the likes of you."

Skye pulled his shoe off and mashed it into the dirt and then started to scrape, using his Italian loafer as a shovel of sorts.

Flora grunted. "How stupid. But I did say did promise to let you claim your reward for killing that disgusting fossil licker, so I suppose I won't break your neck~" Flora gave a small smile and, sat down, pulled out her Ms. Magazine and began reading.

Skye dug a five foot deep whole in the span of thirty seconds, but it wasn't the hole he was after. Once a large pile of dirt had accumulated, he dove into it. "Golden dirt! Yesss! Oh god yes!" He cried, crying big, fat, juicy tears of joy.

The shiny, reflective tears rolled down his soft cheeks as they glistened against his beautiful, creamy pale skin. Dirt particles stuck to his luscious silver locks of long, flowing hair. His gorgeous violet orbs were closed in pure bliss. His delicate, smooth hands grabbed fistfuls of the brown earth and he cried out in sweet ecstasy in a voice of an angel,

"YESSSSS!!"

And his seed flew on Flora's magazine.

Flora let out a scream and fell back. "FILTHY! UGH! So disgusting!!!"

She immediately tore the magazine into 1024563.76 pieces and stomped all over the tiny paper shreds.

Skye began rolling around in the dirt.

"Like a dog. How awful!" Flora sneered

_Chip, chip!_

Flora looked around. What was that? Surely it couldn't have been Skye making those small bird noises, but then again he was on Crass so anything was possible.

"Was that yo--"

_Chip chip chippy!_

Okay, it obviously wasn't Skye. Besides, he was too busy crying those glimmering spheres of salted dihydrogen monoixide.

Flora looked around again. It had to be had to be a bird. She looked up but there was no sign of a bird. Then she felt a small peck on her shoe and she looked down.

Le gasp! Pecking at her combat boot was a tiny gray chick!

"Well, how did you get in here? Are you lost?" She asked kindly, bending over to get a better look at the baby chicken.

"_Cheeper~_"

She smiled softly. She may not have been able to stand people, but she could surely stand animals and strange human-snow monster hybrids (a.k.a. Gotz--er, not Gotz. Mukumuku.)

She reached down and pet the little bird gently on the head. It was unusually warm...

"_Dsfdsgdghfgjhghjhgj_." The bird began to make demonic sounds.

"E-excuse me?"

"_Cheep cheep, mother fucker_."

Flora gasped as the bird's eyes began to glow red and blood spilled from it's mouth. Then it bit her leg and latched on.

Flora let out a grunt and tried to shake the monster off. "What the hell is this?!" Flora started to spin in around and shake her leg in attempt to free herself.

It wasn't until she turned to face the entrance into one of the inner caverns that she saw a whole horde of twenty or so demonic, off colored animals and bugs that she began to really panic.

Her jaw dropped. "Oh my fuc--"

The army of demon animals charged at her, all going off in a rally of scratchy, ass backwards noises and grunts and animal calls.

Spotting the danger, Skye let out a giggle and began to shove the "golden" dirt into his pockets, shirt, pants and thong.

Flora fell to the ground as the vicious swarm closed in on her. Skye couldn't even see her over the herd of rabid cave dwelling monsters.

He ran out of the cave just as he saw a severed hand fly into the wall.


	35. YOU HAVE ALL BEEN DECEIVED

Twas a crisp Autumn day.

The leaves on the trees had not yet begun to fall but they were starting to burst into an assortment of warm colors.

Flora's body had never been found but there were more important things at hand.

Lukina tried to keep his hand from shaking as he plopped two water balloon boobs into his dress and tied the tips of his orange shawl together.

It was Fall 8th. What was so special about that date?

Well, Fall 8th was one of the days that the fat, sweating monster named Van waddled his lard into the Valley to perform his usual business.

Only, he wouldn't be performing usual business on this day.

Lukina straightened out his already neat and perfect dress before exiting his room.

It wasn't as if he didn't think he'd be able to convince Rock to give him the pot. No, he was completely confident that he could easily seduce Rock into anything. Hell, he probably didn't even have to seduce Rock, Rock only had about 12 brain cells left, if even that many.

Lukina was just always worried about everything. Whenever he entered contests, whenever he walked around in public, whenever he slept....He did have an entirely legit reason to worry because after all, he had tried to keep his true gender identity hidden since he was forced out of his home and sent to live with his whip wielding, kinky grandmother. Things were even worse now because Miyabi and Kaoru knew.

( And the worry he faced when he was trying to sleep was also legit. He lived with Sebastian. )

"Hello, Miss Lumina."

Lukina stopped at the base of the stairs and looked over at the demon child rested on his piano playing pedestal. He smiled kindly at the menacing child whose eyes seemed a little eviler today than usual...

"Good morning, Kate."

Kate only smirked a bit wider. "Today begins the end."

Lukina froze. "Excuse me?"

"Hmm?"

"You said something just now...something about today begins the end?"

"You're so silly Miss Lumina!" Kate giggled innocently.

Lukina bolted for the door.  
_'Right, just ignore the demon, Luke. Ignore the demon child and it won't eat your soul....'_

**&****&****&**

What had happened, exactly...?

Oh, yeah. Rock remembered that the damn Commies had fired missiles at them when they were on the beach and then a giant Stalin sea monster came out of the ocean and they offered the guy nobody cares about as a sacrifice and then everyone started to run....

Now he was....sprawled out on the kitchen stove with a giant cooking pot over his head and whisk in hand.

And he was naked how did that happen. How long had he even BEEN passed out on the stove? Days? Weeks? Years?

When he finally came to and could actually put together a semi-coherent thought, he looked around. Next to the stove was Lukina, face red, lips pressed tightly together to form a straight line (even if they did twitch quite a bit) and hand over his crotch.

"Heeey, babe."

"R-Rock, can we talk in private?"

"Ahaha, you said _private_."

"Rock, this is q-quite serious," Lukina explained as he fought to keep his emotions (and penis) under control.

"Aight, aight. We can have a talk. Sure we can, bwahahaha!" And Rock rolled off the stove and hit the ground with a loud _thud_and a laugh.

Lukina helped his lover up. "Rock, I want you to start getting serious, now. What I'm about to tell you is a bit--"

"WAAH!" Cliff popped out from underneath a pile of bags of flour.

Lukina and Rock both screamed and stared at him.

"DONT LET IT GET YOU!" He continued to shout with his eyes wide and manic looking. "It'll...it'll....." At that point he began laughing. "The thing about a shark, he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes...."

"C-Cliff?" Lukina said softly and with concern.

"When he comes after you, he doesn't seem to be living until he rips your dick off, and those black eyes roll over white. . . ."

"Whoa!" Rock exclaimed.

Lukina tugged him towards the door. "Let's go."

"I wanna hear the rest of the story!" Rock whined.

"Rock, I have something special for you~" Lukina purred most seductively.

Rock gasped and looked at him with wide, sparkling eyes. "Whatisitwhatisitwhatisit!?"

"Something...that will bring you pleasure."

"Pudding?!"

"Something better."

"Drugs?!"

"Something better."

"My very own TV show?!"

"Something better."

"A Charizard?!"

"...."

"It's a Charizard, isn't it?!"

"...."

"Did you get me a Pikachu instead? AW MAN, now everything is rui--"

Lukina slapped the shit out of him and held back a tear or two. "And to think I had hope!" He cried.

**&****&****&**

"My drugs?"

"Yes," Lukina said calmly as he stared down at his lap.

Rock was on the opposite bed, sitting on his head as if in some strange Zen ritual.

"What about em?"

"Well, I was wondering if I could perhaps, buy them from you?"

Rock gasped loudly. "What? No way! Lumi, you SMOKE?"

"They're for grandmother!" He said quickly. "Now, can I have them or not?"

"Whoooa. Your grandma smokes? Wicked crazy shit right there!"

"Rock..."

"What's she like when she's high? Is she cool like me?"

"Rock!" Lukina yelled. "You'll let me have your entire crop, won't you?"

Rock twirled around and hummed. "Hmmm...wasn't I supposed to keep them for something important...?"

"To give to grandmother, yes."

"Nah, I think it had something to do with a Teletubbie."

"Rock..." Lukina got on his knees next to the bedside. "Please, Rock."

Rock stared at him for a while. "I dont know...."

Lukina lifted his dress up to reveal his cleanly shaven, womanly leg.

"Whoa babe."

"Wouldn't you like to give Lumina those drugs, you sexy bad boy?" Lukina bit his lip and gave Rock a sexual stare.

"Whoooa...."

Lukina slid his dress up more to reveal a flawless thigh. All Rock did was stare. He moved the dress up even further to reveal his glorious child bearing hips.

Rock wheezed. "O-okay...I-I'll take you to the stash..."

**&****&****&**

"So this is the place?"

"What?"

"So this is the place?"

"Can't hear you!"

"So this is the place?!"

"Huh?"

"SO THIS IS THE PLACE?"

"OH, YEAH."

Rock and Lukina stood behind the Valley waterfall, a large rock wall in front of them. Apparently there was some sort of secret ground of fertile soil beyond the rock wall. Lukina didn't see how, though.

Rock walked up to the wall and preformed some sort of secret knocking ritual on the rock. Suddenly, a entrance appeared.

"Oh my."

"Told ya I wasn't lying! Now just follow me!"

"Alright, alright," Lukina rolled his eyes and smiled as he stepped inside.

But when they were both inside, they could only stand there and stare at the horrific scene that they had walked in to.

**&****&****&**

_PING_

A couple buttons flew off of Van's shirt as he struggled to unite the two parts of fabric. Giving up, he took a glob of gel in his hand and ran it through his hair.

"Lovely day, lovely day~" He sang and he took a comb to the mess on top of his head.

If all would go according to plan, (which it would, Van was sure of) then he'd have all their money and all their possessions. Not to mention he'd get to kill off a few losers.

"You are too smart, Van~" he told himself as he looked in the mirror.

_RIIIP_

A large tear in his pants.

He shrugged and walked out of the door.

**&****&****&**

"I'm going home!" Rock screamed as he bolted.

"Rock!" Lukina cried, spinning around to see the blond running away faster than he ever had before.

Lukina knew he needed to tell Miyabi, so he too bolted.

**&****&****&**

"How do you even play this game?" Miyabi asked as she and Kaoru sat at a chess table.

"It's simple, really. There's just several sets of easy rules that you need to know," Kaoru explained.

Miyabi wasn't going to bother with rules. Instead, she picked up her King and knocked over all of Kaoru's pieces with it. "I win." Then she started making her King hump Kaoru's King.

"Very mature, Miyabi.

Their fun little game was interrupted by a frantic knock on the door.

"You get it," the girls said simultaneously.

They both glared at each other for the longest time as the knocking became more intense.

"Miyabi answer the damn door! It's me, Lumina!"

"Isn't your real name Luke, or something?" Miyabi asked, still locked in on Kaoru's glare.

"It's about the...drugs," Lukina said a little bit quieter.

Miyabi and Kaoru both blinked.

"I win," Kaoru declared.

"No way! You blinked first!"

"No, you did. I saw you blink."

"Lies! All of it!"

"THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!" Lukina cried. He kicked the door down and stormed over to the girls. "Rock is at the Inn. We need to go there. Now."

"We're a little busy right now, bab--"

Lukina picked up the chess board and whacked Miyabi on the head with it.

"Now."

**&****&****&**

Miyabi dropped down on Rock's bed, devastated. "Gone?"

"Are you....sure?" Kaoru asked.

"Of course I'm sure!" Lukina said in a flustered voice. "We went into the cave, there were no drugs."

"Are you looking in the right place?" Kaoru continued to question.

"I...I don't know," Lukina let out a defeated sigh. "Rock said it was the spot. I would ask him to rethink everything but he's..."

Rock had curled up into a shivering ball of hopelessness and was currently hiding under a blanket in the corner of the room.

"He won't talk to me. He won't say anything other than useless gibberish."

Miyabi hopped off the bed and stormed over to Rock. "Are you even sure you PLANTED the drugs?"

"Gfehyuitrhgdjkhgghscnak...." Rock stammered.

"I think he's speaking Swedish," Kaoru noted.

"C-Come to think of it," Lukina started, "It looked as if the soil had been tampered with...."

"What chu talkin bout?" Miyabi turned to face the crossdresser.

"Well, it looked as if someone had been there. I might have seen footprints in the soil...foot prints belonging to someone who wore very classy shoes."

"GUIGJKB FDUHGRU OPNUG AURGBARGH!" Rock cried.

"Yes, definitely Swedish."

Miyabi face plam'd and sighed. "Oh my god...so what are we gonna do? Van'll be here any freakin' minute and we aint got SHIT to give him!"

As if on cue, the door to Rock's bedroom busted open and in came the fat blob known as Van.

Well, he couldn't actually fit through the door frame.

The crew watched in horror as Van struggled to slip his giant bulk of a body into the room.

Miyabi snickered, "Somebody get this man some grease!"

The door frame finally gave and tore, allowing Van to make it into the room.

Everyone gasped in horror and backed away.

Van chuckled evilly and opened his new and improved briefcase that held 5 boxes of Turkish delights, 3 jars of cooking oil, a Pico to Chico manga, iPhone, Sims 3 World Adventures, every Lady Gaga CD ever created, 6 cans of pizza flavored Pringles, an air freshener, body pillow, Wii remote, paperback copy of tWIstEd, Axis Powers Hetalia volume 1, small jar of sperm and giant mega ultra laser gun.

Giant mega ultra laser gun?!

Van whipped out the laser gun and aimed it at them. "One shot of this thing can take out a hundred persons!"

Everyone stared at the giant weapon in fear.

"FBFGF GHURYJGB LHLJGTSLARGH!" Rock cried once more.

"Is that Danish?" Van asked.

"Swedish," they all replied.

"Ah, yes. That makes more sense. Where was I? Oh yes, getting ready to DESTROY you!" Van laughed.

"W-wait! What about the drugs? We haven't given them to you yet!" Miyabi said.

Van only laughed some more. "I know you don't have them."

"Y-you overheard out conversation?" Lukina stuttered.

Van was laughing so hard that he was crying now. "I think you folks deserve to know the truth before you die."

"The truth?" Kaoru asked.

"See. I know it would happen like this all along. I had to play it out carefully just so you fools wouldn't get suspicious. Yes, I knew how today would end even before it began. However, I couldn't have pulled any of this off if it weren't for my lovely assistant, Skye."

Everyone gasped as Skye stepped out from behind Van.

"Heh," he laughed with a nervous smile.

"That's right! Skye has been a double agent ever since the day I came to him with the idea. I told him about my situation, our bet, everything. I offered to give him 50% of the profit and he agreed to steal the marijuana."

Lukina brought a hand to his mouth. "How did Skye managed to break into Rock's secret cave?!"

"I'm a Phantom Thief. I can do anything."

Lukina looked to be on the verge of tears, "but if you stole the drugs, why couldn't you have just took then and left it at that?"

Kaoru narrowed her eyes. "Van wants to kill us so he can have all of our possessions."

"Whoa...Skye...you were...a double agent? Working for the man who wants to kill me...?" Miyabi asked as she looked to Skye. He only nodded sadly. "That's so...sexy."

Kaoru groaned, "Miyabi!"

Van fired up the laser gun. "It has been great doing business with you. If you all children, maybe I would have let you live. But now it is time to die."

"Van, it is YOU that has been fooled!" Skye shouted.

Everyone grew silent and stared at Skye.

Van blinked. "What?"

"At the beginning, yes I did want to go along with the plan, but as time went on, I started to realize that I cared about these people. So I played it out to trick YOU, and it worked. The marijuana? It's hidden under one of the floorboards in the Bar."

Van's eyes grew wide as the gravity of the situation finally started to sink in.

"So you're the only one who's going to lose today, Van." Skye ripped his shirt off. "METEROSEXUAL BEAM, FIRE!"

A blast of light shot from Skye's chest and nailed Van in his own. Van flew back, flying out of the room and crashing into the wall. His gun landed on the floor.

The others couldn't exactly talk, they were too stunned.

Skye fired another beam at the laser gun but the thing would not be destroyed.

Just then, Roller dropped through the roof and landed Rock's bedroom floor.

"Roller has come!"

Kaoru moaned softly.

"Roller, what the hell are you doing here?" Miyabi gasped.

"Roller knows that the only way to destroy a bad cake is to fight it with GOOD cake! Roller will demonstrate the power of his baking skills!"

Jumping up into the air, Roller opened his lazer mouth big and wide and fired a blast of bright blue goodness at the laser gun. It was burnt to ashes.

"Good job, Roller," Skye nodded at the small Spite. Then he turned to Van for one final beam.

"Yeah! Kick his ass, Skye!"

"Destroy the fiend!"

"You can do it!"

"Roller prefers eggplant icing best! Roller wants everyone to remember that!!"

Skye then unleashed his most furious and powerful Meterosexual Beam ever.

Van shot up, breaking through the roof and crying out a frantic, "TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OF AGAAAAAIN!" before disappearing into the sky.

Everyone began cheering. Lukina grabbed the still shivering Rock and hugged him passionately. Miyabi tackled Skye onto the bed and started making out with him. Kaoru picked up Roller and started swinging him around in circles.

The celebration died down a bit after a few minutes and it was then that Miyabi finally remembered something.

"Hey," she started, pulling her lips away from Skye's nipple. "Weren't we also supposed to get Van's entire fortune and all his possessions?"

Kaoru gasped. "Oh yes, that's right."

Roller excitedly patted Kaoru on the leg, "Roller will teleport you to Van's house! There you can rightfully claim anything you want!"

Miyabi and Kaoru looked at each other and Miyabi smirked. "Let's do this."

**&****&****&**

Van's house was an underground cavern of sorts that lead up to the Chinese buffet through a series of tunnels. Very large, round tunnels to accommodate Van's size.

But that wasn't even the important part. The important part was that his 'house' was filled with gold and all sorts of items he had acquired through business.

"Miyabi, I think we've quite literally hit the jack pot."

"Shut up and start stuffing these bags."

**&****&****&**

After a hot bath, Lukina comfortably slipped into bed on a high note.

Things were very good now. Nobody had been killed, the farmers had gotten everything they wanted, Rock stopped speaking strange Nordic languages and got his pot back from Skye, and Skye and Roller had turned into heroes.

But Lukina then remembered what Kate said about today being the beginning of the end.

Had she mis-predicted the turn of events and outcome?

Or was she talking about something else?


	36. FIRST BASE

Darkness. There was pure darkness. Pure, absolute darkness and a voice, a voice so laced with sick and twisted pleasure as it spoke, "File corrupt. No saved data exists."

The smirk was so evident in the voice that you just _knew_ it felt so sinfully pleasured when it spoke those words.

And then there was darkness again.

Miyabi screamed, felt her body make hard contact with the floor and snapped her eyelids open.

"But I didn't even use the billion gold glitch!" She gasped desperately.

"Miyabi, get off the floor and stop talking nonsense." In the kitchen, Kaoru was trying to pry a golden toothbrush from Kevin's clutches. "It's passed noon, you really should have gotten u--_Kevin, stop growling at me, please!_"

Miyabi breathed a sigh of relief from the floor. So it was just a nightmare. It had felt so awfully real. The darkness had been cold, like space.

She sat up. "My bad...it was just that I had this nightmare..." She pulled herself to a stand and picked the blanket up off the floor. "It was like everything we had worked so hard for suddenly disappeared, and there was this voice, a real fucked up voi--"

The TV made a boom sound as if it had exploded. It startled Miyabi so badly that she toppled to the ground.

"Attention, attention! Today is the annual Fall Harvest Festival! So make sure your sorry asses are at the beach between ten and midnight if you wanna get that event sprite, but make sure you dont come any earlier than ten or else Thomas will tell you to leave like the little bitch he is. Out."

"Yeah, thanks for the reminder, jack ass." Miyabi threw the blanket back on the bed.

"Harvest Festival? Oh, I don't think we have anything to offer..." Kaoru said as she frowned and furrowed her brow, as if she really wanted to participate.

"Huh?"

"Every year on this day, the villagers gather around a giant cooking pot on the beach. Each villager tosses a food item into the pot to be cooked. It's like a potluck, but in an actual pot." Kaoru's voice was still disappointed as she explained.

"What's so great about that?" Miyabi crossed her arms. "I'm just surprised no one's tried to poison everyone, or throw in a bunch of Viagra. Hey Kaoru, got any Viagra?"

"Yes, in fact I do. I just spoke with my doctor about my ED yesterday and I think things will all work out now."

"That's...the coolest thing you've said, and probably the last cool you'll ever say."

Kaoru would have made a snarky remark back but Train started to scratch the fine leather sofa. A leather sofa?

Well, they had stolen all of Van's belongings, and if that walking tube of blubber ever had said that he was a rich man, he certainly hadn't been lying. Rich isn't even the right term because Van had money, possessions AND stocks. He probably could have eaten his entire fortune and be completely stuffed. No, no, take that back. Van had never been able to fill his stomach.

So Van's shit was just piled up around their tiny farmhouse. It was so crammed in there that they couldn't walk without stepping on something or another.

After Kaoru pulled Train off the sofa, she and Miyabi grew quiet and they looked over all the pricey junk in their house.

"You know how you said that we didn't have anything to put in the giant pot of joy and rainbows?"

"I don't remember it being a giant pot of joy and rainbows."

"Well it should be. Anyway, I was thinking..." Miyabi walked over to the beauty box and shuffled through the outfits. "Let's go to Gotz and see if we can get an expansion on this dumb house."

"Mineral Town is having their festival today too," Kaoru said very factually.

"Hey, it's worth a try? At least it'll give us something to do while everyone else is eating soup that's probably made of pickle juice, jam, and fried tomato pulp."

And for once, Kaoru couldn't disagree. "Good idea. Just one little thing..."

"Yeah?"

"Dont sleep naked ever, ever again."

**&****&****&**

Rock had no idea where Cliff was, but there were only a few places Cliff could be: His and Rock's room, Gray's bed, or the BES's mouth. Quite frankly, Rock was too damned jolly to care where his biffelz was.

It was the Harvest Festival and Rock had come up the most super fantastical idea ever!

"Such a generous, handsome man you are, Rock! Your awesomness is big and beautiful, just like the big, beautiful ocean! Bawahaha!" He combed his hair back as he admired himself in the mirror.

What was his grand, awesome plan? To share the wonders of Crass with the entire town by dumping a boatload into the pot. No one would know what hit them, they'd just slowly slip away into Crassland oblivion where it's always warm and the beaches never close.

Yeah, something like that.

He gathered up his Crass and looked at the clock. Eight. Okay, so he had two hours to spare. He was quite tempted to smoke some before the party started, but he might come off as suspicious. ( Because it wasn't as if he smoked it and ran around town like an idiot _every_ day or something. ) Tucking the bags of Crass into his pants, he left the Inn.

As he walked out, he noticed Miyabi and Kaoru as they made their way to the hill.

"Hey! Hey! Can I ride the horse? I never got to ride it yet!" Rock pranced over to them.

Kaoru let out a sigh and didn't bring Stacy to a stop. Instead, she made him walk a bit faster.

"I'll ride _your_ horse," Miyabi purred.

Rock laughed, "What?"

"Oh...that sounded kinda furryish, huh?"

"Yep. Now tell your friend that we can't talk to him."

"Hey!" Rock sounded a bit hurt. "I'm your friend too, Super-K."

"Stop following us!"

Stacy noted Kaoru's anger and lifted his leg back, kicking Rock square in the crotch. But oh ho ho, the impact did not damage Rock's package in the least because the Crass he had stuffed in his pants earlier had acted like padding. He just fell back, minor injuries to his ass and back.

"Never go outside without wearing your Crass, bwahahah!" Rock announced in a deep voice as if he were on TV and explaining his product, then he roared with laughter at himself.

"Run off, Rock. I'm sure you've got some useless things to do that will help you in your never ending effort to waste your life away," Kaoru said in a quite a harsh fashion even though her voice was slightly flat. Her monotone insults were the worst.

"Today's gonna be awesome!" Then Rock began to sing sweetly--well, as sweet as the blond possibly could, "I am beautiful, no matter what they saaay. Words can't bring me down!! I got a pocket got a pocket full'a sunshine--"

"No, don't switch songs so suddenly like that! You'll throw everyone off," Miyabi coached as Stacy started to walk again.

"Wild crazy! We're gonna have wild, crazy fun!" Rock cheered and Miyabi gave him a thumbs up out of sympathy.

**&****&****&**

"Hello there Rock. Do you have any offerings for the pot?" Thomas asked upon seeing Rock walk onto the beach.

"Uhhh, naaaw. I'mma just chill and eat the soup and not do anything weird, bwhahaha!"

"You, young man, are a disgrace." And with that Thomas waddled off to do Thomas things.

Rock shrugged and began to plot how he'd sneak the food into the pot. Innocently, he gravitated towards the ladder. When he was there, he noticed Karen dumping in burnt grape jam.

"Delicious!" Rock blurted out at the sight of the black ooze.

Karen nearly fell off the ladder when she jumped at the sound of his loud, booming voice. "Jeez! Dickface...don't just do that! I still got a major headache for my hangover..."

Rock only laughed.

Once Karen was down and gone, Rock took it as his opportunity. He reached into his pants, pulled the bags out and threw them into the pot just like that.

"Sweeeet!"

**&****&****&**

"So maybe you were kind of right when you said that Mineral Town was having its festival today too..." Miyabi noted when she realized that the town was pretty much deserted.

"Why do people lock their doors on a festival day, anyway? Some people dont even attend the festival, so why do they gotta lock their doors? Seriously this whole thing reminds me of The Village. Deserted town, locked doors, now all we need is some fucky monster to try to eat us. Hey, I think Gotz will do the trick."

"Miyabi, be nice. Gotz has been very kind to us." Kaoru steered Stacy into the forest.

"Aww, you're not wearing yellow. Now we'll all die."

"You'd be surprised just how well I know self defense."

Something about the way Kaoru said that made Miyabi shiver and not to talk about the subject any longer.

"Alright now..." Kaoru hopped off Stacy and Miyabi soon followed. "Stacy, I trust you. When I whistle, come back. We'll only be a few minutes. Be safe."

"Jeez Kaoru, why don't you just kiss the damn thing?"

Kaoru opened her mouth to say something but Miyabi interrupted, "No, forget I said anything."

Stacy galloped off towards Jack's farm and Kaoru knocked on Gotz door, hoping more than anything that he was there. Miyabi was hoping just as hard and the desperate sparkle in her eyes showed it. Neither of them wanted to say that they made the trip to Mineral Town for nothing.

"Who goes there?!"

Well, he was home.

"It's Kaoru and Miyabi, the girls from the farm?"

Gotz was silent for a moment. "...Oh! The British ones?"

"....Yes."

A grunt of disapproval was heard. "Today is a festival day, you know."

"Why isn't he at the festival?" Miyabi whispered to Kaoru.

"What was that?!"

"Aahaha, nothing..." Kaoru laughed nervously. "We were just wondering if we could set up some dates for a house extension.

"Nope, sorry. I get a day off during festival days."

"Aw come on, man. We just wanna--" Miyabi was cut short as Kaoru jabbed her in the stomach and tried her hand at convincing the gruffy man.

"It'll only take a couple minutes..."

"Leave me alone!"

Gotz's very rude attitude was unusual. Typically he was cheerful but his change in swagger had completely bamboozled the two girls.

"We were...considering getting the highest level of extension to the house...There is a considerable amount of wood involved, correct?"

Kaoru was hatching a plan and Miyabi could tell by the feigned innocence that masked a devious tone.

"Loads of wood, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"So if we were to purchase the extension, plus all the wood, that would be a considerable amount of money, correct? The amount he'd have to pay would sky rocket if we perhaps...bought golden lumber rather than the--"

"You dont have that kind of money."

"Like hell we don't!" Miyabi cheered. "We got enough to buy a palace. So what cha' say, buddy?"

Gotz went silent again. Such a tempting, tempting offer! He would certainly be millions of gold richer but...

"Sing the British National Anthem."

"...what?" Both girls gawked at once.

"Sing it! It's the only way I'll let you in!"

"But we don't even--"

"Miyabi, we have to do this. Alright, I'll start it off and then you follow."

"But..."

Kaoru turned to look at her friend/enemy of sorts with serious eyes that let Miyabi know Kaoru could handle the situation.

"...okay then, take it away."

Kaoru took a breath and then began, "God save our gracious Queen~"

Miyabi hesitated to join in, but let out a defeating sigh and sang along, "Long live our noble Queen~"

"God save the Queen~"

"Send her victorious~"

"Happy and glorious~"

"Long to reign over us~" Miyabi then whispered to Kaoru, "this is so weird!"

"Get over it...God save the Queen~!"

Several verses later, they reached the end of the song. Gotz had started to sing along and all three of them sang out the final line passionately.

"GOD. SAVE. THE. KIIIIIIINNNGGGGG~!!"

After they had finished the song and the two girls were trying to catch their breath, Gotz fell silent for a while.

Then Miyabi and Kaoru jumped at the sounds of crashing, tumbling, scarping and tearing. They stared at the door and wondered what the hell Gotz was doing that was causing such a giant commotion.

Once the chaos died down, Gotz opened the door. He was panting. "Come on in."

**&****&****&**

**crass**  
Pronunciation: \cr-ass\  
Function: noun  
Date: 2009  
1 : a powerful drug created by the crushing and mixing of the Colored Grasses of Forget Me Not Valley.  
Although the effect of the drug varies depending on who uses it, most have recorded that it acts like high powered caffeine mixed with LSD. Common symptoms include hyperactivity, lack of intelligent thought, devil speak, hallucinations, shouting, paranoia, homosexual urges, out of character actions and plain dumbfuckery.

Thomas distributed the fully cooked soup to the hungery villagers. The plastic bags of Crass were nowhere to be found, and quite honestly, Rock was just happy to eat. He hadn't smoked yet because he knew he'd be getting his daily dosage in the soup, so he was mellow. As mellow as Rock _could_be.

The soup looked decent for the most part. Dark orange broth with chunks of vegetables in it--standard soup, naturally.

As he ate sloppily, splashing some of the soup on to the sand and not caring, he spotted Cliff. "Hey, broski!" Rock bounced over to his best friend. "Where you been, man?"

"Oh, out..." Cliff replied in his good ol droopy tone of voice.

Rock smiled. "You're just staring at your food, man! Eat up. I put in something reaaaaal special."

"W-well I suppose a bite couldn't hurt...I'm trying to lose weight but..." Cliff scooped up the soup in his spoon and let the hot substance flow into his mouth. And then he chewed and chewed and chewed, and a squeaking sound could be heard.

"Whoa, man. Did you eat a mouse?" Rock laughed.

"I dunno...something rubbery..." Cliff reached into his mouth and pulled out the troublesome--"Oh, oh god why...?" Quickly, Cliff tossed the vile thing into the ocean, probably for some poor turtle to suffocate on.

"Nice idea!" Rock laughed. "Ocean and I will need that later tonight!"

A loud slap was heard from somewhere close by. Both boys spun around to see that Gray had slapped the shit out of Saibara.

"Damnit you little bitch of a grandfather uncle whatever the hell you are I hate your freaking shitty guts..."

Everyone stared in horror as Gray continued to spew profanity at his red faced grandfather. Saibara just stared up at him.

Then Gray finished and fell silent for a good time. "....Dawww, you know I'm kidding! I love ya, Gramps!!" Gray playfully tackled and hugged Saibara. Saibara just laughed and slapped Gray back, twice as hard as Gray had slapped him. That produced a giggle from Gray and before long the two of them were in a giggle fit bitch slap fight.

Cliff stared in horror and could say nothing.

Everyone burst into relived laughter and all started hugging each other for no apparent reason.

Well, the reason was that the Crass finally kicked in.

"A jolly day indeed!" Vesta noted. "Why, I think I'll scuttle home, prepare myself a nice little cup of hibiscus tea and then enjoy Hemingway over classical music."

Rock had turned the bowl of soup into a hat, drenching his hair and clothes with soupy soupness in the process. He was spinning around with his arms spread out wide when he felt someone grip one of his arms firmly.

It was Lukina. A fiery eyed Lukina.

"Heeey ba--" before Rock could finish, Lukina yanked him towards the exit and dragged him off.

**&****&****&**

"Did we really just spend all that money?" Miyabi's voice was rather distraught.

"Don't worry, we've got plenty more. Besides, he'll have the most amazing house in the entire town. Don't you think a dent in our wallet is worth that?"

"Dunno..." Miyabi crossed her arms as she and Kaoru walked out of Gotz's house.

Kaoru reassured her, "Don't worry." Then she whistled for Stacy who came almost immediately. "Did you have fun, boy?" Kaoru asked as she stroked him.

"_Neeeeeiigh._"

That roughly translated to, '_Yes I did. I broke into Zach's house, hospitalized him and then stole Won's apples._'

Kaoru smiled.

Then she and Miyabi hopped on the hose and headed back home, the dates for expansion set and both girls feeling rather pleased to finally be able to live in a decent house.

However, aside from all the gold they had just spent and the fact they had earlier completely humiliated themselves by singing a national anthem for Gotz, something else was bothering Miyabi.

"I wasn't the only who was kinda iffed by the blood all over the floor, right?"

**&****&****&**

Lukina had lead Rock up to his bedroom. Was they were both in, Lukina locked the door and dimmed the lights. He turned around and leaned back against the door, his eyes wide, scandalous and locked on Rock.

"Rock, do you..."

Rock got comfortable sitting on the edge of Lukina's plush bed. "Yeah, babe?"

"Do you want to feel my chest?"

Rock blinked. "W-what?"

Lukina pushed off the door and walked over to the bed and stood in front of Rock. "Do you want to feel my chest?" He brought his hands to his water balloons and gave them a sexy little jiggle.

Rock's face flushed. "S-sure..."

Lukina purred and his lust filled eyes narrowed. Then he started unbuttoning his dress just the right amount to loosen the fabric just enough to reveal his smooth, bare shoulders.

Rock's eyes were wide and his pupils were larger than Uranus as he tried to absorb every second of this glorious, glorious moment. He stared speechless as the fading sunlight casted a warm glow on Lukina's skin.

Lukina leaned in towards Rock, his water balloon completely up in Rock's grill. "Go ahead, give them a touch...a squeeze, if you will. Oh, but be careful~" Lukina purred in his ear. "I can be rather _fragile_."

That was almost enough to push Rock over the edge and cause him to release.

With a shaking hand, he reached out and cupped the heavy, full, ripe balloon. His mind melted as a feeling of warmth washed over him. "Bwahahaha...."

Lukina gasped even though he couldn't feel a thing. Then he giggled. "The other one. Grasp the other one."

And Rock did so.

He was groping a gay man's fake chest that he thought was the real chest of his female lover.

Life is a bitch.

**&****&****&**

When Miyabi and Kaoru got back to the Valley, everyone was running around like a crazy chickens on fire. Some were killing each other, like Gray and Saibara who were both bloody faced and laughing their asses off. Some were killing themselves, like Celia who was drinking a bottle of fertilizer chemicals. The other were, well...think about what Rock does when he's high and then imagine the entire town doing that. Yeah.

"Looks pretty normal to me," Miyabi shrugged.

"Let's just...hurry home."

"Gray!" They heard Cliff scream. "I invited you so we could spend time together, not so you could kill your grandfather! Stop it!"

As the girls headed home, they bypassed Chris who was beating Wally and Hugh with her purse.

"Monsters! Monsters both of you!!"

Rock came running down the villa hill and streaking through town, running fast as yell and shouting, "I HIT FIRST BASE! My hands are all wet for some reason, but I got to first base!!"


	37. The End

I feel that it is my duty to record the events that happened on that day. Although the official story may never be released, I feel this obligation. (I understand that many other of the official records have never been released?) After all, what started horribly wrong ended up horribly perfect. Though in my mind, I believe that no matter how the day might have ended, Forget-Me-Not Valley would still never be the same.

Spring 2 Year 2. Half, if not the entire, of the town was lazing around trying to recover from the hangover that came about after the New Years Festival. It's hard to believe that such a small village could 'party so hard,' as Miyabi put it. I enjoyed the time even if it ended being another stressful mess of idiocy, but I've grown to like stressful idiotic messes and the idiots who cause them.

Miyabi was, of course, sleeping in passed the morning hours but I didn't feel like waking her. Thankfully she had been in her own room so I didn't have to put up with her sleep talk or… other strange noises.

After breakfast (Cornflakes) I did what I usually did and that was tending to the farm. I had strawberries growing, not necessarily for the money (we certainly had plenty as it was) but because Z likes them. He told me so. Miyabi also insisted that I plant turnips for her girlfriend. Excuse me—_boyfriend_, Skye. Aside from crops, we had acquired many livestock, all of which I care about very much.

But soon I'd realize that day wouldn't be like all the other days. I began to worry when I smelt something burning, and looking over to the pasture, I saw what I had smelt. A dark cloud of smoke was hanging over the field. And so, the nightmare began.

I ran to the pasture. I could see that the fields of grass were on fire and I didn't understand why or how. But I hadn't the time to think about it because I was concerned with the animals—they were all running around in a panic, not any more sure than I was of what they should do. Rushing to the gate, I furiously rang the cow bell over and over until our horde of twenty plus livestock (cows, sheep, chickens, ducks and even our goat) began stampeding towards me. I let them loose. They ran all the way passed the farm and into the village and didn't stop for anything.

I grabbed the Mystic Watering Can and ran back into the field. The fire was huge. I was shocked and absolutely horrified at how quickly it was spreading, and then realized there were several fires that had started all around the farm. The golden lumber sheds were not being harmed but the crops and the grass were still in so much danger, and I had hoped that with this Sage can I could extinguish the raging flames.

But then I heard a laugh. It was gruff and sickly satisfied and all too familiar. I turned my head from the nightmarish scene in front of me and there I saw Takakura.

Before I could react, I heard the door open and Miyabi scream, "What the ever living shit is going on! Kaoru!" Miyabi ran over to me but the moment the flame came into her peripheral vision, she froze and could do nothing more than gape in horror at what she was seeing.

"Heh… You know what they say?" Takakura was holding a match between his fingers, and in the other hand, a matchbox. Something about that killed me. I didn't want to think that my father's dear friend would do this to us. No, it was something I couldn't bring myself to accept. I still can't.  
"You play with fire, you're going to get burned." With that, he struck the match, igniting a soft yellow flame and he flicked the match, landing it at Miyabi's feet.

"Watch it!" She hissed, slamming her foot down on the match to stomp out the flame. "Are you NUTS?"  
"You've bossed me around, treated me like trash and never appreciated a thing I did for ya," Takakura said, so calm and mild that it came off as more terrifying than if he'd been shouting. "Well look at who you can't boss around anymore now that your farm is gone!"

I was speechless, unlike Miyabi who had began going off on Takakura. I'm pretty sure every word she said was some sort of profanity.

Suddenly I could hear screams and shouts from beyond the farm. I wasn't surprised—in fact, I had been expecting it. You don't simply let all your animals free to run around town without stirring up some sort of trouble.

"Holy shit! A fire!" Rock cried out, more amused than concerned. I knew it was him—his voice is unmistakable.

Soon the entire village (it seemed) was in a massive congregation at the entrance to our farm, blocking the escape. To the left was a fire, to the right was a crowd of disgruntled townspeople.

They all began shouting at us at once, enquiring about the fire and why our animals were storming around town in a panic. "Poor Hugh was tramped but your goat!" Chris lamented.

When asked who started the fire, Takakura told them it was us. We tried to protest, but everyone was going off at once that our voices were lost in the frenzy of noise. That was when I narrowed my eyes and looked at Miyabi, so deathly serious. "Run."

I was the first to make a move, whistling for Z. He sped out of the stable and I quickly hopped on. "Dust them, Z!" I cried out the command, and he reared up, letting out a cry of his own before he sped towards the crowd. At the last second, he leapt—leapt straight over the thirty-something people and landed perfectly on the other side. Then he took off again, heading for the Pond.

And so the chase was on.

With the villagers screaming after me, Miyabi had the chance to escape (but not before punching Takakura in his private parts, so I was told).

But then I was cornered at the Goddess Pond. To be honest, the mass of angry, red faced villagers scared me. I wasn't sure what to say or what to do, only that I should try to casually explain the situation.

"Everyone, please calm down. I would like to explain myself. There has been a big misunderstanding!"  
They didn't believe me. Rather, their accusations persisted (and rudely so) and I was at a loss of what to do next. My farm was on fire. The entire town was against me. I was cornered. Miyabi would have said I was 'screwed.'

Speaking of Miyabi… "Kaoru!" I heard her call out, pushing passed the villagers with none other than the Phantom Thief trailing behind her. Both made it clear of the crowd after squeezing passed Vesta and Patrick. Or was it Kasey?

Miyabi and her boy toy took their stand beside me, causing the crowd to gasp and began exclaiming in shock, "Phantom Skye!"

"So yuh date a daym theif and yuh set yuh damn farms on fiah!" Vesta led the assault. "Ya'll some mighty dang'rous folk!"

"They use explosive!" Patrick and Kasey chimed in, obviously making up false charges in order to fan the fire.

"Explosives!" The crowd gasped loudly.

"And look! They hang out with that rotten thief, too!" I heard Nami's deep voice pipe up.

"Madam!" Skye gasped. "I am hardly rotten, for today I made sure to use the lightly scented lilac perfume—it's quite delicious smelling…" (I try not to be appalled with Skye's meterosexuality, but it's hard for someone like me who has only dated masculine men like Roller.)

The crowd began moving in on us. We were all scared, at that point.

"Oh yeah!" Miyabi suddenly shouted over the villagers. "Well guess what!"

What I am about to record next is unbelievable. In fact, I sometimes think it was a dream, or partly a dream, or perhaps we were all high when it happened. In any event, what I am about record is what changed our Valley forever.

In defense—in one giant, desperate attempt to distract the angry, rabid townspeople from our own 'crimes,' Miyabi pointed an accusing finger at Lukina and finished, "LUMINA IS A MAN!"  
Gasps erupted from the crowd. They all looked to Lukina with unbelieving eyes, not sure if what Miyabi had said held any truth.

Lukina was frozen in fear. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking and something inside of me wanted to smirk, but I didn't. (There was something pleasing about seeing Miyabi's little trick work.)  
"I-I'm not a man! How could you say that! How could anyone even think that!"

"Yeah, man, what the hell!" Rock chimed in obnoxiously. "Lumina is a total chick! A total babe! I even got to first base with her!" Then he turned his head away from the crowd, as if looking back and across the valley at something, "Sorry, Ocean!"

The villagers nodded and expressed quiet agreement, unable to believe that Lukina was actually a boy underneath that dress.

"Actually…" Romana stepped away from the crowd and towards us. Everyone's eyes instantly locked onto the old lady (who thankfully was not in her BDSM outfit that day). "Lumina… is a man." More gasps.  
"Auntie!" Lukina shrieked in horror.

"Lumina was not born under that name… She—he, rather, was born as Luke. But when poor Luke found out that he could never love who he wanted to love because he was born with boy parts, he had to do something. So he put on the disguise of a woman, hoping that his love would be accepted if everyone thought he was a girl. You see… his parents never died, like he claimed. No, no… they abandoned him and he gladly left them to come here, where nobody knew that he was really a man- Where he could love who he wanted to love without the restraints that Natsume put on their game and their odd favoritism towards lesbian marriage rather than gay marriage."

"Auntie!" Lukina cried again.

"L-Lumina…?" Rock seemed devastated at the truth. "Is that… true?"

With a defeated sigh, Lukina nodded. "Yes. It is true." He pulled off his shawl and began to slowly take off his dress (just the torso of it) until the water balloons he'd used as fake breasts fell to the ground and his flat chest was exposed.

Rock stared at him in such shock. In fact, the entire crowd felt the same shock. Lukina, on the other hand, was crying silently with a flushed face. I felt almost bad for him, I will admit.

"Babe… that's… that's… THAT'S WILD! Wow! Why didn't you just tell me you were a dude! Daaamn! We could'a had like sleepovers and stuff!" Obviously, Rock didn't care what Lukina was, after all. One might think he was too high to care.

"Wait a damn minute!" Vesta growled. "You mean to tell me dat you was a damn BOI this whole tiem!"  
"W-well , hey! Don't start such a fuss over it!" Lukina fought back. "I know quite a lot about you! Like how you were secretly housing a serial killer and vampire under your roof, hm?"

The crowd reacted flawlessly yet again, and Vesta growled. "WHAT! Aint no way—how da hell you know about that, boi? Folks! Keep it down, here! I gots a secret to tell ya too! I know ah dirty lil secret 'bout that there Gustafa! He be havin' this lil' plant on his head that makes em all loopy! Makes em sing all dees stupid songs all day long! Makes em think he can fly!"

Gustafa laughed, "Grooovy, sista! But you should totally know I'm not the only far out dude on this planet, maaaan. Rock's got a nice stash of some RADICAL stuff!"

"W-wha?" Rock blinked. "Oh, you mean the Crass? Hell yeah, I got that! Me and Cliff smoke it up every night, babe!"

"Rock!" Cliff gasped, face going read. "I-It's not my fault!" He pleaded in defense, bless his soul. "I've had a hard life…! I've… been through things none of you could imagine…! A shark ATE my BAHJINGER!"  
"He's right, you know," Gray interjected. "He's been through tough shit."

After that, Miyabi went absolutely crazy. Takakura may have set our farm on fire, but Miyabi created a fire of her own—a very unsettling, frantic fire that began with her firing off insults and ended in something quite shocking. "You know what? Just listen to me, everyone! I'll tell you everything!

"Cliff and Gray are gay. They've been together for a while now. The rest of Mineral Town? All freaks! That Mary chick supposedly pukes vomit. Rick and Popuri were probably dropped on their heads as kids and now suffer from mental handicaps. Dr. Trent lost his mind completely and rambled on about how he met some freaky fish monster with boobs. Kai is a pirate—a hot pirate. Thomas is an egotistical freak who will stop at nothing to look good in people's eyes. Zach and Lilli are having an affair and let's not forget how Zach is pumped up on heavy dosages of steroids. And you know that Chinese creep he lives with? Won? He's in the Black Market. Oh, don't even get me started on Gotz—that guy not only murdered his entire family during a blizzard, but has some sick obsession with ENGLAND. And Miss Drunk Off My Ass (Karen) is in love with the Harvest Sprites—just like her mother. Oh, hey, want to know why Ann always won the Cooking Festival? She 'paid' the Gourmet in scandalous ways. But that's just Mineral Town. Wait until you hear about your fellow townsmen.

"Yes, Lumina is a man. Yes, Rock smokes and deals drugs. But did you know that Van was also in the Black Market? That he was in contact with a notorious Internet meme character and he was a lying, cheap, asshole? Did you know that Romana is in love with Sebastian and they some weird crap together? Kasey and Patrick are about as innocent as they look—those crazy guys like keeping live explosives around. They even tried to blow US up once! Hugh and Wally? No so innocent. They've seen some 'naughty' things they shouldn't have. Chris knows what I'm talking about. Daryll keeps a mermaid locked up in his basement. is hardly a doctor. Instead of giving poor old Galen the pacemaker he needed, he just slapped a hunk of metal in the guy's chest and called it a night! Nina, believe it or not, is a frequent buyer of Rock's drugs. Oh! Don't get me started on Carter and Flora. Those two are freaks. Carter, who's been dead, licked fossils as some kind of sick obsession. Flora was homicidal—always trying to find new ways to kill that sucker even though he'd never seem to die. Muffy's boobs are fake and Griffin is just some poor old bachelor who's probably the most normal one out of all of us. If you're wondering where Tim went, he's probably dead in a ditch somewhere because Ruby killed him. As for Cody…? He… is obsessed with Chihuahuas. There's a freakin mute princess thing at the bottom of the mine, Nami talks to 'aliens' and… And guess what? Your 'awesome' Goddess is head over heels in love with the Witch Princess!"

When Miyabi finished, I was stunned, really. I hadn't expected her to spill everyone's secrets like that. One by one, everyone was picked apart and the quiet little village of Forget-Me-Not Valley was no longer so innocent. I believe everyone was as shocked as I was. It was probably for the best, because when they were finally out of their shock and could talk, they talked up a storm. Yelling, fussing, snapping, and shouting, they all began tearing at each other, defending themselves or exclaiming their disbelief with the things they've heard. We (me, Skye and Miyabi) tried to calm them but our voices were lost over theirs.

From the chaos, Kate tugged at the pant leg of my trousers and snickered devilishly. "I told you it all end soon, didn't I? I told you. There's no hope for you or this miserable town. When chaos erupts, Forget –Me-Not Valley will need a savior. Daniel will rise to power and choke this rotten village with an iron fist of darkness—" I couldn't resist myself; I punted that brat right into the Goddess Pond.  
A flash of light, a loud "Dum da da DAAA!" and shimmering sparkles followed. The Goddess, thanks to the human sacrifice, had risen from the Pond to greet us for the first time since being sent away to that alternate universe.

Everyone gaped at her in awe and fear.

"My my my! Such a horrible little town this is! I was hoping that all of those dirty little secrets would be kept hidden, but…" She sighed. "Oh well. It looks like my only option is to rid this village of all of you and turn it into the perfect little vacation spot for the Sprites and me! Oh, and I suppose a honeymoon destination for me and the Witch…"

Everyone panicked at that. Truthfully, I was quite afraid, myself.

"Well! Any last words, ingrates? Oh come now, it won't be fun unless you plead for mercy, heehee!"

"You can't do this!" Miyabi growled. "I brought you back—you can't turn on me!"

"Bitch, I am the Harvest Goddess. I can make it rain _cucumbers_if I wanted!"

Just when all hope seemed lost, I heard something. It was the booming sound of rap music coming from inside the tree. Everyone, even the Goddess, turned to stare in anticipation at Sprites Inc.

Miraculously, the door was thrown open and out sped Hops, Tep, Jum and Roller in the swankiest Lamborghini anyone could imagine. The hood was down and Tep, the driver, had the music on full blast. In the passenger's seat was Hops, shades on and head bobbing. Jum and Roller were in the back, Jum looking as if he's puke and Roller carrying a large Uzi.

What Roller did next was incredibly daring. It made me realize just why I fell in love with that man in the first place. He is all around the most amazing creature on this planet…

Roller leapt out of the car almost as soon as they'd left Sprites Inc. Meanwhile, the little car came to a screeching, swerving halt right in front of the Goddess Pond. Still in the air, Roller front flipped and when he was at level with the Goddess, smirked before warning her. "Roller's got the power."

_BANG_.

A magical Sprite bullet pierced into the chest of the Harvest Goddess. With eyes wide and mouth open, she fell back, sinking down to the bottom of the Pond where she belonged.

… Silence. It was deathly silent for the longest time, and then…

The people turned their heads towards Miyabi and me, glaring at us intensely. "You did this…" Thomas stepped up. "You killed the Harvest Goddess!"

"What? No! It was Roller!" Miyabi defended desperately.

"You were the one who brought him back here from the other universe, weren't you?" Thomas was persistent in his accusations. I do believe he didn't take kindly to Miyabi calling him 'egotistical' earlier. "And now that I think about—everyone was living peacefully until you two troublemakers came to this town!"

Roller then landed flawlessly on the trunk of the car and called attention to himself. The gawking crowd turned to him, no less in awe then they'd been when they watched him bring demise upon the Goddess.  
"Listen up! Roller has an announcement! Roller says that we all have problems! Even Roller has problems!" Hops and Tep and Jum all nodded in agreement.

Something about Roller's empowering words stirred courage in me. "Yeah! So what if we've got our problems? We're a community—a town. We've lived with each other without knowing just how much alike we all are."

"So what if I tried to get in a bunch of guy's pants?" Miyabi joined in. "I've learned from that shit. I've got the sweetest boyfriend in the world and it took my short comings to show me that. Plus… all you crazy people are fun. I mean… just think about it. Did you all have fun when you were acting like perfect fakes? Was life very exciting? Hell no! You guys stood in the same spot for hours on end, you guys went through the same exact routine every single day! But look what's happened since we've came! You guys are… trying new things, right? Life isn't the way it used to be, but that doesn't mean that's a bad thing…"

Well, I'm sure you've heard enough of our speeches. I'll admit that it took a while to convince the villagers that life probably wasn't as bad as everyone thought, but people started to agree with us one by one. They knew what we were saying was true—Forget-Me-Not Valley really had been flipped upside down, but really, nobody actually minded. Thomas was the only person to hate us persistently.

When I think back over everything that's happened, I too am not upset. I'm glad I met Miyabi a year ago. Because of her, we've been involved in so many crazy things. I think I still would have found out everyone's secret without her, but… She was a good friend, despite her being an obnoxious, rude, slut. I like her more than I let show.

I don't regret getting involved with Rock's drug operations, I don't regret meeting Cliff, I don't regret falling in love with Roller, I don't regret challenging Van or adopting Z or fighting off pirates with Kai or putting up with the general stupidity of everyone—and I don't even regret singing the English national anthem for Gotz.

Simply put, I had fun. I had more fun with Miyabi and Rock and Cliff and Skye than I would have if Miyabi had never showed up insisting that she would get the farm even if that meant living with me. Something tells me I would have been doomed to a routine lifestyle of planting seeds, watering crops and brushing livestock without her and without coming to know everyone's secrets.

I know everyone else feels the same way. We don't regret anything.

I should now explain what happened to everyone, shouldn't I?

Miyabi and I were able to keep the farm. Though it had burnt down, our house was unharmed. For the most part. We both dedicated ourselves to nursing the land back into health. I think Miyabi is just going to laze around again, though. On the bright side, we were able to retrieve all of the animals back!

Skye proposed to her after the arguing at the Goddess Pond died down, and they had the wedding right then and there. Everyone watched. It was sort of sweet, in a way.

Hops and Tep announced that they were leaving the CCC. Hops had plans to work in a real casino in the city and Tep said something about needing to 'roll with this crew.' Roller was dejected, which made me a bit sad, but Jum promised to stay by his side and not abandon him.

Takakura disappeared. No one really knows where he went. I can't help but wonder how he's doing right now. That bastard.

Rock and Lukina are engaged. I still don't if Rock actually likes other men if he's just too high to care, but I guess we'll find that out eventually. Oh, and Rock is carrying out his 'operations' once again—yippie (sarcasm.)

In order to avoid his uncle, Gray moved into the Inner Inn and is currently rooming with Cliff. I have no idea if their relationship will grow or not.

Kate has been grounded for three months and was scolded for making contact with the Underworld and befriending demonic teddy bears.

Remember how I said Thomas insisted that we be kicked out of the Valley? Well, due to his piss poor attitude, he was banished from not just Valley, but Mineral Town. I'm not sure where he'll go now, but I thought I heard him mumble something about Sunshine Islands.

We're going to hold elections soon so see who becomes the new mayor. Miyabi plans to campaign.  
As for everyone else? Vesta finally decided to buy a nicer television, Chris and Wally have began marriage consoling, is training to become a certified physician, Cody became a Chihuahua breeder, Daryll finally parted with Leia after she began speaking with odd Japanese phrases and collecting strange comic books known as 'yaoi.' Gotz has since repented for murdering his family and will continue living in Mineral Town all alone—doing God knows what. Kasey and Patrick decided to use their love for explosives for good rather than evil—one day they decided to excavate the ruins. We haven't seen them since. No one has any idea where Rick is either, but no one really cares. Ruby apologized for killing her husband while Romana and Sebastian got engaged. Sadly, Sebastian had a heart attack shortly after the proposal and is now being hospitalized. The wedding is on hold. Won has taken control of the Black Market while Lilli filed a divorce against her missing husband.

As for me?

I'm living in Takakura's former house. I know Miyabi and Skye would like having the farmhouse to themselves, especially now that they plan on having a child. Speaking of, I'm still single. I don't know who I'm in love with, to be honest. I've loved Roller before, I've loved Rock before (it was the Witch's spell—please don't insult my intelligence by assuming I would willingly love him.), I've loved Cliff before and I've loved Trent before. Perhaps I'll stay like this forever. I don't mind, really. Z likes it better that I'm single, anyhow. (Secretly, I want to be with Roller again.)

I feel almost relieved now that everything is over, and I'm glad to be sleeping on the bed instead of the floor. It's much quieter here and only seldom do I hear Miyabi and Skye's… 'antics. Everyone else is settling down a bit too, and the Valley is falling back into its normal routine despite a few kinks here and there. I feel a but more connected to everyone know that we're 'real' with each other, as Tep put it before he drove off.

Maybe one day someone will knew move in and he'll have to figure out all of our secrets just like Miyabi and I did. That's funny to think about.

And… it just occurred to me, but… Miyabi spilled everyone's secrets, even her own. However, no one knows about _my_secrets.

Hm, oh well~


	38. Fanfic Update

Hello everyone! This is a small author update from Bad, and I'm dropping it here because I honestly have no other place to put it!

I'm currently trying to revitalize Twisted. So if you enjoyed the story, please check out the webpage: hm-twisted(dot)webs(dot)com where you can find the original story, spin offs, animated shorts, and more.

Enjoy!


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